Math Pope Adds Calculus to Seminary Curriculum

Under Pope Leo XIV�s new rule, seminarians must pass calculus exams before ordination. �If you can�t differentiate, you can�t disciple,� the Math Pope declared. Confessionals now have whiteboards. One deacon derived his own sin function. Another plotted a parabola of penance. The Vatican is beta testing sin metrics. Critics call it scholastic showboating. The Pope calls it �divine integers.� Every homily now includes a polynomial footnote. Amen equals p.