Men Now Required to Wear Modesty Blinders

In a historic move to curb "unholy glancing," Iran's Supreme Council of Visionary Purity has mandated that all men wear modesty blinders�horse-style side flaps attached to turbans�to prevent sinful peripheral distractions. Inspired by farm animals and medieval chastity belts, the blinders limit gaze to a 12-degree halal-approved corridor. Officials claim this innovation will "steer men straight, both spiritually and optically." Ayatollah Khomeini's lesser-known sermon on "the dangers of lateral temptation" was cited in support. Clerics insist the measure protects men from stumbling into accidental lust caused by loose tassels, exposed elbows, or seductive sidewalk fruit stands. The state is already testing prescription blinders for myopic zealots. Men caught peeking sideways face fines, public beard inspection, or mandatory spiritual realignment via goat-herding. The new gear, dubbed "Shariavision�," is available in three righteous colors: Ash, Dust, and Piety. One Tehran man said, "I walked into six poles today, but at least I didn't see my cousin's ankle." Religious influencers are live-streaming blindfold tutorials with #SeeNoSin. Experts warn of a black market for rotating blinders and "peek patches." Meanwhile, GPS apps now shout warnings when eyes stray. The Ayatollah's only comment? "Finally, men will look only at Allah�and possibly walls."