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https://www.thebody.com/article/loose-butthole-myth
Every person who engages in anal sex fears that they will one day possess a bashed and battered asshole, one that’s not as bright and tight as it used to be. I can admit that I was once a part of that camp, fearing that every time I bottomed, I was causing permanent damage to my precious b-hole. But, as is true with most generalizations, you come to realize it’s (mostly) a bunch of BS.
I became particularly invested in this topic after working with a sexual wellness company that launched a service called Text-a-Sexpert, in which a fellow sex educator and myself would answer people’s personal sex questions via text message. Almost instantly, I was taken aback by the volume of folks who wrote me desperate that their holes were—or would soon become—loose as a result of receptive anal intercourse.
As a radical empath who despises sexual shame in any shape or form, I want to wax poetic on the power and resilience of our buttholes. To assist, I’ve enlisted the expertise of not one, but two LGBTQ butt doctors as well as one experienced anal sex advocate, author, and sex shop owner. So let’s dispel some harmful myths and put those fanny-based fears to rest.
People generally measure sphincter-muscle strength in two ways. First, there is the “muscle-strength resting tone,” which gauges the tightness of the muscle while it’s not being used. Second is the “squeeze pressure,” which is the tightness of the muscle when you’re actively squeezing it.
“The anal sphincter is an exceptionally resilient part of the body that is way stronger than it needs to be—for perspective, it’s roughly four times stronger than what’s required to hold stool in,” colorectal surgery PA Jonathan Baker, M.P.A.S., PA, tells TheBody. “Even in people who regularly engage in receptive anal intercourse, the sphincter is typically still much tighter than what’s required.”
This means we can afford to lose a little elasticity in the area. In fact, we may want to. “In people who routinely and recreationally use the anus (i.e., for receptive sex), the sphincter muscle resting tone is reduced, but the squeeze tone remains about the same,” Baker explains. “This reduction in resting tone is helpful because it helps us engage in receptive anal sex without the preparation, slowness, and discomfort of anal sex.”
This reduced sphincter resting tone is also preventative, since an increased tone makes the area more susceptible to injury and fissures, which are tears in the skin that are mighty painful and difficult to heal.
“I often see patients with fissures who aren’t regularly engaging in receptive anal sex, but the patients who frequently engage in receptive anal sex often do not get fissures,” Baker says. “Simply put: Bottoming saves bottoms.”
Rest assured, bottoms: “The fear of permanent damage to your butthole is, for the most part, a myth,” Zoë Ligon, CEO of Spectrum Boutique and author of Carnal Knowledge: Sex Education You Didn’t Get in School , says. “The sphincter is a muscle, and while things can happen to damage muscles (for example, repeated injury from ignoring discomfort and pain, or other conditions that can cause muscles to weaken), there isn’t much to worry about if you’re using lube, taking it slow, and paying attention to the sensations in your body.”
Ligon recommends you regard your sphincter as you do any other muscle in the body. “If you never use your biceps and then work them out a ton in one day, you’re going to potentially damage some tissue and ligaments, but if you pay attention and pace yourself, your muscles will be just fine,” she explains.
To this point, you can—and should—exercise your b-hole, especially if you engage in anal sex. It’s super quick and easy. Insert a butt plug and tighten and strengthen the muscle around it, doing about three sets of 10 reps. Two to three workouts a week is all you need. Squats and other gluteal work can help build muscle in the area as well.
In Baker’s experience, most of his patients who engage in receptive anal sex fear becoming incontinent, meaning they lose the ability to prevent themselves from defecating. “Trauma to the sphincter muscle can cause incontinence, but this isn’t common with people who regularly engage in receptive anal intercourse because their sphincter is more relaxed at rest, and then penetration does not cause trauma,” he explains. “The other causes of incontinence have little to do with the anus as a sexual organ.”
However, Evan Goldstein, D.O.—who is the CEO of the surgical and sexual wellness practice Bespoke Surgical and cofounder of Future Method, a line of science-based wellness products for your booty—is a little more concerned about decreased tightness, describing anal looseness as a “legitimate concern.”
He says many can lose muscular capacity in the area during a single sexual engagement, though the muscle tends to regroup over time. Most who experience a loss of function tend to enjoy exceptionally large toys or penises and/or engage in fisting.
“All of these factors can definitely, in due time, cause the anus to loosen itself beyond repair,” Goldstein says. “Our muscles are normally able to relax to a degree, and it definitely has a maximal capability of opening. If one pushes beyond the boundaries excessively one time or beyond the boundaries over one’s lifetime, it can lead to a loose anus.”
But this is both extreme and rare. Baker has never seen a patient become incontinent from receptive anal sex, even among those who regularly engage in fisting. “I do find that most people who are into fisting are so well educated on the act itself that I don’t see too many for corrective actions,” Goldstein adds.
If you’re interested in more extreme receptive sex, Baker says the most important thing to do is work with someone who’s very experienced, or even hire a coach. “A first fisting encounter should be many hours long and might not even be successful,” he says.
Both Goldstein and Baker agree that over-douching is more likely to cause incontinence than receptive anal intercourse, as in people who chronically over-douche—whether they use too much water or force—it can distend the rectal muscles beyond repair. “I do see a lot of prolapse caused by frequent overcleaning of the anus for sex,” Baker says. “Eventually, that prolapse could cause dysfunction, like incontinence, though I’ve never seen a patient develop incontinence solely from enema use.”
Don’t let fear of a loose hole keep you from experiencing the salacious splendors of butt stuff, if you’re inclined to try. Just be kind to yourself and listen to your body. After all, being better able to take a bigger penis and toy has nothing to do with being loose and everything about being able to relax your muscles. It’s an expertise that takes practice.
“The key is for people to understand their anatomy and their own limitations so that they can engage in safe sexual play without any adverse effects,” Goldstein says. “I also tell people that when you’re engaging with large partners, toys, or fists, you should be actively engaging your pelvic floor and anal muscles to rebuild that muscle and its potential on off-days. It’s so important to maintain a fine balance that allows you to reach your full sexual potential, while maintaining muscle strength.”
Even if you do have a loose hole, serve the dolls some power-bottom realness and wear it like a badge of honor. “The body is constantly changing—and while tightness is often fetishized, it often means pain for the receiver,” Ligon says. “Your hole is beautiful just the way it is, and anyone who says otherwise is unworthy of it.”
Bobby Box is a freelance writer and certified sex educator. He's currently Grindr's sex columnist and his work has been published in Daily Beast, Playboy , Askmen, Elle , NewNowNext, The Advocate , and more.
© 2022 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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