Lost Hymen

Lost Hymen
Why breaking the hymen — or popping the cherry — actually has little to do with sex.
How do you know if your hymen is still there?
Hymen and virginity facts: 9 things to know about your hymen breaking
1. The hymen can be broken in a variety of ways and is in no way a marker of virginity.
2. On the flip side, it's possible to engage in sexual activity and not break the hymen.
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3. Once a hymen has been broken, it does not grow back.
4. Does it hurt when your hymen breaks? Not necessarily.
5. Virginity is a social construct rather than a medical condition.
6. "Losing your virginity" does not necessarily mean penis-in-vagina sex.
7. You don't have to prove your sexual history to anyone.
8. You are in control of your sexual activity.
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9. Still anxious about experiencing pain from your hymen breaking during sex? Masturbation can help.
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The concept of " virginity " for people with vaginas has a complicated history, and has often been (incorrectly) linked to the hymen breaking. Bleeding after sexual intercourse was (also incorrectly) thought to be proof of an unbroken hymen, and thus, proof that a person had not had sex before.
This is, of course, a deeply heteronormative way of thinking about sex, and the reality is that the state of your hymen may have nothing to do with sexual activity. Unfortunately, sex education in the U.S. leaves a lot of people with vaginas unsure of their own anatomy. It’s not at all uncommon — years into being sexually active, even — for people to wonder: “What is a hymen, really?”
With the help of Jessica Shepherd , MD, MBA, FACOG, a board-certified OB-GYN and Chief Medical Officer at Verywell Health, and Mackenzie Piper , MPH, CHES, a health and sex educator with Healthy Teen Network, we're going to separate hymen fact from fiction. We’ll answer some common questions about the hymen, like “what is a hymen” and “how does it break”? And we’ll also unpack its complicated relationship with the historical concept of virginity. So, read on for nine facts you need to know about this tiny tissue.
In this article, you’ll find answers to:
In the simplest terms, the hymen is “a thin membrane that surrounds the opening to the vagina ," explains Dr. Shepherd. It’s just fine, stretchy tissue left over from the way vaginas form in the womb, and it doesn’t really serve a purpose. The hymen has no known biological function and it does not, in any way, indicate whether or someone has engaged in sexual activity.
Despite the outsized role that “cherry popping” plays in the way we talk about virginity, it should be noted, too, that some people with vaginas are born without a hymen in the first place. For others, their hymen may be so small that, as Dr. Shepherd put it, it’s “not really impacted the first time they have penetrative sex.” Hymens come in different shapes and sizes (more on that below), and penetrating the vagina with something like a penis, fingers, or tampons can — but won’t necessarily — break it. That’s because the hymen is super elastic — some people like to compare it to a hair scrunchie!
The hymen surrounds or partially covers the opening to the vagina. (For a small number of people with something called an imperforate hymen, it will cover the entire vaginal opening, but this occurs in only about 0.05 to 0.1% of people with vaginas. )
Although they vary in shape and size, hymen location is pretty consistent — you’ll find it “just inward of the vagina,” Dr. Shepherd said, or about one to two centimeters inside your vaginal opening. And if you’re wondering “how deep is the hymen?” — it isn’t. Though this thin piece of tissue may mark the start of the vaginal canal, it doesn’t extend inside of it.
Hymens, just like vulvas , are not one-size-fits-all! “No two hymens are alike,” Piper said. “Some may have a half-moon shape, some may have a ring shape. Some are thicker, some are thinner… just like other body parts, hymens are different for everyone.” For the vast majority of people, hymens are not “seals” that cover the entire vaginal opening; they’ll have one or multiple holes that allow for period blood — and for things like tampons, fingers, a penis or a sex toy — to pass through, often without disrupting the hymen.
For a small number of people, the size and shape of their hymen may be considered an abnormal hymen, although Dr. Shepherd said it’s “not very common.” The different categories of hymen abnormalities are:
Although Piper noted that “pain or difficulties from these conditions are rare,” hymen abnormalities can interfere with menstrual flow and tampon use. In these cases, you can have a minor surgery (called a hymenectomy) to remove the extra tissue and open up the hymen so period blood can flow through. This is performed by a gynecologist.
Considering pulling out a mirror and checking for hymen breakage signs? It never hurts to get a closer look at your own anatomy, but in the case of the hymen, it’s possible you won’t see a whole lot. “Since the hymen is a flexible piece of tissue that may be thick, thin or even absent in some people, the visibility of a person’s hymen totally depends,” Piper said. “The size and shape of a hymen can change with age or a big shift in hormones, so that can impact visibility, too.”
But even if it’s not “necessarily easy to find,” Dr. Shepherd added, if you were born with a hymen, chances are you probably do still, in some capacity, have it. That’s because, contrary to the image conjured up by a “popped” cherry, the hymen doesn’t simply vanish post-penetration. “It’s a tissue formation that’s part of the vagina anyway… it’s not ‘broken.’ It’s still there because it’s still tissue that’s part of the vagina,” she said. “So there’s still tissue there, it’s just that it’s stretched maybe.”
A question we hear semi-often is: Can fingering break hymens? The hymen can be broken in any number of ways. Sexual activity (including fingering, oral sex, penetration and masturbation ) can break the hymen, yes, but so can the insertion of a tampon or even exercising. It’s not uncommon for hymens to tear doing totally normal, day-to-day activities, and you can break your hymen without even knowing it. Dr. Shepherd explains that it's entirely possible to disrupt the hymen during a weight-bearing exercise and not feel a thing. That could be especially true if your hymen had already thinned — with age, for instance — by the time it tore, or if you didn’t have much tissue there to begin with. Alternatively, it’s also possible to notice a bit of bleeding and tenderness when your hymen tears. It's different for everyone.
Engaging in sexual activity doesn’t automatically mean your hymen will break.. It's very possible for the hymen to remain unbroken from fingering or oral sex, explains Dr. Shepherd. It's even possible (though uncommon) to have intercourse without breaking the hymen.
It bears repeating: the presence or absence of a hymen does not prove or disprove whether someone has engaged in sexual activity.
Some people may wonder whether their hymen could grow back to its original state if enough time has passed since it was “broken” or stretched. But this isn’t possible. Once a hymen is broken, either naturally or through a hymenectomy, it will not grow back. And that’s totally okay! As mentioned before, it’s not something we need.
Though some of us may have been told to absolutely expect pain from our hymens breaking, everyone’s experience is different, according to Piper. “Having a hymen stretch or break may hurt, it may feel good, it may be both, or it may be something you don’t notice at all,” she said. “The most important thing you can do is keep living your life and making decisions that feel good to you.”
According to Piper, virginity is a social construct, rather than a medically significant term. “Many people define virginity as not having had sex yet, but what is considered sex varies from person to person,” she said. “Someone’s understanding of ‘virginity’ can be shaped by what they’ve learned from their peers, parents, family, or religion. However, there is absolutely no scientific basis for the idea of virginity.”
So you likely have a definition about what virginity entails based on your friends, what your parents have taught you, and whether or not you have specific religious beliefs. It should also be said that having sex doesn't change anything about you; it doesn't add or take away value, just as not having sex doesn't.
The concept of virginity has long been tied up with the heteronormative idea that when a penis enters your vagina, you’re no longer a virgin. But there are some obvious problems with this definition of virginity. When you define the moment that determines change in virginity status as specific to P-in-V, that leaves out people for whom sex will never mean P-in-V activity. “We all know this isn’t the only kind of sex people are having,” Piper said. “So, by reinforcing this concept, we are inherently excluding many genders, sexualities, and activities.”
You should never feel you have to prove your status, and furthermore, it's not even possible to do so. We would argue that the best way to find out if someone has not yet had sex (if the other party really cares to know) is simply to ask — and it's entirely up to you whether or not you want to discuss it at all!
There are some major problems with the concept of " losing your virginity ." The term implies that it isn’t in your control . If you lose your phone, is that a conscious decision? No! We need to change how we talk about the first time a person has sex. It shouldn’t be something that someone takes from you.
“‘Loss of virginity’ implies a person is a passive receiver of sex and that they are not in control of their body and their choices,” Piper said. “It’s time that we put these harmful concepts to rest and start to reframe our understanding of sex and sexuality… When we respect the right of people to make their own decisions about if and when to engage in sexual activities, when we stop shaming people for having sex, and when we talk about pleasure, then we can start moving away from this damaging idea of virginity and ‘loss.’”
As often as we’re (incorrectly) told our first time having vaginally penetrative sex is guaranteed to be painful, we’re also told this pain is unavoidable. But that isn’t necessarily true, Dr. Shepherd said.
“It’s not really the hymen that creates the discomfort — it’s the entire experience of the entire vaginal canal being stretched or changed in size,” she said. “To me, the reason why there is anxiety is because when it’s new, you anticipate that it’s going to hurt…The brain is our largest sex organ, so if we have been, in our brain, really anticipating something to be possibly painful or discomforting, I think that then leads to now your pelvic muscles responding to your brain thinking that.”
To avoid the psychological fear of pain causing actual pain, Dr. Shepherd recommended getting familiar with masturbation for starters. It’ll help you learn what your body finds pleasurable — and that, eventually, can also help you to have better foreplay with a partner, priming your body for more relaxed, and more lubricated, penetration when you’re ready for it.
This story was first published in 2015. It has been updated to include the most accurate information.
WATCH: 8 Fascinating Facts About the Vagina That Will Change Your Life
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By
Kendall @ Planned Parenthood
|
Oct. 18, 2011, 12:06 p.m.

i can’t find my hymen. There is no thin membrane around my vagina. All I can see is a long slit. I have never had sex. But I masturbated externally for years. Did I lose my hymen during masturbation? I tried inserting objects into my thing but they won’t go. I don’t know what to think. I am so stressed right now. Please help me.
Some women are born with so little hymenal tissue that it looks like they have none. Masturbating by stimulating your clitoris and vulva won’t stretch open your hymen. But using tampons, doing gymnastics, and riding bicycles or horses can. These are some of the reasons many women who have never had vaginal intercourse have very little hymenal tissue in the opening of their vaginas.
Here are two possible reasons that you might not be able to insert things into your vagina: The first is that you might have more hymenal tissue in the opening of your vagina than you think you do. It can be hard to see and evaluate your own hymenal tissue. The second is that you might not be relaxed enough during insertion.
To accomplish insertion, you should be relaxed, take your time, and be very gentle. You might want to start with a finger. If there is hymenal tissue covering part of the opening of the vagina, it can slowly be stretched open over time using a finger. If there is no hymenal tissue, insertion should be easier, but it still may take time before a woman is comfortable with it. In very rare cases, women with very thick hymens may need medical treatment to remove the tissue.
Some people and cultures believe that having a hymen is a necessary sign of virginity. But “virginity” means lots of different things to different people, and your hymen — or lack of hymen — is nothing to stress over. Having a hymen and being a virgin aren’t the same thing. To find out more about masturbation, hymens, and virginity, visit our Sex and Masturbation page on Info For Teens .

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