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Milf Want Son
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Savage Love
Mar 11, 2019 at 1:30 pm
Her Son Wants Just One Thing For His Birthday...
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Quick back story: When my son was ten some kids on the bus told him that a French kiss was when you transfer chewed food from your mouth to another's. Gross! After correcting this misinformation I decided it was time to educate him myself. A friend recommended “ It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health .” It was the right book and the right time, and my son and I can communicate opening and easily about anything. But wasn’t expecting him ask for a sex toy for his birthday—specifically, he asked I would purchase him a “ Fleshlight ” for his 16th birthday. WOW! I told him that seemed pretty varsity/advanced for him and should get some some mileage using his hand and maybe have partnered sex before thinking about toys.
I have no idea what it's like to be a teenage boy and I'm glad (if slightly horrified) that he feels comfortable talking to me. But I worry that if he were to use a Fleshlight before having partnered sex it could negatively impact his experience. But I keep thinking about your male callers who used the " death grip " growing up and then wound up having problems getting off with a partner later in life. I purchased him “ Drawn To Sex: The Basics ” by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan, which feels like a more appropriate sex positive gift.
Would you purchase a vibrator for a daughter? — Dan
Good question! I have a 13-year-old daughter. And, yes, I would get her a vibrator if she asked, while warning her that too much can lead to desensitization. — SPM
If you would get your daughter an insertion toy—one that vibrates, something flesh-and-blood dicks can't do—why would you hesitate to get your son an insertion toy? Yes, boys have hands (so do girls) and boys can make fists. And boys, unlike girls , usually don't need to be encouraged to masturbate. But if you want your son to arrive at partnered sex without a bad case of death grip syndrome, a Fleshlight is a safer option than a fist. It's awkward, of course, to think about your kid pumping away at an appliance in the next room—and, hey, here's hoping he doesn't leave it in the sink after cleaning it. But I'm often surprised to hear from sex-positive, progressive parents who would purchase vibrators for their daughters—or in some cases already have purchased vibrators for their daughters—but who are squicked out by the thought of providing their sons with insertion toys that work for/with/on dicks. ( Not all vibrators are insertion toys , of course, but many are and many are used that way.) — Dan
When you put it that context I understand! — SPM
Oh, and about that "too much" vibrator use "can lead to desensitization" thing... you should pop over to Bustle and read this myth-busting piece . — Dan
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I walked into my son’s school a few weeks ago to pick him up. He was sitting with all his friends waiting for me by the door and immediately got up when he saw me coming. Clearly, he didn’t want me coming anywhere near his friends. I got the feeling he didn’t want anyone to know he was with me. I was right.
As he got closer, he whispered, “Mom, why do you have to dress like that? Everyone stares at you.”
“No they don’t. They are probably staring at you because you are so handsome,” I told him.
“I blend in. They aren’t staring at me. They are looking at you. Why do you have to wear dresses and high heels?” For the record, I was wearing the outfit below. The nerve, right?
I decided I wanted to try something with my teenage son that day. I asked him if he wanted to dress me for a little while. I told him he could pick out my outfits and I would wear whatever he wanted me to wear as long as he had an open mind and would listen to a few things I had to say about people and the way they choose to dress, so that’s what we did.
I wanted to talk to him more about the subject and why he was feeling the way he was. And by having him choose my clothes for a while I would better understand why he wanted me to wear certain things, and maybe he would understand why I like to dress the way I do and that, really, it shouldn’t affect him as much as it does.
This was his choice for the first day. He picked out a very casual, sporty outfit, and I loved it.
While I dress like this about half the time and like this look, it doesn’t always suit me. Sometimes I feel like dressing up more, so I do. When I asked my son why he picked this out, he said because I “blended in and didn’t look out of place.” In his mind, when I dress up, I look like I don’t belong. If he only knew how many women I saw throughout the day wearing suits and heels maybe he would have a different opinion.
Regardless, I told him nobody should be judged based on how they dress — not even your very embarrassing mother . Most people wear what they are comfortable in, what makes them feel good. It doesn’t matter where it came from because this isn’t how we judge others. We focus on how they make us feel, if they are kind, how they treat people. I told him judging people for what they wear is very transparent, and he will be missing out on a lot in life if he is going to focus on making friends because of what they wear, what they have, or what they look like.
If he is comfortable dressing in a way that makes him feel like he blends in, I think that is great. However, I want him to have the inner confidence to step out of the box if he wants. If he feels like wearing something, even though none of his peers are, I want him to feel like he can.
I also let him know what someone puts on their body isn’t an invitation, for him or anyone else, ever. And he should always take heed on how he looks at people, especially women. There is a way to look at a woman without staring or gawking. No matter how you see her, she deserves respect. I don’t care what she’s wearing.
I also want my son to realize just because I am a mother it doesn’t mean I have to dress a certain way. I loved the outfits he picked for me, and dress like that on my own accord often. But I also love wearing dresses, heels, skinny jeans, and trying out new trends because that is who I am, and who I was long before I became his mother. It’s not my intention to embarrass him. It is my intention to be myself, and him making comments or telling me he doesn’t want to go anywhere with me because of the way I dress is hurtful (as normal as it is).
A few days ago, I discussed these “lessons” I was trying to teach him with a friend and she told me he would “take all these lessons and bake them into a gentleman pie.” I really hope she is right.
DEAR DEIDRE My lover's husband is suspicious and has threatened to kill me
LEGALLY BLIND Is virtual sex with my girlfriend on Zoom illegal?
LIVING NIGHTMARE My boyfriend's sleep talking wasn't an issue - then he said a girl's name
LET'S ADDRESS IT I've fallen for another cross-dresser - does this mean I'm gay?
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been having sex with my friend’s son.
I didn’t seduce him but his mum says I obviously must have offered him sex on a plate and blames me.
My team and I are working safely from home but we are here to help you as always.
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
I am 32 and he’s 19. He seemed a kid a year ago but very much a man when he came home from university after they closed in the spring.
We chatted at my friend’s birthday barbecue in the summer and I had far more to drink than usual.
He was flirting outrageously, telling me I looked so young I could pass for a student. It boosted my ego.
We ended up slipping away from the party and went upstairs to his room.
All the time he was kissing me he was undressing me too and we ended up having sex. It blew my mind.
The next day I felt so guilty I texted him to say we should stay away from each other but he bombarded me with texts and insisted we carry on seeing one another. He was too hot to refuse.
He had a row with his mum one day and blurted out about us. She’s stopped speaking to me.
She believes I cradle snatched her son. His dad and older sisters are not speaking to me either.
I confided in my mum and sister, and they disapprove and told me I shouldn’t get into a relationship with him.
Everyone blames me because I am older, and they think I took advantage.
Nothing could be further from the truth. He’s the one who insists we carry on and gets angry if I argue.
He’s been away at uni since October. Of course I couldn’t visit him but we’ve been very close online.
He’s told his family he’s seeing a girl at uni now, but he tells me he loves me and wants to tell them the truth when he gets home, which will be any day now. I am so scared of their reaction.
Do I call it off and do what everyone else wants, or carry on and risk losing everyone I care about?
AFTER finding love, we might assume our relationship will look after itself.
But we all change, and relationships require time and attention.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MoT can help you avoid a crisis.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is unfair that everyone blames you. Of course it takes two to tango, but your instinct to call a halt to the fling right from the start was right.
Now you need to let age and experience speak and take a firmer line with your young lover. Be firm that it’s over.
He’s got no right to get angry. It’s probably linked to quite separate tensions with his family but that’s all the more reason to do what is best for you.
It’s not just the age gap, though at 19 he is looking for a very different experience from what is right for you.
You are risking losing people you care about and who care about you. They can see what you are not seeing right now.
Cut free from this guy and move on with your life.
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