Massage Stories

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While massage therapists are expected to provide their service with utmost professionalism, patrons in turn are expected to follow a few rules governing etiquette within the borders of the massage table. Break these and well… let’s hear it from the professionals themselves.
12 bizarre massage stories
Everyone loves a good story! But you might not have heard any massage stories before. So read on… but be warned: you will cringe, you’ll be shocked, you’ll giggle, and hopefully you’ll learn.
#1 Unhygienic body horror . Clients are at least expected to have showered prior to their appointment. Some do, some don’t. But there are moments when a shower is not enough and a Hazmat suit is required.
-“My worst horror story was a guy who came in for massage. I can totally deal with a little bit of BO, but this guy – holy sh*t – the entire clinic reeked of BO! When he took off his shirt, it was very obvious that this guy did not shower or change his clothes often.
His singlet was covered in yellow stains ! Worst massage I’ve ever done… I was almost gagging on the smell.” – purple_bee (via reddit)
-“I was fuming the other day because I massaged a guy who legit had a chunk of sh*t in his crack . Sometimes I hate my job, but how hard is it to shower before a massage!?” – purple_bee (via reddit)
-“I lotioned my hands and touched his back, and to my disgust realized why his back looked weird to me in the dim light. His back was a minefield of giant blackheads. I continued the massage. As I start to warm the skin and get the blood flowing on his back, some of the blackheads start working loose! They are now coating my hands and getting stuck between my fingers . There’s a weird smell that starts filling the air.” – TwistTheRabbit (via Reddit)
-“When I first started doing massage about 15 years ago, I was working in a fancy spa-type setting. I was doing a couple’s massage along with my co-worker. I was massaging the lady, and she was massaging the gentleman.
Well, unfortunately the gentleman had a Sacajawea coin sized pus-filled blister on his back that popped during the massage . Every time my co-worker made a pass down his back, the blister would glurp a little more of its hell juice onto his back.
Our clients were both face down, so we were making the most wretched faces at each other to express our disgust as my co-worker did her best to avoid touching the yellow mess.” – Bobiki (via Reddit)
#2 When patrons go naughty . Due to the intimate nature of massages with all its touching, some patrons may get carried away and start being frisky.
-“I’m a male massage therapist. When I first started my job, I had a male client grind into the table while he was prone. When I had turned him supine, he asked if I could massage his stomach. I started my stomach routine, but was aware of a different consistency on my hands – something that wasn’t my oil . [Read: The perfect romantic massage to turn your partner on ]
I was desperately trying to figure out what it was *had I accidentally mixed oils?*, when the treatment had ended. He tipped me $100 with a big grin and left. I knew what that strange consistency was now.” – various_fabrics (via Reddit)
-“I’ve been a Licensed Massage Therapist for four years now, and two weeks ago for the first time ever , I had an older man think it was OK to try to kiss me . I HAD TO PUSH HIM OFF OF ME. I did not stop to think about his welfare, or him potentially suing my small practice. I only thought about my boundaries and my safety. After re-establishing my boundaries, I showed him the door.” – gabrielle612 (via Reddit)
-“In a couple’s massage, a guy grabbed my hand and put it right above his dick and gave me a very, very lustful look. Also, an old man “accidently” grazed my butt then my vagina. I also had a guy win a free massage and then tipped me his phone number.” – jaydastar (via Reddit)
-“One woman tried to put her face in my crotch and told me she would love to eat me out . For the record, I was wearing yoga pants as I am also a yoga instructor.” – Toxteth_OGrady (via Reddit)
-“Former massage therapist here. I used to work in the YMCA in my hometown. There was a group of four older ladies, around their early 50s, that all played tennis together and afterwards took turns getting massaged. At first it was great, they were mostly doctors’ wives, fairly easy-going, and generous tippers to boot. [Read: Massaging your partner to orgasm ]
But then things took a turn for the strange. One woman offered me a diamond tennis bracelet if I agreed to switch the order they were massaged in and did her first. I declined the gift, but promised to use a rotating schedule in the future. Finally, I guess she got tired of beating around the bush (so to speak) and made an outright advance by grabbing my hand and forcing it onto her breast . I told her I was very flattered, but I wasn’t interested in other women this way.” – l aceyleplante (via Reddit)
#3 Not a “Happy Ending.” Some patrons may have gotten the wrong address or confused your friendly neighborhood massage clinic for a more seedy type of establishment.
-“So when I was doing clinical, we were required to find our own clients. Being the go-getter that I am, I posted a Kijiji ad offering my services. Not long afterwards, I get a text message from a guy asking me how much a massage was. [Read: Body language attraction – touchy feely flirting ]
I gave the standard response stating my clinic’s student’s rates. He (I’m assuming it was a male) asked if it offered special massages and mentioned that he was willing to pay extra . I explained that the clinic I worked at was professional and referred him to Craigslist instead of Kijiji.
He persisted in asking by tempting me with more money and said to name my price.” – mythyasha (via Reddit)
-“I was massaging the dude while my co-worker did the woman. He was obviously really enjoying it and asked jokingly if he could take me home with him . His GF proceeded to jump up from the bed, butt naked, and stormed out, but not before coming over to me to call me a bunny boiler.” – natdusz (via Reddit)
“About a year ago, I had a client that told me I didn’t need to worry about draping him properly, saying “I’m not shy” I advised him that I always follow draping procedure to the letter (only undraping the part of the body I’m working on, keeping genitals covered at all times, etc.).
And his response was, “Oh, you’re a rule follower, are you?” My response was “Absolutely,” and just continued with the massage. He didn’t say anything else, but there was a load of semen on the table after he left .” – Shirlena6 (via Reddit)
[Read: 20 Types of physical touches and what each ones means ]
Being a massage therapist is a rewarding yet challenging profession. But despite the occasional pervert or unshowered client, awkward experiences make for good massage stories, and as a buffer for one’s professional experience.
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Culture, Relationships, Thai Massage, Traveling
Whenever I travel somewhere in Asia I always try out a local massage for better or for worse. Sometimes it was definitely for the worse, and here are some of my more bizarre experiences.
Once I was in the tourist district on Kao San Road in Bangkok and went to a typical Thai massage shop. Many floor mats were lined up in a big room with many sessions going on simultaneously. I was assigned a male therapist.
The first thing he did was turn on a fan that blew cold air on me in a room that was already air conditioned to arctic temperatures. When I told him that the fan made me cold, he insisted that he needed it since he felt hot.
A few minutes after he started my Thai Massage he got up and started to prepare a pot of tea. When he was done he came back to me and continued the massage without any explanation.
A few minutes later another client was done with his session. Apparently my therapist was the main cashier since he got up and collected the money from him. Again he returned without offering any explanation and kept working on me.
At this point I felt like getting up and walking out. But I decided to stay just to see how far this could go. And incredibly enough the fellow kept stopping my massage every time someone needed to pay for their session.
His main job was cashier and he also did massages as an after thought, it seemed. I felt like I was a piece of meat being pushed around mindlessly, I was freezing, and I even had to pay for the abuse.
I went to a massage shop in Luang Prabang (Laos) to get an oil massage. There was nothing wrong with the session, but when I took a shower afterwards to wash the oil off my body, I realized that the oil did not come off.
After three rounds of soap and water, I decided they must have used petroleum mixed with super glue, because I still felt greasy and sticky.
Soap and water had no chance against this incredible massage oil. It managed to prolong my experience way past the one hour session that I paid for.
When I was traveling in Burma, one evening I was excited when I saw a sign for a massage shop. I had never experienced a Burmese massage, so I signed up for a session and was directed to a wall with a curtain.
When they pulled the curtain aside, I saw a cut-out in the wall. It was a rectangular hole in the wall with the dimensions of a coffin, just higher. Imagine a closet reset into a wall with no front door.
A super thin mat rested on regularly spaced slats of wood. The effect was that the mat was sagging in all the spaces between the wooden slats and the slats dug themselves into my back.
A little grizzled old man showed up and I was wondering how he could possibly give me a massage in a space that was just big enough to accommodate my own body.
Somehow he managed to climb over me and squeeze himself in a squatting position between my legs.
He pulled the curtain shut and did some pressing and squeezing on some parts of my body that he could reach from his contorted position.
I would have gotten up and walked out, but I wanted to experience it just for the weirdness of it. After the session my body felt worse than before, but I had another memorable travel experience.
I was in Hanoi and wanted to experience a Vietnamese massage.
I had heard dubious reports about massage shops in Vietnam , so I decided to play it safe.
I went to the tourist office and told them that I was looking for a real massage without any sexy content in a classy establishment.
They gave me the name and address of a spa. When I arrived there, it looked very clean and professional: nice reception, private massage room with individual saunas, uniformed therapists, and the massage was actually quite good.
Towards the end of the session, the girl put her hands on my private parts and asked if I wanted massage there. I declined and got up to get dressed.
Before I left, she put her hand on my arm and asked what I was going to do now. To her disappointment I told her that I would go home – alone. She must have seen her big tip vanish and I hurried to get out of there.
Later I asked a Vietnamese friend of mine if there was such a thing as purely professional therapeutic massage. He told me that there was not much of a market for such incomplete work, since most Vietnamese men prefer the “happy end”.
I was walking on the street in the city of Kuta, Bali, and was accosted by a girl who wanted me to sign up for a massage .
As a massage therapist myself, I am always interested in massage, so I followed her.
She led me to a dingy and unclean room that would have been the last place where I ever wanted to receive a massage.
So I turned on my heels and walked out. She chased me down and pleaded with me:
“ Mister, wait, we will give you a younger and prettier girl! “
I guess she did not know that my personal rule for female massage therapists in Asia is that the older and less attractive ones are generally the more experienced and more professional ones.
If she would have said: “Mister, wait, we give you an old and ugly one and we will put clean sheets on the table”, she might have had a chance, but she blew it with her offer.
I went to get a massage at a shop that is known for therapeutic work. An older woman who seemed quite experienced got to work on me.
Everything was fine until she got to my belly area. There she started to press really hard with thumbs and elbows which was registered by my tummy as very painful .
So in a natural effort of self-preservation I kept my stomach muscles tense enough so that she could not do any serious damage.
When she was done with the massage, she told me in a concerned voice that I had real issues in my belly area since I was so tense in there.
She advised me to go see a doctor and come back to her for regular belly treatments.
Luckily most Thai massage therapists don’t touch the belly. Otherwise I might end up needing a surgical belly replacement.
I have to say that later I received excellent massages in very professional settings in Bali, just to set the record straight.
In Thailand I have received countless wonderful massages, and I have not totally given up on Vietnamese massage either. I will try again on my next trip, but then I will go with my wife, just to be on the safe side.
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The author, Shama Kern, is the founder and director of Thai Healing Massage Academy and the creator of 20 Thai Massage online training courses . You can reach him at shama@ shamakern.com
Sorry Shama, Kao San road is NOT the place to get a massage in bangkok… very few places in bangkok are providing good massages. Most of them provide other types of… If you ever visit Bangkok again, please ask …
yes Isabella, I had to find that out the hard way unfortunately. Luckily here in Chiang Mai it is easier to get a decent massage in my experience.
I love your Weird Massage Stories, Shama. They are filled with humorous anecdotes that we can all relate to on some level or another. I can easily visualize some of the scenarios. Thanks so much for sharing perspectives from the other side of the world! I encourage you to keep up the good work!
Thank you Ariana. I am glad you appreciated the stories, and I will certainly come up with more of them. As always I am grateful for your encouragement.
Excellent stories Shama, i have also a few on my backround massages !!! But the best massage i received is the tantric massage , even if i was scared cause is a naked massaga ,and was going to be done by a close friend of mine (male)! it is really the coolest and strongest experience (much energie and blocage releasing ) i had . I really encourage you to have one.
Paola I am pretty sure there is no tantric massage in Thailand. But I agree with you that a massage that really works on specific energy issues can produce an intense experience.
what i am interested in is in healing and providing wellbeing to people , to share love in other words , an as you nicely say in your videos , touch is being
https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-and-office/bizarre-massage-stories
https://www.shamakern.com/a-collection-of-weird-massage-stories/
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