Making A Ball Gag
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If you've ever dabbled in BDSM (Bondage, Disciple, Sadism, and Masochism) porn—or watched Bonding on Netflix—then you might have seen people wearing ball gags in their mouths. Ball gags are commonly-used sex toys in the world of BDSM, and if you're looking to make your bedroom routine a little kinkier, they might be a good place to start.
First, let's discuss what a gag is, because a ball gag is just one specific type of gag: A gag is a device worn in the mouth that prevents the wearer from speaking. Simple enough!
A ball gag uses a sphere or ball that’s typically made of rubber or silicone. This ball is connected to a strap that wraps around the wearer's head. When in the mouth, the ball sits behind the teeth. While the wearer can still be heard, they can’t speak with the ball gag in place; they can simply grunt and make noises, and typically, the wearer will drool if they attempt to talk too much.
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There are many reasons ball gags appeal for certain people, explains Dr. Justin Lehmiller, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author Tell Me What You Want. “On one level, they may be popular as a form of bondage for those who simply enjoy the sensation of physical restraint,” says Lehmiller. “On another level, they create a dominant-submissive dynamic, regardless of any other props used or activities that might take place."
There’s a huge power differential when one person can speak, and the other simply has to listen, unable to respond verbally. If you’re someone who likes being more submissive during sex, it can be arousing to be gagged. If you like to feel in control, then putting the gag on your partner could be a huge turn-on. However, before you bring a ball gag into the mix, it's necessary to pre-negotiate consent and what, exactly, you plan to do with your partner, since you're unable to verbally yell "stop" during the act. (We'll get to safety actions in a moment!)
“And yet another factor some may find appealing is that, by not being able to talk, it sort of transforms you from a person to an object,” Lehmiller says. “Some people find that kind of depersonalization appealing in BDSM play because it helps to take them out of their head and lets them be more in the moment.”
Safety is important when using a ball gag, because most ball gags prevent the wearer from breathing through their mouth. If their nose gets blocked, too, they may not be able to get any air in. "This is also why you shouldn't use a ball gag if you have a cold, allergies, or a sinus infection," explains Cory B., kink coach and sex educator. (That said, there are ball gags out there that allow the wearer to continue breathing through their mouth—see the products below. However, many wearers actually enjoy the sensation of not being able to breathe this way.)
If the submissive partner isn’t tied up, and has access to their hands, they can take off the gag themselves if they feel like it's too much. If the gag is intricate and difficult to take off, you and your partner can agree beforehand on a nonverbal "please get this off me ASAP" signal, like a series of taps on the back. This practice is known as a "safe action"—similar to a "safe word," according to the sex website Kinkly: "A 'safe action' is an action that means that you need to check in with your partner and that all activity needs to stop," the site explains.
Another possible safe action is using a noisy item: "For example, you could use a squeaky toy," Kinky explains. "If the gagged partner starts squeaking the toy, it means they're using their safe action." Loud jangling keys also work.
"Another form of safe signal which is preferred when doing breath play is by having the submissive partner hold an object like a ball or a pen," Cory adds. "When they need to indicate that the gag be removed or all play cease, they can drop the toy."
If the submissive partner is tied up, and unable to hold anything, a common safety practice is to "shake your head back and forth quickly" (like you’re aggressively shaking your head “no”) and grunt (if possible) to get the attention of the dominant partner, Cory says. This will signal that the gag needs to be removed immediately. (Again, negotiate these actions before you start having sex, so there isn't any confusion in the moment.)
Last but not least, Cory made clear that you should never leave your partner alone with a gag (or while they’re tied up). "You should always be present in the room with a clear line of sight in case something happens and they need your help," she says.
Look no further! Here are some of the best ball gags you can buy.
Black Faux Leather Medium Silicone Ball Gag
Faux Leather Medium Silicone Ball Gag
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Making A Ball Gag
