Love Is A Number Of Keys
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Love Is A Number Of Keys
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5 Ways That Theories of Psychology Explain Love
Differences Between Compassionate and Passionate Love in Relationships
Can You Measure Love With Rubin's Scales?
Have You Experienced These Phases of Romantic Love?
Triangular Theory and the 7 Types of Love
How Do Psychologists Define Happiness?
6 Different Types of Relationships You May Find Yourself In
4 Reasons Not To Get Back With Your Ex
Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships?
What to Do If You Don't Want to Fall In Love
What Does the Term 'Alloromantic' Mean?
Exactly How Your Good Mood Can Combat Stress
Signs That You’re In an Unhealthy Relationship
Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Ⓒ 2022 Dotdash Media, Inc. — All rights reserved
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Kendra Cherry, MS, is an author and educational consultant focused on helping students learn about psychology.
Emily is a board-certified science editor who has worked with top digital publishing brands like Voices for Biodiversity, Study.com, GoodTherapy, Vox, and Verywell.
Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy and stress. 1
When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human emotions . Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. For example, researchers debate whether love is a biological or cultural phenomenon. 2
Love is most likely influenced by both biology and culture. Although hormones and biology are important, the way we express and experience love is also influenced by our personal conceptions of love.
What are some of the signs of love? Researchers have made distinctions between feelings of liking and loving another person.
According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of three elements: 3
Based on this view of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to measure these variables, known as Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving . Whereas people tend to view people they like as pleasant, love is marked by being devoted, possessive, and confiding in one another.
Not all forms of love are the same, and psychologists have identified a number of different types of love that people may experience. 1 These types of love include:
Specifically, psychologist Robert Sternberg developed his well-regarded triangular theory of love in the early 1980s. 4 Much research has built upon his work and demonstrated its universality across cultures. 4
Sternberg broke love into three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—that interact to produce seven types of love .
Some researchers suggest that love is a basic human emotion just like happiness or anger, while others believe that it is a cultural phenomenon that arises partly due to social pressures and expectations.
Research has found that romantic love exists in all cultures, which suggests that love has a strong biological component. It is a part of human nature to seek out and find love. However, culture can significantly affect how individuals think about, experience, and display romantic love. 2
Psychologists, sociologists, and researchers disagree somewhat on the characterization of love. Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. Psychologist and biologist Enrique Burunat says, "Love is a physiological motivation such as hunger, thirst, sleep, and sex drive." 5 Conversely, the American Psychological Association defines it as "a complex emotion." 6 Still others draw a distinction between primary and secondary emotions and put love in the latter category, maintaining that it derives from a mix of primary emotions.
There is no single way to practice love. Every relationship is unique, and each person brings their own history and needs. Some things that you can do to show love to the people you care about include:
Love, attachment, and affection have an important impact on well-being and quality of life. Loving relationships have been linked to:
Lasting relationships are marked by deep levels of trust, commitment, and intimacy. Some things that you can do to help cultivate loving relationships include:
As Shakespeare said, the course of love never did run smooth. No relationship is perfect, so there will always be problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and disappointments that can lead to distress or heartbreak.
So while love is associated with a host of positive emotions, it can also be accompanied by a number of negative feelings as well. Some of the potential pitfalls of experiencing love include:
While people are bound to experience some negative emotions associated with love, it can become problematic if those negative feelings outweigh the positive or if they start to interfere with either person's ability to function normally. Relationship counseling can be helpful in situations where couples need help coping with miscommunication, stress, or emotional issues.
Only fairly recently has love become the subject of science. In the past, the study of love was left to "the creative writer to depict for us the necessary conditions for loving," according to Sigmund Freud . "In consequence, it becomes inevitable that science should concern herself with the same materials whose treatment by artists has given enjoyment to mankind for thousands of years," he added. 12
Research on love has grown tremendously since Freud's remarks. But early explorations into the nature and reasons for love drew considerable criticism. During the 1970s, U.S. Senator William Proxmire railed against researchers who were studying love and derided the work as a waste of taxpayer dollars.
Despite early resistance, research has revealed the importance of love in both child development and adult health. 13
Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW. Regulation of Romantic Love Feelings: Preconceptions, Strategies, and Feasibility . PLoS One . 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087
Karandashev V. A Cultural Perspective on Romantic Love . ORPC. 2015;5(4):1-21. doi:10.9707/2307-0919.1135
Burunat E. Love is not an emotion . Psychology . 2016;07(14):1883. doi:10.4236/psych.2016.714173
American Psychological Association. APA Dictionary of Psychology .
Wong CW, Kwok CS, Narain A, et al. Marital status and risk of cardiovascular diseases: a systematic review and meta-analysis . Heart . 2018;104(23):1937‐1948. doi:10.1136/heartjnl-2018-313005
Robards J, Evandrou M, Falkingham J, Vlachantoni A. Marital status, health and mortality . Maturitas . 2012;73(4):295‐299. doi:10.1016/j.maturitas.2012.08.007
Teo AR, Choi H, Valenstein M. Social Relationships and Depression: Ten-Year Follow-Up from a Nationally Representative Study . PLoS One . 2013;8(4):e62396. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0062396
He X, Shi W, Han X, Wang N, Zhang N, Wang X. The interventional effects of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions and interpersonal interactions . Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat . 2015;11:1273‐1277. doi:10.2147/NDT.S79607
Freud S. The Freud Reader . New York: W. W. Norton & Company; 1995.
Winston R, Chicot R. The importance of early bonding on the long-term mental health and resilience of children . London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2016;8(1):12-14. doi:10.1080/17571472.2015.1133012
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The Ten Commandments
Keys in a Law of Love
Posted on Jan 30, 2011 by United Church of God Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
The love most often spoken of in the bible is an outgoing concern for others as demonstrated by our actions and more meaningful than mere feelings.
Each of the Ten Commandments reveals the attitudes and actions that show us how to love God and our neighbor.
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What is love? Most people think of love as a strong emotional feeling toward another person. And to an extent that's true. However, the "love" most often spoken of in the Bible is an outgoing concern for others as demonstrated by our actions ( 1 John 3:18 1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. American King James Version × ). And being demonstrated by our actions, it is far greater and more meaningful than mere feelings.
Scripture tells us that "God is love" ( 1 John 4:8-16 1 John 4:8-16 [8] He that loves not knows not God; for God is love.
[9] In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
[10] Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
[11] Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
[12] No man has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwells in us, and his love is perfected in us.
[13] Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.
[14] And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.
[15] Whoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwells in him, and he in God.
[16] And we have known and believed the love that God has to us. God is love; and he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him.
American King James Version × ), and His laws, particularly as summarized in the Ten Commandments, show us the actions that demonstrate love toward others—first toward God (as expressed in the first four of the Ten Commandments), and then toward our fellow man (as expressed in the last six).
Jesus Christ, asked to name the greatest commandment, responded: "‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets" ( Matthew 22:37-40 Matthew 22:37-40 [37] Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.
[38] This is the first and great commandment.
[39] And the second is like to it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
[40] On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
American King James Version × ).
Jesus here quoted Deuteronomy 6:5 Deuteronomy 6:5 And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. American King James Version × and Leviticus 19:18 Leviticus 19:18 You shall not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. American King James Version × . These two commands summarize both the Ten Commandments and the entire law of God, as all God's other instructions flow from these two greatest commands. Let's briefly see how the Ten Commandments show the actions that demonstrate our love to our Creator and our fellow man.
The First Commandment, "You shall have no other gods before Me" ( Exodus 20:3 Exodus 20:3 You shall have no other gods before me. American King James Version × ), tells us that we should love, honor and respect our Creator and heavenly Father so that He alone is the supreme authority in our lives. He alone is God, and we should allow nothing to prevent us from serving and obeying Him. As our Creator and Sustainer, He has given us everything, and wants us to acknowledge Him as the source of all good things and instruction in right living.
The Second Commandment, forbidding worship of idols ( Exodus 20:4-6 Exodus 20:4-6 [4] You shall not make to you any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
[5] You shall not bow down yourself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
[6] And showing mercy to thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
American King James Version × ), tells us that in our worship we must not reduce God to a likeness of a physical object. To make any representation of Him distorts and limits our perception of what He is really like, and so distorts and damages our relationship with Him. God is far greater than anything we can see or imagine, and idolatry limits Him in our minds.
The Third Commandment, to not take His name in vain ( Exodus 20:7 Exodus 20:7 You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that takes his name in vain. American King James Version × ), focuses on showing respect to our Creator. The quality of our relationship with God depends on the love and regard we have for Him. We are expected to always honor who and what He is, and never disrespect Him in word or action.
The Fourth Commandment, to remember His Sabbath day and keep it holy ( Exodus 20:8-11 Exodus 20:8-11 [8] Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
[9] Six days shall you labor, and do all your work:
[10] But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD your God: in it you shall not do any work, you, nor your son, nor your daughter, your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger that is within your gates:
[11] For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: why the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
American King James Version × ), is a key to a right and close relationship with God. By keeping His Sabbath, we are reminded every week that He is our Creator and the source of all good things. The Sabbath day is also a foretaste of His coming Kingdom, when all of humankind will at last have the opportunity to learn His way of life and experience a personal relationship with Him. The Sabbath day is a rest from our normal work, a commanded assembly, a time to meet with others of like mind and to learn more about God's way of life through His ministry.
The Fifth Commandment, to honor our father and mother ( Exodus 20:12 Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother: that your days may be long on the land which the LORD your God gives you. American King James Version × ), sets the tone for the last six. It addresses the importance of our learning to treat fellow human beings with respect and honor. Learning to obey this commandment helps children establish a lifetime pattern of respecting proper rules, traditions, principles and laws. Honoring others should be a normal, natural habit learned during youth, leading to strong families and, in turn, to a strong, stable society.
The Sixth Commandment, forbidding murder ( Exodus 20:13 Exodus 20:13 You shall not kill. American King James Version × ), tells us that life is a precious gift to be valued and respected. Jesus Christ amplified the meaning of "murder" to include bitter animosity, contempt or hateful hostility toward others ( Matthew 5:21-22 Matthew 5:21-22 [21] You have heard that it was said of them of old time, You shall not kill; and whoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
[22] But I say to you, That whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whoever shall say, You fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
American King James Version × ). God wants us to go far beyond avoiding murder. He wants us to be builders, not destroyers, of good relationships.
The Seventh Commandment, to not commit adultery ( Exodus 20:14 Exodus 20:14 You shall not commit adultery. American King James Version × ), is designed to protect one of God's greatest gifts to humanity—the loving marital relationship. It is the foundation of strong families, which are the building blocks of society. Obeying this command helps prevent the pain and suffering that comes on individuals and societies through broken relationships, broken homes, sexually transmitted diseases, poverty and many other ills, while strengthening one of God's greatest blessings to humanity.
The Eighth Commandment, forbidding stealing ( Exodus 20:15 Exodus 20:15 You shall not steal. American King James Version × ), shows that we need to respect and appreciate the rights and needs of others. God grants us many physical blessings, but they should never be our primary pursuit in life. The battle against selfishness begins in the heart, and we should put giving and serving others ahead of accumulating and lavishing possessions on ourselves.
The Ninth Commandment, forbidding false witness ( Exodus 20:16 Exodus 20:16 You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. American King James Version × ), helps us realize that God expects truth to permeate every facet of our lives. Respectful, loving relationships with others are impossible without truth and honesty being the foundation of our interactions. God wants us, as His children, to commit ourselves to truth and reflect it in everything we do.
The Tenth Commandment, telling us not to covet ( Exodus 20:17 Exodus 20:17 You shall not covet your neighbor's house, you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is your neighbor's. American King James Version × ), is aimed at the heart and mind of every human being. As with each of the previous nine commandments, it is directed toward our relationships. It specifically deals with respecting the property, possessions and spousal relationships of others and with the covetous thoughts that can potentially hurt ourselves and our neighbors. It seeks to quell the desires that tempt us and lead us astray. Rather than being focused on our own wants, God wants concern for others to be the motivation for our desires.
Each of the Ten Commandments reveals the attitudes and
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