Masturbate During Massage
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Masturbate During Massage
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I have looked extensively across the internet and can't find an answer to my bizarre situation. Almost every time I have a massage I orgasm. It seems to happen the most when they work on the lower part of my back. It is often unpredictable, occurring when I least expect it and am not even aroused. It doesn't matter when my masseusse is male or female either, it just happens.
They aren't necessarily intense orgasms, rather mini ones, but I've sometimes had up to 4 or 5 during a massage.
It has never happened with a friend or partner massaging me either, nothing even close. What is so peculiar about it is that I do not achieve orgasm easily when it comes to oral sex or masturbation. It is achievable, but I have never in my life orgasmed during intercourse and have often had even the most dedicated partners wanna give up trying. I myself put this down to medications, anatomical design and most likely having a few sex issues so am mentally unable to let go.
Can you tell me if i am alone in this? It bothers me in that I almost feel guilty getting a massage as if I was paying for sex, but I really enjoy my massages, orgasm excluded. Thanks for any advice you may be able to offer.
originally written 12.06.2007 • updated 12.21.2021 •
You're not alone in this, and it's okay.
Remember that orgasm is primarily an event that occurs in, and is about, the nervous system . Yes, most people have most of their orgasms due to stimulation that is about or includes genital stimulus. But not all people, and again, for most, it's not JUST about that stimulation, but about whole body and whole mind stuff.
Reaching orgasm due to massage really isn't bizarre. Think about it: all the right factors are in place. You're relaxed, you feel safe, you're being attended to, and with what you're experiencing, you're having orgasms when parts of your spine and lower back muscles are getting stimulus, parts of your body which are massively tied to your nervous system. Too, you're not in a situation where you'll be feeling any performance pressure. Some of what I'm hearing when you talk about sexual partners is you feeling partners become very frustrated with you when you don't reach orgasm, and that scenario is bound to make you feel pressured. Orgasm and sexual response doesn't tend to respond well to performance concerns and pressures.
When it comes to when you are NOT reaching orgasm, a majority of women do not reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse . That's not abnormal: it's more common than not, and isn't surprising since vaginal intercourse by itself doesn't often stimulate our most sensitive parts, and for those which it can stimulate, often doesn't stimulate them as well as other activities can. And if any kind of sex you're having isn't really taking your whole body into account -- not just your genitals -- that would also be something that is likely a barrier to orgasm for you, and which is a barrier for many women. In fact, bodywork and massage are often one suggestion commonly made for anorgasmic women.
We can't make a lot of generalized, unilateral statements about human sexuality, but one of the few we can make is that human sexuality is incredibly individual and incredibly diverse.
I don't see a reason for you to feel guilty for your response to massage. Most bodyworkers fully recognize that sexuality and relaxation are very linked, and also don't expect clients to try and control their own physical responses to bodywork. They're also very comfortable with what happens spontaneously with people's bodies: they have to be. You're not manipulating them into doing sexwork when that isn't what they want to do: your body is responding as it is, beyond your control, to normal, nonsexual massages.
I should probably also mention that it's possible what you're experiencing isn't even orgasm at all, but instead, uterine contractions. Those are also normal with lower back bodywork.
Too? It sounds to me like if you KNOW massage is something that works for you, why not bring that to the table with partners and make massage part of the sex you're having, rather than viewing things as sex OR massage? For all you know, this might be one of the better discoveries you'll make in your sexual life: see it as a positive!
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Ethically Navigating Difficult Bodywork Scenarios
It happens and it is normal, yet no one wants to talk about the primary reason men avoid therapeutic massage. Learn how to assess a client’s intentions and professionally address this situation.
It is very common for men to get an erection during a non-sexual, therapeutic, full body massage. While an erection can be indicative of being physiologically aroused, it does not necessarily indicate the presence of emotional or sexual desire. Touch administered to any part of the body can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which can result in a partial or complete erection. Professional assessment can help a therapist decipher a physiological response to touch from inappropriate sexual intentions.
While physical arousal can occur with both male and female clients, a woman’s arousal is typically less visible. Fear of an erection, or a massage practitioner’s response to it, prohibits some men from seeking a much needed therapeutic massage. For those devoid of inappropriate intentions, education about normal body function can ease this fear and invite a new level of comfort with somatic-based therapies.
If there is any discomfort on the part of either the client or the practitioner when an erection occurs, it must be addressed.
Based on fundamental communication skills, Ben E. Benjamin, Ph.D. and Cherie Sohnen-Moe describe “The Intervention Model” in The Ethics of Touch . When a client’s intent is unclear, The Intervention Model contains eight steps to guide a practitioner’s assessment and subsequent action in response to ethical dilemmas. Dependant upon the details of the situation being addressed, it may be necessary to consecutively progress from step one to step eight, stop after step one or two, follow the steps in a different order or skip inapplicable steps. The following outline of The Intervention Model has been slightly modified for approaching a client with an erection when the client’s intent is not understood.
Step One: Stop the treatment using assertive behavior.
When encountered with an erection, stating the obvious can be difficult, but clarifies the client’s intent. By describing a behavior, the client knows the therapist is paying attention without passing judgment. Examples of this type of communication are:
Step Three: Clarify the client’s intent.
After stating the obvious, directly asking the client what they are experiencing can reveal the meaning behind the erection. Examples include:
Dependant upon the client’s comfort level and their intent, a client’s response may or may not be straightforward. It is important to resist providing an answer for the client, so wait for a clear response. Clarification of the client’s intent allows for the practitioner to render an accurate assessment.
During a somatic-based therapy, some recipients experience unexpected emotional and physiological responses. When aware of a client’s concerns, the therapist can share information to educate the client. Examples of educative statements for a client experiencing an unintentional erection are:
Safety is re-established by a therapist clarifying the therapeutic contract of the session. Examples of re-instating therapeutic intent are:
Step Six: Continue or discontinue the session as appropriate.
A client with sexual intent or displaying inappropriate behavior necessitates immediate termination of a session.
Step Seven: Refer client to other professionals as appropriate.
This step is typically taken after the completion of a session.
Step Eight: Document the situation.
After the client leaves, document the occurrence and obtain supervision or peer support as necessary.
Encountering the male physiological response to parasympathetic arousal is a frequent occurrence in the massage profession. Professionally managing human interaction surrounding this type of arousal requires preparedness, maturity and education. Determining the intention behind a man’s erection serves to maintain professionalism, ensures therapist safety and reduces client embarrassment. Meanwhile, communication regarding client behavior, therapeutic intent and the physiological normalcy of erections allows a therapist to preserve ethical boundaries while maintaining respect for the client.
Benjamin, Ben E., Ph.D., and Cherie Sohnen-Moe. The Ethics of Touch . Tucson: Sohnen-Moe Associates, 2003.
McIntosh, Nina. The Educated Heart Professional Boundaries for Massage Therapists, Bodyworkers, and Movement Teachers . 2nd ed. New York: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2005.
Nicole Cutler, L.Ac., MTCM is a long time advocate of integrating perspectives on health. With a Bachelor's degree in Neuroscience from the University of Rochester and a Master's degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine from Five Branches Institute, Nicole has been a licensed acupuncturist since 2000. She has gathered acupuncture licenses in the states of California and New York, is a certified specialist with the National Acupuncture Detoxification Association, has earned diplomat status with the National Commission of Chinese and Oriental Medicine in Acupuncture and Chinese Herbology and is a member of the Society for Integrative Oncology. In addition to her acupuncture practice that focuses on stress and pain relief, digestion, immunity and oncology, Nicole contributes to the integration of healthcare by writing articles for professional massage therapists and people living with liver disease.
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Here, four women reveal the worst parts of their job, from being propositioned for sex to having to wash smelly feet and even finding nits
MOST women enter the profession of massage therapy to give back – helping individuals de-stress and relieve their pain.
What they didn’t take into account was the number of male clients who would pester them for sex - OR that they'd be forced to dodge erections, avoid nits... and even get kicked in the face by ticklish clients.
Here, four massage therapists reveal all...
Massage therapist April Chunnoo, 41, lives in Colchester.
She says: "You get the odd guy who wants to be naked but I suss those out straight away - they don’t tend to cross my doorway nowadays.
Couple massages were popular for a while - but whenever the couples were so relaxed, one or the other would break wind.
I’d always try not to catch the other therapist’s eye - but one time I did and I could barely control my laughter. I had to pretend I was sneezing.
I do get guys messaging me asking things - whether I can do their fronts and if I offer extras.
I often get them to spell out what they want, but when they ask me for sex I make it very clear I’m not a prostitute.
I have been offered hefty three-figure sums for happy endings– it is insulting. I went to college for four years to become a qualified massage therapist.
I listen out for the groaners too - while it can be normal during a deep tissue, one guy had a different type of groan.
That's when I lifted the towel and saw he was touching himself.
I made him get dressed and leave – I refused to see him again."
Full-time mum Emma Pearce, 35, lives with her partner and their son in St Austells, Cornwall.
She says: "A massage is all about pampering someone.
At college we were told most people fall asleep and relax – but that isn’t always the case - the majority love to chat.
As a massage therapist you are an agony aunt.
The things people told me were surprising - I heard about affairs, break-ups, and things going on at home.
I always leave the room when people undress.
The magic towel covers their body - I only get to see them naked one limb a time.
The worst part of being a massage therapist is the smelly feet.
I get some warm hand mittens and use lemon oil and water to cleanse them. They think they’re getting a blissful foot massage when I’m actually washing their dirty trotters and getting rid of the awful smell.
My golden rule is to never massage men’s tummies.
We got taught on my massage course that it was a sure way to give them an erection.
The blood rushes to the tummy and carries on going south to the penis.
The worst encounter I had was when I was giving an Indian head massage. I was close to finishing the treatment when I spotted a few nits.
I remained professional and calm, then I told her what I had seen. "
Leigh Bailey, 40, lives in Stapleford Abbots and runs the Mind Body Spirit Spa in Brentwood, Essex.
She says: "I’ve been working as a massage therapist for four years, so I know what works and what doesn’t.
I’m a bit older which means I have the confidence to put clients in their place.
My golden rule with men is they strip down to their underwear.
I don't give naked massages - and I run my hand up their leg to check.
If they haven’t got any boxer shorts on I stop the massage, tell them I’m leaving the room while they put their undies back on.
My secret is to politely ask them to lie on their back. Then I begin to massage their legs.
You know that if they get aroused it means when they turn over they’ll have to lie on it.
The queries on the phone are just as bad. They ramble on until finally you get the “do you do happy endings?” question - they get told straight.
It’s clear that other salons in the industry do entertain such requests. It’s embarrassing for the client and the salon when they find out it really is not that kind of establishment."
Married mum of two Elaine Mitchell, 49, is a life and empowerment coach and lives in Sheffield.
She says: "I hadn’t long qualified as a mobile therapist when a family friend said her husband’s friend needed a massage after a car accident.
I had always told myself ‘no men’ but agreed because of the social connection.
My husband dropped me off with my mobile massage bed and bag full of oils.
I walked in to red walls, incense burning and red light bulbs. In the living room I set up my massage bed and tried not to be too concerned by the samurai swords and knives on the walls.
The guy was in a dressing gown. He took it off revealing red silk boxers. He asked me to remove them in case I stained them with my massage oil - I assured him my hands wouldn’t go near them.
I did the massage as quickly as I could with the door in my line of vision at all times. When I was done he indicated where the envelope was on the mantelpiece. There were two. He told me he thought there might be extras – hence offering more cash.
Another time I did a massage for a friend’s husband. When I go to his feet he kicked me square in the face. He told me afterwards he was very ticklish – it was a proper kick to the chin.
At the time I advertised Swedish massage in the local paper. The wording clearly stated “women only.”
I’d still get blokes phoning up at all hours asking for extra services."
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