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As a woman who's been in the spa business as a therapist and a manager for over five years, I've basically seen everything -- the good, the bad, the downright awkward. Not to mention, like all massage therapists, I put up with a seemingly endless stream of "happy ending" jokes all. the. time.
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
Sep 19, 2014, 11:29 AM EDT | Updated Nov 19, 2014
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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Part of HuffPost Style & Beauty. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
As a woman who's been in the spa business as a therapist and a manager for over five years, I've basically seen everything -- the good, the bad, the downright awkward. Not to mention, like all massage therapists, I put up with a seemingly endless stream of "happy ending" jokes all. the. time. And while everyone thinks these jokes are hilarious, the reality is that every massage therapist does have to deal with a few sexually... heightened moments with male clients over the course of his or her career.
But let me just say that boners during massage appointments are totally normal. So to all the guys out there: You don't need to be embarrassed. There is no need to dart out of the room. Most massage therapists are professionals and won't just stare at your hard-on. We really don't want you to feel any more uncomfortable than you already are. So just relax -- and know that we are not judging you.
That said , there are some lines that shouldn't be crossed. What do I mean by that? Let me break it down for you...
Wow sir, I see you have an enormous erection! How might I know this? Because you have ever-so-unkindly removed the blanket that was (purposefully) placed on top of you to make certain I am aware of your arousal. And then to add to my misery you want to talk about it!? Ugh. Gross. These little scenarios I'm completely over. You know what I'm thinking during this game of show and tell? That I want to end the service immediately -- and I totally would if I could! Though, if you make this mistake, I'll offer you the chance to take the hint that this behavior is not OK by placing another blanket on top you, all while silently praying that this is where your shameless peacocking display ends. If not, though -- we are done.
No, really, this happens. If a male client is aroused and then his position is switched to lying on his stomach, I have observed ( far too many times) that he might start humping the table. Humping or "purposeful wiggling" -- however you want to term it -- is a sexual act that is awkward and disarming. Who knows how it might end? To be clear, I understand a client's need to adjust himself and possibly rein in his boner if he has one so that the rest of the service can be enjoyed. But please do not hump the table until you are "satisfied." Or else I will have to, you guessed it, end the service -- and no one wants that.
Unless you are having a heart attack or another similar kind of extreme physical episode that renders you unable to use your vocal cords, please do not touch your therapist during your service. Just because I am touching you in a therapeutic manner and sending you healing energy, this does not mean you can grab my legs, arms or try to guide my hands. This is especially true if you are erect, as this will send me over the edge and I will cut our session short. Here's what touching is appropriate: shaking hands before or after your service. And perhaps, if you are an established regular with your therapist, hugs might be acceptable. But this is it.
Do Not Give Directions To Your Penis
If a guy is sporting some wood and asks me to massage his inner thighs or stomach, guess what? I know exactly what you're up to -- and I'm not going to do it. You are fooling no one. Do you think my hand is going to magically start tugging on Little Tommy because you are inviting me to massage around where he hangs out? Uh. Nope . In such cases, I'm totally disgusted and will likely give you a less-than-average-level massage, just so you don't get the wrong idea.
Don't Blow It: Masturbate Before Your Appointment
Just so no one is confused: This is something I am asking you to do. Listen, to be real, clients do ejaculate during appointments and these are the incidents a therapist retraces in his or her mind over and over for eternity. We think: Was there anything that could have prevented this? To my fellow therapists: Please remember that if this happens during one of your services, it was not your fault. Clients: Keep in mind that in the event that you do finish before your session finishes, your therapist isn't going to be able to erase this incident from his or her mind... ever. And generally, the standard protocol is for the client to be banned from returning to the spa ever again. And this probably goes without saying: Everyone at the front desk will look at you like a creep as you weasel your way out the front door. Now how is that for a happy ending?
To be clear, my intention is not to boner-shame anyone. I am just educating the misinformed who think "happy endings" are a real thing -- as 99 percent of the time, this is not the case.
Please, thank you, and come again! (Sorry, after five years of happy ending "jokes," I had to.)
This story first appeared on Ravishly.com , an alternative news+culture website for women.
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com

Have you ever had sex as a massage therapist?
Massage Therapist · Author has 191 answers and 1.8M answer views · 10 mo ·
As a massage therapist, what is the naughtiest thing you have done to one of your clients?
Has any female had sex with a masseuse while getting a massage?
Are there any hints to look for that a massage therapist may be willing to get sexual with you by the way she massages you?
Have you ever been touched inappropriately during a massage?
Do massage therapists massage your private parts?
As a massage therapist, what is the naughtiest thing you have done to one of your clients?
Has any female had sex with a masseuse while getting a massage?
Are there any hints to look for that a massage therapist may be willing to get sexual with you by the way she massages you?
Have you ever been touched inappropriately during a massage?
Do massage therapists massage your private parts?
As a masseuse, have you ever gotten turned on whilst giving a massage to a client?
As a massage therapist, if you have ever crossed a boundary during a massage, was it because you wanted to or because you sensed your client wanted you to do so?
As a female massage therapist, have you ever felt you should have sex with a client? What were the reactions of the client after you disclosed it?
Have you ever had sex in a massage room?
Have you ever had sex after a massage?
Have you ever had sex with your male massage therapist?
Trying to get my (awesome) partner hooked on massage porn. What are some must watch videos?
Has anyone had sex with their massage therapist?
How can you tell your massage therapist you want to have sex with her?
As a massage therapist, what is the naughtiest thing you have done to one of your clients?
Has any female had sex with a masseuse while getting a massage?
Are there any hints to look for that a massage therapist may be willing to get sexual with you by the way she massages you?
Have you ever been touched inappropriately during a massage?
Do massage therapists massage your private parts?
As a masseuse, have you ever gotten turned on whilst giving a massage to a client?
As a massage therapist, if you have ever crossed a boundary during a massage, was it because you wanted to or because you sensed your client wanted you to do so?
As a female massage therapist, have you ever felt you should have sex with a client? What were the reactions of the client after you disclosed it?
Have you ever had sex in a massage room?
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I would like to share the recent second last experience of that lady whom I met just a week ago.
So I don't know why but the last weekend was pretty lucky for me because I got around 5 emails from different females where 3 were single and 2 were married. So the 2nd one is the bong beauty whom I was talking about.
So 1st one was around 34 years old, a working lady. Her husband was not living with her as he was working Abroad.
So she mailed me: Hey lucky, I checked your quora profile and found it very interesting. Loved your writing skills and ways to share your experiences. Just wanted to know abo
I would like to share the recent second last experience of that lady whom I met just a week ago.
So I don't know why but the last weekend was pretty lucky for me because I got around 5 emails from different females where 3 were single and 2 were married. So the 2nd one is the bong beauty whom I was talking about.
So 1st one was around 34 years old, a working lady. Her husband was not living with her as he was working Abroad.
So she mailed me: Hey lucky, I checked your quora profile and found it very interesting. Loved your writing skills and ways to share your experiences. Just wanted to know about your services what you can provide me.
I replied: hello mam, I provide various types of massages, normal to erotic massages. Full body massage, body-to-body massage tantra, Nuru, deep tissue, and many erotic massages with personal fun services also. Please tell me your requirement that what you are looking for?
She replied again: well good to know but I am looking for the most sensual massage you can give. I am sexually unsatisfied and looking for the most pleasant orgasm without being intimate. Some kind of sensuality with foreplay will be ok for me. And you have to show me the magic of our fingers. Now please send me your contact no. So that we can talk about the further discussion.
I replied: sure m
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