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A post about a boyfriend who "won't stop asking for sex" from his girlfriend just three weeks after she gave birth has gone viral on Reddit , where it has received 10,500 upvotes.
In a post shared on the TrueOffMyChest subforum, Reddit user throwawayJQ764 wrote: "My boyfriend keeps asking me for sex and gets upset when I say no," explaining that she's tired but also "can't do that because it hurts."
Studies have shown that 89 percent of women resume sexual activity within six months of giving birth , according to a March 2020 study published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Sexual Medicine .
The study found that: "Sexual function declines significantly after delivery because of factors such as complications during pregnancy, different characteristics of delivery, postpartum physiological and psychological changes, postpartum depression, and many others."
The study stated that pregnancy and childbirth lead to biological, psychological and social changes that may alter sexual health and "there's evidence that sexual function declines during pregnancy and does not return to its baseline levels during the postpartum period." This is partially due to changes in body image, lack of sleep, tension as well as "urinary stress and urge complaints."
The study said: "There is a significant worsening in all sexual domains postpartum, such as dyspareunia [genital pain during intercourse], lack of vaginal lubrication, difficulty to reach orgasm, vaginal bleeding or irritation after sex, and loss of sexual desire."
There are no strict rules about when a woman can resume having sexual intercourse after giving birth. However, most doctors, midwives and health care providers advise waiting around four to six weeks, Dr. Amy Roskin and Dr. Lauren Demosthenes told Newsweek.
Roskin, who is a board-certified OB-GYN (obstetrician-gynecologist) and the chief medical officer of Seven Starling (a women's perinatal health platform), said it really depends on the individual's circumstances.
"For example, if you've had a C-section or a vaginal tear that required a repair and stitches, you might want to wait longer for your body to heal. If you had an uncomplicated delivery and were cleared by your doctor, you might not have to wait that long," Roskin said.
Demosthenes, an OB-GYN who is the senior medical director of Babyscripts (an online maternity care company), agreed, noting that it depends on the woman's level of comfort.
For C-sections, "the uterine and skin incision must heal and each woman will feel differently about resuming sexual activity as well as exercise. "It's important to listen to your body and only resume these activities when it feels right. With a newborn, sleep is disrupted so having intercourse may not be top of mind," Demosthenes said.
Roskin said: "It's so important for partners to support each other at this time. There are many physical changes, hormonal shifts, and psychological challenges that occur after giving birth. These might result in increased fatigue, decreased desire for sex, vaginal dryness, discharge, or pain. Your partner needs to be supportive at this time and not push you if you are not ready."
The new mom in the latest Reddit post said: "He kept asking [for sex] and asking why not and he was being really annoying and weird so I threatened to call his mom if he didn't stop. He stopped asking me but he wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night..."
Alana Ogilvie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST) told Newsweek: "There are lots of other ways to connect physically after a baby that doesn't require penetrative intercourse," such as oral sex and mutual masturbation.
The LMFT said that since having penetrative sex could severely disrupt the original poster's healing process, "telling him [the boyfriend] so is my first recommendation for addressing his demands."
Ogilvie said: "If this was a couple I was working with, I would want to understand why having sex at this stage is so important to him. What does he consider to be sex? Does he have the ability to be flexible about his need for physical connection while his partner's body is recuperating? If he doesn't have that ability, I would be having very frank conversations with both of them about consent and bodily autonomy in relationships."
The original poster said: "I don't know if I should feel bad. He's clearly very upset about it and if it's affecting our relationship should I just give in? Is this a new father thing? He never acts this way about anything. I just wanna enjoy some family time without him being upset with me."
Several users on Reddit shared messages of support for the original poster.
In a comment that got 15,400 upvotes, user friendlyfiend07 said: "His entire attitude toward the situation is wrong and he needs to know this. You are not withholding anything from him. You are medically incapable of sex and if he can't respect that he doesn't deserve to have sex with anyone."
Referring to the aforementioned comment, user pisspot718 wrote: "Tell him this OP [original poster] and make him grow up. He's a father now," in a comment that got 5,100 upvotes.
In a comment that got 1,800 upvotes, user Dazzling_RS said: "If having a baby GIRL and watching her birth didn't imprint a sense of respect towards females... I don't know what would! Call his mommy to educate him!"
Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.
Do you have a similar dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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