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Elite Daily Newsletter: August 12, 2022
Elite Daily Newsletter: August 10, 2022
You Don’t Need to Fix Your Feelings
By Anonymous, as told to Anna Goldfarb
© 2022 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
There is nothing more bitter than divorce. Two people who used to love each other just battling it out, as if they were longtime enemies. This divorce letter from one husband to his estranged wife really captures the essence of the devastating process... Except this man really knows how to end things while getting a leg up.
In between telling his wife how much he misses her, he manages to explain in detail about anal sex with her 18-year-old sister and kinky sex with the single mom they met at the Holiday Inn last year. He makes sure to tell her how much these women just make him miss her, but the overall tone is damn bitter with a hefty side of sexual revenge. It's pretty epic.
If you have bad vision, we typed it out for you here:
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period but I couldn't wait anymore.
The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talkin. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of thing. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore.I don;t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudyly as our hurt.
This is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie. I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, just to illustrate hte depth of my desperation She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right?
As I sat ont he couch being blown by this stunner, I though, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. Wht does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'' just growing up a little.
Later, after I tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. I didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie. I'm going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till alter, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next think you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when shes's not hung up about her weight or her career or whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too because I can't help thinking, "why didn't Connie ever put the mirror ont he floor?" We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicki's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's giving me a lot of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together. Connie, she really is.
So we're doing Jell-O shots in the hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueld some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.
Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?
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Renee Swope
Best-selling author of A Confident Heart, Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Radio Co-host, “Everyday Life with Lysa & Renee”
Denise J. Hughes
Author of Deeper Waters and the Word Writers Bible Study series
Steve Grissom
Founder, DivorceCare support groups
Leah DiPascal
Speaker & writer, First 5 App, blogger at A Fresh Awakening
Wendy Blight
Proverbs Online Bible Study Leader/Author/Speaker
Wendy Pope
Author of Hidden Potential, founder and executive director of Word Up Ministries
Liz Curtis Higgs
Bestselling author of Bad Girls of the Bible
Courtney Joseph
Writer at WomenLivingWell.org, the home of Good Morning Girls
Rachel Wojnarowski
Author/Speaker/Writer
Sharon Jaynes
Author of 21 books including Take Hold of the Faith You Long For and The Power of a Woman’s Words
Leah DiPascal
Author, Bible teacher, cofounder of Lighten Up Sweet Pea podcast
Karen Ehman
Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker; author of seven books including LET. IT. GO. How to Stop Running the Show & Start Walking in Faith and Everyday Confetti, wife of college sweetheart Todd; Mom to daughter Kenna and sons Mitchell and Spencer.
Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Author of the award- winning book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
Cheri Gregory
Coauthor of Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity
Lysa TerKeurst
New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries
Ashley Walkup
Founder of EmbracingBeauty.com
Robin Bertram
Author of No Regrets, speaker, Vice President of Media Relations at Christian Women in Media Association
Daniel G. Amen, MD
Physician, founder of Amen Clinics and BrainMD, double board certified psychiatrist and nine-time New York Times bestselling author
Renee Swope
Best-selling author of A Confident Heart, Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Radio Co-host, “Everyday Life with Lysa & Renee”
Denise J. Hughes
Author of Deeper Waters and the Word Writers Bible Study series
Steve Grissom
Founder, DivorceCare support groups
Leah DiPascal
Speaker & writer, First 5 App, blogger at A Fresh Awakening
Wendy Blight
Proverbs Online Bible Study Leader/Author/Speaker
Wendy Pope
Author of Hidden Potential, founder and executive director of Word Up Ministries
Liz Curtis Higgs
Bestselling author of Bad Girls of the Bible
Courtney Joseph
Writer at WomenLivingWell.org, the home of Good Morning Girls
Rachel Wojnarowski
Author/Speaker/Writer
Sharon Jaynes
Author of 21 books including Take Hold of the Faith You Long For and The Power of a Woman’s Words
Leah DiPascal
Author, Bible teacher, cofounder of Lighten Up Sweet Pea podcast
Karen Ehman
Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker; author of seven books including LET. IT. GO. How to Stop Running the Show & Start Walking in Faith and Everyday Confetti, wife of college sweetheart Todd; Mom to daughter Kenna and sons Mitchell and Spencer.
Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Author of the award- winning book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
Cheri Gregory
Coauthor of Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity
Lysa TerKeurst
New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries
Ashley Walkup
Founder of EmbracingBeauty.com
Robin Bertram
Author of No Regrets, speaker, Vice President of Media Relations at Christian Women in Media Association
Daniel G. Amen, MD
Physician, founder of Amen Clinics and BrainMD, double board certified psychiatrist and nine-time New York Times bestselling author
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Partner: “a person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor; sharer; associate; a person associated with another in a joint venture, usually sharing its risks and benefits; a player on the same side or team as another.”
Companion: “a person who is frequently in the company of another; a person employed to accompany, assist, or live with another in the capacity of a helpful friend; a mate or match for something.”
Helper: “a person or thing that helps or gives assistance, support, etc.; aid, assistant; supporter, backer, auxiliary, ally.”
The day we profess our commitment to our husbands on our wedding day, and recite our vows, is the day we become his partner, helper, and companion in God’s eyes. The cumulative definitions above exemplify what those vows really mean, and how God calls a wife to be – but sometimes filling these shoes is much easier said than done.
In Genesis 2:20b-22 says, “ But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”
God created Eve so that she could be Adam’s companion, helper and partner in life. The first love story known to man, ordained by God.
But considering the fact that we live in an entirely different world than Adam and Eve lived in, with an entirely different set of societal issues and problems to face and overcome, does God still expect us to be our man’s helper?
In fact, is it even still relevant for us to consider ourselves a “helper” to our husbands, here in the 21st century, when women’s equality is a burning hot topic?
You may not want to hear this answer – but absolutely! Gods Word Was, and Is, and Is to come.
If He proclaimed it as truth then, it still holds strong as an infallible truth today. His Word never changes in meaning, implications or applications for our lives, regardless of how much time passes, or how much society would like us to believe that scripture is irrelevant or outdated.
However, being our husband’s helper does not mean being subservient, less than, inferior or controlled. It does not mean surrendering or accepting any type of abuse, or considering ourselves as inferior to our husband. It does not mean justifying abuse or blaming ourselves, or surrendering to a life filled with patterns of pain.
Being a helper means giving our husband our very best and making him a priority in every area of our life, so that our marriage can thrive. It means helping him become the man God called him to be, by being the wife God called us to be. Being a helper is not an admission of weakness, but a sign of strength, confidence and great faith.
Recently I was reading through the passages in Leviticus about the many sacrifices and holy practices that the Israelites were required to do in order to stay in God’s favor, since the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ had yet to take place. These Old Testament passages can be very hard to get through because of all the bloody sacrifices and exhausting details about everything and everyone. Yet tucked within all those details are simple yet profound truths.
In Leviticus 23:9 for example, the Lord said to Moses, “….. When you enter the land I am giving you and you harvest its first crops, bring the priest a bundle of grain from the first cutting of your grain harvest.”
Notice he said “first crops”, “first cuttings” and “first harvest”.
Not our second crops. Not the crops that we don’t really want to keep for ourselves. Not the crops that we feel we can spare. But the first crops. Not the second cuttings of harvests, after the best has been consumed, but the first and best harvests for God alone.
The reason God asked for their “first crops” of the harvest is because He wanted their very best, not their leftovers. And God wants us to give our very best too – in every area of our life.
We are called to put God first in all that we do – in our faith, our work, our parenting, our marriages, and our commitments to our husbands. But the reality is that on far too many days, I know I give my husband my leftovers. I may have given my “first crops” to ministry, work, housework, community, extended family or children. And he gets the leftovers of what I have to give – if anything is left at all. And ashamedly, I sometimes give God my leftovers too.
A few years ago, I read a story in my friend Melanie Chitwood’s book, “What A Husband Needs From His Wife” , that went like this:
“What are we having for dinner?” When I said that we were having macaroni and cheese with hot dogs (again!), I was sharply convicted of my wrong priorities. I had put someone else… ahead of my own family. I had gone many extra miles to make the meal I was taking to someone I had never met, but I was throwing together something quick and easy for my own husband and children. In short, I was giving something to someone else that I had not first given to the people closest to me!”
I could certainly relate to Melanie’s confession. I have put others needs above those of my own family at times, and given my family the leftovers. I have given my sweetest attitude to people in my church or community, while exhibiting a lack of patience and tolerance to my own husband and children. I have been willing to go out of my way to help someone else with a servant’s heart, but then felt resentful when I had to go out of my way to help my husband with something he requested of me.
As a helper, companion and partner to our husbands, I believe God calls us to give our first crops to Him first, but then also to give our first crops to our husbands.
God wants us to put helping our husbands at the top of our priority lists; to be someone he can share life with and enjoy the blessings that come from that togetherness; to be a helpful friend; to be their mate; to be their encourager; to be someone who gives assistance, support and acts as their ally. First crops that might be hard to offer, but that will reap a harvest of bounty in every way.
This verse in Leviticus, although nestled quietly in the stories of sacrifices and rituals, helped me remember the importance of giving God, and my husband, my first crops. My very best on both accounts. Because neither one deserves any leftovers.
DAY 13 CHALLENGE: Embrace the role of being your husband’s PARTNER/HELPER/COMPANION
The challenge today is to consider whether or not you are you giving God your “first crops”, and secondly, are you giving your husband your “first crops”. Are you giving God your very best, and are you giving your husband your very best?
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