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An orgasm from a stranger had been my ultimate fantasy, but the reality was very different.
W hat’s your ultimate sexual fantasy ? Most of us have one, but what do you do after you’ve lived it out for real? This was the question I was confronted with after what was an innocent holiday massage ended became a sexual happy ending massage ... and ended in an unexpected orgasm .
A happy ending massage - or sexual massage - was something I’d always fantasised about, but I never dreamed it would actually happen. So, when I heard about the hotel spa services while on holiday in Cuba I booked my appointment without any expectations.
At the appointed time, I turned up at the ‘spa’ – a gauzy white tent on the hotel beach – and was assigned a male massage therapist. I wasn’t at all uncomfortable with that.
At first, the massage was utterly innocent. He was friendly but professional; not chatty or personal. He completely avoided my chest and bum (not true of all masseurs, I can assure you), and rubbed my body without any… lingering.
By the end, I was lying on my back while he massaged my legs and thighs, which is perfectly normal, by the way. But, as I’ve always found massage a sensual experience, I can’t pretend my body wasn’t responding.
When his hands stilled on my inner thighs, I thought it was part of the massage. It didn’t seem strange at all. He then began to apply pressure to my inner thighs, moving closer and closer inwards, until he brushed my bikini bottoms. It was like a jolt of static, and I knew something else was afoot.
It was like a jolt of static, and I knew something else was afoot
I couldn’t believe that my ultimate sexual fantasy was being played out. I’ve never been so turned on in my life, but I assumed he’d stop there. And he did, until I (almost unconsciously) began to shift my hips and tense upwards. He moved my bikini to one side, spreading my legs apart with one hand. I was enthralled, and had no intention of stopping him. It was an almost out-of-body experience.
Briefly, I began to grow nervous about someone walking in (we were in a tent, after all). But as he stroked my clit in sensuous, circular movements, I decided I didn’t care. Once he’d slowly and deliberately slid his fingers inside me, I couldn’t even think about anything else at all. I’ve never come so quickly, quietly or effortlessly in my life. Which was lucky, as it turned out, because another massage therapist walked in right afterwards. Then it was all business.
He used the towel to wipe oil from my body efficiently, while I lay blushing and giggling with my eyes closed. He turned, allowing me to dress, as if it had just been an ordinary massage. I didn’t make any eye contact at all as I settled the bill, and gave him a huge tip which is expected in Cuba. He asked my name, and told me to come again the next day. I smiled, knowing I wouldn’t.
At first, I was relieved she hadn’t walked in a few seconds earlier. That was until it dawned on me she probably knew exactly what was going on, and likely peeked through the tent to see when I was done. The thought made me feel sick with embarrassment. Then the doubts began to creep in. Had I exploited him?
There are a lot of male sex workers in Cuba, so I had to wonder if he was one. He certainly didn’t risk his job and livelihood because he was overwhelmed by passion for me. Slowly, I grew uncomfortable with how expert he was. This was a practised move, clearly something he did often, and did well. But he didn’t do it because he wanted me. Did he think he had to perform this for monetary purposes? Whether by experience or coercion, did he think it was his job to offer?
These things don’t exist in a vacuum. Just look at the blurred lines between the sex trade and massage industry of Southeast Asia. I’m strongly anti-exploitation, and the idea of one of my male friends allowing a woman to give them a ‘happy ending’ would horrify me. Many of those women are victims of human trafficking, sold into the sex trade as slaves – sometimes underage – or were drawn into the industry by the twin demons of poverty and opportunity.
These things don’t exist in a vacuum
I would argue that if you really respected them, you wouldn’t allow them to pleasure you for money in countries where the sex trade is so notoriously shady.
Had he exploited me ? Was I a victim of assault? My mind and body were saying yes all the way through, but I never consented verbally. What right did he think he had to touch me like this in a professional setting? Was I a bad feminist? I’m 100% pro-sex positivity and mutual enjoyment, and this experience didn’t seem to sit right with that. If he respected me as an equal, wouldn’t he have asked? Was I unintentionally “asking for it”? I was more than a little confused.
I told my best friends in confidence, but was embarrassed. They were supportive, but shocked. It was easier when he was just a disembodied hand in my fantasy. Sadly, fulfilling a ‘stranger’ sexual fantasy means actually having to confront the stranger, and the context. And I learned a fantasy is never the same in real life as it is in your head, precisely because it’s real life.
“After #MeToo we’re probably all much more aware of our potential positions as victims - and perpetrators - in non-consensual sexual encounters,” says Dr Meg-John Barker, a sex therapist who writes on the psychology of sexual activity. “This experience is a challenging one indeed, as it involves confronting both those possibilities.”
They recommended I take some time to sit with the feelings of being in both of those positions, and getting support if I found that difficult.
“Your story also highlights important questions about power and consent,” they told me. “As the tourist in Cuba, you were in a position of power over the masseur, especially given he could have lost his job. But as the professional in the encounter - and a man - he was certainly in a position of power over you.”
I would strongly suggest insisting on a more upfront conversation
Dr Barker, who also wrote Enjoy Sex (How, When and IF You Want To ) and hosts a new podcast “Meg-John and Justin” , explains the vital thing with consent is that everyone involved is able to give an enthusiastic ‘yes’ to what unfolds between them. They must be able to know for sure that nobody’s feeling pressured by power dynamics, or because it would feel awkward stopping things once they’ve started.
“Even if you find an encounter pleasurable - or orgasm from it - if that wasn’t there, it wasn’t consensual,” they add. “That’s not at all to say you can’t have hot encounters with strangers, or that consent can’t be communicated in non-verbal ways. But in future, I would strongly suggest insisting on a more upfront conversation, and stopping things, if you can, if any part of you was feeling as unsure or nervous.”
Dr Barker’s words helped me articulate and make sense of my confusion, but ultimately, it didn’t resolve the experience in my head. Of course, the further into the past it gets, the less I regret it – it’s certainly forced me to think much more seriously about sensitive issues of power and consent on a personal, rather than theoretical, level.
A hands-on experience, certainly. But I would advise anyone thinking of acting out a stranger fantasy, of any kind, to consider Dr Barker’s advice very carefully: an upfront and frank conversation with clearly communicated consent on both sides might not seem sexy in the moment, but you’ll appreciate it the morning after.
This article was originally published in 2018 and has been updated.

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Last updated on June 12, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz .
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here ...
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Are you
looking for some awesome ideas for sexting examples that’ll be sure to turn on
your boyfriend?
Are you
looking to tease him so much that he can’t even think about anything but you?
Do you even
want to take it one step further and have make him absolutely obsessed with you?
Well,
you’re in the right place as I have listed a whopping 111 messages that’ll do
just that below.
Before
you use any of them, though, make sure you read the next few sentences very
carefully.
You’ll have
to understand one very important thing about the male psychology before using
any of these texts.
Understanding
this can mean the difference between him laughing at you when receiving these
texts or him absolutely desiring you.
It comes
down to a quirky little thing called the ‘Hero Instinct’.
This is
a simple primal instinct that all men have – yet most women don’t even know
about it and is often the cause of most, if not all, relationship problems.
Heck… It’s
the sole reason I struggled for so many years in my relationships.
Once I truly understood this, my love life became better than I had ever imagined (learn how you can do that too by reading my personal story here )
In fact,
it’s so simple to fix, you’ll wonder why on earth you struggled for so many
years.
Make sure you click here to learn how to make any man obsess over you (this works perfect with sexting messages as well)
Once you’ve done that, you can start sending him the 111 sexting messages that I’ve listed for you below.
In addition to this, I'm to speak about some do’s and don’ts when it comes to turning your man on with texts.
The whole point of
sexting is to tease someone with messages and pictures, so get him excited for
you before he’s even with you.
If you are the first one
to initiate the sexting, your boyfriend will love this. Take control and tell
him everything you want.
Sexting can be a really
good way to get across what you actually want to tell your boyfriend. It is a
little less awkward because it isn’t face to face. If there is something you
want to tell him or a particular fantasy you want to try, this is your chance.
Even though your
boyfriend might want to see your face in the dirty photos you send to him, I
would highly suggest never putting your face in the photos. If everything ends
badly, you don’t know what he might do with those photos. You might trust him
now, but it’s always best to be safe.
You are going to want to
make sure you have a password on your phone, or that you have at least deleted
the dirty. The last thing you want to happen is to have your parents or friends
see the messages you have been sending.
There is nothing worse
than seeing a cute photo and realizing that it looks like a bomb has gone off
in your room. Similarly, if you are taking the photo in a bathroom, make sure
there are no products in the shot that would turn your man off, e.g. tampons on
the sink side.
We’ve all heard about cases where someone has sent a sexual text to one of their parents by accident– bleurgh! Make sure that you are sure you are texting the right person because there is nothing more embarrassing than trying to get yourself out of a situation like that.
Sexting is supposed to
be hot and steamy, just like if you were actually having sex. So, do not reply
slowly, it’s a total mood killer. Also, if you are going to initiate the dirty
talk, you need to keep up the pace and keep it interesting.
Like I mentioned above,
sexting is all about snappy, quick and dirty texts. No one finds long
paragraphs sexy. Of course, if you want to discuss a fantasy or dream up a
situation, you will need to write a bit more of a lengthy text, but don’t make
it too long.
Although it’s only a few
messages and no physical activity, sexting someone else definitely counts as
cheating. Why would you want to talk dirty to anyone other than the person you
are with? Don’t do it.
No one should make you
feel like you’re forced to sext them. You should only send dirty texts if you
want to. I’ll speak more about this later at length, but you need to be in the
mood otherwise it’s not sexy, at all.
Of course, dirty talk
over text is such a turn on, but if you do it too much it will lose its appeal.
Just because this article is giving you all of these amazing things you can
say, it doesn’t mean that you need to say them all at once.
If you haven’t had sex
together yet, I wouldn’t suggest sexting too much, especially not graphically.
Of course, flirting and some sexy teasing photos would be great, but you
shouldn’t get into it too much, you don’t want to spoil the surprise.
Let’s jump straight into looking at the 111 sexting messages that you can send to your boyfriend . We are going to start off quite slow, with some innocent but flirty texts. As we progress down the list, it will get dirtier and raunchier.
1. I can’t stop thinking about you, especially without your clothes
on.
3. I feel lost without your touch on my body.
5. You make me feel all kinds of naughty thoughts.
6. It’s crazy how much I want you all over me.
7. I’ve never wanted to explore someone’s body as much as I do with
you.
8. I wish I was with you right now, in bed.
9. I want to feel your lips on mine.
11. I miss feeling your skin on mine.
12. I would do anything to trade being at work with
being in your bed right now.
13. I just got out the shower and I had a lot of fun
thinking about you while I was in there.
14. I just bought some cute new lingerie. Would you
like to see it?
15. I feel nervous about telling you all of the
sexual desires I have when it comes to you.
16. I’m so ready to make love to you.
17. When do you want to come around? I would love to
feel you on me right now.
18. I just made myself very excited by thinking
about you…
19. I had such a hot and heavy dream about you last
night. Maybe we could make my dreams come true?
20. When I see you later, just to let you know, I
won’t be wearing any underwear.
21. I’m going crazy thinking about how you would
feel inside of me.
22. I can’t stop thinking about the way you made me
feel last night. Shall we have a re-do?
23. I want to take control of you and tell you what
I want.
24. You can do whatever you want to me, just make me
feel good.
25. I’m at my work desk right now and it looks a
little boring. I’m just thinking how much better it would look if you were
bending me over it.
26. Is it bad that every time I see you I just want
you to pin me up against a wall and have my, right then and there?
27. I can’t wait to feel you inside me.
28. I’m going to make you feel like you’ve never
felt before.
29. I’m feeling dirty today for some reason.
30. I can’t tell you how much I want to be on top of
you right now.
31. The thought of you taking me in your arms and
having me just makes me so wet.
32. I feel so much pent up frustration today. Want
to come to mine after work and get rid of it for me?
33. Wanna workout together today? And I don’t mean
at the gym.
34. Whenever I think about you, I just want to start
touching myself.
35. Your face would look so great with me sitting on
top of it.
36. I am playing with myself thinking of you and
what you will do to me.
37. I want to ride you. I want to ride your face and
your cock.
38. I can’t wait to get into your pants and see you
for all you’ve got.
39. I’m so wet for you right now, I just wish you
were here.
40. I love tasting you inside my mouth.
41. I can’t stop thinking about riding you last
night.
42. All I want is for you to be here, with your
hands up my skirt right now.
43. You drive my body crazy; my pussy yearns for
you.
45. Would you prefer me in lingerie or fully naked
when I come over tonight?
46. I want you to take me as soon as I walk in that
door tonight. Take me hard.
47. I’ve had a stressful day today and can’t wait to
get my frustrations out on your body tonight.
48. I can’t wait to taste you in my mouth.
49. I want your cum all over my body.
50. When I see a text from you, I instantly get wet
for you.
51. You make me want to drop my panties whenever I
am around you.
52. I want you to take me so hard tonight that I can
barely walk in the morning.
53. When you dominate me, I feel so helpless and so
turned on.
54. I can’t stop thinking about your tongue inside
of me.
55. It’s crazy how many times a day I think about
having sex with you.
56. I want your cock between my breasts.
57. I want to make you moan so much the neighbors
can hear.
58. I have a new vibrator, it’s just such a shame
it’s nowhere near as good as you.
59. Work would be a lot less boring if you could
come and give me a quickie on my lunch break.
60. I want to be your personal fix of pleasure. I
want to make you feel like you’ve never felt before.
61. I want you to walk into the bathroom and catch
me pleasuring myself with the shower head.
62. I wish you would just come to my office right
now, push everything off the desk and take me here and now.
63. Maybe one morning you will wake up to me with
your cock in my mouth, then we can have some fun before you have to leave for
work.
64. One day you will walk into the dining room, I’ll
be on the table and you can have me for your dinner.
65. I’m going to slowly take your cock and tease it
as it slides in and out of my pussy.
66.
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