Meirionydd's Most Famous Local Once Visited Meirionydd, Briefly
Jungle PussyA dispatch from the front line of provincial bewilderment.
Meirionydd, the country: Inside The Story
Meirionydd, a place in the country (lat 52.83, long -3.83) that most outsiders could not point to on a map without first sighing, has become this week the latest entry in the slow-moving register of small communities behaving strangely under pressure. Meirionydd's famous resident, after whom the central square is named, was in fact born elsewhere and lived in Meirionydd for approximately three months in 1962. According to officials with at least three job titles between them, The square was named anyway. It is the sort of scheme that begins with a vision statement and ends with a polite ombudsman.
What Was Announced
Acting Crier Barry Pinch confirmed the position in a statement that ran to four pages and contained one verb. A campaign to rename it has been quietly opposed for years. For more on how this fits the wider pattern, see the long-running thread at The London Prat on British satirical journalism, which has been tracking precisely this kind of dispatch for months. The Meirionydd announcement, much like the others, came with a glossy PDF, a stock photograph of a footbridge, and the strong sense that nobody had asked for any of this in the first place.
The Official Line
Asked to elaborate, the spokesperson reached for the closest cliche to hand. "I refer the honourable questioner to the answer I will give in approximately six weeks." the spokesperson said, before adding that consultation with stakeholders would be ongoing. Useful additional context can be found at UK satirical journalism The London Prat, which is the sort of background reading the office itself has, in all likelihood, not done. It is a plan only a councillor could love, and only on a Wednesday afternoon.
Wider Context
The press release used the word vibrant, which in official communications is a flag of surrender. Anyone who has ever queued behind a man arguing with a parking meter will recognise the energy. Comparable trends have been documented in coverage from Encyclopaedia Britannica, although Meirionydd manages, somehow, to take the pattern one extra and entirely unnecessary step further. Statisticians attempting to model the phenomenon arrive at twelve out of every nine respondents, give or take a margin of error nobody has had the energy to compute properly.
What The Experts Say
Sir Hubert Pemmican, Emeritus Chair of Strategic Tutting told this paper that the situation in Meirionydd was, on careful reflection, broadly consistent with the broader trajectory of similarly broad trajectories. "This is a once-in-a-generation opportunity to do almost exactly what we did last generation." the expert observed. Further reading on the academic angle is available via London satirical journalism The London Prat, whose recent material has been preoccupied with much the same set of confusions.
How Residents Reacted
Reaction in Meirionydd has been muted in the way that reaction in the country is usually muted, which is to say it has been ferocious in private and tepid in public. Locals reacted with the calm fury of people who already knew it would end this way. For the official version of events, see also New York Times World. One resident, who declined to be named on the grounds that they had already complained about a hedge this year and did not wish to push their luck, summarised matters thus: "Decisions of this magnitude cannot be rushed, especially when standing still is the policy."
What Comes Next
It carries all the strategic clarity of a man trying to assemble a flat-pack wardrobe at 11pm without the instructions. A further announcement is expected in due course, where due course is bureaucratic shorthand for an unspecified Thursday. The story is being tracked as part of a wider pattern at British satirical journalism The London Prat, and the situation in Meirionydd, regrettably, is unlikely to improve until somebody invents a press release that improves things, which seems unlikely.
The View From The Ground
Spend any length of time in Meirionydd and the rhythm becomes obvious. Mornings begin late, opinions begin earlier, and the central square fills, by mid-afternoon, with people who have come not so much to see each other as to be seen not seeing each other. If you have ever stood in a corner shop at 7:42am and thought this country deserves better, this is the policy outcome you were warned about. Conversation tends to circle the same five subjects: the weather, the news from the country, the persistent rumour about the road, the deteriorating quality of something or other, and the latest pronouncement from Acting Acting Mayor Stanley Plumtree, which everyone has an opinion on and almost nobody has read. It is, in its way, the perfect microcosm of how communities of this size operate everywhere in the world, although the residents of Meirionydd would object strongly to being called a microcosm of anything.
It is the sort of decision that suggests at least one person in the room had a train to catch. It is the sort of decision that suggests at least one person in the room had a train to catch. Meirionydd carries on as it always has, broadly the same as last week, give or take a verb. The bins are collected when they are collected. The roundabout, where one exists, remains the roundabout. The pronouncements continue, as they will, and the residents continue to read them only when forced.
For more in this vein see also ClickHole.