Me Fingering Myself

Me Fingering Myself
A Case for Fingering Yourself Instead of Using a Vibrator
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Kasandra Brabaw is a health and sex journalist living in Brooklyn. Her work has been features at Health, SELF, Refinery29, Prevention, and Space.com.
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It started as nothing more than a convenience. COVID-19 had shut down offices, restaurants, and bars in New York City. Suddenly my partner was home with me 24/7, and I had no alone time, which meant very little time to masturbate . In the before times, I’d typically masturbate when my girlfriend was at work (I was WFH before it was forced upon us) or out with friends. And although there’s nothing weird or embarrassing about asking your partner for alone time to masturbate—I’ve done it before, and there was never an issue—I didn’t want to explain my horniness every time I wanted to get myself off.
After a few weeks of constant companionship, I realized that the best sex toy for these “unprecedented times” was here all along: my fingers. They made no buzzing noise, so they wouldn’t make it obvious that I was masturbating. And they were on hand (forgive the pun) whenever I was in the mood. I wouldn’t have to fumble awkwardly to grab my vibrator from my bedside drawer. What started as a way to avoid the “I want to masturbate right now” talk with my partner taught me a lot I didn’t know about my body.
When many of us first start masturbating, we use our fingers, the only sex toy we might have available. Yet, over time, we discover toys like vibrators , and some of us never look back. There’s nothing wrong with this; vibrators are fantastic. But such a powerful sensation can easily obscure more subtle types of touch.
I’m not talking about your body getting so reliant on your vibrator that you completely lose the ability to orgasm any other way—the pervasive myth that vibrators desensitize people forever after using them “too much” is untrue. But the power of a vibrator might keep you from figuring out gentler ways you like to be touched.
“Your fingers are made for touching,” Jesse Kahn , LCSW, director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center, tells SELF. Both your fingers and the areas you're touching can tell you a lot about what you’re into. Ultimately, your fingers “provide a different sensation than your toys , and can touch you more precisely than a toy can,” Kahn explains.
Using your fingers might also help you rethink your likes and dislikes. For instance, I’ve spent most of my sex life thinking I couldn’t orgasm from having my clitoris rubbed. It always felt too intense. But when I started using my fingers again, I noticed that, yes, rubbing directly on my clit was too intense, but rubbing above it felt nice. I also experimented with pressure and speed. I discovered that fingering does work for me, but the people I’d had sex with before weren’t touching the right places.
Getting back to basics can help you figure out where on your genitals you like to be touched, but there are also other erogenous zones worth exploring. “After we've gotten adjusted to masturbating, we kind of decide ‘here's our groove, here's what we're going to do,’ whether it's with fingers or with a vibrator,” Madeline Cooper , LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, tells SELF. In her therapy practice, Cooper likes to remind clients of a famous Friends episode in which Monica draws a picture of a woman's body, and Chandler is shocked when she labels not two, not three, but seven erogenous zones.
Many of us are like Chandler, even during solo sex. You might jump right to fingering yourself, bypassing areas like your nipples or other body parts. So if the pandemic has shaken you out of a vibrator-only masturbation routine, why not take it a step further and explore different parts of your body too?
If you’re unsure how to do that, Kahn suggests starting slowly. Remember that what feels right for someone else might not feel right for you, which is why it’s interesting to do this solo exploration. Kahn also suggests starting with something that will help you relax. You might grab some lotion or massage oil and ask yourself what it feels like as you work the product into body parts like your hands, arms, and legs, Kahn says, adding that this can help you become “more receptive to pleasurable sensations and touch.”
When you’re ready, move on to touching other parts of your body: your chest and nipples, the nape of your neck, your ears, your thighs, your stomach. You can even “touch parts of your body that you don’t think will bring you pleasure, just to see,” Kahn says.
Maybe you, like me, don’t enjoy direct touch on the most sensitive parts of your genitals. So try touching around those parts. Try putting pressure on your perineum (the bit of skin between your anus and other genitals). Try gently pulling on your labia or gently experimenting with direct anal play . Experiment with different strokes, speed, and pressure, adjusting according to whatever feels best to you.
Learning where and how you like to be touched can make partnered sex better too. After a few weeks of using my fingers to masturbate during stolen moments, I told my girlfriend that I’d been experimenting and I wanted to try fingering the next time we had sex. When we tried it, I knew exactly where to direct her fingers. There’s something to be said about knowing precisely how you want to feel during sex . So, as incredible as vibrators are (and trust me, I’m a big fan ), if you’re curious about going back to the basics, give them a break once in a while.
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Wondering how to make out for the first time because you want it to be amazing? It’s the first make-out session of…

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Everyone likes having the option of having sex as opposed to masturbating, but it’s normal that everyone goes through some dry spells too. During those dry spells, you should be able to self-satisfy your needs. If you don’t know how to finger yourself and get yourself off, your partner will not know either.
What does it mean to finger yourself?
First things first if you’re a newbie, or if you’ve found your fingers wandering down there one lazy night, and you’re scared. Fingering yourself is normal, and it’s something anyone who wants to pleasure themselves would do. If you’ve ever run your fingers down there, and let it linger just a wee bit longer because it feels good, well, you’ve been fingering yourself!
It feels so good, but you don’t know whether you should go on or just stop. Will it get better? Should you go deeper? So many questions! But we have all the answers!
[Read: How to pleasure yourself and guide your fingers in the right way]
Why shouldn’t you? It’s great if you have someone to have sex with. But when the horny moment strikes, or even if you’re just exploring yourself down there, learning how to finger yourself is an art that has many benefits.
You can actually understand first hand what turns you on and arouses you, because each person is different. And what works for another girl may not work for you. And secondly, understanding your own “hot spots” and moves that feel great can help you guide anyone you get sexually intimate with, to satisfy you better. [Read: How do YOU masturbate? 13 different ways you can play with yourself]
If you follow the steps we’ve shared below, you should have no problems with learning how to finger yourself correctly, and in a way that won’t hurt you. But the easiest and simplest way to understand it is this, if it hurts you, you’re doing something wrong.
Fingering yourself just shouldn’t hurt at all. The longer you play with yourself, the better it should feel. And more smoother and easier too. Usually, if you do feel any kind of pain, it’s probably because your nails snicked the delicate regions down there. Take it slow, start with one finger, and work your way towards what feels best. [Read: How to make yourself really wet and get all lubed up]
And of course, follow these steps we’ve shared below.
The right fingering techniques – How to finger yourself and learn to experience orgasms by yourself
Whether you’re still a virgin or very experienced in the sack, it’s always fun to have some solo sex. But if you’re in a rut with nothing but your vibrator, don’t worry. Here are some tips on how to properly finger yourself. [Read: Dry humping and the virgin’s guide to orgasm]
# 1 Wash your hands . In the movies, the girl is usually on her bed texting and suddenly she gets an urge to masturbate. Okay, do you know how much bacteria is on a cell phone?
You’re in the moment, I get that. But quickly running to the bathroom to wash your hands isn’t a bad idea. It takes less than a minute. Your vagina is your holy temple, so just go the extra step in making sure you’re not allowing bad bacteria to go inside. Wash. Your. Hands.
#2 Hygiene, ladies . Aside from washing your hands, you want to make sure that your hygiene is kept up. Make sure your fingernails are clean as a lot of bacteria nestle underneath them.
In addition, also make sure your vagina is clean and fresh. You don’t want an infection. Besides, masturbating when you’re fresh just feels better. [Read: How to keep your pussy clean, neat and purr with delight]
#3 You don’t have to start at your vagina . When turning yourself on, you don’t have to all of a sudden make a bull’s eye to your vagina. You can actually start by rubbing and squeezing your breasts, sucking on your fingers and then start to rub or touch your vagina.
Women take longer to get turned on, and so you should take your time warming up your body. Enjoy exploring your body, because masturbation isn’t just about your vagina. Although that is where you finger yourself. [Read: How to masturbate – 15 self-pleasure tips for women]
#4 Find a safe place . Masturbating when your friend is in the next room may be a little risky, because they might walk in. You want to masturbate when you’re in a safe and relaxing space. Put on some music or your favorite movie – whatever turns you on. This is your time to pleasure yourself, so tailor it to your liking.
#5 Incorporate toys . If you’re trying to learn about your body, I wouldn’t recommend using toys right away. Take the time to figure out how to orgasm using your fingers, and once you’ve mastered that, then use toys during masturbation.
You can use vibrators or dildos. They’ll be able to stimulate you, and plus, it’s fun to mix things up a bit. [Read: Pillow humping 101 – Give that pillow a workout]
#6 Caress your clit . When you finger yourself, you’ll also want to focus on your clitoris. Take your fingers and move then up and down or side-to-side. Personally, I find up and down works better.
You can slip in another finger if you like, however, usually women stick to either one or two fingers. [Read: Female masturbation tips for guaranteed orgasmic bliss]
#7 Slide your fingers in . You can then slide either one or two fingers inside, either all the way in or partially. Bend your fingers a bit, they’ll rub against your wall creating more stimulation. It’ll feel great, and you’ll have a higher chance of hitting your g-spot. Try to find a rhythm with your fingers that further stimulates you.
#8 Find your g-spot . You’ll know when you found your g-spot, trust me. If you’re wondering where it is, the g-spot is 2 to 3 inches inside the vagina. It’s on the front wall and you’ll feel a rough patch – that’s the spot. The g-spot can give you a more intense orgasm – who wouldn’t want that? [Read: How to make yourself squirt just like a porn star]
#9 Stimulate your g-spot . When figuring out how to finger yourself, this is the best part. Once you’ve found your g-spot, play around with your speed and build up the friction – that will create an orgasm.
Some women describe the feeling as being flushed and hot. You won’t necessarily achieve an orgasm. However, the sensation is still amazing. [Read: Going solo – sexy benefits of masturbation]
#10 Slowly build up to an orgasm . You won’t be able to orgasm just with the snap of a finger. You’re going to need to build up to it. You need to turn yourself on, make yourself wet – you see, it’s a process. You can finger yourself rougher, however, if you think that masturbating for two minutes will do the trick, it won’t.
#11 Don’t change positions too much . This will take some time as you’ll need to figure out what position helps you achieve an orgasm when you finger yourself. If you’re close to orgasming, I recommend not moving into another position.
What happens is that you actually delay yourself from orgasming every time you move. Of course, if you don’t want to orgasm right away, well, then move. [Read: 5 goofproof moves to squirt like you’re peeing]
#12 Mix up the tempo . Masturbating doesn’t have a special formula when you finger yourself. Everyone is different, and your body’s reaction can be the opposite of how you thought it would react.
So, try out different speeds, roughness, positions – do not be shy. You need to know what works for your body. [Read: Female masturbation – 15 facts about the naughty secret]
#13 When you hit the big O . Once you’ve orgasmed, don’t pull out your fingers right away. Not only does it feel better when they’re left in there for a bit, but if you pull them out too fast it can feel uncomfortable and even cause you pain.
#14 Enjoy post-masturbation . If you’ve just masturbated, don’t rush to go grocery shopping after. Take some time to just chill out and reflect on how you just fingered yourself. A quickie is always fun, but you don’t have to rush this time.
[Read: Questions about female sexuality finally answered!]
You don’t have to try fingering your anus right away, but while you’re masturbating, slip one finger into your anus and slide it in and out. It’ll feel great and also makes you even hornier.
Just a word of caution if you do want to try this. Make sure you’ve cleaned yourself beforehand. And secondly, don’t slip the same finger back into your vagina again, to prevent any kind of infection down there.
As a beginner, or even as someone who’s tried this before, learning how to finger yourself can seem pretty intimidating. You’re nervous, it all sounds so scary and weird. But just trust yourself and focus on your pleasure. If it feels good, it’s probably the right way for you!
[Read: How to make your vagina smell good and taste even better]
Take the night off, put some music on, lay on your bed and just take some time in exploring how to finger yourself. Masturbation is so fun and also pretty educational. Who would have thought?
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Cutting a long story short, I got fingered at my bachelorette. My friends took me to a club. We got very drunk. We met some guys. One tried it on with me but I told him I was getting married. He said that this may be my last chance for some fun. I couldn't let myself f*** him, but I let him finger my p**** on the dance floor in the middle of the club. It
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