Missionary Love

Missionary Love
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on June 29, 2021
The missionary position is one of the most basic sex positions . The term started back in the late 1960s or early 1970s. It was used to describe heterosexual intercourse in which the man is on top and the woman is on the bottom, both facing each other. Today, the term has a broader and more inclusive meaning that goes beyond heterosexuality.
In this position, one partner is on top of the other so that they are face to face. The penetrating partner, or the one who’s on top, usually has more control than the partner underneath them.
The missionary position requires a partner. Generally, this position is described as having the female partner lying flat on her back with the male partner on top, facing her.
It can be done in a similar way even if the couple isn’t heterosexual. One partner lies flat on their back and the other can be on top of them, facing them. This creates close contact between the partners for either vaginal or anal penetration.
The partner on top is between the legs of the partner on the bottom. Because of this, the partner on top usually has more control when it comes to speed and depth of penetration. But the partner on the bottom can also change the position of their hips and legs to create different sensations for both partners.
The partner on top can prop themselves up on their arms, or they can lie down a bit and put more of their weight on their partner.
As popular as it may be, even the missionary position has some myths and misconceptions surrounding it.
The missionary position might be one of the most intimate sexual positions you can try with a partner.
Since you’re face to face, you can maintain eye contact with them throughout intercourse . As both partners are quite close, this means that you can easily kiss or touch your partner and maintain skin-to-skin contact.
This position remains popular because it is low-effort and does not require a lot of skill or experience. It’s comfortable and not intimidating. And since one partner is lying down and doesn’t need to move much, it can be relaxing.
The missionary position is defined as the penetrating partner on top of the partner being penetrated. But there are different ways that you or your partner can position yourselves to create different sensations and angles.
For example, the partner on the bottom can rotate their hips up or down to create different points of stimulation. They can also try adding a pillow under their bottom, which creates deeper penetration. Many couples find that starting in the missionary position can lead to trying other positions throughout intercourse.
If you want to try the missionary position with your partner, the first thing you need to do is talk with them. This position is quite intimate, so both you and your partner need to be on board.
This position is so popular because it’s one of the easiest to do. But if you have back pain , you may want to be the one lying on your back. If you can, hold your legs at a 90-degree. This can help keep your back muscles relaxed.
Bedsider: “10 ways to make missionary position feel amazing.”
Dictionary.com: “missionary position.”
Current Anthropology : “Missionary Positions: Christian, Modernist, Postmodernist.”
Cosmopolitan: “5 Blissful Sex Positions for When You Have Back Pain.”
Sexual Health Resource: “Sex Positions - Photos, Tips & New Ideas.”
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WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Published on February 18, 2022 @ 12:00PM

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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more. She is currently based in Los Angeles and completing her first title with Artisan Books to be published in early 2023.

It's easy to dismiss missionary-style sex as utterly uninspired and snooze-worthy. The sex position — in which the receiving partner lies on their back and the giving partner is on top — is often considered the most vanilla, basic, and conventional way to get it on. But it deserves much more credit than that.

"Far from the 'boring vanilla sex' stigma that missionary, unfortunately, has associated with it, this position offers an opportunity for more emotional intimacy because you are face to face with your lover," says Kiana Reeves , Chief Brand Officer and educator at sexual health and wellness company Foria .

In fact, in this position, you could feel an especially powerful connection to your partner because you're able to look in their eyes, kiss, and enjoy full body contact, says Reeves.

Plus, there are lots of ways to take the classic position to the next level that you may not have considered. Here are some expert tips on "remixing" missionary for even more pleasure.

Lyndsey Harper, M.D., a board-certified ob-gyn and CEO of sexual wellness platform Rosy , encourages people to think of missionary sex as one "delicious dish on the buffet." "There are so many other options and add-ons before, after, and during," she notes.

Anne Hodder-Shipp, an American College of Sexologists (ACS)-certified sex educator, agrees, noting, "Missionary doesn't have to be the main event, or even the final event, so enjoy missionary like you would any other kind of sex — and remember that sex doesn't have to stop just because one partner has orgasmed."

Before diving into missionary — or any position, for that matter — enjoy activities that will boost your arousal, like sexting with your partner or reading an erotic story (alone or together), suggests Dr. Harper.

You might also try oral sex, vibrator stimulation (for clitoral stimulation, reach for the LELO's SILA Cruise ), manual stimulation, role play, bondage/blindfolds, and dirty talk, suggests Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., LELO sexpert and author of Becoming Cliterate and A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex . " As long as it's pleasurable and consensual, the sky's the limit!" she says.

Instead of one partner climbing on top of the other, consider a relaxed twist on missionary: Both partners can lie on their sides, facing one another while the receiving partner's leg wraps around the giving partner's body to make room for penetration, advises Reeves. This variation might be more comfortable — and maybe a bit lazier and tailored to morning sex.

"Start with pillows that can be placed under the bottom of the receiving partner," recommends Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles . This will elevate the hips, which, in turn, will enhance pressure, friction, and sensation to increase their pleasure potential.

Have the penetrating partner stand at the end of the bed, facing the head of the bed, and the receiving partner can lie on the bed with their hips and booty toward the edge, recommends Mintz. "The advantage of this is novelty and again, changing the angle of the penetration," she notes.

If you want to intensify the position, the receiving partner can lift and fold their legs against your chest while still lying on their back for deeper penetration, says Reeves. "Or you can ask your partner to hold your legs spread open and out up towards your shoulders for a different angle and deeper penetration," she notes.

" Clitoral stimulation is key for people with vulvas in any position," says Reeves. "It significantly increases your chance for orgasming during a sexual experience, and can help you reach different types of orgasms through the connected pathway of the clitourethralvaginal complex. This is a long word for the simple idea that all of our pleasure wiring works together when stimulated separately, which is how we can experience different combinations of orgasms."

In order to achieve clitoral stimulation during missionary sex, you can use your hand or your partner's hand or consider adding a vibrator, explains Dr. Harper. "A small bullet vibrator works best in this situation because it doesn't get in the way or a combined vibrator that can stimulate you and your partner at the same time works for some couples as well," she notes. One to try: LELO's Tiani 3 or TOR 2 .

Missionary lends itself to anal stimulation. Either — or both — partners can wear an anal toy, and it might feel especially pleasurable to the receiving partner, because it offers the sensation of being "filled up," says Hodder-Shipp. "It's also a great way for the giving partner to experience additional stimulation hands-free," she notes.

If you happen to be the one lying on your back just make sure it is a butt plug with a flat end, so it doesn't get in the way or cause discomfort, recommends Reeves.

"The missionary position allows you to use the senses as an arousal booster," points out Chavez. For instance, you can take in your partner's smell by nuzzling your face in their chest or neck while getting warmed up, she notes.

"Eye gaze and visually connecting with your partner can increase arousal and release hormones that accelerate feelings of safety and bonding," adds Chavez. Missionary also allows you to talk to your partner, read their facial cues, and more readily take in any noises they might make during sex. "All of these factors can increase your own arousal and desire," says Chavez.

"For women, depending on where we are in our cycle and what is going on in our pelvis, some positions just may not do it for us at certain times while others may be uncomfortable or downright painful," acknowledges Dr. Harper. For that reason, if you ever experience sexual pain, you'll want to make sure to communicate it with your partner.

"Sometimes this can be alleviated by a slight change in angle of position for you or your partner, decreasing the depth or angle of penetration," says Dr. Harper. "This can be achieved by rotating either partner's body slightly or by placing a small pillow under the bottom partner's hips."

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Most people come to the mission field expectant and hopeful. We are partnering with God in His incredible purposes! He chose us to serve Him and somehow, by His grace, we said yes. How wonderful!
It doesn’t take long, though, before the challenges begin. Language learning makes you feel like an idiot. Adapting to new cultures while fun to start with becomes wearisome. We miss our comforts, our family, and our friends. We face financial struggles .
There are also many spiritual challenges we face as we try to move ahead in seeing our missionary dreams become a reality. From overt spiritual attacks to the more subtle nitpicking of the enemy, we find ourselves in the midst of a fierce engagement with forces we may have had little knowledge of before our entry into missions.
It is God’s desire that we, as missionaries, live life abundantly! He wants us to be faithful, fruitful and fulfilled. The good news is that our missionary journey, though definitely difficult at times can be full of great joy, fun, laughter, and contentment. Even in the hardest of times- the times that will definitely come- God is there, revealing Himself and encountering us as we reach out to Him.
Missionary life.org is here to help you find your way as a missionary. We’ve been through the adjustments, through raising kids in other cultures, the transitions, the financial struggles, the times of loss, visa issues, team conflicts, and even the times when it feels like your marriage is falling apart.
Weariness, depression, horrible setbacks, and great pain- we've experienced this. And we've come out on the other side.
We’ve also been blessed to see amazing Kingdom fruit... the kind of fruit God wants to give you as well. The joy of leading people to Christ, discipling, counseling, mentoring, and seeing local people from the nations we have worked in, rise up to become incredible men and women of God.
God designed you for a life as a missionary. He made you for this! We look forward to helping you understand how to live it well. We are here to mentor, coach, encourage, and resource you.
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Missionaries face challenges; physical, spiritual, and relational. Grow strong, effective, and healthy in your life and ministry on the field.
This site has very relevant and educational articles for any missionary, anywhere.
I want to thank you for the resources available on your ministry website. They are very resourceful for my ministry in discipleship making here in my nation and for our church . I am grateful to your ministry for providing resources.
Missionary life is exciting, amazing, crazy, spectacular, boring, stressful, and just plain hard - all at the same time. Exploring new places, cultures, languages, and people groups gives us the incredible opportunity to know God. We also get to know ourselves a whole lot better than before.
It's not easy to find the balance. We'll send you weekly encouragement and help for your missionary life.

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