Masturbation Clitoris
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Masturbation Clitoris
If your clitoris goes numb after masturbating more than usual, fear not: it's likely only temporary.
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Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist and writer with over 20 years of experience specializing in sex therapy. Her goal as a coach and as a journalist: To help you stop feeling embarrassed and start having way more fun in the bedroom. She studied human sexuality at Brown University and has been... Read more
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Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolution , a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin answering your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. Here, she answers a question about a worn out clitoris.
DEAR VANESSA: I have been masturbating a lot more than usual lately. I use my hand and do a lot of intense stimulation on my bare clit. It feels amazing. This weekend I masturbated a ton, and now it feels like my clitoris is worn out or something. I just tried to masturbate my usual way and it isn’t working for me (it doesn’t feel good, though it’s not painful). It freaked me out. Did I cause any sort of harm to my clit? Should I stop masturbating this way? - Concerned For The Clit, 26
DEAR CFTC: I have to be clear that I’m not a medical doctor, so if you’re feeling really freaked out or if you notice any sort of skin rash, irritation, or bleeding, you should definitely check in with your doctor. That being said, I don’t think you caused any sort of lasting damage to your clitoris. For as sensitive as the clitoris is , it’s also pretty resilient. It can handle a great deal of stimulation without any lingering negative impacts.
It is possible for the clitoris to temporarily go numb after a lot of intense stimulation, like a weekend of vigorous masturbation. It’s similar to how your butt can go a little numb after your first spin class. But this is just temporary — just as you get some life back in your butt after you unclip from your spin bike and walk around, you’ll get some feeling back in your clitoris if you give it a bit of a break.
I also want to point out that clitoral numbness is an experience that most women have had at least once in their lives, so it’s actually very common. It tends to happen after high-powered vibrator usage, like a really long session with a famous Magic Wand. And again, the numbness is just temporary.
I know it’s distressing to try to masturbate and notice that you’re not feeling your usual pleasurable sensations, but try to take a day or two off from masturbation to let your clitoris regain its sensitivity. If the numbness persists for more than a few days, you may want to make an appointment with your OB/GYN just for peace of mind.
You also asked if you should stop masturbating in your usual way. I want to be super clear that whatever brings your body pleasure is absolutely amazing (though there are some things that can be unsafe, like using toys over and over without properly cleaning them, or toys that aren't body-safe). A lot of women feel self-conscious about masturbation in general, so I don’t want you to feel any sort of judgment around your particular way of pleasuring your own body. But if you’re feeling concerned enough to write in, there are a couple of factors that you may want to consider.
If you have another period of vigorous masturbation in the future, you may experience that same numbness and need to take a few days off to let your clitoris re-sensitize. I’m not sure what your full history is with this particular masturbation technique . Have you been using this technique for a really long time, or did you recently start using it? Have you had clitoral numbness before, or is this the first time? If this is a familiar technique and the first time you’ve experienced this, I think you’re probably fine in terms of protecting your clitoral sensitivity. If this is a relatively new technique that has caused other experiences of numbness, there’s a possibility that you may need to continue taking breaks from this technique for a day or two to let your clitoris recover. If that doesn’t bother you, great. If it does, then you may want to consider using a gentler technique, perhaps by trying to use a little less pressure or going a bit slower.
Another factor to consider is if you’re feeling any irritation on your inner or outer labia, or on your clitoral hood. If you’re using intense friction when you masturbate, it is possible that you’re creating microtears in the super delicate tissues in your vulva (especially the inner labia and clitoral hood). Do you ever feel a stinging sensation in your vulva, or does the skin feel raw or irritated? If not, then you’re fine. But if you do feel any sort of pain or discomfort, you may want to ease up with your technique.
An additional lovely option is to use a body-safe lube when you masturbate. I’m a huge fan of lube and recommend it to just about everyone, for any kind of sexual activity. The lube can create a protective barrier for your skin and can go a long way towards preventing any sort of irritation.
I’m being extra thorough just to cover all the bases here, but the bottom line is that it sounds like your clitoris will be just fine after a little rest.
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Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist based in Los Angeles. You can find her on Twitter , Instagram , and her website .
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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more. She is currently based in Los Angeles and completing her first title with Artisan Books to be published in early 2023.
For as long as science has been aware of the clitoris, it has been the subject of much scrutiny, confusion, and dismissal.
The Greeks seemed to get the hype, as the word for the female organ comes from the Greek kleitoris , which has been translated as both "little hill" and "to rub." But that doesn't even begin to cover the treasure trove of nerves, blood vessels, and, in turn, the potential mind-blowing pleasure that it offers — right at our fingertips.
And that pleasure part is key. Casey Tanner , certified sex therapist and an expert for sex toy company LELO , explains that the clitoris is the only genital organ that functions solely for sexual satisfaction as opposed to reproduction. "The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in the tip alone," she notes. "That's twice as many as the penis, and yet the clitoris often gets only half of the attention, if that."
It's no wonder that, according to a study of over a thousand women published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy , 37% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36% indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris is stimulated during intercourse. And while you might think of clitoral and vaginal orgasms as two different things, we now know that what most of us think of the clitoris is actually just the external tip of the iceberg — the clitoris continues inside of the body, too. "Even vaginal orgasms are dependent on the clitoris, which is much larger than its visible tip such that it can be stimulated internally through penetration," says Tanner.
No doubt that's a case for learning more ways to enjoy the ultimate pleasure spot. Here, the best ways to stimulate the clitoris on your own or with a partner, according to Tanner and other sex experts.
Those same 8,000 nerve endings mean that the clitoris is sensitive in the best way, but sometimes friction can increase sensitivity to the point of discomfort or pain — especially when the clitoris is aroused, which experts will refer to as erect (yep, same as a penis), says Tanner. And although your vaginal tunnel is capable of creating its own lube when you're turned on, the clitoris is not.
For that reason, Tanner says it's vital to introduce a lubricant to stave off chafing and dryness. She recommends starting with a water-based lubricant (like LELO's Personal Moisturizer , $25 for 5 fl. oz.). "It uses natural ingredients, is pH balanced to prevent infection, and safe for use with toys," says Tanner. "A little goes a long way, so massage a few drops onto the clitoris and add as needed."
If you're new to clitoral stimulation, Tanner offers the following tips for getting acquainted with your clit.
Be mindful. Try explorative touch with the optional addition of a hand-held mirror. "Every clit is different, so notice the anatomy of yours," she notes. "Where is it in relation to your labia? How large or small is it? Take note of the clitoral hood, the small fold of skin that surrounds the head of the clitoris. No need to judge or label – simply notice." After all, the more familiar you become, the easier it will be to locate during solo play, she points out.
Start with a super slow, gentle touch. "Even before you touch, you can give the vulva a little hug," advises Amy Baldwin, sex educator and co-host of the Shameless Sex Podcast . "Cup the vulva with your well-lubed hand, and let it hang out there so the skin temperatures can acclimate to one another."
Try different patterns. "Use your index and middle fingers to massage the head in small, circular motions," advises Tanner, who adds that you might also enjoy rubbing the same fingers back and forth just slightly across your clitoris in small, straight lines, noting the difference in sensation.
Other motions to consider, according to Baldwin: kneading, pinching, swirling, stroking, tugging, and tapping on and all around the clitoris, including the labia.
Use varying pressures. "Experiment with pressing down harder as your massage, finding an intensity that feels stimulating without causing discomfort," suggests Tanner.
When it comes to the amount of pressure you might prefer, consider that the main factor in the sensitivity of your clitoris is the size of your clitoral hood. "The anatomical equivalent to the foreskin on a penis, the hood is the small fold of skin that surrounds the head of the clitoris to protect its delicate tissue from friction," explains Tanner. "When the clitoris becomes erect, the clitoral hood retracts to expose the sensitive tissue to pleasurable sensations. Folks with a larger clitoral hood, and thus more protection, may be able to tolerate more direct and intense touch. People with a thinner or smaller hood may find that they enjoy a lighter touch."
And if you happen to have a larger clitoral hood, you can also manually retract it by taking your index finger and pulling upwards slightly on the skin above your clitoris, she recommends. Then, using your fingers or a vibrator, you'll notice the increased sensitivity to touch.
Be indirect. "If these options are feeling too sensitive, try massaging your clitoris indirectly, through your labia," notes Tanner. "Use your fingers to move your labial folds over your clitoris, and then try the same techniques again. If these options aren't stimulating enough, use a vibrator to up the intensity."
You can also simply spend time massaging the outer areas of the vulva, including the labia majora and minora and opening of the vagina where the clitoral anatomy attaches internally, recommends Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles .
If you're partnered: The same techniques described above can be used by someone else during partnered sex, either with a partner's fingers or tongue, notes Tanner. "Use directive language, such as 'a bit softer' or 'a little to your right,'" she suggests. "If you're comfortable doing so, move their hand to locate your clit, or show them where it is using your own hand. Introduce these activities by letting your partner know that you're learning more about what makes you feel good, and you want them to be part of that."
If you're a seasoned pro at jilling off, consider these next-level moves.
Try layering. "When playing solo, try massaging your clitoris indirectly, through your labia, to control for the sensitivity of your clitoris," recommends Tanner. "This technique involves using your fingers to move your labial folds over your clitoris before applying pressure."
Experiment with "broadening." In order to explore what different surface areas feel like on your clitoris, you can move away from using just two fingers and try using the surface of your palm instead.
If you're partnered: "When choosing a position, think about angling yourself such that each thrust or hand motion will also hit rhythmically against your clitoris," advises Tanner. "For example, ask your partner to lie on their back while you straddle them seated on top. Rather than moving vertically — up and down — angle your body forward at about 45 degrees, letting your clitoris rub against the shaft of their penis or strap-on." Another option: "Choose positions such as doggie style, wherein you or your partner have a free hand that can stimulate the clitoris with fingers or toys during penetration," she says.
Interested in incorporating some tech-savvy gear? Consider these tips.
Reach for a wand toy. There's no doubt that you can use a classic wand vibrator on the clitoris. Because the head is larger than a cylindrical model, it'll cover more surface area of the clit, says Chavez.
Try internal stimulation. "Thrusters or curved devices will stimulate the G-spot and can be moved from side to side and stimulate the internal anatomy of the clitoris," points out Chavez.
Explore with a clitoral vibrator. You might also consider experimenting with toys that were designed with clitoral stimulation in mind. If you're playing solo, Tanner likes LELO's ORA 3 ($169; LELO.com ). "It has a rotating tongue stimulator that mirrors the sensation of oral sex and can be applied directly to the clitoris for intense stimulation, or massaged around the clitoris for a slightly more gentle experience," she notes.
If you're with a partner: "If you're desiring more clitoral stimulation with a partner, try introducing TIANI 3 ($169; LELO.com ) in the missionary position," she recommends. "Insert the smaller arm into the vagina, and the larger one on your clitoris. You or your partner can then use the hand-held remote control to explore different settings and intensities."
No matter what technique you're using, do your best to be patient with yourself and how long it might take to reach climax. "Porn and romcoms depict people with vulvas orgasming after mere seconds of sexual activity, and this is not reflective of reality," says Tanner. "If your goal is to have an orgasm, it's not at all abnormal to need 20 minutes or more to get yourself there. Take breaks, or alternate between internal and external stimulation if sensitivity becomes a problem."
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This guide on clitoral stimulation is going to teach you multiple techniques to rub, grind and stimulate you clitoris when you’re masturbating alone and during sex allowing you to experience all types of intense orgasms with your man. Think of this guide on clit stimulation as an extension of my other masturbation guide here . Note To Men: You guys can also perform these techniques to help give your partner more intense orgasms more often.
While you can skip down the page to the techniques by clicking here, I first want to cover a few important things that will help you to get the most out of these clitoral stimulation techniques and experience eye-rolling, screaming orgasms.
Side Note: I put together this in-depth assesment that will uncover just how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. It may uncover some uncomfortable truths, or you may discover that you are already a queen at giving blow jobs. Click here to take my quick (and shockingly accurate) “Blow Job Skills” Quiz right now and find out how good your blow job skills really are...
Before reading the clitoral stimulation guide below, you may want to listen to the podcast I recorded on having more clitoral orgasms, more often. In the second half of the episode, I also talk about having more vaginal orgasms.
This part may sound boring, but it’s important, don’t skip it. Creating an environment that puts you in a great state of mind is paramount if you want to have satisfying orgasms.
If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here .
You’ll find more in-depth tips on how to get in the mood in this section of the Vibrator Guide . Also, you may want to check out the guide on increasing your sex drive and this article on how to make yourself aroused .
The first type of clitoral stimulation we’re going to cover is masturbating and rubbing your clit. Then we’ll cover multiple clitoris stimulation techniques to use during sex.
This first clitoral stimulation technique is very easy. You just need to rub the side of your clit with one finger. There’s no need to start applying pressure directly to your clit just yet. Instead, rub your clitoral hood or keep your finger just far enough away from it so that it’s not making direct contact.
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