Mistress Demands

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Mistress Demands


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10 Inevitable Things That Happen When You're A Mistress
Photo: Kate Kultsevych / shutterstock.com
 
By Callie C. — Written on Oct 14, 2021
Having spent over three years of my life hopelessly in love with someone who I was absolutely certain was my destined partner, I have come to realize some very important things about marginal versus true love.
If you've ever wondered what being a mistress is like, realize that this can happen to anyone.
I was an executive living in a sophisticated city. After many years of being single, I decided to focus on finding my perfect man. I wrote a fantasy list about what he might be like. A few months later, we met.
We had known each other in high school and were serendipitously reunited decades later by a technical fluke on LinkedIn. We had a harmless drink together while I was on a business trip. Drinks became dinner, with much laughter and reminiscing. It was love at first sight. Fate.
He never discussed his wife in the beginning. He had been married for almost 20 years. I never expected to become his mistress...
I ignored all the statistics and articles about affairs, rationalized my religious upbringing, and compromised every moral fiber in my body. It felt like everything I had held out for my entire life led to that one moment: when my dream guy told me of his definite plan to begin our new life together.
All the heartache seemed worthwhile until he disappeared without a word for weeks afterward.
In the end, it was all about selfishness, obsession, and greed on his part. A textbook cliché and a terrible mistake in hindsight, but when you are in your very first love bubble, you are completely irrational and absolutely blind.
There is no emotion on earth more powerful than falling deeply in love after waiting your whole life for "the one," your perfect match.
However, the bottom line is that the vast majority of the time, married men will not leave their wives , and they definitely won't leave their children or fortunes. If they do leave, statistics of success are unfavorable.
He may even admit it, and you will think it's just temporary as he is "in transition," but this disrespectful behavior will continue.
He will do what he needs to in order to keep the peace at home. After all, "it's complicated."
You may be his perfect "baby doll" and new best friend, but she's the mother of his children. That bond and history are like cement, especially if she's loyal and still loves him.
She controls the mood in the home and the happiness of his kids. He will not risk disruption of his children's development; they are his proudest achievement.
He will squeeze you in around agendas at work and precious moments with his family to make you feel important.
He will give you just enough charming calls, sexy texts, expensive dinners out, token gifts, cards and I love you's to keep you in tow for months, making you forget you are only on the sidelines of his life, not in the core.
He may even be bold enough to keep a corporate condo with you in an urban location so that he can have the best of both worlds. You might relocate your career for him thinking he's truly committed to you.
You will forget as you play "house" that you are just the mistress, not the Mrs . You have no rights to anything.
You will feel lonely as he spoils his family on birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Easter, long weekends, Christmas, and New Year's Eve. You may receive untraceable or consumable gifts in lieu of real time together.
Family vacations or excursions with his wife (if he even tells you about them) will be torturous as you are reminded you are nothing more than a secret.
You try harder to make him see what he has been missing when you welcome him back home. He will reinforce how much he's in love with you from the distance and time apart, and that he will tell his wife soon, so you stay.
You will eventually avoid interacting with certain friends and family as time in the affair bubble goes on, and it becomes harder and harder to lie to them about your dating situation. Why is a great girl like you still single? Have you met anyone? Are you being too picky?
You begin to question how "great" you really are for getting into such a shameful situation. But you have his keys, credit card numbers, passwords, and secrets.
You have come this far; surely he cannot live in duality for much longer. Life is about taking risks, especially for true love, right? Wrong.
If you think this is the first time he has stepped out of his marriage, think again. Embezzlers steal small amounts of money before they move up to stealing millions. Men cheat in different ways before they become comfortable with full-fledged affairs.
You might actually believe your situation is different and that you are special. You will waste valuable time waiting for a commitment that will never materialize.
Instead, you could be giving your heart to someone who includes you in his whole life, not just on the shady sidelines.
If you attempt to end the affair, he will let you go every time because he doesn't want to be "your gravity" in holding you back.
He will manipulate you with his tears, love letters, roses, and heart-wrenching voice messages. There will be more empty promises that he will finally talk to his wife, but know this: he will never leave her, his kids, or his money.
If you try to give him space to work on his marriage he may become concerned about your long-term loyalty. You return to him, hoping to prove you will be there when he leaves her. This situation is making you absolutely miserable when you are apart.
You beg him to tell his wife — she deserves to know! Your mood will become more volatile as you think of her at home waiting for him, innocent and unsuspecting. You want him to make the right choice without pressure.
This is just not right and you know it, yet you protect him anyway. Questioning him only upsets him, so you hide the pain and try not to complain.
Over time, your guilty subconscious mind may develop several anxiety-related conditions as you struggle with the duplicity of the affair. Somewhere along the line, that confident, intelligent woman disappeared. You won't recognize who you have become.
You'll feel trapped. You are truly in love with him and cannot be with anyone else, but he's not being loyal to you. He might suggest that you date other men (with a warning not to bring anything back) if your devotion becomes too much for him when his wife needs him at home.
A part of you will die every time you compromise and return to him when he says he can't live without you. Yet, in the end, he definitely can.
You will feel used and cheap when he finally tells you things "really aren't that bad" and that he "cannot reconcile" you with his obligations at home. You now know that he values his safe, predictable, wealthy lifestyle far more than living an open, honest new life with you.
Mistresses are like diamonds: sparkly, beautiful, and only worn for certain occasions. Wives are like water: needed every day to sustain the well-being of his family, relatives, financial and social status.
Wives are part of the core. Mistresses are marginal. Both women are kept in the dark.
You finally pack up and walk out the door for good, realizing this situation is like an infinity circle making you unfocused in all areas of your life. You are on the road to healing but be warned: Once a married man cheats, he's very likely to do it again .
He may complain to you he's sexually frustrated and lonely as you stand your ground and send him back to his wife. He may even claim he made a mistake by letting you go.
You want him to make an honest woman out of you, so you remain resolute. You cry hard because you miss him so much.
You have just one small ounce of hope left for a future together, but the void of frequent sex and attention will not work for him. Be prepared to find out one day he has slyly moved on to someone even more of a fool than you were. He may hint he "plans on staying young for a long time" and that he feels sorry for you.
If he's willing to abuse his position of power at work, his new trustworthy target will likely be an ambitious, amorous, and naive young girl who he can mentor, promote, and travel with undetected on the company tab.
His guilt, if any, will be short-lived for wasting your time should you happen to find him out. After all, you were a part of it and you knew what you were getting into. Don't be surprised if your thoughtful gifts are thrown away and you are completely ignored while his new playmate feeds his ego.
After enough time spent being a mistress, suddenly, you will realize with full force and momentous magnitude that you have wasted years of your life for literally... nothing.
You will be paralyzed with shock and in complete disbelief that the man who was once so crazy in love with you replaced you in a New York minute.
Your relationship was nothing more than a pattern of behavior, and not true love at all. Any beautiful memories of intimate moments you once cherished believing he stayed "for the kids" will be cheapened by his new affair choice.
You now know you were just a blip, a mere highlight in his life, while he was everything in yours. Unless you are blessed enough to meet a kind, honest, and patient man, your journey of recovery will be long.
Most friends will have little empathy for women like you. Some will quietly think you got what you deserved, while others will suddenly be very busy when you need that shoulder to cry on. You will be judged and alone.
The time it will take to redirect your derailed life may be much longer than the time you actually spent in the relationship. The memories will haunt you. The mental anguish and humiliation will age you.
Not one doctor will be able to diagnose the phantom pains in your body. You now realize this was never about "fate," but about choice.
My strong advice: Don't get involved with a married man for any reason. Leave him and never look back.
Remember: If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. It takes a special kind of "man" to look his wife in the eye, then tell her that he loves her while living a separate life with another woman.
He's a coward and a liar — a selfish, arrogant, duplicitous adulterer with no conscience who exploits genuine love and trust. He's not worth another moment of your precious time. Better never to have loved and lost, than ever to have loved him at all.
Callie C. is a writer who covers heartbreak and love.
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It is easy, so easy, natural in fact, to fall in love with someone you have just experienced an intimate moment with. With all of the affairs I have had, I usually wait one full week before I reach out after a night together, to allow myself time and space to get over the STRONG feelings I have for them the next morning.
Remind yourself that he is going home to sleep next to someone else, and you are free to do that too.
Especially if you are in a relationship. Save no pictures, delete all texts! Set guidelines and rules. I know never to contact my affairs during weekends or past 7PM. I know I am listed under a different name in their phones, as are they in mine.
Always have an alias ready, just incase someone he knows runs into you. I have a full name, a backstory and will always excuse myself to go “meet my husband” around the corner, waiting patiently for his return, in case of such event.
A mistress is young, flirty, fun, hot inside the bedroom and outside of it. There is a reason they are with you and not their wives at that particular moment. Usually they tell you what the exact reason is that they are with you, as opposed to their wives.
I almost always hear that the wife has cut off sex for one reason or another. This is the fun part of the affair! You know that vixen or sex goddess you always wished you were? Now is the time to be her! Ever have a position you saw and wanted to try, but were afraid to ask? Now is the time to ask! You are each other’s personal porn stars in a relationship that is based on having hot sex and limited feelings involved.
I have a strict rule that even if something good or interesting is happening in their home life, I do not want to know about it. Learning more about the wife, only makes her more human and makes you feel worse for what you are doing.
Remember, despite what he tells you, he is going home to her eventually.
I have been in a relationship where my partner told his wife what we were doing. All that ensued was a messy situation, including being followed late at night, being confronted in a parking lot and being reminded that his wife is in fact real, and human, ensuing a messy breakup. My one partner always says that “what someone doesn’t know, won’t hurt them” and even my therapist agrees that there is never a reason a partner needs to know he or she has been cheated on. Never!
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RENO, NV—Local submissive Jack Traden announced Monday that his dominatrix, Mistress Varla of DV8, seems to have more on her mind than his humiliation.
“Mistress Varla hasn’t been herself lately,” Traden said. “Last week, she commanded me to lick her boots clean, but when I finished, she just stared off into space.”
“When she finally noticed I was waiting, she ordered me into the cage for no reason,” Traden continued. “What’s the point? Usually, before she puts me into the cage, she scolds me about how bad I’ve been or tells me that I need to learn a lesson. If she’s punishing me for doing a bad job on her boots, I need to know that. It wasn’t humiliating, just confusing.”
Traden cited other examples of Mistress Varla’s recent distraction.
“The whipping—it’s all over the place,” Traden said. “I don’t know whether she’s trying to whip my ass or my elbows. It’s just not the same getting flogged by someone who’s barely paying attention. And her ordering-around has been totally indecisive.”
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Added Traden: “I’ve seen her like this before—last year, when she lost her job at the bank.”
Especially worrisome to Traden, however, is Mistress Varla’s sudden inability to tie the simplest of bondage knots.
“When I first started seeing Mistress Varla, you can bet if she bound me to a rack I was staying there,” Traden said. “Lately, the leather knots are either so loose that they come undone or so tight I get no circulation. I love it when she makes me suffer, but I don’t want to lose a limb.”
Traden then related what he termed the saddest example of Mistress Varla’s recent lack of attention to his humiliation needs.
“[Mistress Varla] slapped a collar around my neck and started walking me around her basement like a dog,” Traden said. “Usually, the collar is on nice and snug, but this time it started to slip right off. I felt bad for her, so I tried holding it on with my chin while I was crawling around, but she caught me. Man, she beat the holy hell out of me for that, which normally would be great, but in this case it seemed like she was just upset with herself for making a rookie mistake. Who wants a dominatrix with confidence issues?”
Also unsettling to Traden is the sloppiness of Mistress Varla’s appearance.
“When I walk into her dungeon, Mistress Varla is usually the very image of sleek menace,” Traden said. “Lately, though, her boots are all scuffed and there are runs in her black stockings. Last week, I noticed she’d even incorrectly tied her leather corset. I would’ve mentioned it, but Mistress demands that I put in my ball gag before I arrive.”
Traden said he is also disappointed with the state of Mistress Varla’s torture chamber.
“A month and a half ago, that place was spotless,” he said. “The floor was so clean you could eat off of it, and believe me, I would know. Now, instead of looking like her slaves scrubbed it with toothbrushes, it’s just another mildewy basement with a dust-covered iron maiden.”
Traden said he has no idea why Mistress Varla seems so distant, but noted that he is unlikely to find out.
“To ask about her personal life would be an inappropriate breach of the B&D code,” Traden said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not worried about her. She’s very special to me, but if I told her that, she probably wouldn’t put me on the spanking rack for a long time.”
Although he could find a new dominatrix, Traden said he believes in loyalty.
“I’ve been with Mistress Varla too long to call it quits,” Traden said. “There’s a bond that would be difficult to reproduce. When I’m under her boot, it feels like a second home to me. When she’s focused, there’s no one in the world who can make me feel more like a worm than she can.”
In spite of this praise, Traden said he “can’t keep paying top dollar for second-rate domination.”
“I like to be debased, but I’m no chump,” Traden said. “I might have to take a break from being her chattel while she gets her head together. After a little break, I’m sure before you know it I’ll be lashed to the floor, covered in hot wax, and happier than ever.”

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