Man Dog Sex Stories
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Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
Another in a Series of Sex Stories that Lose Their Way
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A few years ago I spent a month in a cabin in Montana, my dog Curly as my only companion. The cabin was owned by former first daughter Amy Carter, who had grown up awkwardly before our nation’s eyes. It was a very cold winter.
In the mornings I would get up with the sound of woodpeckers at work. There were pines everywhere around the cabin, and beyond the pines, there was a lake to the east. I could sit on my deck in the mornings and see the lake through the trees’ straight trunks.
Amy had told me that once a week, there would be a man who would come to deliver wood. She told me that he was a very striking looking man.
That first Sunday, I retrieved the newspaper and began reading an article about whaling. It seems that Japan has wanted for some time to resume its practice of hunting whales. They want to take 150 Bryde’s whales a year between 2004 and 2008, and 150 minke whales this year. Japan was clearly concerned about the whales. What did they know that we didn’t, I wondered.
It was a very interesting article, and I looked forward to reading it all.
Just then I heard the rhythmic ripping sound of someone walking through the snow. I looked out my clouded window and saw a man. I guessed him to be the man who would bring the wood, and about his appearance Amy seemed to be correct. He was about 6’3", with a long mane of dirty blond hair. His hair was very, very dirty. His jaw was sculpted and he wore a thick mustache. Behind him, he pulled a sled full of wood. Curly woofed quietly, but I shushed him.
The man did not know I was watching him. He began to unload the wood, stacking it neatly against the cabin, and he soon became warm enough to take off his jacket. Now wearing only a tight black tank-top, I noticed his chiseled muscles and his very smooth skin.
To use the word ‘adonis’ in a sentence here would not be inappropriate.
I went back to reading my article about the Japanese pleas for whaling. They had convened an international conference of some sort to determine whether Japan and other pro-whaling nations, such as Norway, should be allowed to kill whales. These pro-whaling nations claimed they could do so in sustainable numbers, while most of the rest in the international community insisted that there was not enough science to know whether or not sustainable whaling was possible.
I looked up and saw the wood-man bare-chested. Apparently, he had been working so hard that his shirt was now a nuisance. His naked chest was strong and smooth, covered in a glistening sheen of perspiration. He was hairless and his skin was colored a light shade of cherry. Cherry is a kind of wood.
I moved my gaze from his torso to his face and realized he was looking at me. First he looked into my eyes, then scanned my body. It was at that moment that I remembered I was nude. I sleep in the nude now that my husband Mark has disappeared with that woman from the laundry room.
Before I could protest, the wood-man was inside the house. He was a huge man and closed the door. It seemed that he wanted something from me, but who could guess what that thing was? He wore only his work boots and very snug denim trousers. They appeared to be getting more snug as the seconds passed. I stood before him, unclothed and unmoving. Because the window was behind me, he could have seen only a silhouette. He stepped toward me and I saw him more clearly.
He was a powerful man, virile, a man who would take what he wanted, without being cruel. I looked up and down his beautiful torso, drinking in his smooth hard chest, his arms like bent pipes, his flat, perfectly defined stomach, the few strands of hair below his navel, disappearing into his jeans, which hid a growth of a very distinct shape. My eyes caressed this part of him lovingly, afraid, but intrigued by its size and apparent power, and then my gaze swung to the right, where, just behind him, I had left my newspaper. I had almost forgotten all about it.
I brushed past the wood-man and took it into my hands and touched it. I refound my place. The problem with whales in general, apparently, is that it’s hard to know precisely how many whales of any species actually exist. Worse, many killings of whales — accidental or not, by fishing vessels or other watercraft — are not reported.
Now the wood-man was behind me, breathing on my back. I heard myself sigh. I guess I really sympathized with the Japanese and the Norwegians, in that there are indeed animals and plants that need to be harvested, lest they take over the world and rule over humans, making us do their bidding.
If minke or Bryde’s whales attempted to lord over me, I would start an underground movement aimed at stopping them. We would wear organic-looking clothing and would live in a bunker built from scrap metal. Amy Carter would be there, as would the daughters of Jesse Jackson. We would breed with the sons of Gil Gerard. Our children would run around, filthy, because we would know that the battle against the whales would take many generations.
Those fucking whales! I would say to the assembled rebels. I would be the leader of the rebels. Yeah, fucking minke fascists! they would yell. We would all raise our harpoons and do some kind of chant I would invent. All the chants would have to go through me to make sure they were good chants. I hate stupid chants.
You ask me how the whales would rule over people if they live in the ocean and do not have thumbs. I shake my head and say, This is how it starts, humans. This is how it starts.
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A woman has shared the mortifying note that was thrown over her fence by an angry neighbor — blasting her noisy bedroom antics.
British social media user Amber Odon shared her horror after discovering the handwritten note, declaring she could “never leave my house again.”
Sharing the scrap of paper and its scrawled contents on TikTok , many found Odon’s unfortunate situation hilarious.
“Just found this note thrown over my fence,” she explained in her video .
“It’s official, I can never leave my house again.”
The crumpled and torn piece of paper read: “If your [sic] going to have animal sex during the middle of the day, please close your bloody windows!”
The annoyed writer unexpectedly signed off their angry letter with a pleasant “Ta” (“Thank you”).
Many found Odon’s plight — which has been viewed more than a million times — highly amusing.
“Why they peeping through your windows for? Must be jel [jealous],” one user commented.
“Would she have preferred you do it in the middle of the night,” another said.
One declared, “OMG this is brilliant!” as someone else said, “I would die.”
Others pointed out the writer’s spelling mistake, suggesting Odon should point out the glaring error.
“Throw a note back with ‘*you’re’ on it,” one said.
“Correct the ‘your’ to ‘you’re’ and request they resubmit,” another agreed.
But some agreed that if the sex act was that “loud,” she deserved the rude note.
Odon’s video also inspired others to share their stories of being busted in the act.
“My neighbour called police on us once. It was so embarrassing, they thought that I’m being murdered because of how I screamed,” one shared.
“I just push all the notes, knocks on walls and dirty looks throughout my life to the back of my mind,” another added.
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An unlucky Indonesian man was diagnosed with a rare penis condition, called “eggplant deformity,” after fracturing his manhood while having sex with his wife. His wince-worthy whoopie wound was detailed in the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports .
“We present a case report of severe penile fracture associated with sexual intercourse,” reads the July report regarding the phallic fiasco.
The 50-year-old patient had reported to the hospital, claiming that his penis had been swollen for four hours following a mishap in the sack. According to the study, the frisky fellow had been “having intercourse with his wife when he felt a ‘crack,’ ” whereupon he lost his erection, and suffered urethral bleeding and an inability to ejaculate.
A subsequent examination revealed that his penis had turned purple and was severely deviated to the right like a question mark, as seen in graphic photos included in the case study.
Meanwhile, the mangled member also sported a hematoma — or blood clot — that ran from the penis tip to the scrotum, as well as a ruptured urethra, which could’ve impeded urine flow if untreated.
Doctors diagnosed the poor soul with “eggplant deformity,” where the penis buckles due to blunt trauma during sex. This generally occurs after the member slips “out of the vagina during intercourse” and strikes the female genitalia, according to a case study published in 2015 in the Medical Journal Armed Forces India. In addition, the eggplant deformity can lead to permanent disfigurement and impotence if untreated.
In order to res-erect the man’s misshapen member, doctors cut open the penis and fixed the fractured urethra and penis tissue with soluble stitches, according to the study. They then drained the hematoma and then tested his penile function with an “artificial erection.”
Thankfully, the patient’s penis passed the erectile exam, and he didn’t have any complications such as fluid leakage or a bent member. After resting at the hospital for five days, the patient was discharged with a urethral catheter that he was forced to pee through for the next 21 days.
At a follow-up appointment four months later, the man said he was pleased with the results and could ejaculate and “interact sexually with his wife without experiencing any discomfort,” per the study. Although photos from the checkup revealed that his manhood was still slightly askew.
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Police are searching for a man wanted for animal cruelty in west Georgia.
Andrew Phillip Compton is accused of choking a small dog and throwing it toward an aggressive German Shepard.
The Shepard mauled the smaller dog and left it badly injured, according to police.
Police said the attack also happened in front of a child.
Compton faces charges of animal cruelty and cruelty to children in the first degree.
The department posted a wanted poster of Compton on its Facebook page.
Anyone who knows where Compton is or has more information is asked to call police at 770-748-3400
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Someone better throw that ball ASAP 🥺
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Photo Illustration by The Daily Beast/Nara Shimbun/Kyodo News via APThe world reacted with horror and shock at the cold-blooded assassination of former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe on Friday. In a country that has virtually no gun violence, what made the crime even more unusual was the strange, seemingly homem
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