Missionary Bareback

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Missionary Bareback
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Boob Sex Can Be Really, ~Really~ Hot—Here's How
The 12 Best Sex Positions to Stimulate Your Clit
Caroline Shannon-Karasik
Caroline Shannon-Karasik is a writer and mental health advocate based in Pittsburgh, PA.

Aryelle Siclait
Editor
Aryelle Siclait is the editor at Women's Health where she writes and edits articles about relationships, sexual health, pop culture, and fashion for verticals across WomensHealthMag.com and the print magazine.


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It's easy to write missionary position off as the most vanilla sex position of all time. I mean, when you've got moves like the Corkscrew or the Reverse Scoop , it can easily pale in comparison.
But that doesn’t mean you should take missionary off the table, or resort to it only when you're feeling lazy (or ya know, hungover). In fact, there are several good reasons why it should be a regular part of your repertoire.
"Missionary sex can be hot because of the intensity it can bring on—the skin-to-skin contact, eye contact, the close-up smells of each other’s bodies, and just the mere closeness of two bodies," explains Debra Laino , DHS, a sex therapist and professor at Jefferson University and Wilmington University.
Missionary opens the door for tons of sensuality on top of the pleasure that comes with sex of any kind. Plus, because it's so basic, it's actually THE prime sex position to build from. You can adjust and modify missionary so that it fits your mood Every. Single. Time.
Missionary sex simply means that the person doing the penetrating (whether it's with a penis or a strap-on) is on top and the person receiving is lying underneath them.
Missionary is a great starter move that doesn't require much flexibility or effort. Of course, all the thrusting stimulates the penis, says Nan Wise , PhD, a cognitive neuroscience researcher, certified sex and relationship therapist, and author of Why Good Sex Matters
So now that you get the bennies, onto the good stuff—a.k.a. making missionary sex visionary sex. Here's how:
What some might consider foreplay , Wise calls erotic play. Foreplay promotes the separation of the beginning from the main event when, in reality, it's all sex—as long as you're feeling pleasure, she says. Don't downplay the buildup, she insists, because it's super important for getting into and staying in the ideal headspace for what's to come.
So, instead of relying solely on the sensuality of missionary to make you feel connected to you partner, warm up with a some light vaginal penetration with your fingers or your partner's, says Laino. Or, if that's not your move, try oral sex as your transition to intercourse so that you and your partner can start building up the mood from the start.
"Erotic play is important with all positions," Laino says. "But because of the intensity of missionary, it’s especially nice to work into it." (Gradual = less awkward, especially with a newer partner.)
Your breasts and nipples are two of your biggest erogenous zones , so give them some TLC. Massage, suck, clamp, or lightly pinch them during sex, suggests sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First . And if it's hands-free nipple stimulation you're looking for, position yourself underneath your partner for chest-to-chest contact. This way, you can take toys and fingers out of the equation completely while your partner's chest rubs against yours as they thrust. It might even be enough stimulation for a nipple orgasm .
Don't forget to stimulate areas that aren't between your legs or on your chest. Some less obvious zones, says Wise, are your ears and neck. Ask your partner to lightly graze their fingernails against the back of your neck, or put your tongue in their ear after playfully tugging on their earlobe with your teeth.
Of course, what might feel good to you might not be a sexy zone for your partner , so get their okay beforehand or stop if they say it's not their thing.
Sex isn't a race (unless you're looking for a quickie ). So, instead of rushing for an orgasm, slow down, says Wise. Focus on your breath and try to sync your exhales with your partner's. This allows you to savor the sexual sensations you're experiencing as a unit.
Or, in a move borrowed from tantric sex, you might exhale into your partner's mouth while they inhale. Not only is this hot AF, but these deeper breaths will also increase blood flow and circulation to your pelvic area, upping your pleasure, Wise says.
Still not it? Try switching up your moves while you slow down, says sex and relationship expert Jessica O'Reilly, PhD, author of The New Sex Bible . Mix up the rhythm by moving your hips in a circular motion instead of simply moving up and down, she suggests.
The best part of missionary is just how easily you can change the placement and intensity of stimulation—just by switching your body angles.
If you want deeper penetration, place a pillow beneath your lower back to prop up your pelvis, says Wise. Tilting your pelvis upward forces your partner to thrust downward and thus more deeply into you.
If you're looking for more clitoral stimulation, consider this slight twist on missionary called the coital alignment technique (CAT). To do it, have your partner move up toward your shoulders so that their penis (or the strap-on) can apply more pressure on your clitoris than usual as they enter you. Instead of thrusting in and out, your partner will grind against your pelvis.
"CAT is the single-most powerful position for two reasons," says Wise. The first is that it increases stimulation on the external clitoris, which, if that's what you're into, will send chills through your body...in a good way. The second perk of CAT is it's ability to draw out intercourse, meaning you and your partner won't orgasm after only a few minutes of fun.
Because of the way your partner has to position their body for CAT (in order to spotlight your clit), penetration won't feel quite as deep to them, so it will them a few more thrusts (at least) than usual to climax, Wise explains. It's the perfect move for those whose partners tend to finish to soon and want to keep things going for as long as possible.
To take things up a (literal) notch, bring your vibrator into the bedroom. Use it before penetration—on your nipples, neck, back, and any other area of your body that you like to amp excitement, Laino suggests. Or when your partner is on top of you, they can lean on their knees while they're inside you and use the vibe on your clitoris, in sort of a modified missionary position, she says.
You can even try slipping a vibrating cock ring on them to target your clitoris and help them last longer, says sex expert Rachel Needle, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in West Palm Beach and codirector of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes .
This goes for any sex position, but especially missionary, since you don't want your partner to think you think the sex is boring. "Take advantage of this opportunity to vocalize your pleasure," says Wise. If you're feeling what they're doing, tell your partner and moan (if that comes naturally to you).
"By freeing yourself to make noise, you can supercharge your sexual experience," Wise notes. Not only will hearing your own pleasure egg you on, but whispering into your partner's ear about how good they're making you feel will also give them the push they need to get more adventurous or stimulate that area you love in new ways. Win-win!
Ever heard of the Cross-Booty position ? If not, no worries—here's the lowdown.
Cross-Booty gives you the closeness of missionary but with a quite literal twist, for fun. Start with your partner entering you from the missionary position, then have them slide their chest and legs off your body so that their pelvis is in the same location, but their limbs form an "X" with yours. Bonus? This unique angle gives you ample opportunity to grab onto their back or butt while they thrust.
This one adds a little tightness and friction to increase stimulation. To do it, have your partner enter you as you lie on your back with your legs close together, then have them sit upright on top of you.
If you're flexible and need a little more to get you going, whip out The Seashell.
For this one, you can cross your ankles behind your head, but if that's asking a little too much (fair), just bring your knees to your shoulders, suggests Wise. Now, with your pelvis angled upward and toward you, reach down with a free hand or grab a vibrator to stimulate your clitoris as your partner thrusts inside you.
Ready to take missionary's game-changing eye contact to the next level? The Spork position is for you.
While you lie on your back, raise your right leg so your partner can position their body between your legs at a 90-degree angle and enter you. Your legs will form the tines of a spork (that's a spoon-fork combo, ICYDK).
Now get ready to ride...it's your personal mission. 😉

https://www.thebody.com/article/men-bareback-no-easy-answers
"The terrible thing in this world is that everyone has his reasons."
Octave, The Rules of the Game , Jean Renoir, 1939
Toby is a white, 35-year-old, HIV-negative gay man who came to see me because of depression and loneliness. A successful and ambitious architect, he worked exceptionally long hours to make partner in his firm. His last relationship ended during his final year of graduate school, after 2 years, and he had not had another partner in almost 10 years. Because of his intense focus on work, Toby had not taken the time to cultivate deep friendships. He did have a group of people with whom he would go to clubs to dance a few times a month. Typically, during those outings, he would take MDMA (Ecstasy) and smoke marijuana. He said it helped him lose his inhibitions and cut loose on the dance floor. At the end of the night he would usually end up going home with someone he had just met.
Toby did not seek out barebacking, but he allowed it to happen if the other man wanted to do it. He said he never discussed HIV status with the men he went home with unless the other man initiated the discussion. If a sexual partner initiated the use of condoms for anal sex, Toby said he felt relieved and gladly used them. But if the other man did not bring up the topic, Toby wound up going along with whatever the other man wanted to do sexually, even if it meant having UAI. Toby almost never made a date to see any of these men a second time. Toby was sexually versatile but preferred to be the top.
On the weekends when Toby stayed home, he either met men in online chat rooms for sexual hookups or went to sex parties. Again, his attitude toward condom use was passive. If the other man wanted to use them, that was fine with him. But if the other fellow never brought up the topic of condoms, neither did Toby. It was clear that he was well informed about HIV transmission and about the risk he took of becoming infected by barebacking. When I explored this passivity toward using condoms, he explained that he worked such long hours and so intensely that when he did have time off it was essential that he be able to stop thinking and just go a bit wild and lose control. Ostrow and Shelby (2000) describe psychotherapy with men like Toby who use drugs to enable them to lose inhibitions and engage in fantasy sex that they might otherwise have difficulty engaging in without guilt or remorse.
Toby was an only child raised in the Midwest by a devout Baptist single mother who had been deserted by Toby's father shortly after Toby's birth. Toby came out to his mother after he finished graduate school and moved to New York. She did not react well to the news, retreating into the condemning language of her church. She told her son that being a homosexual was going to land him in hell unless he repented and changed his ways. She also told him that he was going to get AIDS because he was gay. Toby sounded bleak when he described the Christian literature she regularly sent him about the evils of homosexuality and how gays were being plagued by AIDS as punishment from God.
I asked Toby what he thought about his mother's views of his sexuality. He said he was frightened -- what if what she said was true? -- and sad that their relationship has become so combative. He said she was relentless about sharing her views on Toby's "sinful affliction," even after Toby asked her not to raise this subject every time they spoke. I was surprised to hear that he continued to speak with her once a week and to visit with her for a week at Christmas. We explored his conflicted feelings about his relationship with his mother. On the one hand, he recognized that the way his mother treats him was damaging to his self-esteem and was deeply painful. On the other hand, as the only child whom she struggled to raise, he felt a strong sense of loyalty and obligation to her.
I shared with Toby my concern that his barebacking activity was putting him at risk for fulfilling his mother's prophecy that he would get AIDS. He said he worried about it at times, and he had no conscious desire to contract HIV, but he was not willing to kill (his exact expression) the spontaneity of his recreational sexual exploits. In the rest of his life, he was responsible and reliable. In this one area of his life, he wanted to be totally free. I wondered if Toby's behavior was an unconscious desire either to prove his mother right or to get sick and die as a hostile "fuck you" to his mother. I did not begin to share any of these possibilities with Toby until many months after our initial consultation. Every few months Toby would get retested for HIV, and as of this writing he remains HIV-negative.
Fifteen or 20 years ago, I would have been appalled and quite judgmental about Toby's behavior and probably gone into overdrive to try to save Toby from his own impulses. With the advantage of 20/20 hindsight, it is now clear that the rescue approach to treating men who bareback is rarely, if ever, effective. Most of the time, these clients just stopped therapy with me. They did not want or need a rescuer, as well-intentioned as I was. Although it still hurt to hear Toby describe the potentially deadly risks he was taking, I had to practice patience, compassion, and empathy. He was the only one who could take himself out of these high-risk situations, and then only if and when he decided that he wanted to.
Along with my protective feelings for this young man, I felt clinical curiosity about what was driving Toby to take sexual risks with such an apparently casual attitude. Researchers have been eager to find out more about the category of barebackers that Toby falls into -- men who are not trying, at least consciously, to become infected with HIV, but who are willing to take risks in order to satisfy deep intrapsychic and interpersonal needs.
This chapter asks a lot of tough questions: Is barebacking pathological? Is it correlated to personality disorder? Is it all about sex, sensation-seeking, and pleasure? Or is it, as paradoxical as this may seem, actually an attempt to take care of oneself and to forge a deeper intimacy, closeness, and even spiritual communion? We will look at how current antiretroviral therapies may affect decisions to have unprotected sex, and how fear and lack of fear about the danger of HIV infection play into the decision to bareback. The question of whether sex without condoms in the age of AIDS can ever be a rational decision will be explored. As the title of Chapter 3 promises, there are no easy answers to why men have sex without condoms.
This chapter offers multiple meanings that men who have sex without condoms themselves attribute to the behavior. The more we can understand the underlying motivations of unprotected and unsafe sex, the better we can have effective community conversations about how to prevent the spread of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Lest we forget the potential serious consequences of having sex without condoms, I include the latest information about the health risks of condomless sex, discussing the relative safety of HIV-positive men who bareback with other infected men.
There are abundant theories but no definitive answers about why gay men take sexual risks. After more than three decades of safer sex messages against the backdrop of gay men sickening horribly and then dying, new medical treatments have stemmed the tide of the pandemic and offered real hope for longer-term survival to people with HIV. Gay men want the AIDS epidemic to be over and want to be able to have sex without fear. They want to celebrate their desire without having to worry, negotiate, be fearful, or keep a shield of latex between themselves and their partners. Younger men want to experience pre-AIDS sex. Queer theorist Tim Dean (2000) writes: "In view of statistics on new seroconversions, some AIDS educators have begun to acknowledge that, unlikely though it may seem, remaining HIV-negative in fact poses significant psychological challenges to gay men" (p. 137). To those who have not been working in the gay men's community for the past 25 years, this statement might seem absurd, but it is true that HIV-negative gay men face unique challenges that make it seem almost easier to seroconvert.
San Francisco Bay area psychologist Walt Odets (1995) was one of the first mental health professionals to question why gay men who had thus far escaped becoming infected with HIV were placing themselves at risk for becoming so. Odets described HIV-negative men who struggled in a world and gay community that, however unintentionally, considered their difficulties inconsequential as compared to those of men who were fighting for their lives. These uninfected men's growing invisibility triggered old childhood feelings of being an outsider, and for some, contributed to an acute psychological crisis that often created a confluence of behaviors and thought patterns that placed them at risk for contracting HIV.
Some have suggested that during the '80s, gay men unconsciously colluded with the general public's equation of a gay identity with an AIDS identity (Odets, 1995; Rofes, 1996). New York social worker Steve Ball (1998) describes how during the height of the AIDS epidemic HIV-negative gay men often found themselves in the role of caregiver, mourner/widower, or outsider, due to their not being infected with HIV. Some of these men felt that they were not entitled to express their deep fears that they might become infected or discuss their loneliness or burnout when so many peers were dying around them. The dynamics described by Odets and Ball are part of the communal and psychosocial re
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