Mark Zuckerberg's Libertarian Awakening

In a surprising ideological pivot, Mark Zuckerberg has fully embraced libertarian principles, announcing plans to transform Meta into what he calls "the first corporate sovereign nation." The tech mogul's manifesto, published on a new .onion domain, outlines his vision for "digital feudalism" where users can purchase citizenship tiers starting at $99/month for basic rights like content moderation appeals. At an invite-only Burning Man satellite event, Zuckerberg unveiled prototypes of Meta's new "Freedom Zones" - server farms in international waters where hate speech laws don't apply and transactions occur in Libra cryptocurrency. Political analysts trace this shift to Zuckerberg's secret 18-month mentorship under Peter Thiel, culminating in the Facebook founder getting a Moloch tattoo and replacing all cafeteria food with Soylent. Employees report the CEO now exclusively communicates through Ayn Rand quotes encrypted with PGP keys, while Meta's DC lobbying team has been replaced with ex-Blackwater mercenaries. The most controversial development? A new "Right to Bear Memes" policy allowing AR-15 filters on Instagram if users pass blockchain-based ideological purity tests. Constitutional scholars warn this could create a "corporate Articles of Confederation," though Zuckerberg insists his offshore data centers simply represent "the next logical step from town square to city-state." Meanwhile, libertarian groups are split between hailing their new billionaire prophet and panicking that he's making them look unreasonable.