Male Mistress

Male Mistress

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The mistress definition, Oxford dictionary
a woman having an extramarital sexual relationship, esp. with a married man
I am looking for the male equivalent of 'mistress' as defined above. Some sources on the net come up with 'master' and 'mastress'. But I could not find both words in dictionary as male equivalent of mistress.
So, any male equivalents of mistress in formal English?
Paramour may be the word you're looking for although it can be used for either sex.
an illicit lover; a person with whom someone is having a romantic or
sexual relationship and especially a secret or improper relationship.
Her husband found a love letter from her paramour.
source
It used to be that "master" was the word for a man who was in authority or in control, and "mistress" was the word for a woman in such a position. I presume that "mistress" came to be used for a woman that a married man was having an affair with on the idea that she is controlling and ruling him through her seductive powers. This usage has come to overshadow the literal meaning of the word, so that today if you use the word "mistress" in the old sense people will almost inevitably think of the sexual connotation. Like, today if you say, "Fred is the master of the soccer team", people would understand you to mean that he is a coach or star player or whatever who exercises a high degree of control. But if you say, "Sally is the mistress of the soccer team", people would think you meant that she was having an affair with every man on the team.
I once read a post on a web site in which the woman who ran it said she didn't like being called by the masculine term "web master", but when she called herself the "web mistress" the guys in her organization had way too much fun with the term.
In common use, the male equivalent of "mistress" is "lover" or "boyfriend". Those aren't exact equivalents, though. "Mistress" is usually used for the unmarried girlfriend of a married man who is supporting her financially. "Lover" could apply to either sex with no implication whether either is married to someone else. "Boyfriend" indicates a romantic relationship that may or may not involve illicit sex, again without any implication of the marital status of either party.
I can't help but add: I once heard a comedian comment that he stumbled across the word "nymphomaniac" in a dictionary, and it defined it as "a female who is completely obsessed with sex". So, he said, he wondered if there was an equivalent term for a male who is completely obsessed with sex. He did a little research and he found that there is. The word is "man".
The word normally used is lover , even though it can apply to both men and women.
an illicit lover, especially of a married person.
(esp. in Italy during the 17th and 18th centuries)
an escort or lover of a married woman.
A young man paid or financially supported by a woman, typically an older woman, to be her escort or lover.
The term toy boy is in extensive popular use, though it does suggest a male who is younger than the woman.
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Interpretation of the news based on evidence, including data, as well as anticipating how events might unfold based on past events
What’s the male version of a mistress? And other relationship terms we should question. ANALYSIS | The language we use is inherently sexist
“That then began to influence the way we spoke about men and women, especially their relationships to sex, love, family, relationships, and so on.”
We're moving! Get our latest gender and identity coverage on washingtonpost.com .
If there is one thing that the #MeToo movement has uncovered, it’s that there are definite disparities in power dynamics between genders in relationships.
Although we have perceived equality, men are typically the people in power. Women are the subordinates . And because of this, women have historically been exploited to the point that we need a hashtag to describe our shared experiences.
Uncovering these skewed dynamics has, of course, gotten women thinking critically about all the ways in which they’ve been gaslighted into accepting and perpetuating this behavior through internalized misogyny and how we can move on from this.
But there’s an aspect of this whole conversation that is a lot harder to untangle than we think: In the English language, the way we talk about men and women, and their relationships to sex, is inherently gendered and sexist.
When we think about gendered language, we tend to think about languages where certain words are either male, female, or neutral. But there’s a difference between grammatical gender and societal gender.
So while in French, books are male (un livre) and chairs are female (une chaise), English is generally gender-neutral when it comes to grammar (the book, the chair).
Samantha Fox, a professor in the department of society, culture and languages at the University of New England, explains that the way gender affects English really started to solidify around the 18th century, when we as a society moved from an economy of feudalism to one of capitalism.
In this new world order, men’s positions and work were valued more than that of women. Because of that, Fox explains, the language we developed to describe male and female work splintered off and became gendered.
And while humans definitely influence language, language has the power to influence humans and their behavior.
Take for example, the stereotypical nagging harpy wife. “We don’t really have an equivalent cultural archetype for a man,” says Andrea Bonior , a psychologist and author.
“Women, on the other hand, are so fearful of falling into that stereotypical role that they might quiet themselves in situations when they should speak up,” she says.
It goes the other way, too, in that language affects the way we’re meant to act — not just what we want to avoid.
“Typically, with women you get this gendered language that is a lot more expressive,” Fox says. “Women are socialized through language to be nice, to be nurturing, to be sensitive to other people’s needs. Men, on the other hand, are socialized through language to be less expressive. They are independent and dominating.”
Fox recalled a situation in her class when, talking about an assignment, the men in her class used words like “I dominated” or “I owned it.”
Women rarely use these types of descriptors, she says. “So men are socialized to be dominating, while women are socialized to be nice,” Fox says.
Since language is so gendered on a basic level, it should stand to reason that the same words can mean different thing when talking about men or women. “Just think about the word b---h,” Bonior says.
“When you call a woman a b---h, it means one thing. But call a man a b---h, and the word takes on a completely different meaning.”
And out of that grew gender-specific roles.
Another example: slut. It’s a derogatory term to describe women, based on a nonspecific number of sexual partners she is perceived to have. But because of decades of gendered use, the term is inherently female. So when referring to a man who has a perceived number of sex partners, we slap the term “man” in front of slut to get “manslut,” a term that doesn’t exactly pack the same kind of punch as “slut.”
If there isn’t a gender-equivalent term for certain negative words, then the behavior of the opposite gender tends to fly under the radar.
The word mistress, for example, has no male-equivalent. There’s no opposite to “the other woman.” And that influences behavior. People are more likely to blame “the other woman” when their husbands cheat . But when a wife cheats, there’s no collective blaming of “the other man.”
“Since there is no label for a male mistress, that behavior doesn’t define the man in the same way it would the woman,” Bonior says.
In order to decolonize this language and move closer to gender equality, we have to move away from binary ways of thinking, according to Fox. In discussions of sex, gender, and sexuality, these terms are incredibly detrimental, and will always create division.
“We have binaries, and they create these neat little boxes, and they define how we view the world,” Fox says. “But the problem with binaries is that it allows us to define out of existence anything that doesn’t fit into those neat little boxes.”
We can see this especially in queer marriages, when heterosexual people will ask queer couples “who is the husband, and who is the wife?” Not only does that question assume and reaffirm traditional gender roles, it ignores the fact that all couples, including queer couples, should have the freedom to form their own dynamics in relationships.
The road out of this binaried world is tricky. The first step is one that we’re already seeing — awareness. “If in our day to day movement through society, we can stop and be mindful about these words and their meanings, that’s a good first step,” Bonior says.
Fox echoes that sentiment, but takes it a step further. “We need to be aware of these binaries, but also interrogate our privileges when it comes to their usage,” she explains.
This shift requires the people in dominant positions to recognize and validate the people in subordinate positions. And in a lot of ways, men still decide the parameters because, historically, they’ve been in those positions of power. That influence still affects us through internalized misogyny, which guides how the rest of us move through space.
But it’s an important one to attempt, because if we continue to have these gendered, binary ways of talking about relationships, we’ll never be able to accomplish true equality. And if this moment in history has taught us anything, it’s that equality is something we sorely need.
Maria Del Russo is a Lily contributor.
A product of The Washington Post, The Lily of today is a place for the curious minded and for those who want to be heard.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Female who is in an extra-marital sexual relationship
"Side piece" redirects here. For the Jack Harlow song, see Come Home the Kids Miss You .
The examples and perspective in this article deal primarily with England and France and do not represent a worldwide view of the subject . You may improve this article , discuss the issue on the talk page , or create a new article , as appropriate. ( March 2020 ) ( Learn how and when to remove this template message )
A mistress is a woman who is in a relatively long-term sexual and romantic relationship with a man who is married to a different woman. [1] [2]

A mistress is in a long-term relationship with her attached lover, and is often referred to as "the other woman". Generally, the relationship is stable and at least semi-permanent, but the couple does not live together openly and the relationship is usually, but not always, secret. There is often also the implication that the mistress is sometimes "kept" – i.e. her lover is contributing to her living expenses. [3] [4]

A mistress is usually not considered a prostitute : while a mistress, if "kept", may, in some sense, be exchanging sex for money, the principal difference is that a mistress has sex with fewer men and there is not so much of a direct quid pro quo between the money and the sex act. There is usually an emotional and possibly social relationship between a man and his mistress, whereas the relationship between a prostitute and her client is predominantly monetary. It is also important that the "kept" status follows the establishment of a relationship of indefinite term as opposed to the agreement on price and terms established prior to any activity with a prostitute. [5]

Historically the term has denoted a "kept woman", who was maintained in a comfortable (or even lavish) lifestyle by a wealthy man so that she would be available for his sexual pleasure (like a "sugar baby"). Such a woman could move between the roles of a mistress and a courtesan depending on her situation and environment.

In modern times, the word "mistress" is used primarily to refer to the female lover of a man who is married to another woman; in the case of an unmarried man, it is usual to speak of a " girlfriend " or " partner ".

The term "mistress" was originally used as a neutral feminine counterpart to "mister" or "master" . [3]

The historically best known and most-researched mistresses are the royal mistresses of European monarchs , for example, Agnès Sorel , Diane de Poitiers , Barbara Villiers , Nell Gwyn and Madame de Pompadour . [6] The keeping of a mistress in Europe was not confined to royalty and nobility , but permeated down through the social ranks, essentially to any man who could afford to do so. Any man who could afford a mistress could have one (or more), regardless of social position. A wealthy merchant or a young noble might have had a kept woman. Being a mistress was typically an occupation for a younger woman who, if she were fortunate, might go on to marry her lover or another man of rank. [7]

The ballad " The Three Ravens " (published in 1611, but possibly older) extolls the loyal mistress of a slain knight , who buries her dead lover and then dies of the exertion, as she was in an advanced stage of pregnancy. The ballad-maker assigned this role to the knight's mistress ("leman" was the term common at the time) rather than to his wife. [8] [9]

In the courts of Europe, particularly Versailles and Whitehall in the 17th and 18th centuries, a mistress often wielded great power and influence. A king might have numerous mistresses, but have a single "favourite mistress" or "official mistress" (in French, maîtresse en titre ), as with Louis XV and Madame de Pompadour . The mistresses of both Louis XV (especially Madame de Pompadour) and Charles II were often considered to exert great influence over their lovers, the relationshi
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