Man Cancels Amazon Prime, Immediately Ascends To Enlightenment

Residents of Seattle were stunned when a local man canceled his Amazon Prime membership and reportedly achieved instant enlightenment, describing the sensation as �like deleting capitalism from my soul.� According to the Center for Subscription Studies, Americans average 17 unused monthly subscriptions, yet cling to them out of fear they might someday need two-day shipping for novelty waffle makers. Witnesses say the man floated three inches off the ground after clicking �Cancel Membership,� later confessing he no longer desired material possessions except maybe oat milk. His friends claim he now spends his time meditating in a park, glowing faintly, while calmly reminding passersby that shipping delays are not a spiritual emergency. Economists worry that if this movement spreads, Amazon stock could collapse�though monks are already preparing for an IPO in �inner peace futures.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com