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A Very Useful Guide to Sexy Spanking
Spanking is fun and sexy, but you’re still hitting someone. Here’s how to do it right.
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Spanking must have a terrific PR person. Though frowned upon as a punishment for children, spanking is currently a super-popular, super-sexy method of “punishment” between two consenting adults. The spanking spectrum covers a lot of ground. At one end are the playful taps you do every now and then, and at the other end is “impact play” (when one person—the top/dominant—strikes another—the bottom/submissive—for sexual gratification). But whether you’re a beginner spanker or a powerful dominant who wants to leave a handprint on your submissive, let’s be real: While spanking is totally normal and fun, it’s still hitting someone. Here’s how to do it respectfully...and sexily.
It’s safe to spank someone in your bedroom, but unsafe to spank someone at Buffalo Wild Wings because you’ll freak out the other diners. But where on the body is it safe to spank someone? Anywhere with muscle and fat, like the booty, is safe. David Ortmann, a San Francisco– and Manhattan-based psychotherapist and sex therapist, says his trick is to have the woman he’s spanking put on her sexiest pair of panties (that covers the butt—not a thong). Then, he says, you spank just the clothed area—you can take off her panties later. Stay away from the sides of the body, because it’s more painful. You should also avoid spanking areas that are not protected by fat or muscle. That includes the kidney area, neck, joints, and the tailbone and hip bones.
Along with spanking, common forms of impact play are slapping, paddling, caning, and whipping. (Please note that single-tailed whips are ill-advised for newbies because they can wrap around the body like a python.) Before adding any of the above to your sex life, pick a safe word. “Safe words are mandatory for anything that involves striking or hitting. You should come up with one that’s not ‘No, please stop,’ ” says Ortmann. With BDSM play such as spanking, begging and whining can be dirty talk that’s part of the action, so Ortmann recommends selecting a word that’s completely out of context. Pick something that you know will snap you out of an Inception -ish sex fugue, like “hedgehog,” “Ralph Lauren,” or “La Croix.”
While choosing a safe word is super-fun (like naming a puppy!), with impact play you also need to communicate with your partner before, during, and afterward. Use touch to get a feel for the spankee's preferred intensity. Ask your partner, “So what’s your pain threshold like? How hard do you like to be spanked?” while running your hand down their back. Move your hand down to their ass and try a few practice rounds to learn what their comfort level is. And even after you’ve laid out ground rules and established a safe word, pay attention: “Consent can change. If I’m spanking someone and we agreed on a certain level of intensity, but they change their mind, I have to know. It’s okay for them to change their mind,” Ortmann says.
If you’re new to impact play, start with your hands, because they’re easily accessible/attached to you and won’t hurt your wallet. “They also allow for skin-to-skin contact, which is a great way to connect to each other,” says Goddess Aviva, a New York City–based dominatrix. But if you do want to level up and spank someone with an object, simply waltz through your kitchen. If you don’t want to spend on expensive kink toys , Aviva recommends a wooden spoon. Unless you’re an impact-play expert, stick with tools that make a “thuddy” sound, like a paddle. I’m a snob, so when I want to be spanked with something other than a hand, I love a BDSM-black paddle .
Impact play can be both emotionally and physically intense, due to the spikes of adrenaline and endorphins released. Sometimes, after spanking or any BDSM experience, you and your partner can have a come-down. BDSM aficionados talk a lot about “aftercare,” which simply means checking in with each other after you’ve gotten off, just to make sure all parties feel good about what went down. At BDSM events or sex parties , you’ll often see chocolate set out, which is meant to help replenish guests’ oxytocin. You can give your partner a nice massage, and make sure to simply ask how they’re feeling and if they enjoyed themselves.
It’s easy to spank safely: Just stick with the ass, start with your hands, talk to your partner during the sesh, and maybe have a cookie on hand.
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Cobbled this post from a few things I had on file, some which I have posted before.
Spanking in the mainstream cinema is as old as the movie industry itself. Putting a pretty girl across a guy’s knee was a code for sex even on the Victorian stage, where in British pantomimes girls dressed as boys and no production of Aladdin was complete without a thigh slap or a good sound spanking across widow Twanky’s knee on the seat of some very tight tights.
There is an insight into some of the reasoning and pitfalls of theatrical spanking in this excerpt with Johnny D (a presumed movie producer) talking to Sally-Anne in a 1960s teen magazine. I only have a page so the preamble and context as well as the end are missing, if anyone has it or knows where it’s from let us know.
Sally-Anne: What about girls in the movies, they aren’t all famous. Did anyone you work with as an extra or bit-parter ever end up a star?
Johnny D: Oh sure, you would be surprised. Most actresses did some heavy time while they fought tooth and nail for a line. You would be surprised what some of them would do. The cutting room floor is littered with the indiscretions of some of the greats.
JD: You know, lots of nudity and such, but it wasn’t all that salacious. I remember a big star had two lines in a B-flick and we had to do about 30 takes. This actress had to take a spanking from the male lead (laughs), every time something went wrong.
SA: Thirty takes! Was this a real spanking? I mean could she even sit down afterwards?
JD: A real spanking sure, leastways it was by the time we did 30 takes (laughs).
SA: Are you saying that only bit-part players get spanked in movies? I mean recently they have had McKlintock! and Blue Hawaii.
JD: Well I heard that neither of those scenes were played for laughs (laughs) but usually you have a body double, like one of these budding actresses we are talking about.
SA: So why aren’t there more spankings in movies, I mean like there used to be, if the main actress doesn’t have to do it herself?
JD: (laughing) So many questions about spanking.
SA: (laughs) I guess it is what people want to hear about, But seriously I was using this as an example since you brought it up.
JD: Well like I was saying, scenes go wrong and you can end up with an actress with some real bruising. If it is a star we are talking about then that can cause problems. Also between the censor and this whole women’s lib thing it is getting hard to shoot.
SA: I understand the feminist point, but what do you mean the censor?
JD: Well it’s a sex thing. In the old days directors had the hero spank a girl instead of, you know, kissing her and stuff, but people get wise to it. You know, audiences are lot less innocent than they used to be.
To continue the Hollywood theme here is a re-post.
The picture top above is an often seen alleged publicity still of 20-year-old actress and singer, Ann-Margaret being spanked. However, thanks to TipTopper we can now reveal the back story was far from a prank for poor Miss Margaret.
Back in 1962, when she was 21-year-old, she revealed in a radio interview feature, Ask the Stars , that one of the reasons she was allowed to pursue a career as a performer from just 19, was because she was under the guidance of her uncle, ‘a kind but old-fashioned gentleman.’
She was asked about the spanking photo, which she claimed was a “real enough,” albeit mitigated on account of the camera and subsequently exploited as publicity still.
She admitted that she was indeed on the receiving end of many spankings from her uncle.
“The spankings were always the same. When uncle caught me erring on the wrong side of reasonable behaviour he would tell me point blank that I had earned a spanking. I was in no position to argue because he was right at least 99% of the time.”
“Then he would place me firmly over his knee, flip the back of my skirt up, lower my panties and spank my behind until it was bright red. This took about five minutes and included a couple of breaks for lecturing and to make sure that I understood exactly why I was being spanked.”
Ann-Margaret said she could never have been described as Miss Perfect and the spankings had brought her “down to Earth.”
During the interview she refused to be drawn as to when she would be spanked again.
I was always of the opinion that hollywood movie spanking were being acted out rather than the real thing. always over the clothes no bare bottom spanking. even then I am sure the censor was on the look out. but your story reveals that some girls were spanked for real by family as by that uncle. Not many revealed in public that they were spanked or bragged about it. I guess spanking/paddling is an American way going bace the generations. thanks for the story. I must admit I always liked when the guys pulled the pretty girls across their knee. Your stories sure keep the memory of those spanking years very much to the forefront. memories of a sore bottom.
Of course they were acted out – they were movies – notable exceptions are McKlintock! (in which JW played a trick on MOH) and apparently Blue Hawaii (which looks fake in the movie) but Jenny Maxwell complained ruefully she couldn’t sit down the next day for the horse riding scene.
But I suspect when you have a ‘disposable actress’ it is cheaper to do a quick and dirty spanking for real – after all only two or three swats will be seen on screen. No problem – all a laugh – but what if you have to do lots of takes.
I read of a movie where a man had to cross the street for a three second cut away. It took 186 takes! Probably atypical and it was only a street scene. But Imagine a spanking scene that took 50 or even just 30 (as mentioned in the interview)?
I remember reading that article on Ann Margaret way back when. It appeared in either Life or Look magazine.
It wasn’t in Life – although the picture was used there. Ask the Stars might have been a feature in Look – you are right. I have it somewhere. TipTopper sent it in years ago.
I like the replies of everyone and liked the pictures too.Well doneDJ. If only someone could come do that to me where I live in Worcester that would be great.
DeborahGifford
You must do something to earn it, Deborah, the girls here often slapped,
kicked or even shot at the males before they were spanked.
Dont know how many hours i have used to search for “Spanking in the movies” – sure wish we had more of those these days
I did too back in the day when there wasn’t much to find – the band width was too slow for movies back then and the picture sections were usually publicity stills.
Oh yeah. Searching for spankings in movies and old TV shows on a newly acquired mobile device is how I discovered Chross’s wonderful blog. Which eventually led me to A Voice in the Corner, my very favorite, and many other great spanking blogs. I had no idea that such a community of spanko’s existed or that I was one!
Oh wow. Thank you both. You’re so nice! *blushing*
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This blog is intended for adults only. Spanking and other sexual activities represented here are intended for adults. Nothing here should be interpreted as advocating any non-consensual spanking activity or the spanking of minors.
All characters appearing in short stories on this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
This blog aims to explore themes of erotic discipline, female submission and spanking. It features stories, anecdotes and observations by DJB and others.
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