Men Haircut Fetish
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Men Haircut Fetish
What It's Really Like To Date A Man Who Gets Turned On By Haircuts
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By Jill Robbins — Written on Mar 23, 2021
When I hear the word "fetish" I think of tight leather pants ... or maybe someone who really likes feet. The word "kinky" comes to mind, along with mental pictures of people indulging in naughty things that are just a little (or even a lot) taboo.
I don't think of haircuts. I mean, really, who does?
It might come as a surprise to you, but there are people out there who are turned on by haircuts — getting haircuts or just talking about haircuts — a nd I dated one of these people.
My single days seem like a long time ago, mostly because they were. There are times when I miss my singleton days: sole control of the remote, having my bed all to myself, and not having to ask, "Hey, do we have plans?" before I make, well, plans.
I was on Match.com for about two years. This was back when online dating sites were whispered about or scoffed at. I didn't keep a body count but I'd estimate I met roughly 25 different men through Match.
A few guys achieved "boyfriend status," and there were a lot of awkward "never again" coffee dates a nd then, of course, one semi-traumatizing experience with a guy with a haircut fetish.
We found each other in the typical "I like your profile, do you like mine?" kind of way. Match.com decided we had stuff in common and after a few messages and phone conversations, we decided there was enough mutual interest to meet for a drink.
We talked on the phone several times before meeting in person. We played the twenty questions game people play when they're getting to know each other: No, I don't like sushi. Yes, I like hiking. No, I've never been to Canada. Stuff like that.
He complimented my appearance in my profile picture (that's how these conversations work, you know), and said he liked that I didn't have long hair.
My hair was shoulder-length. It might sound like I'm stereotyping but in my experience, most men like long hair on women . I've had to firmly explain to a couple of long-hair-lovin' ex-boyfriends and my husband that I'll wear my hair how I like it. Period.
"I like the fact that you don't have really long hair."
I said thank you because that's what you do when someone compliments your appearance, right? The conversation moved on.
During one of our pre-meeting chats, this guy — let's call him Mark — asked if I'd ever consider cutting his hair. My response was laughter. I told him about the time I cut my bangs that ended with tears and vodka and assured him that probably wasn't a good idea.
He was insistent, asking, "If I really wanted you to cut my hair, would you do it?" Uh ... sure, dude. If you want people to think your barber uses a dull steak knife for haircuts, I'm game.
The conversation moved on to other things. Looking back, I see it.
He worked the subject of hair into every conversation. How short would I cut my hair? Did I like guys with really short hair? I interpreted this as shallow, superficial.
Mark was into appearances. He dropped a lot of cash on his clothes. He was a total gym rat. Looks were important to him. This was OK by me; I was a little shallow back then, too.
We met in person. We liked each other well enough to go out on a second date, and a third. I knew Mark wasn't the man I'd spend forever with but at the time, I wasn't looking for forever. True love, it wasn't, but he was easy on the eyes and we didn't argue about where to go for dinner.
I wasn't looking for much more than someone to hang out with on Saturday night. (And yes, hanging out included sex.) Why not?
Our in-person conversations were light. Looking back, I see that they always touched on hair, and haircuts, at least briefly. He said I'd look great with a pixie cut because I had the bone structure to pull it off.
What woman wouldn't be flattered by that? No, I didn't get a pixie cut. He kept yammering on about me cutting his hair, and I always laughed at him.
His hair was pretty short and he kept asking if I thought he should go shorter. Mark had six visible abs and a handsome face. I didn't care about his hair.
On our fourth date, we had sex. It was nice. Normal.
Yes, he said it during sex. I said yes; I didn't know what else to say. But because I'd "bit," the next question was: "Would you use a number four?"
This refers to the length of a guard on barbering clippers, a little tidbit of haircut knowledge I'd picked up during various conversations. Whether to use a number four or a maybe even a number three seemed to be something Mark wanted to discuss extensively — out of the bedroom, of course.
Frankly, I didn't care. I'd smile and nod when the conversation turned to blade guards and think about his abs. I didn't answer this second question. At that moment, the dots all connected. The proverbial lightbulb came on.
This was ten years ago. I don't remember how things ended in the bedroom. I mean, I think they ended in the usual way but I don't remember if he kept talking about haircutting or if he took my silence as a hint that this kind of pillow talk wasn't doing it for me.
The next morning I asked him, "So, the whole haircut thing is a turn-on, huh?"
"Well, yeah." He might as well have said DUH!
Looking at things from this side, I guess it was obvious. I'm no expert on these things but I don't think getting turned on by talking about haircuts is very common.
I've found very little written on it. I haven't dug too deep because honestly, a hair fetish chat room isn't the place I want to be.
I walked right into fetish-land without a clue and it didn't seem obvious until I looked back. Then it all made sense. If he'd have continuously worked feet or spanking into our conversations, well, I'd have probably picked up on it. But hair? Nah.
As far as fetishes go, this one is probably pretty harmless. If I'd have really been into him, maybe I could've gone for the pixie cut or at least let him go to the salon with me.
Maybe I'd have gotten handy with the clippers and maybe I could've gotten used to the talk about barbering during sex. But probably not that last thing. To each their own, but that's the last thing I find sexy.
I tried to mentally process this whole "haircut thing" and I couldn't. I didn't want to. I waited a couple of days and called him.
"I don't think this will work out."
I moved on. I forgot about it until recently, when I had a conversation with a friend that brought the memory to the front of my mind. I'm essentially un-traumatized, in fact, and I can laugh about it now.
I'm married to a guy who'd probably laugh his ass off if I started talking about haircuts during sex. He'd also laugh if I suggested I cut his hair.
This has been an interesting trip down memory lane. I wonder what happened to Mark or if he found a woman to indulge him. I wonder if he had to learn to keep quiet about his preferences in order to keep a woman he really cared about.
I know that woman wasn't me but I find it a little sad. And yes, I still find the hair thing a little weird.
I guess the heart wants what the heart wants.
Jill Robbins is a freelance writer, blogger, and speaker from Texas. She's a regular contributor to Babble and Ravishly as well as on her blog, Ripped Jeans and Bifocals . Follow her on Twitter .
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
^ Stanley E. Althof (14 January 2010). Handbook of Clinical Sexuality for Mental Health Professionals . Taylor & Francis. p. 408. ISBN 978-0-415-80075-4 .
^ Sherrow, Victoria (2006). Encyclopedia of hair: a cultural history . Greenwood. p. 2 . ISBN 0-313-33145-6 .
^ Anne Hooper; DK Publishing (2002). Sexopedia . Penguin. p. 155. ISBN 978-0-7566-63520 .
^ Jump up to: a b Parfitt, Anthony (2007). "Fetishism, Transgenderism, and the Concept of 'Castration' ". Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy . 21 (1): 61–89. doi : 10.1080/02668730601181119 . S2CID 145772674 . (subscription required)
^ Tyler Volk; Dorion Sagan (October 2009). Death/Sex . Chelsea Green Publishing. p. 27. ISBN 978-1-60358-143-1 .
^ Otto Fenichel , The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis (1946) p. 349
^ Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 5 , Havellock Ellis, 2004 book link
^ Scorolli, C; Ghirlanda, S; Enquist, M; Zattoni, S; Jannini, E A (2007). "Relative prevalence of different fetishes" . International Journal of Impotence Research . 19 (4): 432–7. doi : 10.1038/sj.ijir.3901547 . PMID 17304204 .
^ Dobson, Roger. "Heels are the world's No 1 fetish" . The Independent . London. Archived from the original on 20 May 2008 . Retrieved 1 February 2007 .
Hair fetishism , also known as hair partialism and trichophilia , is a partialism in which a person sees hair – most commonly, head hair – as particularly erotic and sexually arousing . [1] Arousal may occur from seeing or touching hair, whether head hair, armpit hair , chest hair or fur . Head-hair arousal may come from seeing or touching very long or short hair, wet hair, certain colors of hair or a particular hairstyle. Pubephilia is sexual arousal at the sight or feel of pubic hair . [ citation needed ]
Haircut fetishism is a related paraphilia in which a person is aroused by having their head hair cut or shaved, by cutting the hair of another, by watching someone get a haircut, or by seeing someone with a shaved head or very short hair.
The word trichophilia comes from the Greek "trica-" (τρίχα), which means hair, and the suffix "-philia" (φιλία), which means love.
Hair is one of the defining characteristics of mammals . In humans, hair can be scalp hair , facial hair, chest hair , pubic hair , axillary hair , besides other places. Men tend to have hair in more places than women. Hair does not in itself have any intrinsic sexual value other than the attributes given to it by individuals in a cultural context. Some cultures are ambivalent in relation to body hair, with some being regarded as attractive while others being regarded as unaesthetic. Many cultures regard a woman's hair to be erotic. For example, many Muslim women cover their hair in public, and display it only to their family and close friends. [2] Similarly, many Jewish women cover their hair after marriage. During the Middle Ages, European women were expected to cover their hair after they married, and according to the New Testament, a Christian woman should cover her head while in a church or in prayer.
Even in cultures where women do not customarily cover their hair, the erotic significance of hair is recognised. Some hair styles are culturally associated with a particular gender, with short head hair styles and baldness being associated with men and longer hair styles with women and girls, even though there are many exceptions such as Gaelic Irish men, and also depictions of men in art throughout history, the most notable example probably being that of Jesus Christ . In the case of women especially, head hair has been presented in art and literature as a feature of beauty, vanity and eroticism. Hair has a very important role in the canons of beauty in different regions of the world, and healthy combed hair has two important functions, beauty and fashion. In those cultures, considerable time and expense is put into the attractive presentation of hair and, in some cases, to the removal of culturally unwanted hair. In historical Indian tradition, women have been expected to maintain long hair — customarily tied out of the way, for the sake of practicality and the appearance of neatness — and have been strongly discouraged from cutting it.
Hair fetishism manifests itself in a variety of behaviors. A fetishist may enjoy seeing or touching hair, pulling on or cutting the hair of another person. [3] Besides enjoyment they may become sexually aroused from such activities. It may also be described as an obsession, as in the case of hair washing or dread of losing hair. Arousal by head hair may arise from seeing or touching very long or short hair, wet hair, a certain color of hair or a particular hairstyle. Others may find the attraction of literally "having sex with somebody's hair" as a fantasy or fetish. [4] The fetish affects both men and women.
Some people feel pleasure when their hair is being cut or groomed. This is because they produce endorphins giving them a feeling which is similar to that of a head massage , laughter, or caress. [5] On the other hand, many people feel some level of anxiety when their head hair is being cut. [ citation needed ] Sigmund Freud stated that cutting woman's long hair by men may represent a fear and/or concept of castration , meaning that a woman's long hair represents a figurative penis and that by cutting off her hair a man may feel dominance [4] as castrator, not the castrated one (while paradoxically also being reassured by the fact that the hair will grow again). [6]
Trichophilia may present with different excitation sources, the most common, but not the only one, being human head hair. Trichophilia may also involve facial hair, chest hair, pubic hair, armpit hair and animal fur. The excitation can arise from the texture, color, hairstyle and hair length. Among the most common variants of this paraphilia are excitation by long hair and short hair, the excitement of blonde hair (blonde fetishism) and red hair (redhead fetishism) and the excitement of the different textures of hair (straight, curly, wavy, etc.). Trichophilia can relate to the excitement that is caused by plucking or pulling hair or body hair.
Hair fetishism comes from a natural fascination with the species on the admiration of the coat, as its texture provides pleasurable sensations. An infant develops this kind of pleasure to feel the hair on his or her early life, manifesting as aggressive behavior that will drive to pull the hair of people with which it interacts. Trichophilia is considered a paraphilia which is usually inoffensive. [7]
In order to determine the relative prevalence of different fetishes, scientists obtained a sample of at least 5000 individuals worldwide, in 2007, from 381 Internet discussion groups. The relative prevalences were estimated based on (a) the number of groups devoted to a particular fetish, (b) the number of individuals participating in the groups and (c) the number of messages exchanged. Of the sampled population, 7 percent were sexually aroused by hair (as opposed to 12 for underwear, but only 4 for genitals, 3 for breasts, 2 for buttocks, and less than one for body hair). [8] [9]
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