Mature And Teenage

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Does your teenager act immature? Parenting tips for helping immature teenagers with social maturity.
A parent writes, "Our middle school daughter seems out of step with her peer group. In the company of peers, she will sabotage her efforts by acting immature or offering comments that don't make sense. My husband and I think she is clueless and too hungry for attention. Any ideas on what we can do to help her become more socially mature?"
Immature Teenagers and Peer Problems
One of the most worrisome aspects of parenting is when our child has trouble navigating a comfortable place among peers. Due to wide developmental discrepancies in early adolescence , middle school presents a melting pot of social maturity levels. Many kids embrace the entrance into the fascinating cultural and social world that sets them apart from adults and makes them a part of teenage life . Those chronological peers that remind them of their earlier immature selves are likely to be ridiculed and/or rejected. Thus, the child who emotionally lags behind is placed in a puzzling position; how to fit into a social network with implicit rules and expectations that others understand and they don't?
To varying degrees, most of us remember the sting of peer rejection from our own childhoods and the hurt and confusion it produced. This may make it hard for us to use objectivity in responding to the child who can't find a place within the middle school maze.
While many factors contribute to social maturity, immaturity can be addressed and upgraded if parents come prepared with tact, sensitivity, and solid coaching advice. Here are some tips for helping immature teenagers with social maturity:
Don't be afraid to gently use the words " social immaturity" when describing the behavior. Peers may have already used far worse words such as "annoying, pathetic, obnoxious, or weird" so this label provides a way for your child to begin to understand what others are referring to. It also embodies a sense that these problems are time-limited, and that with help and determination these troubles can fade. Explain that social maturity is measured by how well a person fits into the actions and expectations of their peer group. Being socially immature, just like being short for their age, is not their fault. But unlike height, they can work on learning how to catch up.
Test their capacity for observation and social learning. Once you've succeeded in establishing a safe dialogue see how much they recognize their immaturity. Try not to sound critical. Provide examples that you recall and praise them for their willingness to self-reflect. Review their encounters with peers and offer them ways to feel a greater sense of belonging. By becoming a better social observer and paying careful attention to more mature peers they can figure out how to move their maturity forward. Point out the advantages of being a good listener and the importance of not abruptly changing subjects. Stress how compliments, following up on details they have been told before, and thinking about what they should say before they say it are good rules of thumb. Emphasize how silly clowning often backfires.
Explain that certain "immaturity themes" are repeated in various situations. Now is the time to speak to them about "attention-seeking missions", the "never feeling satisfied syndrome," or some similar behavior theme that often pops out and makes peers shake their heads with disdain. Delineate the subtle and not-so-subtle ways these themes emerge and challenge their view that peers don't notice these behaviors. Explain that kids their age not only notice them, but they also catalog them, and spread gossip about such behaviors far and wide! Point out that the more these behaviors come out at home the more they are likely to at school or other times when peers are around.
Offer concrete ways for them to learn how to become more socially mature. Offer the pointers above but try to line up a respected older sibling or cousin, if available. If not, perhaps a guidance counselor can lend a hand. Even television programs may offer a forum to discuss behaviors and attitudes considered socially mature at their age. Emphasize that preparing themselves ahead of time to be with peers, and reviewing their past successes and failures, is a good habit to establish.
APA Reference Richfield, S.
(2019, August 5). Teaching Social Maturity to Your Teenager, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2022, October 15 from https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/the-parent-coach/parenting-teenagers-teaching-social-maturity

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD
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The first time someone sexually assaulted me, I was 14. I was on the commuter rail headed into Boston for an art class. I convinced myself he had just lost his balance when the train swayed and grabbed onto something. But it felt deliberate: He scooped my butt in his hands, squeezed it and his fingers went a little too far.
When he got off at the Fenway stop, he smirked at me. I was paralyzed.
I didn’t think much of that incident at the time. I barely knew what sexual assault was, and I had certain ideas about it. Namely it only happened to girls. When I read about Anthony Rapp’s allegations that Kevin Spacey had made sexual advances toward him when Rapp was 14, that encounter on the train resurfaced in my mind.
When you’re young and gay, these situations with older men are as unavoidable as they are for young women. Someone grabs at you because you’re in a public space, or you assume a guy is just being friendly so you’re friendly back … and then it takes an aggressive turn.
When I was 18, I went to an 18+ night at a gay bar with friends. Not long after getting there, an older man hit on me. When I said I was just here to hang with friends, he shoved me and said, “you twink sluts are all the same.” He was probably just upset over being rejected, but it left me feeling as though I had done something wrong.
Occasionally when older men would flirt with me online or in real life I would find myself flattered. Especially if they were handsome, or interesting. Though at 18 I didn’t understand why they were interested in me. I might have been legally an adult, but I still looked like a goofy teenager. These men weren’t five or so years older, but often twice my age or more.
I figured these men must have somehow been looking past my youth, past my braces and cartoon T-shirts. Often they’d describe me as “mature for my age,” which seemed like a good thing. Clearly if a guy in his 40s who has his life all set is interested in me, I must be something special. I didn’t mind talking with them and even felt flattered at times. Still, my kindness was often confused for flirtation. Simply being young is read as “leading someone on.” Once a guy asked me for oral sex while I was on a break from work, because I had smiled at him as I handed him his receipt. That was all it took.
When I rebuffed these advances, I was deemed the bad one. Like I was some sort of temptress just for being friendly and personable. Which is a double-edged sword women are often in the midst of. You’re rude if you flat-out ignore someone, but a tease if you’re nice before turning him down.
In real life these incidents were scattered, though on dating apps I could guarantee dozens of messages a night almost exclusively from men in their 40s and beyond, who will also send unsolicited nude photos or promise money. “I love young, fit, masculine guys” is a constant sentence you’ll find on older men’s dating profiles. It makes it clear the interest is not in you as a person, but in your body.
I didn’t have as many of these problems with guys my own age. It was always with much older men, often acting as if I owed my existence to them. Being a younger gay I often feel a bit guilty that I grew up in a generation less closeted, and at times it seemed like these older men were playing off that. They lived through Harvey Milk’s assassination , the AIDS crisis, and a time when you could be fired for being open about your sexuality. Here I was, being handed everything they worked for.
These older men never seemed to be interested in conversation or in getting to know me. We had nothing in common. All of my Pokémon and Harry Potter references seemed to go over their heads, and when I found their eyes trailing up and down my body as I spoke, I just wanted to leave. “Why are you interested in me?” I asked once. “I like younger guys,” he said, not even adding anything he liked about me in particular.
If I told a friend, often around my own age, I was uncomfortable with these men staring at me like dessert, they would say I was “age-shaming” or “not being sex positive.” I was stuck in this dilemma of wanting to socialize, but not wanting to put my body up for grabs.
As I reach my mid-20s, I can’t help but wonder why anyone that much older was interested in 18-year-old me in the first place. I look at pictures of me, and I see a kid.
For so long, I thought these older men saw me as grown-up and mature, that they were looking past my braces and Super Mario T-shirts. Now I realize they were looking right at them. They saw a kid, too. That was what they were looking for.

Teenager Growth & Development: 13 to 18 Years (Adolescent)
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Teens going through puberty will have many changes in their developing bodies, as well as advances in their social and emotional growth.
There is a broad range of time in which kids hit puberty-related growth spurts:
The teenage years are also called adolescence. Adolescence is a time for growth spurts and puberty-related changes. An adolescent may grow several inches in several months followed by a period of very slow growth, then have another growth spurt. Changes with puberty (sexual maturation) may occur gradually, or several signs may become visible at the same time. Some teenagers experience these signs of maturity sooner or later than others.
Sexual maturity and other physical changes during puberty are a result of hormonal changes. In boys, it is difficult to know exactly when puberty is coming. There are changes that occur, but they often occur gradually, rather than as a single
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