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I love getting a massage. And I usually get a couple of them a year. It's one of the few things, other than oral sex, that totally relaxes me.
But I've never gotten a massage by a male therapist. I've often wondered how it would be different. Mainly, would I get sexually aroused?
I haven't been turned on by a massage before. My only bodily response, other than the release of some taut neck muscles, has been the increased need to pass gas. And that's embarrassing no matter what the gender of the massager is. But massages can definitely be sexual.
Male friends, both gay and straight, have told me that they sometimes get erections when having a massage done by both masseuses (females) and masseurs (males). Gender doesn't matter. It just has to do with being touched by another person in a soothing, relaxing manner.
But I like to push out the edges of my comfort zone one inch at a time so, after much internal deliberation, I decided to have my recent massage, a hot stone massage, done by a male masseur. I figured I was on vacation, far from home. He wouldn't know me and I'd never see him again.
I was a little nervous going in, naked underneath my robe. I didn't have breakfast that morning because I didn't want to have to pass gas. The masseur was cute and very polite. He left the room for a few minutes while I crawled underneath the sheet on the table. (I know, they all do that.)
And then it began. The treatment started with a traditional massage to warm my muscles up. Right away, it felt different than my other experiences. His hands were stronger, bigger. The warm oil, the hot stones. I felt like I was slowly being enveloped in a bath of warm, creamy butter. And my mind started to drift ...
I'm lying naked on a soft platform at the beach. It's dusk, the sultriest time of day. There is a soft ocean breeze. And I'm having the best massage of my life. The strong hands, the warm stones, the fragrant oil. And I'm thinking of what Sergio's finish is going to be like. The anticipation is driving me crazy. His hands are on the back of my legs, rhythmically stroking them. And with each stroke, he gets closer to my ...
Then I flinched, which is what I do when I'm almost completely relaxed and dreaming of doing something physical. And I remembered where I was and who I was with. Embarrassed by my flinching, I muttered sorry to the masseur. Then hoped he didn't realize that I had drooled and was also completely aroused. My equivalent to an erection? Engorged labia.
He didn't have much of a reaction to the drooling or the flinching. Most men don't. And if he noticed the steam coming from my vaginal area, he ignored it. But I was very tense for the rest of the massage. So much for being relaxed. I guess there's a reason that I usually have a female therapist.
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After the massage, I texted my husband and asked him to meet me in our hotel room. I figured I might as well have him finish off the fantasy for me with the happy ending I was looking for.
Have you gotten turned on by a massage before? Was the therapist a male or a female?
Ringing in the New Year means welcoming new possibilities and setting exciting goals for yourself.
But it is also a perfect time to reflect on the past year and remember all of the amazing and wacky happenings that took place.
Little memorable moments are what sweeten up our lives, but they can easily be overlooked if you don't have a way to recall them.
Some people keep a journal — but if you don't want to commit to chronicling big and little life events every single day, there is also this fun DIY that you'll love.
To start out, you'll need to write down all of the year's memorable moments on little slips of paper  — you can spend an afternoon recalling them but spending the entire 12 months compiling them as they happen is much more fun.
Don't leave any good memory out; they can be as big as an engagement or pregnancy or a little as a fun afternoon with a friend.
As you compile, you can place all the little slips into a special jar, but make sure to make it large enough to fit everything.
After the year is up and you've written down an entire year's worth of memories into the jar, you can empty it out on the last day of the year and have a blast reading and recalling everything that happened.
This project may take a year to complete, but it also couldn't be easier, and you'll have such a fun time remembering everything that made it magical.
Check below to see all the simple materials you'll need to make your own memory jar.
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This year hasn’t been easy for any of us. As we stumble through the final stretch of it, those of us who still have our health and a roof over our heads know how lucky we are. So many Americans are without both. As you may have seen on the news, the number of homeless soared in 2020, with up to 45% more people living on the streets than in 2019. That increase is heart-wrenching, and the health risks this group faces make this problem an urgent one for all of us to work together to solve. It turns out Americans experiencing homelessness are more susceptible to COVID-19 and are more likely to be hospitalized for it as well, affecting our health system as a whole. However, there is hope for helping our most vulnerable get back on their feet. Led by the nonprofit Community Solutions and in partnership with Rocket Mortgage®, Built For Zero is a national effort to make homelessness rare and brief. Learn about this movement, as well as what you can do to help.
Americans experiencing homelessness are at greater risk for contracting COVID-19 and are more likely for the illness to prove severe or fatal.
People experiencing homelessness are more likely to be older, chronically ill, or immunocompromised.
They may be less equipped to comply with directives to practice social distancing and wash hands due to living in conditions without adequate space or running water.
A failure to protect this population will overwhelm hospital systems, which are already under critical duress.
More than half a million people experience homelessness on any given night, but there are fewer than 100,000 intensive care beds in the nation’s hospitals.
A report by researchers from the University of Pennsylvania, UCLA, and Boston University assumes that people experiencing homelessness are twice as likely to be hospitalized. It notes that 40% of people experiencing homelessness could contract the virus and as many as 10% could require hospitalization. In many U.S. communities, numbers like this could overwhelm their hospital capacity.
An analysis conducted by Dr. Brendan O’Flaherty, a professor of economics at Columbia University, projects an increase in homelessness by 40 to 45% this year over 2019, an addition of nearly 250,000 people, if homelessness follows unemployment the way that it has done so in the earlier part of this century.
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WHAT BUILT FOR ZERO AND ROCKET MORTGAGE® ARE DOING
Led by the nonprofit Community Solutions and in partnership with Rocket Mortgage®, Built For Zero is a national effort of more than 80 cities and counties using data to radically change how they work and the impact they can achieve — and proving that it is possible to make homelessness rare and brief.
To address the global pandemic, they are mobilizing their teams, networks, and partners to urgently support our communities. They are working to prevent deaths among people experiencing homelessness, protect staff on the front lines, and help preserve hospital capacity for everyone who needs it.
The Built for Zero coaching team is supporting local teams in more than 80 communities through ongoing coaching, convening and the facilitation of peer learning as they respond to COVID-19.
They’re securing resources that respond to what these communities are struggling with, such as personal protective equipment, staffing, testing and tools, and forging partnerships where they are needed.
The Brownsville Partnership, in one of New York City’s hardest hit neighborhoods, is coordinating the delivery of critical resources to families and supporting the Brownsville Mutual Aid Network.
Rocket Mortgage®’s Partnership with Built For Zero
Rocket Mortgage® believes that a home is so much more than a house. It’s what gives each of us the stability and security we need to build our best lives.
Their commitment to ending veteran homelessness is a natural extension of the organization’s long history of supporting veteran causes. They believe that there is no greater honor than serving those who have dedicated their lives to the service of our country, which is why they strive to provide veterans support in as many areas as possible.
Support the leaders of your homeless response system. If you are in a Built For Zero community, you can find a list of the organizations that are leading the Built For Zero work here.
Contact your elected officials. Your help is needed urging federal, state, and local governments to ensure people experiencing homelessness are not left behind.
Stop sweeps in your community. CDC’s guidance states that providing individual units are the best prevention measure for COVID-19 among unsheltered homeless populations, and unless they can be provided, encampments should be allowed to remain and be supplied with access to sanitation facilities. The National Law Center on Homelessness & Poverty have developed a letter template to advocate for a moratorium of sweeps in your community, in accordance with this guidance.
Quicken Loans LLC..; NMLS #3030; www.NMLSConsumerAccess.org. Equal Housing Lender. Licensed in 50 states. For additional information please visit RocketMortgage.com
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As a woman who's been in the spa business as a therapist and a manager for over five years, I've basically seen everything -- the good, the bad, the downright awkward. Not to mention, like all massage therapists, I put up with a seemingly endless stream of "happy ending" jokes all. the. time.
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
09/19/2014 11:29am EDT | Updated November 19, 2014
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
As a woman who's been in the spa business as a therapist and a manager for over five years, I've basically seen everything -- the good, the bad, the downright awkward. Not to mention, like all massage therapists, I put up with a seemingly endless stream of "happy ending" jokes all. the. time. And while everyone thinks these jokes are hilarious, the reality is that every massage therapist does have to deal with a few sexually... heightened moments with male clients over the course of his or her career.
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But let me just say that boners during massage appointments are totally normal. So to all the guys out there: You don't need to be embarrassed. There is no need to dart out of the room. Most massage therapists are professionals and won't just stare at your hard-on. We really don't want you to feel any more uncomfortable than you already are. So just relax -- and know that we are not judging you.
That said, there are some lines that shouldn't be crossed. What do I mean by that? Let me break it down for you...
Wow sir, I see you have an enormous erection! How might I know this? Because you have ever-so-unkindly removed the blanket that was (purposefully) placed on top of you to make certain I am aware of your arousal. And then to add to my misery you want to talk about it!? Ugh. Gross. These little scenarios I'm completely over. You know what I'm thinking during this game of show and tell? That I want to end the service immediately -- and I totally would if I could! Though, if you make this mistake, I'll offer you the chance to take the hint that this behavior is not OK by placing another blanket on top you, all while silently praying that this is where your shameless peacocking display ends. If not, though -- we are done.
No, really, this happens. If a male client is aroused and then his position is switched to lying on his stomach, I have observed (far too many times) that he might start humping the table. Humping or "purposeful wiggling" -- however you want to term it -- is a sexual act that is awkward and disarming. Who knows how it might end? To be clear, I understand a client's need to adjust himself and possibly rein in his boner if he has one so that the rest of the service can be enjoyed. But please do not hump the table until you are "satisfied." Or else I will have to, you guessed it, end the service -- and no one wants that.
Unless you are having a heart attack or another similar kind of extreme physical episode that renders you unable to use your vocal cords, please do not touch your therapist during your service. Just because I am touching you in a therapeutic manner and sending you healing energy, this does not mean you can grab my legs, arms or try to guide my hands. This is especially true if you are erect, as this will send me over the edge and I will cut our session short. Here's what touching is appropriate: shaking hands before or after your service. And perhaps, if you are an established regular with your therapist, hugs might be acceptable. But this is it.
Do Not Give Directions To Your Penis
If a guy is sporting some wood and asks me to massage his inner thighs or stomach, guess what? I know exactly what you're up to -- and I'm not going to do it. You are fooling no one. Do you think my hand is going to magically start tugging on Little Tommy because you are inviting me to massage around where he hangs out? Uh. Nope. In such cases, I'm totally disgusted and will likely give you a less-than-average-level massage, just so you don't get the wrong idea.
Don't Blow It: Masturbate Before Your Appointment
Just so no one is confused: This is something I am asking you to do. Listen, to be real, clients do ejaculate during appointments and these are the incidents a therapist retraces in his or her mind over and over for eternity. We think: Was there anything that could have prevented this? To my fellow therapists: Please remember that if this happens during one of your services, it was not your fault. Clients: Keep in mind that in the event that you do finish before your session finishes, your therapist isn't going to be able to erase this incident from his or her mind... ever. And generally, the standard protocol is for the client to be banned from returning to the spa ever again. And this probably goes without saying: Everyone at the front desk will look at you like a creep as you weasel your way out the front door. Now how is that for a happy ending?
To be clear, my intention is not to boner-shame anyone. I am just educating the misinformed who think "happy endings" are a real thing -- as 99 percent of the time, this is not the case.
Please, thank you, and come again! (Sorry, after five years of happy ending "jokes," I had to.)
This story first appeared on Ravishly.com, an alternative news+culture website for women.
An essential daily guide to achieving the good life
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
Part of HuffPost Style & Beauty. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.

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