Masochist Slut
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Masochist Slut
By
Bibulous
|
5th February 2016
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This post is prompted by a tweet from Mistress Elita asking people not to confuse the terms ‘Submissive’ and ‘Masochistic’. It got me thinking….
Visiting a rather well known dungeon in New York for the first time I was asked to complete a form saying what type of treatment interested me and whether, in each case, my limits were mild, medium or severe. Within five minutes of the session starting I was prostrate on the floor being commanded to lick the Mistress’s shoes while she told me how worthless I was. For me this was about as erotic as old socks. It felt unsexy, unnatural, ridiculous and demeaning. I know for many this is meat and drink but not for me. Thirty minutes later I stopped the session and was, very fairly, refunded my fee.
While the information form did allow me to define the nature and extent of my masochism at no point had it asked how submissive I was. Did the Mistress have any right to assume that, because I had chosen to session with someone identified as a Dominant, I wanted to lick her shoes and be spat on? I think not.
Dominant and Submissive, Sadist and Masochist are not absolute terms in stark black or white. Instead they are each an axis of character and personality on which we are all at different places. Together they create a chart where we each have our own spot, probably in one of the green areas.* A strongly submissive person can have a low pain tolerance and unless he/she makes this clear may have a very unpleasant session indeed. A strong masochist who doesn’t specify what he/she wants is unlikely to be satisfied with a mild spanking. On the other side, for some tops it is all about domination and power while, for others, it is about inflicting pain. For two people playing for the first time simple top/bottom or dom/sub labels are not enough. For a mutually fulfilling session the pre-session communication has in effect to define where each partner sits on this chart.
So a Switch is in the middle where the lines cross. Right?
Wrong. The lines cross at Vanilla – no kink at all.
A switch effectively has two personas, each of which has a unique position on the chart. Taking myself as an example: as a sub I am rather strongly masochistic but only weakly submissive. As a dom I am fairly mildly dominant (yes, I want her tied up but I am not going to verbally abuse her) but fairly sadistic, perhaps because I am looking for her to have the pain sensations that are such a turn-on for me. So this is my personal chart. I think that if I actually showed this to a sex worker before we had our first session the chances of a fulfilling experience would be hugely increased.
Like much of BDSM it all comes down to self awareness and good communication. Without both of these things what is left is effectively floundering around in the dark without a map. Never a good plan.
* It is perfectly possible to be in the blue areas. In a recent blog I described a session where a Mistress “Topped From The Bottom”, taking a role that was both dominant and masochistic, while I was enjoying spanking her without ever once being anything other than submissive. A bit paradoxical for some but fun. It this was your core kink and how you identified yourself then your emoji would be in one or the other blue area depending on whether you liked to top from the bottom or to be topped from the bottom. Confused. Try it, you’ll see.
MORE SUBMISSIVE (sinful sunday) 17th October 2020 In "Sinful Sunday"
ANATOMY OF A CANING – no pain, no gain 15th June 2016 In "The nature of kink"
Since you pointed me at this, it is a brilliant post.
That kind of session would be “old socks” to me, too. I have a theory about how the Internet has perverted what a dominant or submissive are expected to be and how they expect the other to behave. It’s a sort of Gresham’s Law, the bad has driven out the good.
Dommes feel pressured to advertise and then behave in the same way as they see everyone else doing – humiliation, degredation for the worthless worm who is honoured to approach her. The submissive has fantasies but wants to conform to what appears to be the norm, so accepts no respect and his worthlessness.
It’s a dire and depressing circle that many never break out of.
This is fascinating and well overdue. There should be a questionnaire so that people can be placed in the right place in the right quadrant. There are political questionnaires that do this and some of them are pretty good. I guess I am submissive and masochistic in equal measure. I don’t (yet) know how much pain I can take, but worshipping feet and kissing leather boots, or having hot wax dropped on me is just, well, boring. it’s fear and mind games, topped with unexpected levels of pain, that get me off.
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Gil Haddi — March 4, 2013 — Naughty
There is something thrillingly disturbing about the masochistic ideas people come up with, intentionally trying to cause physical pain to themselves and mental anguish to those watching.
Almost everyone participates in some form of masochism, whether its wearing super high heels and extremely uncomfortable clothes for the sake of fashion, or getting piercings and tattoos in order to make a beautiful statement. Torturous photography is often used in advertising campaigns in order to draw attention to a cause or idea because people can't help but stare at, and then hold onto those kinds of visuals.
With everything from fashion choices, advertisements, self-mutilation and expressive photography, intentional depictions of pain and suffering are consistently prevalent throughout. The strange and bizarre masochistic tenancies of the human race are really intriguing to document.
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Gigi Engle
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.
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When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM —an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating . “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness , a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play , international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series . “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
Put them over your knee and show them what happens to naughty people who break the rules. Just remember to aim for the fleshy parts of the body, such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.
Or, you could deny them a spanking. “Sometimes a submissive will ‘act out’ to get the punishment that they really enjoy," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. "One way to punish them is to NOT give them what they enjoy."
Force your sub to agree to keep their pretty little mouth shut. You can go a step further by not allowing your submissive to speak while in a public place without asking permission first.
This would be cruel outside of a consenting dom/sub dynamic, but hot as hell if both parties are into it. “[This entails] getting your submissive dressed up for an event that they really enjoy, but upon arrival making them sit outside on the ground with their hands in their lap and not allow them to come into the event for a specific amount of time,” Sparks says.
Make your submissive walk on all fours with a collar and a leash like a dog. You can incorporate a dog mask designed for kink, like this one , and even take the act outside for the public humiliation factor.
This is a form of public degradation: You make your submissive wear a shirt that literally says "slut" on it.
“Chain your partner to the bed and leave them there to wait for your return,” Saynt says. “Leave your home and decide how long you want to make them wait for you. Come back to them begging you to set them free.” Oh, the fun that can ensue afterward!
This is when you "make" your partner "take" the pleasure, even if it feels like over-stimulation. “Force your partner to have orgasms until they are completely overwhelmed—then keep going,” Play says.
This is when the dom has sex with someone else and forces the sub to watch. Cuckolding is a more advanced activity, and we suggest doing your research before bringing a new person into the bedroom. For a slightly tamer version, the dominant partner can make the submissive watch them get off with a toy.
“Refuse to let your partner pleasure you and make them beg for a taste," Saynt suggests. "Come within a few inches of their mouth, watch their tongue slip out and get just close enough but not quite there. Make your body their prize and make the longing for it the punishment.”
“Grab ice cubes and use them to run along your partner's
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