Masturbation Storys
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Masturbation Storys
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Paisley Gilmour
Sex & Relationships Editor
Paisley is sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK, and covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ.
This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io
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From the hilarious to the straight-up concerning.
Unfortunately, not all masturbation sessions are created equal. Sometimes you fall asleep with your hands in your pants before anything happens (just me?) and sometimes your orgasm comes out of nowhere and hits you like a shot to the heart. And other times, the whole is just plain embarrassing. Here, people share their most awks and shameful masturbation stories. Two words of warning: brace yourself.
1. "Come back from a week long camp. Decide I want to shoot as far as I can, so I edge myself for an hour or so. I shot it across the bathroom , which is about 10 feet." [via]
2. "When I was around 12 or so I used to masturbate all the time. Any chance I got I would just go to town. My sister walked in on me one time and Dora the Explorer just happened to be on TV at that moment. She still makes fun of me for 'masturbating to Dora'." [via]
3. "Right after jerking it in a [car park], a police car pulls up beside me . I assumed that the officer knew what I was up to, so I prepared for the worst. The officer assumed I was having car problems and asked if I needed help. I let him know that all was well and I was just taking a break. It wasn't a total lie." [via]
4. "My mum had to ask me why I stole her dildo. That day she learned I was bisexual. I washed it before and after every use. I also just took it from her drawer and never returned it ." [via]
5. "I was 13 and dog sitting for a family down the street. They left the dog out in back garden in the middle of the Florida Summer and the thing looked miserable. So after the third day of watching this poor pooch suffer in the heat, I tried the sliding back door and found that they left it open. I originally just intended to let the dog in and leave, but then.... I spent the rest of the week in the master bedroom in a pile of the wife's panties that I took from her underwear drawer , just furiously jacking off and shooting hot ropes of cum everywhere. I had to trash a few pairs of her underwear because they were fully glazed with spunk. I used their little bottle of red lube called Joy Jelly that I found in her drawer. After a few days of that I put all her underwear back, replaced the now two-thirds-empty bottle of lube and got the fuck out of Dodge. I'm almost positive they knew." [via]
6. "I used to be a competitive masturbator and by that I mean I had a series of friends who would duke it out any area, any time. Think of two basketball teams going at but its one-on-one instead. You couldn't break eye contact and it had to be in a sketchy area. I won when I was facing my friend Ralph in an electrical room and the buildings maintenance man walked in. I looked that little man in the face and came ." [via]
7. "One time I was eager to let my big cum load off on the floor but fell off my bed and got a bruise on my ass . I still came too - it was weird feeling." [via]
8. "Many years ago I threw my back out. I was reclining in a bathtub of scalding hot water trying to loosen it up when I got the sudden urge to fap. I had a pretty forceful orgasm, and when I did my cock was at an angle that launched the jizz on a ballistic trajectory that ended on my right cheek , just below my eye. You read that right, I came on my own face. I'm still both impressed and disgusted by that." [via]
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Real talk: just about everyone masturbates , but very few people talk about it. Here, 23 young women share masturbation stories. They get super candid about why they do it, what they'd wish they'd known in their teens, their first-time experiences with self-pleasure, and more.
"Masturbation is nature’s sleeping pill." - Gretchen
"Self-pleasure is not dirty nor is it wrong to feel horny . They're your emotions, urges, and inclinations. It is your right — and privilege — to explore them. It's also okay to feel scared when faced with something new and unknown. The most important thing is to create a relationship with yourself and your body that is just for you and no one else." - Polly
"My mom is a sex therapist, and the day I got my period, I didn’t get the sex talk. I got the masturbation talk. I’ll never forget it, because it was humiliating. She told me that my pleasure is my right, and that if I have urges, I shouldn’t be ashamed of them. It’s natural and healthy for you. She told me I shouldn’t have sex until I know exactly what my body likes, otherwise I’ll be dependent on other people to figure it out, which isn’t fair for anyone since we’re all different." - Sarah
"I wish I knew that other girls masturbate, too! And that no matter what way you do it, it's not weird! Most girls don't open up to their friends about that stuff until college, unless you have the occasional freaky camp friend." - Lindsay
"To be honest I started masturbating pretty early in maybe the 5th grade...I think my mom figured it out and she had the sex talk with me. I was really lucky because the only thing she said about it was that it was private and OK, but that she didn't want to know about it and that I should keep it to myself. If I didn't do it, I’d get pretty fidgety...For me it was more than a sexual identity thing; it was a stress reliever." - Laura
"I wish I knew that girls were masturbating as much as the guys (OK, maybe not as much but still). I also wish it was OK to talk about it." - Elizabeth
"I definitely discovered masturbating at a young age. I was about 12 and knew that for whatever reason, I could touch myself in a certain spot and feel all kinds of incredible in a way I had never felt before. And I felt very confused about why, and never spoke to a friend (honestly) about masturbating until I was in college. But once I started talking about it with a few friends, it felt SO GREAT ! It felt liberating." - Ruthie
"When you're ready to become sexually active, masturbating and learning what makes you feel good will help." - Allie
"I wish I weren't too embarrassed to talk it over with friends. I thought I was the only one who ever did it but turns out I wasn't!" - Kylie
"Masturbating was one of the best stress relievers I've ever discovered. Not only that, but it gives you the opportunity to explore and figure out what you like. Knowing myself helped me communicate better to my partners later on, and made everything else less stressful !" - Kirsten
"When I was in high school, I went to Spencer’s Gifts at the mall and made them gift wrap a vibrator because I was too embarrassed to admit I was buying it for myself. But guess what? Female masturbation isn't embarrassing or gross, and it’s also not embarrassing or gross to have a vibrator or dildo. When you get to college, you'll actually start talking to other women about this. There’s a whole world of liberation out there." - Maddie
"If you’re really hung up on being judged, consider this: the people whose opinions matter masturbate, too." - Jenna
"We all deserve to unwind, and masturbation is a perfectly innocent and healthy way to do that. I suffer from severe anxiety, and have trouble falling asleep at night. My therapist recommended masturbation as a tool for coping." - Lauren
"Well, I just think it’s stupid that guys can talk about masturbation and it can be in PG-13 movies, but when women talk about masturbation, it's like WHOA TMI. What? I don't feel like being apologetic about my sexuality and that kind of attitude implies that my body is just there for someone else's pleasure and not my own." - Jennifer
"Before/during the early years of my sexual activity, I thought that masturbation meant fingering yourself. It felt awkward and didn't bring me any pleasure. I was confused and discouraged from trying again. It wasn't until years later that I understood the importance of the clitoris — both in pleasuring myself and being pleasured by someone else." - Katie
"I wish the idea of masturbation wasn't so repressed. I always wondered why it was accepted as "normal" for guys and taboo for girls. Now I understand it as completely healthy (and fun!) and it totally goes along with the mindset of needing to love yourself before anyone else can." - Fiona
"I used to lie and tell people I didn’t masturbate if the topic ever came up. But I was masturbating, and I realized that everyone else who says they don’t do it are probably lying, too. I don’t know why masturbating is so taboo. What’s wrong with feeling good and why do we care?" - Megan
"I thought I was the only girl who did it. I went to Catholic school , so nobody talked about it ever. I thought there was something wrong with me, but it turns out it’s normal and everyone does it and it’s not weird!" - Molly
"I thought girls never masturbated and I was the only one! And that I was gross and weird for it. I wish I knew that as a woman I was allowed to have a sex drive." - Danielle
"The clitoris is your friend." - Erica
"I read somewhere that masturbation actually helps get rid of period cramps. My period cramps are pretty bad, so the next time I got them, I tried it. It works." - Marina
"The first time I masturbated it was kind of by accident. I was probably about 14, and I was in the bathtub playing around with the shower head and the water hit that area and I was like, whoa, this feels good. I definitely felt awkward about it, and didn't tell anyone about my newfound hobby. Ten years later, and I feel far more comfortable about masturbation and my body. It's totally normal, it feels good, and it doesn't hurt anyone, so what's the big deal? I'm still not going to shout it from the rooftops that I do it, but I can talk openly with my best friend or boyfriend about it if the topic arises." - Emily
"I'm not going to lie: I was a bit of a late bloomer in the sex department. I didn't really know how to give myself an orgasm, and it was actually my mother that bought me my first vibrator. I didn't ask for it, for the record. I had already moved out and was living in my own apartment, and she sent one over from Amazon. She told me to be on the lookout for something coming in the mail, and we never spoke of it again. It's kind of mortifying, but I also appreciate that she literally ordered a sex toy so that I could get more comfortable with my body and sexual pleasure." - Nicole
"I used to do it in my room after school. No one was home but my older sister, so it was the perfect opportunity. I'd lock the bedroom door and turn on music so I could have some privacy. I would have died if I ever got caught. I still would die now, for the record." - Sarah
This article was first published in 2015
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Paisley Gilmour
Sex & Relationships Editor
Paisley is sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK, and covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ.
This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io
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22 silent vibrators you need in your life
Best clit sucking oral sex toys and suction toys
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
21 open crotch knickers for easy access
10 best lubricants for sex and masturbation
The absolute best Lovehoney sex toys
15 adult sex games to play in a couple
20 of the best sex toys for first timers
31 of the best sex toys for couples
©2022 Hearst UK is the trading name of the National Magazine Company Ltd, 30 Panton Street, Leicester Square, London, SW1Y 4AJ. Registered in England 112955. All Rights Reserved.
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If there's one thing we've learned from this it's: lock the damn door.
Unfortunately, masturbation stories aren't always suuuper erotic and sexy. Sometimes, they're cringe and awkward as hell. Here's 11 that'll make sure you never forget to lock your bedroom door again...
"I was relatively young. I was in my parents' bathroom playing with one of those play-vet-kit-things (the ones that came with a play-syringe) I thought it was a great idea to shove the play syringe way far into myself. In the midst of me freaking out, wondering how I was going to get this motherfucker out of me, my father walks in. I screamed at the top of my lungs, he did likewise . My father ran out of the room. He never said a word to me about it, and I could not be more grateful for that." [via]
"I was 13. Dad stormed into my room to tell me that he hit two lotto numbers. When he saw me, he looked me dead in the eye and said, 'Come downstairs when you're finished,' with a completely straight face.
"We ate Nutella and peanut butter sandwiches after"
"I went downstairs expecting him to beat me down; instead, he told me about how his father caught him when he was 12 . We ate Nutella and peanut butter sandwiches after that." [via]
"Mum caught me watching porn and jacking off when I was like 13. Thankfully my back was turned and she didn't see my dick, but she saw the shitty late night TV softcore porn that I was watching . The worst part was next morning when my grandma called me and told me to, 'stop watching those evil women' or else." [via]
"When I was about 14 I would use my shower head to masturbate... I did it every day, every time I showered. One day I was apparently taking too long in the shower and my mother let herself into my bathroom (was not allowed to lock doors), pulled open the shower curtain while I was mid orgasm.
"The most embarrassing part of this was that I didn't even notice my mother staring at me because my eyes were rolled back from the pleasure . Finally, after I came, I opened my eyes and instantaneously locked eyes with my mother." [via]
"My best friend walked in on me masturbating to Justin Timberlake when he was on SNL last year... she walked in, and apparently didn't know what I was doing (I was under the blankets). I thought my guilty face said it all so I blurted out, 'I'M MASTURBATING!' She looked me dead in the eye, shrugged, and said, 'let me know when you've finished' then walked out of my room and closed the door. She got me a Justin Timberlake calendar for Christmas." [via]
"My brother walked in on me once. And by that I mean he went and found my parents' emergency spare key to my room and barged in demanding his turn with the modem.
"I spun around, cock in hand, and said, 'Fuck off, I'm having a wank', and my dad shouted up the stairs, 'Leave your brother alone when he's floggin' it'. He never barged in on me again." [via]
"My extremely religious older sister walked in on me once, I was mortified. I was lying on my back spread eagle under a blanket having a grand old time, and right before I can finish she walks in and is asking a question but when she sees me she actually screams and slams the door. Her boyfriend was in the living room so I'm guessing she told him what happened. I couldn't look at either of them for a while after that but she never came into my room uninvited ever again." [via]
"When I was 16, my mum caught me masturbating on the family computer. She walked in to let me know that my friend showed up and wanted to play Xbox. So, inadvertently, I was caught by both of them. I had just got my drivers license so my mum just said to my friend, 'he's probably just excited that he got his license... '" [via]
"I'm in the military and had just moved into a dorm. I didn't really know anyone so I was bored in my bedroom. I started drifting off and my thoughts led to sex so I eventually was horny and started rubbing one out. My fingers weren't doing enough so luckily I managed to find my vibrator and started going to town. I was really getting into it. I was about to come when I hear a gasp and an 'oh' and I see my (who I presume to
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