Make Yourself Orgasm

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Make Yourself Orgasm
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Giving yourself time to explore your body is important. 
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Zoë Ligon is a sex educator, writer, artist, and the owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique , which is based out of Detroit. She loves psychological thrillers, saunas, weed, and girthy sex toys.
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Masturbation can sometimes feel daunting. Even if you’ve been doing it for years, you may be having trouble orgasming or wonder if your technique could use some fine-tuning. I’m 25 and have only been masturbating since I was 19, which surprises people given that I’m a sex educator who sells sex toys for a living. To this day, I find myself feeling self-conscious about how I can be so “set in my ways” when it comes to solo sex: I cozy up under a heavy comforter, grab my wand and a dildo, and have at it. I also get frustrated by how easily I can get thrown off course, or about how particular I am with my environment.
Ultimately, though, I feel happy to have one reliable way to get myself off. I know from my experience as an educator that there are many, many others who have yet to find a way they like to do it. Perhaps you’re feeling frustrated about masturbation, too, and you’re looking for a way to get into it or enjoy it more. Maybe you already masturbate, but you’re not feeling satisfied with your practice.
The first thing I want you to know is that, wherever you’re at, you're not alone. Take solace in the fact that many of us are still trying to figure out how the heck to pleasure ourselves on our own terms, and that even a “sexpert” like myself needs pointers from time to time. With that said, let’s dive into a few things to remember as we re-acquaint ourselves with…ourselves!
We all like being touched in different ways, and sometimes, we’re not even sure what they are until we feel them. When we take the time to explore on our own, though, both our solo and partnered sex lives benefit. Exhibit A: I need intense pressure or vibration to get off, but my sexual partners for the first five years of my sex life only executed light, fluttery rubs and tickles or suction-y cunnilingus — which I hated . Eventually, through plenty of trial and error, I figured out my love for intensity and bought myself a big ol’ Magic Wand to lovingly smoosh my clit with.
But remember: We're all different. I share my experience to illustrate that you may be frustrated with masturbation simply because you’ve been trying the same method over and over to no avail. No two people like exactly the same things. You might prefer rubbing, pinching, tickling, circular motions, up-and-down or side-to-side strokes, or even light smacking — but you’ll never know until you try them all.
If you know types of stimulation that you don’t enjoy, you’re already on your way to figuring out what you do like. the process of elimination takes courage, determination, and patience, and sometimes it takes a few misses to find a hit. Allow yourself blocks of uninterrupted time to explore your body, and don’t pressure yourself to reach orgasm by the end. If it happens, great! If not, you’re gathering valuable intel about how to make yourself feel great.
We are sold a very rigid and unrealistic depiction of masturbation by the mainstream media. If “female” masturbation is portrayed, it’s usually off-camera, under the covers, or immediately orgasmic . It’s also hard to find earnest depictions of self-pleasure in mainstream porn. Personally, I love watching femme cammers, as well as performer-made porn . Performer-created content sites like Findrow are also great for watching more realistic depictions of sex.
Solo sex can absolutely involve toys! After all, no human has vibrating hands or genitals. Vibrators use rotary motors to create rumbly, buzzing sensations that can feel delicious internally and externally. They can even stimulate deeper portions of the clit if you apply enough pressure or have a very strong vibrator.
I think of sex toys as being like makeup applicators: Some of us use Beautyblenders, some use foundation brushes, and some of us use our fingers — all methods get the job done, just in different ways, and it’s OK to prefer one method over another if it gets the job done better for you. Unfortunately, there is a lot of myth and stigma surrounding vibrators, for example, that vibrator use will “ruin” sex without a vibrator (not true). At the end of the day, you should absolutely use a toy if that’s the type of stimulation you crave. Dildos and vibes are also self-affirming tools — like physical tokens to both remind you your pleasure is important and to help you get it.
Personally, I used to feel self-conscious about the fact that I couldn’t get off easily without a giant vibrator. But then I realized this didn’t mean there was anything wrong with me; it’s just the way my body happens to work. What’s more, I was getting suckered into believing the patriarchal myth that a dick should be the only thing I need to get off. If toys pique your interest, browse options online or pay a visit to your local sex-positive shop.
No matter what kind of stimulation you like, lube is a must-have. It’s not just for postmenopausal people or butt stuff , as I’ve heard many strangers to lube claim. Even if you self-lubricate in mass quantities, a good lube will allow you to maintain frictionless glide so you don’t feel sore or rug burned after playtime. Water-based lube is compatible with all materials and is mess-free (but will eventually evaporate and need reapplication if you’re in the throes of a lengthy sesh). I recommend Sliquid Sassy : It’s a thick, long-lasting, water-based lube that is hypoallergenic and only has the bare minimum ingredients needed to make it lube-y.
Silicone lube, like Überlube , is a body-safe oil alternative that is compatible with all materials except silicone (liquid silicone can degrade solid). It’s safe for inside and outside bodies, though, as well as for safer-sex barriers like condoms. It also lasts much longer than most water-based lube because it rolls along the surface of the skin and eventually sheds away (water-based lube absorbs into the skin if it doesn’t evaporate). As a sex educator, I find that lack of lube is often the best fix for uncomfortable or painful masturbation (and partnered sex) — so don’t hold back. Douse any and all orifices in lube.
Which part of ourselves should we begin exploring, then? There’s a lot of hype over the sensitive front wall of the vagina, also known as the G-spot. If you have yet to find what your body craves, though, the G-spot isn’t the most intuitive place to start. Let’s consider the clit, the only human organ devoted solely to pleasure. It’s homologous with the penis, but the majority of it is internal — the button-like glans you probably think of as your clit is actually just one small part of the whole structure, which is shaped like a wishbone. (Not that the glans doesn’t pull its weight: It’s got at least 8,000 nerve endings , about twice as many as the penis has).
The spongy erectile tissue of the G-spot is found about two inches into the opening of the vagina, but you may not really be able to feel it before you’re aroused and the tissue swells. You may even have trouble finding your clit when you’re not aroused, for that matter. However, unlike G-spot stimulation, clit stimulation usually produces yummy sensations instantly.
My clit nearly retracts into my body and hides under the clitoral hood, which is also a really neat tool for varied external stimulation: It feels vastly different to touch the external pea-like area head-on than it does to stimulate it indirectly. (I definitely recommend focusing your attention outside before concerning yourself with the inside — this will only help the internal exploration later on.) Yanking back the clitoral hood and directly touching the external clit can be too much stimulation — just like it can be painful to directly stimulate the “head” of the penis after yanking back the foreskin. One of the many beauties of a clitoral hood (and foreskin) is the ability to indirectly stimulate the glans (another name for the external clit or penis head).
It took me a really long time to figure out that I personally preferred this indirect type of stimulation — but you may love going to town on your exposed clit. Explore until you find a way that works for you. Since hands are the world’s most versatile sex tool, you can experiment with both broad and pinpointed stimulation. Using two or three flat fingers or even your palm disperses the pressure, and separating your pointer and middle fingers and pressing them alongside the vaginal opening can stimulate the deeper tissues of the clitoral legs.
Experiment with back-and-forth, up-and-down, or circular movements, and go wherever your intuition takes you. If you’ve always been a person who masturbates on their stomach, try finding ways to stimulate yourself on your back — or even upright. Sometimes I assign myself the task of simply attempting to keep my eyes open the entire time, or not focusing on the ceiling above me (seriously). I have also set a simple goal for myself of becoming comfortable with masturbating in the tub — until recently, I never bothered to try. Little steps that briefly take you out of your comfort zone encourage your brain to adapt, making you an even more versatile masturbator.
Look, sex is sold to us as being penetration-centric and penis-in-vagina-focused. The thing is, that kind of sex usually does a lot more for the penis owner. Some people with vaginas fear they are “broken” if penetrative intercourse doesn’t do the trick for them, but guess what? Most vagina owners need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Yes, it’s really fun to play with the G-spot and other areas like the anterior fornix (also known as the “A-spot”), a sensitive area nestled between the cervix and front vaginal wall. But many folks don’t fully enjoy these kinds of play unless they’re paired with clitoral stimulation.
Unfortunately, masturbation isn’t something that we’re encouraged to talk about. Even the most comprehensive sex-ed can fail to leave out the actual steps to achieve pleasure . Even if you’re comfortable talking to a parent or mentor about sex, you probably aren’t keen on asking them for their personal tips for solo sex.
Sometimes, our roadblocks stem from something other than a lack of self-exploration, and it’s helpful to speak with a therapist about other things that might be getting in our way. I have found that a sex-positive (and also kink-aware) therapist has been an invaluable resource for me as I pursue a healthy, fulfilling sex life. I always suggest searching for an LGBTQIA+-friendly professional: Even if you identify as straight, professionals who are well-versed in a range of sexuality issues may be more sensitive to your needs and more comfortable talking about sex. If your concerns are more physical, don’t hesitate to consult a medical professional, especially if you ever encounter pain with sexual stimulation.
Most importantly, be gentle and kind with yourself, and move away from goal-oriented thinking in your masturbation. Any form of self-love and exploration that makes you feel good is a wonderful thing.
Here’s what’s wrong with gender norms:
Zoë Ligon is a Detroit-based sex educator, writer, artist, and owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique . Follow her on Instagram and Twitter .
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WARNING GRAPHIC Ok, so here is my technique. I make sure I get good and wet. Finger in or out is up to you. It feels good but that isn’t where the action is. I kinda tease myself never fully hitting the clitoris at first. Just up/down the labia, almost tickle. If you do put a finger in, I find it nice to keep contact with the palm on the clit. Add a bit of pressure. Then I start working on the clit. When I start to have that feeling build, I personally am getting faster and harder at approximately 45 across, not up/down. Sorted lol @ChrisMaster69
@exitseven oh no! Did you have a crisis? Lmao
@PrettyPriya yes, but it's okay, I didn't get hurt.
@exitseven thank goodness for that. Be more careful when ready my posts I put a disclaimer lmao
Yes, you should give a warning or something.
@exitseven lmao I did! Look at the first two words
@Still-alive care to make adjustments. Guys here seem to know more than us girls
@PrettyPriya That is more like a Wet Paint sign. You just can;t resist sticking your finger in the wet paint.
uhhh my "adjustments" would be to also put a finger in the other hole too but im just freaky like that lol
@exitseven hahahaha. It is hard not to dip it in for just a minute
@Still-alive naughty!!! Clean up on aisle me
@PrettyPriya We need the quicker picker upper.
@exitseven @Still-alive this thread has gone the way most do for me lol
well its with better company i think though
will likely do this dance again with you soon hehe
@Still-alive you know where to find me. Just look for the super long thread.
i will hehe thanks for getting me wet!
@Still-alive oh no! Did you pee yourself?
@PrettyPriya Okay-- thanks for this. .
When I was 18, I would spread my legs and put my clit under the bathtub faucet til I have an orgasm. I learned how to do that from a Cosmo magazine and it actually works. I would only do it if nobody was home and tried it during shower with the showerhead. That worked for me
I think thats common for every girl in her teens or any age when she starts to pleasure herself.
So? Then why did the asker asked this if this way is so common?
Jus waa telling lol many of the girls would say this. Not being rude to you.
R E L A X and get comfortable Maybe consider a vibe and research some (Non-porn) guides / reading material to advise on things to try and then just see what works for you~ Medical advice on sex and sexuality is available, it does take some patience to wade through all the fake / "bad woman's advice columns / porn / mythos and outdated misogynistic ideas about female orgasms.
Have you tried curling your fingers or toy upward to press on the front wall of your vagina while you are moving them in and out? If you do this you might be able to find a sensitive spot and if you keep stimulating it and rubbing your clit at the same time you might be able to orgasm.
there's 3 types i learned so far you can get yourself a toy for those you can get a beginners dildo those are like 4-5 inches. i am not sexually active with a partner yet i got a small toy. did a lot of reading and well experimenting. the most intense one i had was cervical with a small adult toy. even walmart sells them now or if you dont wanna get a toy etc. for a clitoral O- get an electric toothbrush put it on your nub and go, you will know when you have one i promise you. main thing is to be relaxed and stress free, experiment with yourself, there is no shame in that and those are pretty quiet
It's an unique experience for everyone, for some it's easy and for some it takes time... Maybe light some candles, put some calming music, really set the mood. And just try different things, if something feels good then explore it, some like gentle but others prefer rough so just explore... And maybe a vibrator or a partner could help.
For me I either need to put a pillow between my legs (I wear undies and leggings) and hump it while watching a vid. . Or I have an automatic thrusting dildo that works. . I, personally, can’t climax if I am in charge of the penetration. For example I cannot climax if I am having sex in the cowgirl position. . Hope this helps!
You really have one of those machines? Ever try a Sybian?
I do have an automatic thrusting suction cup dildo with a 5 year warranty. I do not like to be on top so the sybian is not for me.
Damn Foghorn Leghorn. That really takes me back. My dad loved that cartoon as a kid.
you need to be sexually aroused and excited rather than just going through the motions so can i ask what drives you to want to masturbate?
Well, if you are 18 and never had an orgasm... I don't know what advice you would get here. Is this a legitimate question? Are you serious?
I'm serious. I have been trying to orgasm for 3 years to no avail
If this is a serious question, you won't get the kind of information you need on GAG. I would see a good gynecologist. (female)
Just kinda fiddle around and keep doing whatever feels best. You could also just buy a small vibrator with an adjustable setting (ones without tend to be quite powerful which can be overwhelming) and try with that.
Are you asking guys or girls? There are SO many how-to's told on the internet.
This has to be a fake account. No one in their right mind would be asking this question because it’s all over today. It’s on tv, the internet, hanging out with friends, sex education, etc.
Keep trying and try to be relaxed as possible. Find out what turns you on and makes you wet, that will really help.
Assuming you've never undergone Female Genital Mutilation, it should be very easy to determine what feels good in that area of your body. Experiment. Whatever it is that feels good, keep doing it until you feel an explosive release
I have felt pressure build up and numbing in my lower body but it was never enough to cause an orgasm
Lol 3 girls and 18 guys, @loves2learn @PrettyPriya @jennbitx one for you lot I think
Try buying a vibrati
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