Love Orgasm

Love Orgasm

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Your big O is pretty much the highlight of his night
You're familiar with the fortune cookie game, right? The one where you say "in bed" after you read your fortune? Well I once cracked open a cookie to find this: "You need to dedicate more time to others." … in bed .
Needless to say, I was offended. Who did this cookie think it was? And what did it know about my bedroom performance? I'm not a selfish lover! At least, I try not to be. And I'm not alone: Most men care about more than just our own big finish. We want you to get yours, too, and a new study even proved it. Men really get off on women crossing the finish line.
Still don't believe that me? Here are eight reasons we love it when you orgasm:
We like to feel accomplished
You ever see a guy right after he receives a promotion at work? Or after his fantasy football team wins the league? He stands a little taller, puffs his chest out a little more. We crave that sense of achievement in the bedroom, too. So even if your guy's drooling into his pillow, if you just had an orgasm, you can bet he's dreaming the dreams of a champion.
Big Os bring us closer
Orgasms flood both our brains with the bonding hormone oxytocin. It makes you feel more connected, love-y, and just all around awesome. And hey, why should we experience this feel-good cocktail on our own?
We get a private show
Watching you lose control turns us on. When you curl your toes, bite your lip, arch your back … that's some real stuff. And we're the only ones who get to see it.
Your voice sounds amazing at that volume
We generally only hear you raise your voice under two circumstances: You're really mad at us, or you're really happy with us. When you're on the precipice of an orgasm, we assume you're in that second category.
We like to know you're having just as good a time as we are
There's no Yelp for men (well, this app comes close) so the only reviews we have to go on are your own enthusiasm. This means we strive to deliver upstanding service every single time. We know you can still be enjoying yourself without an orgasm , but that doesn't make us any less committed to the task.
Your happiness is important to us
That's part of the reason we love to give you things. Orgasms, as it turns out, just happen to be way cheaper (and more mind-blowing) than flowers or jewelry.
You're like a sexy chameleon
As you heat up and your blood starts flowing faster, your chest can turn a little pink. It's called "sex flush," and it looks great on you.
Honestly, we're just impressed
Reports from the field indicate that women can experience multiple orgasms. This is foreign to men, which makes it all the more epic to watch.

10 Tips For Having The Most Intense Orgasm Of Your Life
3. Insist upon foreplay so you can get super turned on.
4. Get used to being a little bit selfish—not just in bed, but in life.
5. Figure out exactly what your clitoris likes.
6. But don't only focus on your clitoris—make sure to mind your mons .
7. Bring in the G-spot for reinforcement.
9. Don't be too shy to use your hand or a vibrator during sex.
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
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Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?—aren't as established as, say, the Fourth of July, they're still worth celebrating. And when it comes to National Orgasm Day, the best way to celebrate is by hanging out in bed (or in the kitchen, or on the living room rug, or some other inventive locale) and having an experience that redefines the word "climax." Here, experts explain 10 techniques to help your vagina feel like it's Christmas in July.
Touching yourself solo can help you understand exactly what you do or don't like in a way partnered sex can't. "Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex ," sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner , Ph.D., author of She Comes First , tells SELF.
Fantasies can help you forget about the anxieties of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and home in on your pleasure, Jessica O’Reilly , Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, tells SELF. "Thinking about a sex act isn’t a sign that you want to live it out in real life, and fantasizing about people other than your current partner is not cheating," she says.
Kerner agrees. "Don’t underestimate power of mental arousal," he says. If you're not sure what gets you going, O'Reilly recommends reading up on Literotica.com for inspiration.
Foreplay primes your body to have the best orgasm possible. "For orgasm to happen, two processes need to occur in parallel ," says Kerner. One is vasocongestion, or blood flow, to the genitals, and the other is myotonia, or muscular tension, he explains. "You can certainly achieve the minimum amount of these necessary to have an orgasm, or you can push beyond that and generate even more vasocongestion, myotonia, and arousal than usual."
Taking enough time to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize these feel-good processes. That extra blood flow increases sensitivity, and the tenser your muscles are, the more likely you'll feel a huge sense of release during orgasm. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of deal.
"Many of us are so concerned with pleasing our partners that our own pleasure becomes secondary," says O'Reilly. "As you learn to accept help or pleasure outside of the bedroom, you’ll become more comfortable receiving pleasure during sexual activity with a partner."
She recommends tactics like asking your partner for a quick massage without feeling like you always have to return the favor, accepting help other people offer up, and learning to say no when someone has a request that really inconveniences you (and that you actually want to say no to, we're not trying to create a monster here). "Learning to accept help, support, and pleasure is essential to orgasm," says O'Reilly.
Kerner calls the clitoris "the powerhouse of the female orgasm," and for good reason. "Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going," he says. Also, as O'Reilly notes, " Research shows that lesbians have more orgasms than women who have sex with men, suggesting that penis-in-vagina isn’t the ultimate path to orgasm." While many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that can mean different things to different people. Determine what it means for you, then make sure either you or your partner incorporates that during sex. "Even if you’re having intercourse, you can reach down and rub your clit with your fingers or a vibrator," says O'Reilly. It’s also possible that your clitoris wants less action sometimes—learn to listen to her.
O'Reilly suggests stimulating your pubic mound (aka mons pubis), too. "That fleshy area above your lips is primed to help you enjoy orgasm," she says. "As you grind against it—use your hands or rub it against your partner’s pubic mound depending on what position you’re in—you simultaneously tug on the hood that covers your clitoral head and shaft." It can create a kind of stroking motion that she likens to a penis getting a hand job. And beyond the pubic mound, definitely explore toying around with your labia , too.
Many scientists think the famed G-spot is actually an internal extension of the clitoris, but all that really matters is that paying it attention feels really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, palm up, and curl your finger in a come-hither motion.
"Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of that blended orgasm ," says Kerner. It may feel strange to mix those types of stimulation at first, but if you're intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.
"If you normally have sex on your back, flip over onto your stomach to discover new sensations," says O'Reilly. She notes that a small 2011 study published in the Journal of Sex Medicine used MRI imaging with an interesting result: "The research suggests that the pleasure pathways related to the clitoris and G-spot are different," she explains. Experimenting with different sex positions and the parts they stimulate might change up, and even amplify, your pleasure.
This can be the key to wait-what's-my-name-again kind of orgasms, but you might be apprehensive about using one while you're with a partner. "You can use a vibrator to enhance sex without being dependent on it," says Kerner. One way to make both of you feel more comfortable is by starting to use it before intercourse begins, if it's on the menu, and even using it on your partner to show them the light (especially helpful if you're having sex with a guy). You can also use a vibrating penis ring or couple's vibrator so your partner feels more included.
We've said it before and we'll say it again: The pelvic floor muscles are the most important muscles many women forget to exercise . Kegels give your pelvic floor a workout, which can potentially lead to better orgasms. Here's the right way to do Kegel exercises , plus a few tips for a regimen you can use regularly so your pelvic floor actually gets stronger.
You may also like: Try These 8 Things To Have Better Orgasms
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The way to a woman's heart isn't romance: it's orgasms.
In one of my favorite scenes from American Pie , Kevin solicits relationship advice from the impossibly chill and all-knowing love guru, Jessica. He needs help with his girlfriend Vicky, who's pissed because Kevin won't say the "L" word. Jessica gives it to him straight: "You've got to either give her the big 'L' or the big 'O,'" she says. Translated, Jessica's telling Kevin to do one of only two things: either say "I love you" -- or give Vicky a great, toe-curling orgasm.
I found out just how perfect Jessica's advice was during my freshman year in college and had my first orgasm with another human being. The boy I'd bedded was instantly my new obsession. Turns out my experience wasn't unusual -- orgasms make women fall in love by rendering them incapable of coherent, rational thought. But why?
Well, because our brains don't know the difference between real love and casual sex at all. Here's how it works.
To better understand the power of the orgasm, it's important to know what an orgasm actually does to a woman. Erin Basler-Francis, M.Ed., content and brand manager at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health , breaks orgasms down into four phases : excitement, plateau, climax, and recovery.
Attachment bonding happens between partners during climax when the brain releases oxytocin (fittingly called the "love hormone"); a neurochemical capable of relieving pain, decreasing stress, and fostering feelings of closeness. That's exactly what causes the after-glow high during "recovery" -- and the mushy feeling you have when you see or touch someone you love.
No wonder your brain and body confuse sex and love. It's science, OK?
An orgasm is the only thing that outranks chocolate on the list of things I love. And now I totally get why.
Scientists in a 1950s experiment wired the brains of rats so when they pressed a button, electrodes stimulated pleasure sensors. The rats responded by pressing the button up to 7,000 times a day. Many of them starved to death, forgoing food in the name of pressing that damn button. We're no different; willing to do anything to get that fix.
Orgasms make us love-drunk. We'll even go back for more pleasure when we know someone is bad for us; ditching logic in favor of getting off.
As any female traversing the Land of Milk and Fuckboys will tell you, finding a guy who can get you off is about as rare as finding a good leather jacket in a thrift store. The female body doesn't come to climax by the sheer will of two bodies bumping and grinding against each other. The female orgasm is more complicated than that.
One in three women cannot achieve orgasm from penetrative sex alone, according to Planned Parenthood . These ladies require (not want, not feel like having, REQUIRE ) clitoral stimulation to come. Given this fact, it's no surprise that having an orgasm with a guy would make us feel clingy. We've accomplished an enormous feat! Letting that go would be a travesty.
We get attached to guys who know how to please a woman because it appears to say so much about who they are as people. After dating so many guys who don't know and don't care to learn about a woman's pleasure, finding one who does melts away doubts about his character. If he cares about your clitoris, he must care about your heart, right? Wrong. But your body doesn't know that.
This is why, as you're lying in that tangible, post-orgasmic place of zen, you feel that sense of closeness, no matter the relationship you have with the partner.
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