Mildred's Bible Declared �Semi-Canonical� by Vatican Committee

In a bold move, the Vatican has declared Grandma Mildred�s handwritten footnotes �liturgically influential.� Mildred�s Bible contains such gems as �Peter had foot-in-mouth disease� and �Forgive, but don�t lend him your garden shears again.� Pope Leo XIV insists her notes offer �accessible holiness.� A new liturgy appendix, *Book of Mildred*, is in review. Critics call it �too casserole-based.� Leo replied, �So was the Feeding of the 5,000.� One theologian wept over her lasagna recipe�annotated with Proverbs.