Men Finger Fucking Women

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Fingering can be penetrative, but you can have pleasurable non-penetrative digital sex too.
Credit: Natalya Erofeeva / Shutterstock

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Fingering is a ubiquitous sex move, but not one that's often discussed. At least, that's surely the case in American sex education classes . Some states don't require sex ed to be medically accurate, while others don't require sex ed at all.
Given this lack, it's understandable if you have questions about fingering. Here are tips on how to finger your partner, according to two sex experts.
First and foremost: Talk to your partner, said Gigi Engle — ACS, certified sex educator who specializes in gender, sexuality, and relationship diversity — no matter if you're giving or receiving the sexual act.
Certified sex therapist and expert for toy brand LELO , Casey Tanner , suggested the receiver use the "show and tell" method. You can show your partner how you masturbate, so they can visually learn how you like to be touched. Additionally — or alternatively — you can tell your partner.
"When communicating how you like to be touched, think of using descriptors that specify speed, pressure, and rhythm," Tanner advised. "You might also want to give guidance to your partner on whether you prefer clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration, or both simultaneously."
If you're the giver, don't oversell your experience. You don't need to proclaim you're a "finger virgin," Engle joked, but you can say something like, "I'm new to this, but I'm interested in learning it with you."
Let your partner know they don't need to feel pressured, or pretend they like something they don't. You can say something like, "I really want you to enjoy this experience," she recommended. Ask questions, like "Does this feel good?"
Your partner may have feedback — that's okay. Take feedback graciously, said Engle. If they give you instructions, listen to them. Don't just listen to words, either. Pay attention to body language, the sounds they're making, and their breathing.
Despite the dearth of formal sex ed, there's thankfully an abundance of online resources to learn more about anatomy and pleasure. Engle recommends Climax , and both Engle and Tanner recommend OMGYES . These websites feature educational videos about pleasuring the vulva, based on scientific studies of thousands of people (in Climax's case, third-party studies). They cost between $29 - $99, and between $49 - $119, respectively.
If cost is prohibitive, there are free resources as well from sex educators online, like Tanner's and Engle's respective Instagram accounts.
Keep in mind, however, that no amount of studying resources will make you a "master fingerer," Tanner said. That's because each person's body and preferences are different. Communication is still a necessity, regardless of how many videos you've consumed.
Do not rely on porn to learn how to finger, either, said Engle. Porn isn't a realistic reflection of "real world" sex; it's entertainment for the viewer.
Once you've talked with your partner — and maybe watched some videos — it's time to try some digital sex.
While the vagina is usually self-lubricating, both Engle and Tanner advise using lube around that area anyway. Without it, Tanner said, there can be unpleasant friction during fingering. If you're going to be using toys at any point, use a water-based lubricant as silicone-based will degrade silicone toys .
Make sure your hands are clean and nails are well-manicured. A tip Tanner has for people with really long nails is to stuff cotton balls at the end of latex gloves for a safe and comfortable experience.
The vagina can be fun for penetration, but the clitoris is where it's at for pleasure, said Engle. In a 2017 study, around 1 out of 3 women orgasmed with clit stimulation alone, while only 18 percent orgasmed from penetration alone.
The clit has around 8,000 nerve-endings , more than anywhere else on the vulva, so it's super sensitive to touch. Meanwhile, 90 percent of the vagina's nerve endings are close to the entrance — which dispels the myth that deep penetration is essential for pleasurable sex.
Experiment with different clit movements , or ask your partner to show or tell you what they like. Some people like rubbing in circles, up and down, or from side-to-side. Some like to be touched on the clit itself, but others get pleasure from indirect touch, for instance, using the clitoral hood as a barrier while touching the clit. Usually with these moves, consistency is imperative, said Engle. If something is working, keep doing it. If you stop getting the good reaction, then you can pause and switch it up.
When it comes to digitally penetrating the vagina, again, talk with your partner and see what they're into. One technique is the "come hither," where the giver inserts one or more fingers and then curls them up to stimulate the clitoris internally. Jackhammering your fingers, on the other hand, may be painful, especially if you don't warm up properly. Sex shouldn't hurt, so if it does, stop. If you continue to have painful sex despite adequate foreplay and lube, you may have pelvic pain , which has numerous causes but thankfully numerous treatments as well.
Play around with different angles, too. The receiver can be on top to guide movements from above, for example, or you can both lay on your side for romantic mutual masturbation. Don't be afraid to use props, either, like a sex pillow .
Furthermore, toys are an aid during sex. If fingers aren't doing it for your partner — or if your forearm is getting tired — ask to switch to your partner's favorite vibrator or clit sucker.
A partner requesting a toy "is not a personal attack on you, and it does not mean you're bad at sex," Engle said. It means that your partner needs a different type of stimulation, and is communicating that with you.
While lube is a recommended for vulva fingering, it's an absolute must-have for anal. Warm up slowly, and use lube — more than you probably think you need.
Contrary to what we see in porn and online discussion, anal is not supposed to be painful, said Engle. If it hurts, stop. Take a beat, warm up more, and again — use more lube.
Just as vulva fingering doesn't have to be penetrative, neither does anal fingering. In fact, similar to the vagina, the majority of nerves are in the opening within two inches of the anus, said Engle. It can be pleasurable to rim the outside of the anus with a finger, she said, or using a toy around the outside without any penetration at all.
"There's this misconception that the deeper you go, the better it's going to be," Engle explained, "and that's just not correct."
Staying present is important for both partners, said Tanner. You may have distracting thoughts about your appearance, how long it's taking to orgasm, or whether your partner is actually experiencing pleasure. This is called "spectatoring," or getting in your own head during sex. If you find yourself spectatoring, you can redirect yourself away from the distracting thoughts by practicing mindfulness.
"Ease these anxieties by focusing on your senses, checking-in with each other, and providing guidance when necessary," Tanner said. These are some elements of mindful sex , which not only can help you stay in the moment but can also heighten the experience.
Ultimately, know that this is time for you and your partner. You're not porn performers trying to get an excellent take — you're people exploring each other's bodies. Give yourself space to not be perfect during sex.
"You're not going to get it right every time, and that's okay," said Engle. "It's about learning. We're all just learning. Sex is practice."

Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on June 27, 2021
Fingering means using the fingers to stimulate another person's genitals.
The clitoris is the most sensitive area for fingering because it has so many nerve endings, two to three times more than the penis .
The vagina does not have as many nerve endings as the vulva, but certain areas may respond to touch. Some people also may enjoy anal finger play, since the anus also has many nerve endings.
Digital sex is another name for fingering. It’s also sometimes called manual sex or manual stimulation.
Some people might use fingering as a form of foreplay only, but for others, it’s the preferred type of sexual contact. For example, partners who want to avoid pregnancy may use fingering as a way to be sexually intimate. Also, women who don’t want to have vaginal sex during pregnancy may prefer fingering instead.
Fingering is a low-risk sexual activity, but you should still use safe practices. It’s important to remember that it is possible to pass sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and other infections through fingering.
It’s a good idea to wash your hands before you and your partner begin. You can also use barriers over the fingers, such as gloves or finger cots, to lower the risk of an infection.
If you and your partner are practicing anal fingering, use a finger cot or rubber glove for anal play and discard it before you move on to touch other areas.
The vulva and anus are tender areas and get easily irritated. Use lube for fingering. Also, make sure your fingernails are trimmed and smooth if you are going to insert them into a partner's vagina or anus.
Can You Stimulate the G-Spot Through Fingering?
The Grafenberg spot, or G-spot , is a sensitive area on the front wall of the vagina. Contact with this area is sexually pleasurable for some people, but others don’t enjoy it. Scientists still debate whether the G-spot actually exists, though.
Can You Stimulate the Prostate Through Fingering?
The prostate is a gland that makes some of the fluid that’s in semen. A finger inserted in the anus can stimulate the prostate. Some men can reach orgasm this way.
Can Fingering Help Women Have More and Better Orgasms?
Fingering is one of the easiest and most effective ways to stimulate the clitoris, which can play a role in female orgasm . A study of over a thousand women in the United States found that 18% of them could reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. Around 37% said that stimulation of the clitoris was necessary for them to orgasm, while another 36% said that it improved their orgasms.
American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology: "The G-spot: A modern gynecological myth."
The Center for Growth: "Manual Stimulation Philadelphia."
Columbia University: Go Ask Alice: "Mutual masturbation."
Columbia University: Go Ask Alice: "The male hot spot: Massaging the prostate."
Healthy Women: "Sex During and After Pregnancy."
Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy: "Women's Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94."
Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health: "Sexual Practices, Risk Perception and Knowledge of Sexually Transmitted Disease Risk Among Lesbian and Bisexual Women."
Planned Parenthood: "Abstinence and Outercourse."
Planned Parenthood: "Surgical Gloves and Finger Cots: Not Just for Doctors and Not Just for Fingers."
Planned Parenthood: "Where is the G-spot and what does it do?"
Scientific American: "The Clitoris, Uncovered: An Intimate History."
© 2005 - 2022 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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