Male To Male Massage Stories

Male To Male Massage Stories

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Memoirs of a Male Massage Therapist
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Edit: Thank you for the support! I put up a part 2:
I decided to retire from a career I loved. I wanted to tell a group of people who would understand. Here's the first part of my story.
I can’t complain too much. In my 15 year career, I have had a lot of success in many ways. I have had very few problems, if you consider how many people I interacted with, and how many positive relationships I built.
I think what wore me down was the fact that I live in a smaller city. Kind of isolated. It is technically a liberal town, but there is an old school values thing here, that seems to override the rest. My gay massage therapist friends had trouble here. Trans-folk, even tougher for them. Many people have trouble thinking outside of the little world they grew up in.
Being a male massage therapist, I knew it bother a few people. I the end I didn't feel like it would affect my career too much. With the right groups of people, it didn't.
My massage teacher was wonderful in SO MANY WAYS. It’s hard to express how intelligent and compassionate she was as a teacher, and still is now. I think it’s why, back when I was in school, this hit me so hard.
In our clinical massages, she had a rule that a male client could NEVER request only a female massage therapist. However, a female client could request any gender, or reject any gender massage therapist.
I obviously saw potential problems here. But I needed to know more. I wanted to talk to her about it. Maybe there was something I didn’t see. I thought maybe it was a liability issue. I asked. I was very careful and polite. I wanted to learn.
She presented a scenario where the male client had possibly been assaulted by a man. I was concerned about this possibility too, so I was glad to see that she was going to address it. I thought, what if the male client had reservations, or flashbacks, from being touched by another man? She went on to reiterate that women were to be respected when they requested to see only a woman.
She got pretty upset with me for asking about the rule. It was rare for her to be upset.
She explained that men feel less pain when sexually assaulted than women do. She said that there are studies that prove it. Therefore, since it’s less painful, we can’t compare their experiences, and we need to respect what women ask for, concerning the gender of their therapist. She would answer no more questions. She was actually upset with me for asking, and pulled away quite a bit, after that. I think it disappointed her, because I took well to understanding the curriculum so far.
It was rare for her to be upset. So I felt that her response was an emotional one, and I didn't press the issue.
Although she was far less enthusiastic about teaching me after that, I moved forward and still went on to do well in the classes. I passed the national exam without issue and got licensed.
I started my career with success. I had the help of a student I studied with in school. She was a couple years older than me, and had already run a successful business with her husband. So she showed me the ropes, and we went in on renting a room together.
We rented a small, inexpensive office together first, in a less-than-ideal location. We advertised and gained some clients despite the bad location.
After a few months, we wanted to up our game, and get enough clients to book ourselves completely. So we started looking. My business partner found a room in a Chiropractor’s office. It was much more expensive, but had the potential to help us reach our goal of being totally booked. The Chiropractor seemed like a nice lady, and had experience renting rooms in her large office building to other massage therapists. She had two massage therapists renting there already. With my new business partner and I, we made four. We started advertising, along with walk-ins from the Chiropractic business. Pretty quickly, we started getting clients. It went quite well for 5 months. I was surprised at the great feedback I got from clients, being so new. I was getting close to being fully booked, and making a good living. At some point around the 5 month mark, however, things started to slow down for me. It was pretty mysterious. Before this we had so much success, with people booking, loving our work and rebooking again. I had clients that bailed at the last second. They would no-show, then not answer calls or texts. Things started so great, then began to dwindle fast.
I wondered if my work was diminishing, or if the way I acted was off putting. I felt like I was doing well in those regards, but I knew there had to be a reason.
I started to advertise differently, and more. It seemed to work, and I got more appointments on the books, but they kept mysteriously vanishing when they were supposed to come in. And they quit answering phone calls or text messages.
Finally, another therapist who worked with me there approached me. She was very distraught. She said she had something to tell me. She said it quickly, asked me to pretend I found out on my own and leave her out of it.
The gist of what she told me was this: Apparently, the Chiropractor and owner had not wanted a male massage therapist there. But she did want my business partner. She thought I would fail and leave on my own. Since I didn’t, she decided to start directing clients away from me. At first she would send people who had scheduled with me to other therapists. Then she started directing clients I got from my own advertising to her other therapists. Finally, she began telling them things about me, I never learned what, that sent them running.
I was shocked. It explained everything. She was so sweet to me, in person. It just didn’t seem true, but it did explain everything that had been happening. And the way this woman was afraid to tell me, I realized that it wasn’t the first time she had punished an employee's ability to make money when she had a problem with someone.
I watched carefully the next time I was supposed to see a client. This time I went to the front to greet my new client myself. I saw the very guilty look on the face of the woman working at the front desk who was directing them to go back home.
My client was both happy and shocked to see me. She told me that she was just told I wasn't available. The woman working at the desk apologized for the mix up, offered no explanation and vanished into the back room. She clearly felt terrible for lying, and wanted nothing to do with whatever she was instructed to do.
I gave the massage, and she rebooked. I was ready to get to the bottom of everything.
I talked to my wife about it. She was furious. I was really more bewildered, than anything. My wife wanted me to confront the owner and quit right then. I certainly wanted to confront her, but, based on how terrified the other women who worked with her seemed to be of crossing her, I discussed everything with my business partner first.
Apparently my business partner knew some of it. She indeed fought to bring me on. The owner didn’t want a male therapist there, but my partner said we were a package deal. So that’s why I was there, but not wanted.
My partner wanted to shield me from that. She didn’t want me to get discouraged in my first office.
Now, I wish she wouldn’t have done that. I feel that me knowing that the owner hesitated to bring me on from the beginning was essential information for me. That said, it was very kind of her, and it was done with good intention. My business partner was a big sister type of person. I am the oldest child myself, so I had never been “big-sistered” before. In a way it felt good that she cared so much. So we confronted the owner. She denied it, then admitted it. Got angry with me, then my partner. It was weird.
We left and found a different office.
Thank you for reading my story so far. I have a few more parts to tell. They get weirder, lol. Please let me know if there is any interest.
I’d like to hear more of the story. Also, I’m really sorry you’ve had these experiences. I’ve been on the receiving end of those kind of calls as well, and while it does feel discriminatory, in the end I don’t want to work on a client who is uncomfortable with me being a male so I just accept it for what it is.
On the other side of the coin, I sometimes get preferential treatment because of being male when people are looking for deep tissue work and they specifically want some strong man-hands. Win some, lose some, that’s life.
As a side note, I know several female therapists who can do deep tissue work just as good if not better than me, so please understand I’m just addressing peoples assumptions, and not trying to claim superiority in any way. In a perfect world gender wouldn’t be an issue, but as of now, it is what it is.
I've noticed that as well. Many great female therapists with very powerful hands and deep tissue techniques get overlooked for sure
Yea, but the net bias is def against men. So, you will def lose a lot more than win... 🤷‍♂️
“Men feel less pain when sexually assaulted” cringe
You’rea good story teller. This could be made into a short film!
I’m especially impressed how you handled everything, especially with your teacher. Sounds like she has something personal going on there and you were sensitive to that.
Sorry to hear you left the profession but sometimes we need to move on.
Personally, I’m happiest not sharing my office with anyone else. I’ve shared offices before and it’s okay, but I really like decorating it the way I like it and how it fits my brand and not have to alter it for someone else. But I’ve also never been business partners with another practitioner like you were.
I try not to think about the fact that I’m a male therapist. Just a few days ago I overheard my receptionist taking two calls within 5 mins and both callers were asking if we had availability for a massage that night. She told both callers we have a male therapist with a slot, and both callers said no thanks and ended the call. In moments like that I shake my head, but whatever. My own father has told me “I would NEVER get a massage from a male” so it doesn’t surprise me it’s just lame sometimes… I have plenty of clients that love me so that keeps my chin up. I’d be interested in hearing more stories
Wow, hard to hear that from your own father.
Thanks. Yes, when working with a large group of therapists, I was surprised to hear reception tell me that about 50% of people calling in had no interest in getting a massage from a male therapist.
It feels like a lot less, because the people that like your work, REALLY like your work. It's very fulfilling.
Wait what? The receptionist specified that the available therapist was male? Whywould they offer that info? Why not let the customer ask?
I mean if the receptionist said we have 6:30pm available with Joe tonight, then they’d probably assume it’s Joe and not a a female Jo and would know the gender.
I'm so sorry these things happened to you. Thank you for sharing your with us. You write well, you could write a book! I'd definitely be interested in reading more.
As a male massage therapist I feel your pain. In 1993 when I became a licensed therapist I experienced the prejudice that male therapist can receive. I think it’s better nowadays. But your story makes me think that it’s still not completely gone. That’s unfortunate. I think one of the best things for me was because no one would hire me as a male therapist it forced me to go out on my own which is a much better way to go whether you’re male or female. Being self-employed I was able to go in the direction I wanted to go and have full control over every aspect of my career. I have mostly female clients that don’t have an issue obviously with a male therapist. And I book out about four months consistently. Going out on your own and providing a niche service that is hard to find really helped me. I feel sad that you are no longer going to pursue massage therapy. We need more great massage therapists out there. Thank you for your service in the industry. I’m sure you made a big difference for hundreds of people during your career.
Excellent. I actually did similar to you. I went out on my own and had some pretty good success with it. Pretty cool.
Although instead, I found a niche within athletes, and ended up with mostly male clients. I realized calling it "sports massage" turned off the "wait, that's gay" part of their brains, lol
My career went on long after the experiences I posted. I'm going to post the next part of my story later today.
Please continue...BTW, I'm disappointed in your massage school teacher. She's very wrong...Very wrong. I'm male therapist 3.5 years in. I've had women allies and women enemies. The allies have kept me from being jaded toward women in this industry. We have to be better at what we do and more professional. I try to not let it bother me. We men need to stick together and be there for each other in this industry.
Thanks. Yeah it was odd. I've heard worse for sure. But this hit me harder back then, because it was the first time I heard that type of negativity as a super motivated newbie. And from someone who I thought would believe otherwise, my teacher.
I also have had wonderful allies in the massage world. It feels awesome to be supported.
Wow. All of what I’ve read so far is cringe. The teacher’s reaction to your important question; the way the Chiropractor/owner did that to you and your clientele.
You sir, have more grace than I would have had in a similar situation , haha.
As a male therapist myself, I feel your pain and wish that you find success in whatever venture you take on next. Myself, I’m looking to get into software engineering because every day in this field is another opportunity to be stereotyped or an unknowing victim of someone’s PTSD.
Also interested to hear more, just for the shock value. 🤓
Thank you! I appreciate that. Yes, engineering is definitely a good career. And there's never a need to cross a touch boundary with people and the caveats that come with it.
Thanks for being interested in hearing more. I've put up the second part
Ughhhh, I am so sorry you have had experiences like this. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hate the blatant sexism that is rampant in this field. I get it, I really do; men have been creeps in this field, and in general, but to write off every male therapist as a potential sex offender is just plain wrong. Many of my favorite coworkers to receive work from are male, and they are amazing therapists!
I cannot even believe your teacher would say something so ignorant about women hurting more from sexual assault than men. One of my best friends from high school was assaulted by multiple women in college and he still can't talk about it without getting choked up. EVERYONE'S preferences should be respected equally, because we never know what someone has been through.
I would be interested in more stories, if only to be an empathetic ear to listen.

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