Mary Had A Little Dick
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Mary Had A Little Dick
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Now I dont normally do these but I just got these in my in-box. Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her Thighs Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front but she didn't wear that one very often. Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread. Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up it's ass and turned it's wool to nylon Anyone got more. And try to keep them reasonably clean. [Mod Edit: enhanced the subject title, nothing else...] [This message was edited by Deffexor on November 05, 2003 at 20:08.]
Roses are red Violets are red I can make a rhyme And my parents are dead.
From the pen of Nigel Blackwell: Mary had a little lamb, The doctors were astounded. Everywhere that Mary went Gynecologists surrounded.
Mary had a little lamb, And it was always gruntin' She tied it to a five bar fence, And kicked it's little c*** in. Yeah - sorry about that one -- View image here: http://arstechnica.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif --
Mary had a little sheep, and with that sheep she went to sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram. Mary had a little lamb.
I hate to quote Andrew Dice Clay, but this one always has stuck with me (for no good reason).
Some more Andrew Dice Clay ones (I take no responsibility for how nasty these are): Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And said "Hey, what's in the bowl, BITCH!" Peter Peter Pumpkin eater Had a wife and loved to beat her Slapped her twice across the head F**ked her ass and went to bed Hickory Dickory Dock Some chick was sucking my c**k The clock struck two I dropped my goo And dropped the bitch off at the next block (Updated: edited for content)
You always gotta add the "Oh Yeah!" for Dice along with the neck pop.
Yet another Dice: Mary, Mary, quite contrary, Shave that pussy, it's so damn hairy!
When Mary had a little lamb, The doctors were surprised; When Old MacDonald had a farm, The doctors nearly died. Mary had a little sip, Now Mary is no more. What Mary thought was H2O, Was H2SO4.
Mary had a little lamb, She also had a duck, she put them on the window sill, to see if they would... fall down. Mary had a little lamb, she put it in a bucket, every time the lamb got loose, the neighbor's dog would... bring it back.
two more Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, What have you got there? said the Pieman unto Simon, Pies, you d=A3$khead. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and torn. It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her, But Little Boy Blue and his horn. And finally Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "F*ck him, He's only an egg". Keep em coming
Willy reminds me of Tom Lehrer's "Irish Song".
Mary had a little lamb With some peas and mashed potatoes.
Blue Adept - I remember all the verses to that but the 7-up one... On topic: Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow She lost it visiting DC Mayor Barry thought it was blow
Mary had a little lamb, But Mary was a glutton. So Mary sat down, tucked right in To mint jelly and mutton.
Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme But this one doesn't. Roses are red, I like Spaghetti-O's. Now what in the world Rhymes with "fellatio?" Roses are useless, Violets are banal. Let's skip the head And get right to the anal.
The roses are wilted The violets are dead Sugar is lumpy And so is your head I got nuthin'
Warning - not for the squeamish or polite company... There once was a girl named Jill Who used dynamite for a thrill. The found her vagina over North Carolina And her tits all over Brazil. There once was a man named Jake A good husband he would not make, For when he practiced his art, His bride blew apart, As his cum would fill up a lake.
2Live Crew Dirty Nursery Rhymes My mama and your mama was talking little shit My mama called your mama a bulldagging ass bitch I know your sister, and the bitch ain't shit She slayed me and all the boys And even sucked our dicks Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun Jack got mad, kicked Jill in the ass Cause she couldn't make him cum Mama Bear and Papa Bear went for a walk through the forest Mama Bear asked Papa Bear could he eat her porridge Papa Bear said 'shit bitch, you must think I'm sick Just get down here, on your knees And suck this badass dick' Abraham Lincoln was a good old man He hopped out the window with his dick in his hand Said 'excuse me lady, I'm doing my duty So pull down your pants and give me some booty [Fresh Kid Ice] There's an old lady who lives in a shoe Got a house full of kids don't know what to do She sucked and fucked all the niggas around When it's time to pay rent couldn't none be found Little miss Muffet sat on a tuffet With her legs gapped open wide Up came a spider, looked up inside her CLICK ABOVE TO VISIT OUR SPONSORS And said 'that pussy's wide' Little Jack Horner sat in a corner Fucking this cutie pie Stuck in his thumb, made the bitch cum Said 'hell of a nigga am I' Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall Cause a hoe on the ave. was sucking his balls All the king's horses and all the king's men Couldn't put that fat motherfucker back together again [Luke] Hey wait, I got one, did this, I got one, check this out The two dudes, dig this, the two dudes Two dudes dressed like nuns, right [Brother Marquis] Little Red Riding Hood was on her way To grandmother's house But before she got there she met this man That turned her hot ass out [Fresh Kid Ice] Rupunzle, Rupunzle let down your hair The dog's on my ass and getting near The hair came loose and fell in a lake Bitch check the weave that's in that lake [Luke] Bitch, get that weave out! You dirty bitch, get that weave out! Mix say, bitch get that weave out... (Hey! You ruined my record, man, I just bought it!) -> Cheech and Chong
The Ballad of Eskimo Nell When a man grows old and his balls grow cold, And the tip of his prick turns blue; When it bends in the middle like a one-string fiddle, He can tell you a tale or two. So pull up a chair and stand me a drink, And a tale to you I'll tell About Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete And a harlot named Eskimo Nell. When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete Go forth in search of fun, It's Dead-Eye Dick that swings the prick, And Mexican Pete the gun. When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete Are sore, depressed and sad, It's always a cunt that bears the brunt, But the shooting's not so bad. Now Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete Lived down by Dead Man's Creek, And such was their luck that they'd had no fuck For nigh on half a week. Oh, a moose or two, and a caribou, And a bison cow or so, But for Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick, This fucking was mighty slow. Dick pound on his cock with a huge piece of rock, And he said, "I want to play!, It's been almost a week at this fucking creek, With no cunt coming my way!" So, do or dare, this horny pair Set off for the Rio Grande: Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick, And Pete with his gun in hand. Then, as they blazed their noisy trail, No man, their path withstood. Many a bride, her husband's pride, A pregnant widow stood. They reached the strand of the Rio Grand At the height of a blazing noon. To slake their thirst, and do their worst, They sought Black Mike's saloon. The swinging doors they pushed back wide, Both prick and gun flashed free. "According to sex, you bleeding wrecks, You'll drink or you'll fuck with me!" Now, they'd heard of the prick of Dead-Eye Dick, From the Yukon to Panama, So, with scarcely worse than a muttered curse, The fellows all sought the bar. When Dick walked in to a house of sin, The whores all cursed their luck, Not even a tart dared let out a fart, When he said - "I want to fuck!" The girls they knew of his playful ways Down on the Rio Grande, And forty whores pulled down their drawers At Dead-eye Dick's command. For they saw the finger of Mexican Pete Move on the trigger grip, So they didn't wait and at a fearful rate Those whores began to strip. Now, Dead-Eye Dick was breathing quick With lecherous snorts and grunts, So forty butts were bared to view, And likewise forty cunts. Now, forty butts and forty cunts, If you can use your wits, And if you're slick, at arithmetic, Makes exactly eighty tits. Sure, eighty tits are a gladsome sight For a man with a raging stand. It may be rare in Berkeley Square, But not on the Rio Grande! Now Dead-Eye Dick had fucked a few On the last preceding night, This he had done just to have some fun And to whet his appetite. His phallic limb was in fucking trim. As he backed and took a run, He made a dart at the nearest tart, and scored a hole in one. The lady he bore to the dusty floor, And there he filled her fine, And though she grinned, it put the wind Up the other thirty-nine. When Dead-Eye Dick lets loose his prick, He has no time to spare, With speed and strength, combined with length, He fairly singes hair. He had made a dart at the next fair tart, When into that harlot's hell Strode a gentle maid who was unfraid: Her name was Eskimo Nell. But Dead-Eye Dick had got his prick Well into number two, When Eskimo Nell let out a yell. She bawled to him, "Hey, you!" Dick gave a flick of his muscular prick, And the girl flew over his head, He then wheeled about with an angry shout; His face and his balls were red. Nell glanced our hero up and down, His looks she seemed to decry. With utter scorn, she sneered at the horn Which rose from his hairy thigh. She blew the smoke of her cigarette All over his steaming knob. So utterly beat was Mexican Pete That he failed to do his job. It was Eskimo Nell who broke the spell In accents clear and cool: "You cunt-struck shrimp of a Yankee pimp! You call that thing a tool? "If this here town can't take that down," She said to those cowering whores, "There's another cunt that can do the stunt, But it Eskimo Nell's, not yours." She dropped her garments one by one With an air of consumate pride, And as she stood in her womanhood, They saw the Great Divide. She seated herself on a table top, Where someone had left a glass. With a twitch of her tits, she crushed it to bits Between the cheeks of her ass. She flexed her knees with supple ease, And spread her thighs apart. With a friendly nod to the mangy sod, She gave him the cue to start. Now, Dead-Eye Dick knew more than one trick, And he meant to take his time, For a woman like this was orgasmic bliss, So he played the pantomime. He flexed his asshole to and fro, And made his balls inflate, Until they looked like the granite knobs On the top of a palace gate. He blew his anus inside out, His balls increased in size, His mighty prick grew twice as thick And reached almost to his eyes. He polished his dick with alcohol, Then, to make it steaming hot, He finished the job, when he sprinkled his knob With a cayenne pepperpot. Then he did neither start to run Nor did he take a leap, Nor did he stoop, but with a swoop Began a steady, forward creep. As a marksman might, he took a sight Along his mighty tool, And his steady grin as he pushed it in Showed a calculated cool. Have you ever seen the pistons On the mighty C.P.R., With the driving force of a thousand horse? Well, then you know what pistons are. Or, you think you do, but you've yet to see The ins and outs of the trick Of the work that's done on a non-stop run By a fellow like Dead-Eye Dick. But Eskimo Nell was no infidel, As good as a whole harem With the strength of ten in her abdomen And the Rock of Ages between. With nary a scream, she could take the stream Like the flush of a watercloset. Now, she gripped his cock like a Chatswood Lock On the National Safe Deposit. But Dead-Eye Dick would not come quick, He meant to conserve his powers, For if he'd a mind, he'd grind and grind For sixteen solid hours. Nell lay a while with a subtle smile, Then the grip of her cunt grew keener, And a squeeze of her thigh then sucked him dry With the ease of a vacuum cleaner. She performed this trick in a way so slick As to set in complete defiance The principal cause and basic laws That govern sexual science. She calmly rode through the phallic code Which for years had withstood the test, And the ancient rules of the classic schools In a moment or two, went west. Right here, my friend, we come to the end Of copulation's classic: The effect on Dick was sudden and quick And akin to an anaesthetic. He fell to the floor, and he knew no more, His passions extinct and dead, Nor did he shout as his cock fell out, Though 'twas stripped right down to a thread. Then, Mexican Pete did leap to his feet To avenge his pal's affront, With a jarring jolt of his blue-nosed Colt, He rammed it up Nellie's cunt. He rammed it hard to the trigger guard, Then fired two times three, But to his surprise, Nell closed her eyes And smiled in ecstacy. She rose to her feet with a smile so sweet, Then "Bully," she said, "for you. Though I might have guessed that that was the best That you two poor pimps could do. "When next, my friend, that you intend To sally forth for fun, Buy Dead-Eye Dick a sugar stick, And yourself an elephant gun. "I'm going forth to the frozen North Where the peckers are hard and strong, Back to the land of the frozen stand Where the nights are six months long. "It's hard as tin when they put it in In the land where spunk is spunk. Not a trickling stream of lukewarm cream, But a solid, frozen chunk. "Back to the land where they understand What it means to fornicate, Where even the dead sleep two in a bed And the babies masturbate. "Back to the land of the grinding gland, Where the walrus plays wit
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