Michigan's Right to Freeload

Michigan lawmakers introduced a bill guaranteeing citizens 'freeloading liberties' ' unlimited self-service gas station snacks and library book hoarding. Official texts specify immunity from late fees and 'any service that mentions the word 'charge.'' A poll of 500 residents found 88 % support free car washes and unsolicited lawn mowing. Dunkin' Donuts now offers free drip coffee'state-subsidized, of course. Retailers lament phantom shoppers. Constitutional scholars argue it's a fundamental human right. Next session: 'Right to Sit and Stare at Store Displays.' Beware: entitlement has never been so' literal.