Makes Slut

Makes Slut
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Is it sheer numbers, as one stubborn friend of mine insists, or is it more a matter of attitude? Are you slutty when you stop counting? I am considered a bit of a slut in one of my social circles, if only because most of those friends are so staid that they think wearing shorts is some kind of wholesale invitation to the public. (I wish I were kidding.) Then there is the other side of my group of friends, who had accomplished maneuvers before they were out of high school that I never even considered until I hit my twenties. I have one friend who has a never-broken rule never to have sex except in an exclusive relationship and another who freely admits to not knowing the first names of several people with whom he has had sex.
So, Dopers, I ask you, is there some magic number (besides 10,234, offered by the columnists Em and Lo, which makes me wonder how one would have time to do anything but have sex) that pushes you into sluthood? Some particular act or state of mind? Have my friends and I just bought into an outdated concept? For myself, I feel a lot less slutty now than I used to when I was a bit younger and had less experience, which leads me to believe that maybe it is just attitude after all.
In my high school (an international school in HK) there were several girls known to be ‘sluts’ who were nothing more than big flirts or exhibitionists (in the most benign sense of the word). Then suddenly in senior year that became a good thing, and you had girls go around saying, “Heyya, slut. What’s up?”, or “You got the calculus homework done, you slut?”
Here in college my friends call me a manslut, but I have yet to hear the word used in description of a female. Might just be regional.
Here in college my friends call me a manslut, but I have yet to hear the word used in description of a female. Might just be regional.
Yea must be. We dont really call the girls up here mansluts.
Pretty much if a girl slept with me before I was 25 she was a slut.
I’ve always hated the double standard it’s ok for men but not ok for women. I think get’n laid would probably be alot easier if that stigma weren’t around.
Anyway, me like’um sluty girls…mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
IMHO, a slut is anyone who has a tendency to:
1.) Jump into bed quickly.
2.) Jump into bed somewhat indiscrimintory.
3.) Move quickly from partner to partner.
Either all or a combation of these factors.
So, In my eyes, someone who has sex with several different people in the course of a week, every week, would definatly be a slut. And it would be slighlty different if it were the same several people being rotated.
But it’s relative and there’s no magic number, more of a guideline of Slut IDing.
"So we are proud to reclaim the word “slut” as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that *sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. * …
“A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money — because they have a lot to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.”
To me, it’s all about the attitude. If a person has a coarse, indiscriminate, casual attitude toward sex, they’re “slutty.”
I knew a girl who had had about 15 partners, which was kind of shocking to me, but it was over the course of about 10 years and she had been in serious relationships with all of them. On the other hand, I knew a girl who had only slept with 5 guys, for reasons ranging from “i was bored” to “i was drunk.” I viewed the latter as a slut, but not the former.
But it’s relative and there’s no magic number, more of a guideline of Slut IDing.
Anybody who’s done it more than I have is a slut.
"So we are proud to reclaim the word “slut” as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that *sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. * …
“A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money — because they have a lot to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.”
Great quotes matt ! They sum up my feelings quite nicely, actually. Sex is fun, adults should be able to share it without nasty labels getting attached.
If you look at numbers, then I am a slut. Ok, I was. I’m a tad old for JUST-SLUT now (though that does sound like the name for a nifty energy drink ).
If you look at indiscrimintory partners, then I was a slut. Unless that meant I was stupid, they were stupid and we didn’t use protection. If it meant he was horny and I was horny and I didn’t want to date/marry/or see him again…then yes I’m a slut.
If you mean “move from partner to partner” means, find someone you enjoy bonking and then move on. Then I’m a slut.
If you mean that being a widow since 1993 meant that I had to remain on battery power or be a slut. Then I’m a slut.
If you realised that I am exceptionaly careful about my child never having an “uncle” or him never feeling that a family of two was a bad thing, well then I’m not a slut.
My child probably thinks I’m a nun. It works for us. Better for me to “get busy” when he is nowhere to be seen and be a slut when he is not around, then to be desperate for company and introduce him to Uncle-Whoever.
Thank you to all who replied so far. I asked because I’ve been thinking about this. I carry a lot of useless guilt about sex and I’m trying to work through it.
A slut has had more sex than you but doesn’t want to have sex with you.
Or at least that’s an explanation I’ve read.
To me, it’s all about the attitude. If a person has a coarse, indiscriminate, casual attitude toward sex, they’re “slutty.”
I knew a girl who had had about 15 partners, which was kind of shocking to me, but it was over the course of about 10 years and she had been in serious relationships with all of them. On the other hand, I knew a girl who had only slept with 5 guys, for reasons ranging from “i was bored” to “i was drunk.” I viewed the latter as a slut, but not the former.
Freejooky has it nailed, IMO. (Hee, hee, “nailed”!)
Slut is one of those words that really bothers me because of the double standard. I’m female, I like sex, I create and take advantage of opportunities to have it; and this makes me worse than the average guy how ?
A slut has had more sex than you but doesn’t want to have sex with you.
Or at least that’s an explanation I’ve read.
I say we adopt this as the definitive definition of slut. I like it. I shall share it wantonly. I shall become a slut definition slut.
Yeah you boy/bear types always adopt our hussy terms. Shame on you
I have also heard that a slut is someone who will sleep with everyone but you or will no longer sleep with you.
My perspective on this one (sex-positive feminist hat on )
Some men feel threatened by a woman who acknowledges sexual desire openly and outside the confines of a relationship. What if a woman knows that another guy is “better at it” than him? (I could go on, but the hat is itchy.) Secure men generally mind their own business.
Women can feel threatened sometimes as well as the type can be perceived as, “overly available” and may threaten their relationship.
While I think people should be allowed to sleep with whoever consents (barring children, farm animals and Rick Santorum) an important distinction needs to be made between women with more than x number of partners versus women who knowingly pursue men in relationships. Them, I won’t defend.
The quote posted by matt_mcl strikes me as spot on. What the hell is a ‘slut’ but someone who enjoys sex? What is wrong with that? Really, is there any real difference between sleeping with a lot of people because you enjoy sex and any other activity?
Why anyone would feel shame at this completely natural behaviour is beyond me.
–UnwrittenNocturne (who lost count years ago and is NOT ashamed)
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
There's no insult in the English language like "slut": hurled as abuse, it can have a devastating impact. Being designated a "slut" can be reputation-ruining; however, it can also be taken as a compliment in certain situations, as a signifier of sexual attractiveness. A "good slut" is someone fun, sex-positive, and sexy — such a Samantha! Such a Jessa from GIRLS ! Tequila shots for all my sluts! A "bad slut," on the other hand, is someone who deserves the full force of our collective scorn and disdain. What's the difference, though?
The word "slut" can be used punitively, aggressively, shamingly, chidingly, in seemingly congratulatory manner, jokingly, with complete vitriol, etc. In short, it has no real, clearly-defined meaning. It's a collection of (sometimes contradictory) connotations huddled around an empty set, its only true defining feature being a murky connection to sexual impropriety. According to the dictionary , a "slut" is "a promiscuous woman; especially: PROSTITUTE." (Definition b: "a saucy girl: MINX"). Apparently, it comes from the Norwegian word for "impure liquid," which makes sense, because we sluts are constantly stewing in a collection of impure sauces, like those of the bog from which Grendel emerged.
So, fine, we can all agree that the denotation of "slut" is "a promiscuous woman" — but what even constitutes promiscuity in our era of ever-dissolving sexual prohibitions? Casual sex hasn't been a taboo (or even a source of deep-rooted, lingering shame! Woohoo!) for a long time, now — and, yet, the designation of "slut" lingers on as something we're still permitted, if not tacitly encouraged, to call women who don't have sex the way we think they should.
Enter slutformula.com , a website I came across this morning, that was probably crafted by an angry 15-year-old who lives in the stomach of a Balrog. It claims to contain "the official Slut Formula." Through some sort of complicated algorithm (misogyny x cum-sock/I hate vaginas), the site's author alleges that they're able to calculate your "Sluticity Value." Here's a fun bit of reasoning that accompanies the calculator:
Why the Slut Formula? Why does it only apply to Women? Women can pick and choose who they sleep with while men aren't nearly as picky and must constantly prove themselves while doing the attacking (ex: typically men approach women, not the other way around). Sluticity corrupts, and absolute sluticity corrupts absolutely. With provocative female attire, strict sexual harassment laws against men, and this innate ability to control them via vagina, women are the ones who must accept this responsibility and not abuse the power... if they do they will earn such titles as slut, whore, cock gobbler, etc.
The website, obviously, is a stinking pit of troll-feces that any woman with an ounce of self-awareness would likely know better than to take seriously (case in point: in order to not be a slut at all, at age 28, you can have had, at most: 3 sex partners, 5 kissing partners, and 5 oral sex partners). However, it didn't just hop out of a void, wielding a graph that shows a "linear relationship of sex and slutdom for a female." There are unspoken assumptions and deep-seated values in our society that create an environment in which less blatantly swinish iterations of this line of thinking proliferate.
Last week, Jezebel staff was discussing a recent psychological study that finds that college students who have meaningless sex (which is defined here as "sex with someone the respondent had known for less than a week") are more likely to exhibit "psychological distress." As lead researcher Dr. Melina M. Bersamin told Business Insider , "casual sex was negatively associated with well-being and positively associated with psychological distress." The idea that casual sex isn't always emotionally or physically fulfilling is, obviously, neither shocking nor new. But if casual sex is supposed to be the millennial's playground (no one steal this phrase and use it to name your nightclub because I am having it trademarked), shouldn't we at least be cool with it? Why does it cause us so much distress?
Looking to the lifestyles of twenty-somethings as an indication of what's broken or wrong with our…
The general consensus was that casual sex isn't necessarily easy to be casual about. It involves navigating a veritable minefield of pleasure, expectations, desire, miscommunications, muddled emotions, fun!! (let's not forget), but also of judgment and shame. Taking up the Mantle of Sluticity is not always a simple task, because it's caked with centuries worth of fears and myths and horrible assumptions re: sexually active women. So how does one even go about being successful at casual sex without experiencing emotional consequences? What makes The Perfect Slut?
To be clear, here's a handy list of how to be the Right Amount of Slutty:
The concept is bullshit for a lot of reasons — mostly because it causes women to worry that they're not behaving properly, according to a set of criteria that are both insane and lacking logic or any form of coherence.
Personally, I have always been a terrible slut. In my time at college, the only thing I was worse at than being a cool and fun slut was probably not falling asleep during that CogSci lecture I took by accident. This is because, during my time at college, I was growing up and starting to realize what kind of person I wanted to be. That's a fraught process, and one that almost necessarily involves a lot of insecurity and self-consciousness. A time of great uncertainty about one's own identity, it turns out, is not a ideal time to try and be a fun and carefree casual sexer — I realized this the hard way (i.e., crying under a strobe light at a party while eating a bag of Tostito's).
Having however much sex you want, with people you may or may not know very well, should be enjoyable, it should be easy, and it should never make you second-guess yourself. In other words, it requires that you're comfortable with who you are and what you want, and capable of communicating both of those things. It requires you to have reached a certain level of self-actualization and self-assurance. I wasn't there yet, so I sucked at being casually promiscuous. I projected my anxieties about myself as a person onto the "relationships" I was having, and it put me in a state of mild psychological distress.
What's even more baffling about the Slut Conundrum is that "psychological distress" is caused by pressure on both sides. Yes, negative stereotypes about women who have too much sex abound, but so, too, do stereotypes about women who don't have enough sex. Having had sex with far too few people at a certain age is seen as shameful — maybe in a different way than having had too much sex with too many people is, but it's a real pressure nonetheless. In environments where hooking up casually is the norm, there's a tacit pressure to fit in with one's peers. But when we're not given the right tools — either through a general unwillingness to have frank discussions about sexuality, or through a lack of self-possessed sexual female role models in the media, or through something else entirely — the very desire to "keep up" can be depressing and emotionally draining.
There's a line every woman must walk with her sexual identity. The old, strict, prohibitions around sex have been replaced with a set of nebulous demarcations: yes, you should have premarital sex; you should even have casual sex if you want! But there are certain ways you have to do it and certain patterns of behavior that are acceptable, otherwise you are gross and sad. It's a different type of sexual policing, but it strongly impacts the way we see the world, the way in which we think sex should happen, and what we think should happen afterwards.
I don't think that anyone can pinpoint the fine line between what's perceived as "healthy, sexual woman behavior" and "big slut behavior" (or, conversely, between what's seen as "healthy, sexy woman" and "sad prude"). And that's because it does not really exist. It's just an arbitrary distinction that allows us to malign women as freely — and illogically — as we please.

The Four Levels of Slut Sleeping around carries an unfair double standard, but sluttiness does have levels.
by Nathan DeGraaf | June 21, 2006
Points in Case is a daily literary humor publication featuring enlightening and irreverent comedy from seasoned writers and fresh voices, since 1999.
Main: Man, she’s a whore?
Nathan: How can you say that? She never got paid.
Main: I stand corrected. She’s a slut.
I think it’s unfair that women are often considered sluts for sleeping around. Women say that this perception of them propagates a double standard because men are never considered sluts for rampant sexual activity. (Although, if that were truly the case, then why do so many women I know call me a slut?) And recently, because I just dumped a girl who cheated on me, I have been pondering exactly what it is that makes a girl a slut .
Now, when I get to pondering, well, sometimes I just have to get out a pen and write down my thoughts. This was one of those times. You see, there are many different kinds of sluts, and there is not one hard and fast rule that simply defines a woman as a slut. But there are (at least) four levels of slut.
“Sadly, the Cheating Slut is really what most men mean when they say ‘slut' or ‘whore.' The first two levels are just people being people.”
This woman is not technically, by definition, a slut. She is the woman who gets stereotyped as a slut simply because she likes to fuck around. This woman typically has no boyfriend (or a boyfriend who doesn’t care that she fucks other men) and simply goes out looking to get laid. She doesn’t feel that she should have to settle down, and she thinks it’s unfair that other women degrade her for this. She is right. She is also one of the reasons I get up in the morning.
Of the last four women I’ve slept with, three fall into this category because (as far as I know), they were not cheating on anyone, were not lying about who they fucked, and were not asking for anything more than sex. Women love sex, too; they should not be blamed for seeking it. Stereotypes hurt everyone. Ironically enough, usually other women hate this girl because she can fuck who she wants, while men bare her no ill will. She is, after all, simply doing what she likes. And men, for the most part, respect that.
Unlike the whores that make up the second level of slut.
Much like the Sexually Liberated Woman, this slut has no boyfriend. She does however, and for whatever reason, feel she needs to lead men on. She fucks several different men at one time while tricking the men she fucks into thinking that they are pursuing a relationship. Which is to say that every one of the suckers she fucks happens to think that they’re the slut’s soon-to-be boyfriend. She also loves seeing men fight over her, which may be (at least in part) the motivation for her leading these poor bastards on.
The main thing that separates her from the Level 1 Slut is that she is not honest with the men in her life because she derives pleasure from wrapping suckers around her little finger. The women representing this level of slut usually leave me alone. I’m not sure why, but I’m pretty sure the Garden Variety Slut has a radar for suckers, and because I am not one, I hardly have to deal with these bitches.
I can’t say the same for the sluts in levels 3 and 4.
Cheating Sluts come in three different categories. There
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