Mature Women Poop

Mature Women Poop
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I’m a busy mom with kids so we frequent fast food joints and Target on the regular. Those kids I just mentioned? I’ve had three of them so my plumbing isn’t as tight as it once was. In fact, my bladder holds for exactly 20 minutes on a good day. If I have to shit, that puppy is coming down the pike no matter how hard I clench my booty hole.
I’m not above going to the bathroom whenever there’s an opening that leads underground. I am, however, not interested in pissing or shitting in my floral panties and skinny jeans.
I wasn’t always like this though. When I was a kid, I never shit in school. I’d squirm my way through classes and try and release the repressed beast when I got home.
In college, I lived on an all girls’ floor and would wait until the bathroom was free to release my brown trout. If someone walked in, I’d lift my feet up so they wouldn’t recognize my shoes.
When I entered the corporate world, I’d take the elevator to a different floor if I had to poo, running in my heels and pencil skirt so no one would think, Katie has been gone for a long time. I bet she’s pooping. Because, God forbid.
I am not the same woman I was back in those days. I believe in pooping freely. And it feels good, damn good.
With all my time spent in various public bathrooms, I’ve noticed something. Without fail, when I enter and see a closed stall, I’ll hear the roll of toilet paper. For some reason, women of the world feel the need to stop mid-poo and squeeze it back in their reluctant chocolate cheerios, instead of pushing it out and pinching it off out with every new human alert. How’s that for tough?
It smells like pain and constipation and makes me want to shout, “Do not do this for my sake, please! We need to have the freedom to poop when and where we want! Sit back, relax your butt hole, and let that poo slide out!”
Let’s be very clear: Squeezing feces back in when it’s trying to exit is bad for you . Very bad. Plus, no one likes a person who’s packed full of stale shit. And you can grow anal speed bumps like fissures and hemorrhoids in the process.
Everyone knows people with vaginas have to eat too. Everyone is also aware they have an asshole. I think our society is smart enough to put two and two together; they just don’t want to think about us taking a number two.
Stop being ashamed to poop. I see you with your shit spray in your purse thinking you have to carry it around every where you go. First of all, no one thinks, Oh they went in the bathroom and must have whipped up an apple spice latte while they were in there. And two, do you ever see a person with a penis trying to cover up the smell of the dump they just laid?
They walk out giving zero fucks if anyone knows they were in there blowing mud. Here we are trying to hide it, hurry it up like we are in The Shitting Olympics, and they are having a damn party in there and bragging about it later.
Listen, you can have nice nails and drop one. You can be a powerful executive and let a stinker. You can look hot as fuck in a little black dress and grow a monkey tail in the privacy of a public bathroom stall.
Not to mention every mother I know has baked at least a dozen ass-dumplings with a child (or two or three) on their lap while the men of world need time, quiet, their phones and a lot of concentration. Shit, we should be the ones bragging up in here.
We get to make the rules when it comes to pushing out our messes.
We are too worried about offending people’s nostrils or being embarrassed because we too have to drop kids off at the pool.
Why aren’t we more worried about offending our stomachs, intestines, assholes, or underwear? Come on, we all know when you cut a dump short it takes a while to get sucked back in there which is a recipe for skid marks and dingle berries.
I don’t have time to clean up that mess, but more than that, I’m not taking that pain for anyone. If my bowels want to move, I’m-a-gonna let them. Who am I to argue with the loaded nachos I ate last night?
Women walk around with tampons tucked up their sleeve. If we have to fart, we hold it in feeling the sharp pains praying to the gods it doesn’t leak out. We want people to think we don’t shit, so we take hikes to do our business and think we need to leave the bathroom smelling like exotic fruits.
Enough already. Let your bowels move freely and stop caring whether people know you’re making a deposit in the porcelain bank, more than you do about your own comfort and health.
Women clean up enough of everyone else’s shit; we’ve earned the right to let go of trying to hide ours.
This article was originally published on 10.7.2019

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A woman was caught “going for a poo” in a driveway in broad daylight on a Sunday morning.
CCTV cameras caught the woman, dressed in torn black jeans, black pumps and a khaki jacket, walking toward a back garden moments before human poop was found in a driveway in Cheltenham, England.
Students Hannah Lawton, 21, and Harris Stovell, 20, noticed the woman walk into their driveway at 8:20 a.m. and became suspicious about what she was doing.
When they opened the front door, they made a sickening discovery.
Lawton said: “When me and my boyfriend got up, we looked at the CCTV footage and thought, who is this woman and what is she doing?”
“The woman took a look at the front door as if she was looking to get into the back garden, then she went around the back for a couple of minutes.”
“We went outside to see what she may have been up to and when we opened the door, the smell hit us. ”
She added: “I mean, the flies that were on it, there were loads of them.”
“The other thing is the size of it, it was huge.”
“They must have been keeping that in for days.”
The couple were astonished that the woman was so brazen — and had even brought toilet paper with her.
“I had to supervise my boyfriend getting rid of it and he put it in the composter but you could hear him gagging.”
“But there was no way that I could bring myself to do it and we did not have any other way of disposing of it either.”
The police were informed as Lawton and her boyfriend were concerned about someone coming onto their property.
She said: “I did not know whether to laugh, cry or be angry.”
“The neighbors were walking past and I didn’t want them to think it was us.”
“The police have been called and the officer said that they had never heard of this sort of thing happening before and it was a first for them.”

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