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“I’m excited to explore more possibilities with her.” Even if a woman has never tried S&M play before, being interested may be enough. It’s even better if you ask him with genuine curiosity, “How do you tie these ropes?” If you are at all curious, ask him questions.
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What Is A Masochistic Person? 10 Traits & Behaviors Of A Masochist
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What Is A Masochistic Person? 10 Traits & Behaviors Of A Masochist
Physician and New York Times bestselling author
Lissa Rankin, M.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of "Mind Over Medicine," "The Fear Cure," and "The Anatomy of a Calling." She is a physician, speaker, founder of the Whole Health Medicine Institute, and mystic. Lissa has starred in two National Public Television specials and also leads workshops, both online and at retreat centers like Esalen and Kripalu.
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You're very invested in pushing yourself to be "good."
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You get off on rescuing people, animals, or the planet.
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You resist receiving blessings when others try to give them to you.
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You are attracted to narcissists.
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You fail to stand up for yourself.
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You're hooked on perfectionism.
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You judge yourself for negative emotions.
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You're magnetized to drama.
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You run the other way if anything feels too good.
Lissa Rankin, M.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of Mind Over Medicine, The Fear Cure,...
Physician and New York Times bestselling author
Physician and New York Times bestselling author
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Lissa Rankin, M.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of Mind...
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A masochistic person is someone who finds gratification through pain and degradation or pleasure in self-denial. Masochism is popularly associated with BDSM; a sexual masochist is someone who likes pain as part of sexual activity, which can be a healthy and empowering kink. But there are also less healthy types of masochism that manifest in people's personal and professional lives. The psychological masochist is someone who looks for ways to torment themselves in their day-to-day. For how to know if someone is a masochist, here are common masochistic behaviors, traits, and tendencies.
The No. 1 sign that someone is a masochist is that they are unable to say no. Saying no is not selfish or unkind— it's an act of radical self-care . It's a way to communicate that you’re not able to say yes without inflicting literal or metaphorical pain upon yourself. If you're not sure whether to say yes or no, pause and take a breather. Does your inclination to say yes come from a desire to please someone or seek approval ? Check your motivations and give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. Remember, "No" is a complete sentence, and it's possible to say it with infinite compassion and tenderness.
You're religious about your morning meditation practice . You try to do yoga every day, even when you're sick, and if you miss it, you feel awful. You won't let yourself cheat on your diet, even when it's your birthday. You beat yourself up when you have too much to drink, and gaining 5 pounds turns you into a self-berating exercise tyrant. Ease up. While there's nothing wrong with discipline and good intentions, our quirks, eccentricities, triumphs, and mistakes are what make us so beautifully human.
The victim, the martyr, and the perpetrator are three roles in an unhealthy psychological cycle that many people feed into. The only way to unhook from this pattern is to simply opt out. Check your motivations any time you're called on for a favor.
If you're driven by feelings of unworthiness that lead you to overcompensate, or by a fear of disappointing someone, go inward. Soothe the part of you that yearns to rescue, and rescue yourself this time instead.
Many people, especially those with the healer archetype, tend to get uncomfortable when too many blessings flow their way. In order to turn this around, you'll have to practice "bench pressing" your receiving muscles.
Just like biceps, your receiving muscles need exercise. Try giving yourself what psychologist Anne Davin , Ph.D., calls a "beauty bath." Treat yourself to beauty in all forms—beautiful music, aromatherapy oils, a Rumi poem, fresh flowers, a symphony. Overdo it. Practice drinking in all the beauty instead of resisting it. We all deserve blessings—you do too.
Narcissists can be charismatic, compelling, magnetic, and hard to avoid. But if you keep walking straight into that trap over and over, you're definitely a masochist—and an echoist , aka the opposite of a narcissist who's always falling for them.
Break the pattern now , and choose to spare yourself the heartbreak and disappointment you'll inevitably feel when you keep choosing to be the Echo to someone's Narcissus.
It's one thing to be kind, compassionate, and accommodating. It's a whole other thing to let yourself become a doormat. Be soft and yielding but also fierce and strong. It's possible to be multifaceted and embrace all sides of you—and that includes a side that won't be taken advantage of. It's a surefire way to turn masochism into self-love and self-respect .
Life is messy. It's easy to become overwhelmed by a fear of being perceived as imperfect—a sort of fascism of the soul. Give your soul permission to be imperfect. It needs room to experiment, screw up, learn the hard way, and ultimately rise above it.
There's no way to avoid feeling sad, lost, disappointed, scared, or angry sometimes. Spiritual bypassing—masking emotions by shifting your energy or monitoring your thoughts—always comes back to bite you. While it may help you avoid painful emotions in the short term, suppressing yourself is a soul-splintering sort of masochism. Try to feel what you feel without holding back or judging any emotion as "wrong." Resist nothing. You'll be surprised by how quickly most painful emotions pass when you relax into them.
Masochists see drama and run right into the heart of it. If you're a drama junkie, ask yourself why. Doesn't it hurt? Do you want to keep hurting? Give yourself permission to prioritize the people and situations that cultivate the stillness in you.
While I'm not suggesting that we should all turn into overindulgent hedonists, the inability to relax into simple pleasures is an obvious sign of masochism. Do you find yourself bored when life flows with ease? Do you have a story that says that everything good in life comes alongside pain? Well, it's time to rewrite the story. Allow yourself to experience infinite blessings without undue pain.
Make sure you're not kicking yourself if some points on this list describe you. (Again, it's OK that you're not perfect.) Just think of this as a time to look inward and work on yourself—most of us have tendencies that result in some form of self-sabotage, and now you've identified a few of yours. Now all you need to do is take some proactive steps and show yourself a little love.
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By
Barbara Handel ,
November 3rd 2017
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Before I tell you anything about this part of my life, I need you to know one thing: This is all about consent. I give my verbal consent to what is going to happen, and if I don’t consent, it won’t happen. I will never have to do something I don’t want to do. That is simply the way it works in BDSM.
As a Submissive, I adore giving up my control.
In truth, the Submissive actually has all of the control. I give my limits and we discuss what I am willing or not willing to do. I can stop at any time without punishment or judgment. After I tell whoever is dominating me all of this, we either continue to play, or we don’t depending on what we both are looking for. So when I say I love to give up my control, I mean this:
I very much enjoy obeying orders I am given by my Dominant and not having to worry about the world around me. I am also a Service Submissive. In other words, I love to do things to make another’s life easier; whether that be doing laundry, setting the table, or just grabbing them a drink. It gives me a great sense of satisfaction being of service.
I need to be in control of my every day life. I have responsibilities, especially in my Alcoholics Anonymous program. It can be overwhelming and I need a release.
A release is different for every person. I get mine from pain.
As a masochist, I get pleasure from the pain. Some outside of the BDSM community assume that being beaten is being abused. I wholly understand why some might believe that. I want you to know there is a huge difference between the two. I give my consent to being flogged or spanked or beaten. I only do what I am comfortable with and nothing else.
When I am experiencing pain in a scene, I derive endorphins from it. With enough pain, I go into a concept known as subspace. That means that everything around me disappears. I don’t hear the noises around me and I sink into the moment. It is an incredible feeling and utterly blissful.
Where I get my release is when I come down from that high. It is something called crashing. The endorphins leave my body and in my case, I cry. But where the true satisfaction and release comes from, is when I am told I pleased my dominant.
That is what I love. That is what I need and after I crash, being told I did a great job taking the pain, I am totally at peace.
It isn’t like this for all Subs. We each have a different kind of release from different things. But for me, knowing I have pleased my Dom is where I get the satisfaction.
All of this might seem odd or even wrong to some, and they have every right to their opinion, but there will always be people like me who embrace those who desire this, and will never judge you for what makes you happy.
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