Masc 4 Masc
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Masc 4 Masc
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The way Masc4Masc has caused issues within the gay community.
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Sam Houston State University
University of Houston
The content you see here is paid for by the advertiser or content provider whose link you click on, and is recommended to you by Revcontent. As the leading platform for native advertising and content recommendation, Revcontent uses interest based targeting to select content that we think will be of particular interest to you. We encourage you to view your opt out options in Revcontent's Privacy Policy
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Open any gay dating app right now, and you are going to be greeted with profiles of men whose usernames, taglines, and descriptions include the dreaded "Masc4Masc" phrase. For those of you who are not familiar with Masc4Masc, or masculine for masculine, it is an identifier that indicates a gay individual who conforms to a heteronormative idea of masculinity and is searching for the same.
Masculinity has evolved over the last century to take on a whole other meaning: the idea that men who are masculine are somehow superior to those of us that have more feminine qualities. This ideology has caused men who are feminine to feel unwanted because of who they are, and it has caused those who were raised in a more masculine environment to feel like exploring femininity is not an option.
While there is nothing wrong with being masculine as a gay man, there is an issue with being masculine and viewing those who are not as lesser. This thought comes from the ideology that expressing femininity as a male equates to being weak, oversensitive, and unattractive. When you write Masc4Masc on your dating profile, you are shaming other for expressing themselves.
Which raises the question: what is masculinity? If you Google that, you will get about 15,100,000 results. Most of these results will discuss how being masculine revolves around being strong, brave, and showing no emotion. These results are the social construct of masculinity; there are many ways to be masculine. Masculinity is influenced by your upbringing, your culture, and your personal definition of what it is to be masculine.
The definition of masculinity differs from person to person. We can't simplify the idea of gender expression to someone's appearance, the pitch of voice, or the way a man chooses to hold himself. The desire for only masculine men is problematic because we shouldn't be playing straight until proven guilty when dating.
Let me put that into the better words: we shouldn't have to pretend to be something we are not just to get a shot with you. Instead, maybe you should consider opening your mind and understanding that femininity is a great quality to have because it allows us to feel. It makes it possible to see things from a different perspective, and, most of all, we might help you discover your femininity in the process.
"Masc4Masc," "Straight acting," "No Fems"--all of those taglines go hand in hand. Why is acting straight such a desirable thing when you're gay, and why is being gay thought of as just being feminine? Saying you're "straight acting" is no more than a nasty way of saying I don't want to be associated with being gay, even though I am. Saying "No Fems" is just a rude way of saying you don't like a group of people for being who they are.
While these terms are notorious for displaying your ignorance, it's okay to be masculine. It's okay to find masculine men attractive. If that is your preference, then so be it. Just make sure you're not doing it out of a place of internalized homophobia or internalized misogyny. So how do you tell if that's truly just a preference? If you look at a feminine man and you feel no attraction, but you feel disgusted or annoyed, then it would be a good time to check yourself. Feeling disgusted or annoyed by the way someone expresses themselves indicates a personal problem with yourself, but it doesn't indicate a problem with the individual who chooses to express themselves in a feminine way.
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You might be surprised to learn that nearly half of women over the age of 50 struggle with uncomfortable symptoms due to vaginal dryness. This is an extremely common issue for those entering menopause, but it can also affect those of a younger age as well. Common issues like UTI’s, yeast infections and medications can cause vaginal dryness but one of the big culprits for both cause and prevention is diet. Supplementing your diet with nutrients and vitamins to encourage your body to produce the hormones it needs are one of the many home remedies for dryness . There are many factors that can cause dryness and the uncomfortable symptoms that come along with it, and diet is one of the big culprits on the list. Keep reading to learn about adopting nutrition habits that both alleviate and prevent dryness!
They could be some of your favorites.
It goes without saying what July 4 th symbolizes for Americans and undoubtedly its more important holiday. From parades to foods to speeches, all Americans know that it relates to the day when the 13 original colonies broke free of England, then ruled by King George III. A sometimes-overlooked aspect of Independence Day is bonding with family and friends. That is, after all, where my favorite memories were.
It's ridiculous the government thinks they have the right to control what a woman should do with her body
According to New York Times , in 2019 abortion had been banned in seven states, Ohio, Kentucky, Utah, Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia. Utah and Arkansas are limiting abortions in the middle of the second trimester. Ohio, Kentucky, Mississippi and Georgia passed heartbeat bans which does not allow abortion after detecting a heartbeat from the fetus. Also, Alabama does not allow abortions even if a person was raped said CBS. Although, "Abortion is necessary in order to prevent a serious health risk to the woman." The Supreme Court just overturned Roe vs. Wade.
I was raised in a strict, Irish-Catholic family. My parents and grandparents, even though I love them, instilled many beliefs in me that I came to disagree with as I grew older, things like "homosexuality is weird and wrong." I eventually rejected many of these ideas once I began growing into myself, but there was always one belief I let ring true well into my teen years: abortion is the murder of an unborn baby.
What’s with gay men seeking “masculine only” partners?
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When you’re a closeted gay boy, masculinity performance is one of the tools you use to survive. For those who are unwilling or unable to maintain a facade, straight boys seize upon your feminine mannerisms and call your gender into question, teasing you until the way you act without thinking becomes something to be ashamed of.
But what they don’t tell you is that once you’re out of the closet, you’re out of the frying pan and into the fire, honey—because many gay men have the same hang-ups about masculinity as those spiteful boys from middle school. The performance of masculinity dictates how some gay men communicate on gay hookup and dating apps: those who identify as “masc,” those who specifically seek out “MASC ONLY (no femme!!)” guys, and those who both identify as masculine as well as prefer it in their partners — the masc4masc.
“I was chatting with some guy on Grindr, late night (as these things go). He didn’t live that far from me so I agreed to meet up with him near his place. As I was getting ready (basically changing out of sweats), I got a random call. It was this guy. He was like, ‘Hey, how’s it going? I just usually like to call guys on the phone before meeting up to make sure they’re not too femme-y. Just like to see what they sound like.’ I was like, really???? WTF. I asked him if I passed the test, and he seemed to begrudgingly say sure, you sound fine, and was like, ‘We can still meet if you want…’ I ended up meeting him, but we were not on the same page for a lot of reasons. I was like, bye!” — Alex, 32
To get to the—ahem— bottom of this, I browsed gay hookup apps looking for guys who identify as or are looking for “masculine” men and asked what masculinity means to them. Guys on Grindr and Scruff with “masc4masc ONLY” emblazoned on their profiles use “no femmes” as a way to weed out the unworthy. It seems like a shallow and almost egregious way to find a mate — Darwin (to say nothing of Freud!) would certainly find the concept interesting. When I come across men on these apps who seem so dead-set on finding someone who’s “masc,” I wonder — what is it, exactly, they’re looking for? And what does it say about them? If we take traditional masculinity, heavily reliant on the social conventions of straight dudes, then they’re looking for someone “straight acting” — and yet despite some adult films I’ve seen, I’m not sure that fucking other guys is something that hypermasculine straight guys do very much.
Many of the definitions of masculinity center on what straight guys “should” be like, and therefore how the ideal gay guy “should” act: “speaking in a deep voice,” “playing and watching sports like football and basketball,” and “beer drinking” were all mentioned. “It means you act and represent yourself in the way society expects a man should behave,” said one guy who probably Googled the definition for me. “Straight acting and well built” implies that there are distinct masc and femme body types, most notably muscles — a definition many female athletes would scoff at.
“Guys expect me to be more rough or manly because of my ‘masculine’ signifiers such as facial and body hair. They also expect me to be dominant, which isn’t to say that I can’t be, but I do get a lot of messages from guys who assume I’m a total top, and that is so not the case. I’ve also met with guys who have been alarmed to find out my voice isn’t deeper.” — Ryan, 29
“Masculine in talking, body gestures, clothes,” explained a 24-year-old dude before he retracted: “I actually don’t mind feminine clothes, but talking feminine bothers me the most.” Not just a high pitch, he clarified, but “the pronunciation of words, saying stuff in a more feminine way.” How primal, that attraction in 2015 is so heavily influenced by the pitch of a sound emitted from a potential mate!
One guy, 32, told me that he had a “masculine upbringing” where you “had to be a man,” and that influenced his attraction to other masculine men. Being raised in an environment where masculinity meant survival can certainly condition a man to value it more than others who were raised in a way that encouraged all types of behaviors from childhood.
From a young age, gay men who are more effeminate are conditioned to conform to masculinity as a means of survival. As a flamboyant sixth grader constantly harassed by the other boys, I got an early lesson that the quieter, less emotive, and more steely my disposition, the better off I would be. This behavior carries over into adulthood with a subconscious, performative masculinity. The other day, I was told by a co-worker that when I’m in meetings or giving presentations, my voice deepens. It wasn’t something that I had registered (ha!), but I’m sure on some level, I’ve been programmed to think that I’ll be taken more seriously if I sound more masculine. Meaning: more like I’m a heterosexual man. There can be a similar phenomenon in dating:
“When I show up for a hookup and a guy is masc, I sort of assume a masc posture—especially since I’m usually going to be topping, and the expectation of a top is normally that he is masculine. I’ll modify my behavior, like consciously lowering my voice, because I assume that’s what’s sexy.” — Colin, 27
The guy who told me about his “hypermasculine upbringing” described himself as a “man’s man.” He also asserted that he “loves a real man!,” but stopped responding to me when I asked him what a fake man looks like. The intersectionality of race and masculinity can not be ignored, either. There’s an inherent masculinity or aggression that is assumed in men of color.
“I’ve encountered an expectation that black men must be hypermasculine to be attractive on these apps. One guy went from wanting to fuck me to wanting to train me at the gym and bulk me up, saying how I look like I’ve never seen the gym and need to gain more. He started talking about how he wants to train me and started recommending protein I can take to get bigger. I could tell he was getting off on it!” — David, 26
Some guys didn’t quite know how to define “masculine” outside of what isn’t feminine . Masculinity as the absence of feminine traits points at an avoidance, rather than a preference. Do men act masculine because they feel more comfortable that way, or are they just trying to do whatever it takes to not be feminine? Their revulsion to effeminate partners may make them cringe because it holds up a mirror to their own perceived sense of manhood.
These guys may not be seeking masculinity, but instead avoiding femininity, which—as one 27-year-old man pointed out—reveals an insecurity with the femme. This insecurity stems from the masculine being the ideal, and anything outside of that ideal positioned as “less than.” Men may look for masculine partners because they’re uncomfortable with a guy who “acts like a girl”—which is telling of the way our society treats those who act feminine (including all women). Someone who calls masc guys “real men” assumes gay men should be in mutually masculine partnerships—attracted to the masculine. To love and have sex with men means to love and have sex with the masculine. To be attracted to the feminine is a straight man’s preference. It’s absurd, really, that masc4masc dudes often refer to themselves as “straight acting,” considering that to act straight would be to pursue the feminine.
Do we subconsciously dress, act, date, and fuck in the way that we do because of how it may be perceived by others? Of course. But how much of it is for ourselves? In getting dressed in the morning, who do we do that for? Hell—the automatic reaction to, “I didn’t even realize you’re gay!” is, “Thank you!!” As if it’s a contest we’ve won — yes, I passed! Masculinity can be a kind of disguise; it is perhaps brilliant that Grindr’s logo is a mask in silhouette.
It seems, though, that “masc4masc” has recently been considered more tongue-in-cheek by some of the userbase. Some gay men are fighting back. Scruff has taken steps to create a more inclusive environment for all types of gay men to find partners with whom they click.
“Since Scruff added more femme-forward profile options [such as transgender, queer, and drag], I’ve had much fewer ‘masc only’ dudes contacting me. I see equal amounts of guys saying ‘masc only’ and guys making fun of the ‘masc only’ trend.” — Jesse, 25
Being able to identify with femme-inclusive identities in these spaces is certainly a step in the right direction. Gay men are showing their disdain for “masc only” rhetoric through humor, putting lines like, “YES fats, YES femmes!” and, “thuper mathc guy looking for other thuper mathc guyth” in their profiles. I’ve seen Scruff guys explain the lack of preference on their profile with an, “I’m open to everything!” and guys proclaiming, “LOOKING FOR FEMME ONLY!”
Most gay men are hyper self-aware of their gendered behavior, and have a pretty good idea of how masculine or feminine they consider themselves to be. As for me? It was difficult enough coming to terms with the fact that I’m gay to begin with, and I just got over the fact that I’ve aged out of my prime twink years—no longer fitting neatly into any of the checkable categories on Grindr or Scruff. But, fine. I can exist outside the lines. What I can’t do is allow myself to stress over any additional labels that hinge on heteronormative stereotypes. I’m not “straight acting” — I’m not straight!
Masculinity isn’t in the eye of the beer-holder. The only requirement for being a man is believing that you are one. And if that’s not man enough for the guy you’re talking to on Grindr — block ’em.
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“ Masc 4 Masc” is a phrase with which many gay men on dating apps are familiar. Men often describe themselves this way to indicate that they’re masculine-acting, and are seeking other masculine-acting individuals. Those who use the term tend to be straight-passing men who refuse to communicate with anyone other than straight-passing men, and therefore dismiss and/or degrade feminine or androgynous people. They sometimes use the term “no fems ” as well.
By sam kalidi October 30, 2015 at 8:10am · 279 comments
Free of an agenda (except that gay one)
Online comedian, voice actor and chest hair model Sam Kalidi creates a new meme each week for Queerty readers. This week he considers members of the gay community who are obsessed with obvious signs of masculinity. Sam looks forward to all your hate mail. You can find him on Twitter , Facebook , Instagram and at your local glory hole.
No. It’s fucking stupid but not homophobic. Just really fucking self loathing.
I think it’s a preference, all types of people are into all types.
So precisely who is being harmed here? Some people like sprinkles and some chocolate on their ice cream, so what?
Not homophobic but absolutely impacts the community with a negative vibe. A gentleman can turn any guy away in muerous ways without direspecting ones uncontrollable demeanor. It is offensive just not homophobic.
Which is a good question, how does one with a cis male demeanor inform a non cis white male they’re not interested or their type?
People who scream ‘Masc4masc’ usually do not like effeminate men. They don’t want to be associated with ‘those gays that make us look bad.’ It’s hypocritical and downright homophobic.
That’s it. I’m done with this I have to fuck . No I don’t. Stop pushing for a guilt fuck you little PC rapists. No means no.
It’s not homophobic. It’s just stupid and a bit delusional. To this day no man can clearly define to me what is “masculine”. It seems guys have such differing opinions on it.
So a guy has a shaved head, beard and loves sports, but when he opens his mouth he doesn’t have a “manly” voice he is seen as not masculine. Yet, a guy who waxes his chest, shaves his pubes, doesn’t watch sports and has a deep v
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