Man With Huge Cock
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Man With Huge Cock
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Andrew Daniels
Andrew Daniels is the Senior Editor for Popular Mechanics.
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Believe it or not, there are downsides to packing a python.
There was Willie Jordan, flanked by a dozen friends and a few curious strangers in the back corner of a dimly lit pub.
“Get it out, get it out!” the rowdy spectators screamed. “Not here, not tonight,” Jordan answered. He liked this bar, and he didn’t want to get banned for performing his party trick.
Nonsense, they said, as they formed an ironclad circle around Jordan to protect him. He had found himself in this situation so many times before, and he knew when it was time to admit defeat.
So Jordan took a breath, carefully unbuttoned his pants, and pulled out his penis.
The audience erupted, delighted to catch a front-row glimpse of the biggest penis in Newcastle. It was a legendary penis in the North East England town, and its owner had become a quasi-celebrity because of it.
In his 20s, Jordan ate up the attention, showing off his super-sized schlong to whoever wanted to see it—and as rumors spread, his crowds ballooned.
“I understand human curiosity,” he says. “If I had a friend who had six or seven fingers on each hand, or two heads, I’d be curious to see them, too.”
But Jordan was now pushing 40, and the novelty of being a carnival attraction had long worn off. Desperate to get on with the night, he instinctively swung his big penis around like a piece of rope—the usual act—and stuffed it back into his briefs. The show was over.
Or so he thought. One inebriated fan—the same man who had repeatedly asked Jordan to sleep with his girlfriend that evening—demanded an encore, asking the performer to “just let it hang.” Fine, Jordan thought. Whatever will shut him up.
But as soon as he brought his prized possession back out, the groupie grabbed it. “He literally tried to pull it off my body,” says Jordan. “Maybe he was on drugs, trying to drag a man’s penis off like that.”
Jordan fell down and sprinted home. Within 10 minutes, his whole shaft—base to tip—was black and bruised, as if it had been through battle.
Flabbergasted, Jordan flocked to Facebook to post about his crazy encounter. Ten thousand miles across the Atlantic, his friend Jonah Falcon —himself the owner of an abnormally big penis, reportedly the biggest in the world—was the first to comment.
“You’re not trying to catch up to me, are you?”
Sometimes you’re left scrambling for the bar exit after a drunken stranger has seized your dick, and other times, you rupture a cyst on your girlfriend’s ovary during intercourse. That’s what happened to Todd—who requested anonymity for this story—back in high school, the first of many sexual mishaps caused by his big penis.
“She was doubled over in pain after we finished,” says Todd, 36. “Looking back, I don’t know how we avoided the emergency room.”
The repercussions of packing a python aren’t always so severe, but they’re endless. “When I tell people that, they kind of laugh,” Jordan says, “as if I don’t have a right to say it.”
You might roll your eyes, too, but Jordan, Falcon, and Todd do have “problematically large” penises, according to Brian Steixner, M.D., Medical Director of Urology at Barton Health . Per data in the Journal of Sexual Medicine , the average flaccid penis is somewhere between 3.5 to 4 inches, while the average erection falls in the 4.5- to 6.5-inch range.
“From what I can determine, if your penis is larger than 8 inches in length when erect, it puts you in the top 2 percent of people in the world,” Dr. Steixner says.
"In my 20s, I was like a kid in a candy store."
Todd measures 10 inches erect, Jordan one-ups him by about an inch, and Falcon boasts a whopping 13.5 inches at full mast. The 44-year-old New Yorker doesn’t officially own the world record, but that’s because there isn’t one.
Falcon’s big penis has been documented on HBO, in Rolling Stone , and on The Howard Stern Show , and he has pledged to donate his massive member to the Icelandic Phallological Museum when he dies.
Being famous for having a big penis sounds pretty great, and to be fair, all of the guys we interviewed for this story have used their good fortune to their sexual advantage. Falcon, for example, became a fixture in the horny NYC underground club scene thanks to his hog.
“If a guy could have sex with almost anyone he wanted to,” Falcon says, “he most certainly would. In my 20s, I was like a kid in a candy store.”
But eventually, the burdens start to overshadow the blessing.
“When guys tell me they wish they had my penis, they look up to me from a sexual, alpha-male point of view,” says Jordan. “But what percentage of your life do you spend actually using your penis for sex? Compare that number to how much you have to carry the burdens of it around, and the sexual ratio is quite the minority.”
Take something as simple as riding a bike. “It’s a nightmare,” Jordan says. “Where do I put my penis when I’m on a bike seat? I have to keep my legs closed, but they’re constantly rubbing. I end up just sitting on the thing. If I want to go for a nice ride in the country, the pain distracts from the euphoria of the journey itself.”
Using the restroom is an equally dicey proposition. “In a public urinal, if I’m not careful, my penis will hang down and touch the edge of the urinal—or the water,” Todd says. “Unfortunately, I’m a germaphobe.” (To avoid the same issue, Falcon has resigned to a life of peeing sitting down.)
Then there’s the condom conundrum. “I use the largest size possible—around 7.5 inches—and it only covers half my cock,” says Falcon.
When you constantly have to keep one hand on your rubber to make sure it doesn’t slip off during sex, as Todd does, it sucks some fun out of the process. “Even then, a lot of times the condoms end up either breaking or slipping inside of her when it’s all said and done,” he says.
As for other roadblocks in the bedroom, oral sex is often a nuisance. “My penis is thicker than my wrist, so girls have to adjust to the girth,” Falcon says. “But I’ve met very few people who can handle the width—and as a result, there’s a lot of teeth scraping. So I don’t really get off on getting sucked.”
Sometimes the trickiest part of sex is addressing the elephant in the room.
“Telling a woman about your penis size is just awkward in itself,” says Jordan. “A girl doesn’t want to feel like she has to have sex any differently with you. She wants to go with the flow, and not have to stop and slow things down if she’s in pain.”
For Jordan, the threat of these clumsy conversations looms heavy in his head. “It’s a shame when you’ve got a really intimate mental connection with someone and you feel like, ‘Do I want to tell this person, or just let it happen? It’s gotten to the point now where I avoid it.”
Recently, Jordan has instituted a 3-month, no-sex rule. “I’ll tell girls that I want to wait quite a few months before we do it.” His mission: to weed out the women who are interested in him primarily for his penis.
“I feel like I’ve been used for my penis in the past,” he says, “and now I just want to find my soul mate. I want a chick who wants to be with me for the right reasons.”
While Jordan is looking for love, the newly unemployed Falcon is looking for work—but his manhood is getting in the way.
Falcon is a budding actor who wades through desk jobs to pay the bills. He isn’t optimistic about his current search.
“Notoriety has robbed me of work,” he says. “When employers do a background check on me, they see that I’m famous for having a huge penis—and for whatever reason, that means I can’t do the job.”
Such discrimination shouldn’t happen, says Falcon, but it does. “I don’t get hired for one of two reasons: Either people are going to find out about my penis and hound me at work, or I’m going to walk around wearing bike shorts and hit on all the women there. But no one ever tells me that stuff when they don’t hire me, because then I could sue them.”
"I'm an actor, and I want to do real stuff. If I do porn, that's the end."
You’re probably thinking that an actor with a boner the size of a wine bottle could easily make a killing doing porn. Falcon has certainly been approached by producers, but he has rebuffed their offers every time.
“I’m an actor, and I want to do real stuff,” he insists. “If I do porn, that’s the end. I’ll never get another job besides porn . And men are just dildos as far as porn companies are concerned. How many rich male porn stars do you know aside from Ron Jeremy?”
Falcon’s job stress comes with side effects. “I’m always looking for steady work, so I don’t have the energy to find someone to be with,” he says.
“And when you’re constantly concerned about finding money and not being homeless, that tends to make you stressed out all the time. I’m not able to get it up for anybody.”
Many of Falcon’s life problems seem to trace back to those 13.5 inches. Which ultimately begs the question: Does he wish he was smaller?
“No,” he answers emphatically. “Would things be different if I had a 4-inch cock? I think so. I’d probably get more work, and I think I would’ve accomplished a lot more with my life. But I don’t like to be anything other than me.”
Todd, despite a long sexual history of “inserting my penis and feeling like I just killed somebody,” wouldn’t shrink down either.
“When I’m with a girl and pull down my pants, and then I see the look on her face, it’s a huge confidence builder in every regard,” says Todd.
And what about Jordan, the poor victim of an unfortunate sneak penis attack?
“If I had a graph that showed how many people on Earth would give anything to have my penis, for that reason alone, I should appreciate everything I have,” he says.
Call it pecker perspective. “It comes back to human nature. We have this great ability to adapt to our surroundings. Riding a bike is uncomfortable as hell, but I found the way to ride differently than anybody else. I’ve adapted.”
Including one big tweak to his behavior at the bar.
“Now I don’t pull out my penis for a crowd anymore.”
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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We're not size queens or anything but the HBO comedy Hung —about a man (Thomas Jane) with a large penis—premieres in June, and it got us thinking about big penises, the ultimate status symbol for men*. After the jump, a list of famous ones.
1.) Rasputin** The Russian mystic's disembodied penis is on display at the Russian museum of erotica in Saint Petersburg, in a tall jar, measuring 11 inches—flaccid.
2.) Liam Neeson In her autobiography No Lifeguard on Duty , Janice Dickinson wrote of her ex-boyfriend Liam Neeson, saying he had "the biggest penis of any man alive. He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out."
3.) Jay-Z Accounts from several different groupies say that Jigga is well endowed, "The biggest dick you will ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It's beyond huge. It could block the sun."
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4.) John Holmes Even though he had one of the most celebrated dicks in porn history, due to its size, there's no real documentation of his measurement. His manager claimed he was 13.5 inches, but Holmes' first wife said he measured it in front of her, before he started doing adult films, and it was 10 inches.
5.) Vincent Gallo Have you ever seen Brown Bunny ? (Link NSFW)
This rumor about how large his dick was has been around for a while, and at his Friars Club memorial in 2002, his friends joked about his size.
7.) Wilt Chamberlain His nickname was "Big Dipper." He claims to have gotten a lot of use out of it.
8.) Tommy Lee Thanks to the sex tape with then-wife Pamela Anderson, everyone has seen Tommy's peen . It's guesstimated to be about 8 inches, erect. (Link NSFW)
9.) Frank Sinatra Ava Gardner once said of her ex-husband, "He only weighs 120, but 100 pounds is cock."
10.) Alexis Arquette Some years before her sex reassignment surgery, Alexis had a lot of taping to do. (Link NSFW)
10.) President Johnson "He was a lifelong exhibitionist who in college had dubbed his penis ‘ Jumbo .'"
11.) Errol Flynn He was notorious for his cock, which he once used to play the piano . A classical pianist!
12.) James Woods That's the rumor, anyway, but we don't really care to find out definitively.
13.) Colin Farrell It looks like a baby's arm . (Link NSFW)
Glamor model Jordan aka Katie Price says that her husband's penis is the size of a large television remote control.
15.) Anthony Keides The girls on Metal Sludge —a site where groupies compare notes on the rock stars they've fucked—say the Red Hot Chili Peppers front man is a "very large" penis that is "beyond gorgeous."
16.) Tony Kanal The girls on Metal Sludge also say that the No Doubt bassist—who is Gwen Stefani's ex—measures about 10 inches.
17.) Tony Danza He's uncut and long. (Link NSFW)
18.) Ray J Don't all guys with sex tapes that "leak" have big dicks? (Link NSFW)
19.) Dan Rather The report on Rather is that "he is as hung as he is handsome and intelligent."
20.) Simon Rex It's no wonder why he used to do porno.
*It is the personal opinion of the writer that big penises hurt. **This list is not compiled by size order.
Once again, a photo of a well-proportioned cock.
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Just to clarify, the rest of the slideshow will be like this. You’re definitely going to get six more images of tremendously big, veiny penises here. The next photo is going to be a giant cock, followed by another huge dick, and then another, and so forth.
You guessed it: another huge cock. Look, you had to realize what you were signing up for when you clicked on this link, right? You had to.
No, we’re not going to throw in a photo of something that isn’t a giant cock in order to be clever or misleading. You are, honest to God, getting nothing but really big cocks here. That’s it.
Your persistence is admirable, if misguided given the way the rest of the slideshow will transpire. This is the cock of the guy who made this slideshow, by the way.
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Okay, then. You’ve seen eight colossal cocks so far. Up for a ninth?
This is actually a drawing of a giant cock. A photo of a giant cock was used as a reference.
Well, there you go. You just clicked through a slideshow of giant cocks. That’s where your life is at right now. Enjoy your day.
Visa Announces Cards Can Now Be Inserted, Swiped, Tapped, Bent, Clapped, Rolled, Shoved, Thrown, Dangled, Slid, Or Whacked
Wings In Basket From 3 Chickens Who Were Friends
Visa Announces Cards Can Now Be Inserted, Swiped, Tapped, Bent, Clapped, Rolled, Shoved, Thrown, Dangled, Slid, Or Whacked
Wings In Basket From 3 Chickens Who Were Friends
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21 Stars with Especially Big Penises
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By Author Kay D. Rhodes at
Apr 16, 2015 • Category Ben Affleck
These stars are packing! In the penis department, we mean.
According to various insiders, sources, rumors and innuendo, the famous studs listed below know how to please their sex partners when it comes to how large their private parts are.
We’ve seen many of their male units and we’ve heard talk about others and let’s just say that all were blessed where many say it matters most…
We don’t know why he’s naked on this paddle board. But we do know that women on the Internet were impressed.
A newspaper snapped a photo of Bieber on vacation in Bora Bora. He was not wearing any clothing. And let’s just say that we now understand why it was so difficult for Selena Gomez to walk away from him.
Dude is cocky. In more ways than one. We know it isn’t his shining personality, so there had to be a reason these girls flock to him. Everything is starting to make sense.
No wonder Chris Brown lost his virginity at age eight.
There are Tumblr pages dedicated to Jon Hamm’s penis. He had to actually state for the record that he’s sick of talking about it.
What’s there to say? We’ve all seen the Kim Kardashian sex tape, right?
Don’t take our word for it! Good friend Ed Sheeran confirms the size of Styles’ package.
According to rumors, the bulge on Brandon Routh had to be digitally altered so it would not distract (both) Superman Returns viewers.
We’re just using our eyes on this one. Have you seen those David Beckham underwear ads?!?
We all saw his junk in the movie Shame. Prometheus co-star Charlize Theron even went so far as to say Fassbender’s “penis was a revelation” and she is “available to work with it any time.”
We are not posting any Shemar Moore naked photos here. But they exist online. And they back up this point.
Chuck Lorre once ran into Ben Affleck at a urinal and told fans at Comic-Con: “Yes, I peeked. And yes… he can play Batman.”
Ralph Fiennes is so large down there, he had to have several inches of his penis digitally removed for the movie Red Dragon. Director Brett Ratner apparently deemed it so big that it would be distracting to viewers.
In a memoir, Janice Dickinson wrote two things about what Liam Neeson packs on a daily basis: “Biggest Penis of Any Man Alive” and “He unzipped his pants, and an Evian bottle fell out.”
An ex-sex buddy of Mr. Beyonce once said his penis is “like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It’s beyond huge. It could block the sun.”
Once again, the videotape speaks for itself. There’s a reason Tommy Lee wanted to film himself sticking it to Pamela Anderson.
Antichrist director Lars von Trier said of the star: “Everybody got very confused when they saw” his penis because it was so sizable.
Someone once said Dan Rather that “he is as hung as he is handsome and intelligent.”
Gary Griffin, the author of Penis Size and Enlargement, describes Eddie Murphy as being “very well hung – probably in the 8-9” range. We’re not shocked.
Last but not least, there is no disputing this bad boy
Youporn.
Sexy Foreplay Ideas
Carol Cobillard