Mistress Likes

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Mistress Likes
10 Inevitable Things That Happen When You're A Mistress
Photo: Kate Kultsevych / shutterstock.com
 
By Callie C. — Written on Oct 14, 2021
Having spent over three years of my life hopelessly in love with someone who I was absolutely certain was my destined partner, I have come to realize some very important things about marginal versus true love.
If you've ever wondered what being a mistress is like, realize that this can happen to anyone.
I was an executive living in a sophisticated city. After many years of being single, I decided to focus on finding my perfect man. I wrote a fantasy list about what he might be like. A few months later, we met.
We had known each other in high school and were serendipitously reunited decades later by a technical fluke on LinkedIn. We had a harmless drink together while I was on a business trip. Drinks became dinner, with much laughter and reminiscing. It was love at first sight. Fate.
He never discussed his wife in the beginning. He had been married for almost 20 years. I never expected to become his mistress...
I ignored all the statistics and articles about affairs, rationalized my religious upbringing, and compromised every moral fiber in my body. It felt like everything I had held out for my entire life led to that one moment: when my dream guy told me of his definite plan to begin our new life together.
All the heartache seemed worthwhile until he disappeared without a word for weeks afterward.
In the end, it was all about selfishness, obsession, and greed on his part. A textbook cliché and a terrible mistake in hindsight, but when you are in your very first love bubble, you are completely irrational and absolutely blind.
There is no emotion on earth more powerful than falling deeply in love after waiting your whole life for "the one," your perfect match.
However, the bottom line is that the vast majority of the time, married men will not leave their wives , and they definitely won't leave their children or fortunes. If they do leave, statistics of success are unfavorable.
He may even admit it, and you will think it's just temporary as he is "in transition," but this disrespectful behavior will continue.
He will do what he needs to in order to keep the peace at home. After all, "it's complicated."
You may be his perfect "baby doll" and new best friend, but she's the mother of his children. That bond and history are like cement, especially if she's loyal and still loves him.
She controls the mood in the home and the happiness of his kids. He will not risk disruption of his children's development; they are his proudest achievement.
He will squeeze you in around agendas at work and precious moments with his family to make you feel important.
He will give you just enough charming calls, sexy texts, expensive dinners out, token gifts, cards and I love you's to keep you in tow for months, making you forget you are only on the sidelines of his life, not in the core.
He may even be bold enough to keep a corporate condo with you in an urban location so that he can have the best of both worlds. You might relocate your career for him thinking he's truly committed to you.
You will forget as you play "house" that you are just the mistress, not the Mrs . You have no rights to anything.
You will feel lonely as he spoils his family on birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Easter, long weekends, Christmas, and New Year's Eve. You may receive untraceable or consumable gifts in lieu of real time together.
Family vacations or excursions with his wife (if he even tells you about them) will be torturous as you are reminded you are nothing more than a secret.
You try harder to make him see what he has been missing when you welcome him back home. He will reinforce how much he's in love with you from the distance and time apart, and that he will tell his wife soon, so you stay.
You will eventually avoid interacting with certain friends and family as time in the affair bubble goes on, and it becomes harder and harder to lie to them about your dating situation. Why is a great girl like you still single? Have you met anyone? Are you being too picky?
You begin to question how "great" you really are for getting into such a shameful situation. But you have his keys, credit card numbers, passwords, and secrets.
You have come this far; surely he cannot live in duality for much longer. Life is about taking risks, especially for true love, right? Wrong.
If you think this is the first time he has stepped out of his marriage, think again. Embezzlers steal small amounts of money before they move up to stealing millions. Men cheat in different ways before they become comfortable with full-fledged affairs.
You might actually believe your situation is different and that you are special. You will waste valuable time waiting for a commitment that will never materialize.
Instead, you could be giving your heart to someone who includes you in his whole life, not just on the shady sidelines.
If you attempt to end the affair, he will let you go every time because he doesn't want to be "your gravity" in holding you back.
He will manipulate you with his tears, love letters, roses, and heart-wrenching voice messages. There will be more empty promises that he will finally talk to his wife, but know this: he will never leave her, his kids, or his money.
If you try to give him space to work on his marriage he may become concerned about your long-term loyalty. You return to him, hoping to prove you will be there when he leaves her. This situation is making you absolutely miserable when you are apart.
You beg him to tell his wife — she deserves to know! Your mood will become more volatile as you think of her at home waiting for him, innocent and unsuspecting. You want him to make the right choice without pressure.
This is just not right and you know it, yet you protect him anyway. Questioning him only upsets him, so you hide the pain and try not to complain.
Over time, your guilty subconscious mind may develop several anxiety-related conditions as you struggle with the duplicity of the affair. Somewhere along the line, that confident, intelligent woman disappeared. You won't recognize who you have become.
You'll feel trapped. You are truly in love with him and cannot be with anyone else, but he's not being loyal to you. He might suggest that you date other men (with a warning not to bring anything back) if your devotion becomes too much for him when his wife needs him at home.
A part of you will die every time you compromise and return to him when he says he can't live without you. Yet, in the end, he definitely can.
You will feel used and cheap when he finally tells you things "really aren't that bad" and that he "cannot reconcile" you with his obligations at home. You now know that he values his safe, predictable, wealthy lifestyle far more than living an open, honest new life with you.
Mistresses are like diamonds: sparkly, beautiful, and only worn for certain occasions. Wives are like water: needed every day to sustain the well-being of his family, relatives, financial and social status.
Wives are part of the core. Mistresses are marginal. Both women are kept in the dark.
You finally pack up and walk out the door for good, realizing this situation is like an infinity circle making you unfocused in all areas of your life. You are on the road to healing but be warned: Once a married man cheats, he's very likely to do it again .
He may complain to you he's sexually frustrated and lonely as you stand your ground and send him back to his wife. He may even claim he made a mistake by letting you go.
You want him to make an honest woman out of you, so you remain resolute. You cry hard because you miss him so much.
You have just one small ounce of hope left for a future together, but the void of frequent sex and attention will not work for him. Be prepared to find out one day he has slyly moved on to someone even more of a fool than you were. He may hint he "plans on staying young for a long time" and that he feels sorry for you.
If he's willing to abuse his position of power at work, his new trustworthy target will likely be an ambitious, amorous, and naive young girl who he can mentor, promote, and travel with undetected on the company tab.
His guilt, if any, will be short-lived for wasting your time should you happen to find him out. After all, you were a part of it and you knew what you were getting into. Don't be surprised if your thoughtful gifts are thrown away and you are completely ignored while his new playmate feeds his ego.
After enough time spent being a mistress, suddenly, you will realize with full force and momentous magnitude that you have wasted years of your life for literally... nothing.
You will be paralyzed with shock and in complete disbelief that the man who was once so crazy in love with you replaced you in a New York minute.
Your relationship was nothing more than a pattern of behavior, and not true love at all. Any beautiful memories of intimate moments you once cherished believing he stayed "for the kids" will be cheapened by his new affair choice.
You now know you were just a blip, a mere highlight in his life, while he was everything in yours. Unless you are blessed enough to meet a kind, honest, and patient man, your journey of recovery will be long.
Most friends will have little empathy for women like you. Some will quietly think you got what you deserved, while others will suddenly be very busy when you need that shoulder to cry on. You will be judged and alone.
The time it will take to redirect your derailed life may be much longer than the time you actually spent in the relationship. The memories will haunt you. The mental anguish and humiliation will age you.
Not one doctor will be able to diagnose the phantom pains in your body. You now realize this was never about "fate," but about choice.
My strong advice: Don't get involved with a married man for any reason. Leave him and never look back.
Remember: If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. It takes a special kind of "man" to look his wife in the eye, then tell her that he loves her while living a separate life with another woman.
He's a coward and a liar — a selfish, arrogant, duplicitous adulterer with no conscience who exploits genuine love and trust. He's not worth another moment of your precious time. Better never to have loved and lost, than ever to have loved him at all.
Callie C. is a writer who covers heartbreak and love.
The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. See additional information
© 2022 by Tango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved.

What The 'Perfect' Mistress Looks Like — According To 468,000 Married Men
Photo: Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash
By Caithlin Pena — Updated on Oct 06, 2022
Men having mistresses is sadly not uncommon. Upwards of 40% of married couples experience infidelity . A study shows that men are more likely to have affairs than women , and are often looking for more physical intimacy and attention.  
Sadly, it doesn't matter how beautiful, successful or smart a man's wife (or girlfriend) is, finding the perfect mistress doesn't seem hard for men who are looking. 
There have been a number of celebrity cheating scandals over the years: from Brad Pitt having an affair with Angelina Jolie while married to Jennifer Anniston to Tristan Thompson cheating on Khloe Kardashian with, well, many women. .
Even famous men who created public personas as "wife guys", like Adam Levine , Ned Fulmer and John Mulaney , have recently been caught cheating on their stunning, well-liked wives. 
So, what is it about these "other women" that seem to make them so attractive to the men who already have incredible partners?
In 2015, the dating site SeekingArrangement wanted to get to the bottom of this phenomenon to find out why married men cheat and what they think a perfect mistress is like.
According to the press release , nearly two out of five men on their site are married men.
Using data from these 468,000 married men’s searches and messages — which include desired physical attributes, occupation, age, ethnicity and marital status — the study was able to concoct an image of the "perfect mistress."
For many men, the perfect mistress has the following characteristics:
In terms of personality, according to data on the top keyword searches, men also look for women who are open-minded, sensual, energetic, and — get this — like yoga.
They prefer these women to be single, and a shocking 86% prefer them to be college graduates and students with Bachelor Degrees.
"The woman illustrated in the study is mature enough to understand the dynamic of an affair, but still young enough to have a youthful exuberance," said Brandon Wade, Founder and CEO. "Plenty of men seek a mistress as the spark outside of wedlock and for some men, the perfect catch is in the form of a yoga loving student."
So basically, unfaithful men want a mistress who's a blonde-haired or Asian Xena: Warrior Princess, old enough to cater to their adult needs, and young enough to make them feel like they're 21 again. 
Caithlin Pena is journalist and reporter covering entertainment and news, relationships and pop culture. Her work has appeared on NYC News Service, TODAY, YourTango, and NBC. 
The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. See additional information
© 2022 by Tango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved.


Copyright © 2022 by Romantific. All Rights Reserved.
Does your husband have a mistress? 
If so, perhaps you’re wondering whether he loves her, is about to leave you for her and whether he is truly in love with you?
Or maybe you’re the mistress and there is the unasked question of whether he loves you, or if he is playing games while he is secretly patching up his marriage?
It’s tough to trust a man to be honest in these situations. In this guide, we’ll try to untangle the truth.
Below, I’ve listed 11 signs that a man is truly in love with his mistress. Do with these what you will.
If you’re in this situation, I would urge you to download this communications tracker tool . It’s arguably the only way to know what’s going on behind the scenes.
This tool can track your man’s personal devices and deliver a database of his recent communications. 
You’ll discover who he’s calling and texting the most, what apps he’s using, what online services he’s registered to…and a lot more.
Does he call his mistress more than anyone? Is there another woman on the scene apart from his mistress? Is he online dating?
These are all questions that this tracker tool can answer. Plus, it’s 100% discreet, so he’ll never discover that he’s being tracked.
It’s the quickest and most accurate way to know whether he truly loves his mistress, although I have listed some other clues below.
Although it’s not my proudest moment, I was a mistress for a period of time. I didn’t want a commitment, and it was always said that a married man wouldn’t leave his wife. Obviously, that’s not true. Sometimes, a new relationship starts out as a kinky affair.
Sometimes, the dating site hook-up with a married man seems to transform into the love of your life. I’ve also been on the other side, wondering if he was having an affair and if he was in love with someone else. If you’re in either position, the wife or the mistress, it’s important to know what’s going on, even if you don’t want to. You deserve to know the truth . 
Most people believe that a man will only love his wife. It’s true that most men began their marriage loving their wife, but that doesn’t always ring true years down the road. Maybe they are no longer on the same page, or maybe the wife is having an affair as well and the two are still together for the children. If his wife is not the center of his world, it means that he can love his mistress. 
He won’t start out feeling that way, though. For a man to love his mistress, he usually takes the same steps that he will with any other woman that he is dating. To love his mistress, he must get to know her, appreciate her and enjoy who she is as a person. Over time, especially if the relationship between the two lasts for years, he will show that he loves his mistress. 
Before delving into whether it is possible for him to love more than one woman, feelings of fear or guilt, etc. it is important to consider his background. Many cultures and religions allow for more than one wife, and they encourage it. These polygamous relationships can involve multiple partners. Sometimes, even a woman can have multiple husbands. 
If your boyfriend has a cultural background or religion that you are not familiar with, it’s important to have that conversation so that you know what is going on. He could simply be doing something that he does not view is wrong. 
Sometimes, the process for selecting a second spouse involves dating and getting to know them before introducing them to the first wife. Not only should you learn about polygamy if you’re in this situation, but you should learn about this entire process if you’re giving it a shot. 
If you already know that your husband has a mistress or are a woman dating a married man, you are probably already exposed to the secret messages, the random stops that he makes on the way home or the money that he is spending that never seems to show up in the household. This can all be a little hard to swallow, but it doesn’t answer the question of whether it is love . 
There are many women that will date a married man. Maybe they have low self-esteem, or maybe they like that no one is truly involved in their life because they are so independent. Whatever the reason, there are plenty of appealing things about a mistress. It’s a reasonable question to wonder if a woman is just a sordid affair or truly a love interest. These tips will help you determine where his feelings are really at, and where his heart is headed. 
A man will not show his emotions to just anyone. Instead, men, including married men, often have a bit of a wall up. If he wants to have conversations, shares his experience with depression with her, or lets his true personality show through he could really like the mistress. 
When a man asks for your advice, it means that he values your opinion. He doesn’t want to hear someone’s opinion on an issue if he thinks that they do not know what they are talking about. If a married man wants to have a discussion about her perspective on things, it means that he respects her, even if she’s the mistress. 
When a man likes another woman, he tends to change his appearance. This is one of the biggest signs of cheating. If he is wearing new cologne, styles his hair a different way or has starting dressing to impress more often, he may be spending his free time in the arms of another woman. This isn’t a sign that he is in love, but it could mean that he’s working on it. 
For a man to love his mistress, he has to know her as a person. Without that, he can love her looks or her body, but he won’t truly love his mistress. There is a big difference between desire or a woman fulfilling certain needs in the bedroom and having genuine feelings. If he starts to learn about her as a person, there’s a chance he could be on his way to a major case of the feels. He’ll ask about her interests, ask questions about what she likes, etc.
For a man, love is blinding. Even if he is stil
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