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Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST PLACE TO GET IN ON AN ENTERTAINING BITCHFEST
AZPunk.com
The Valley's premier punk rock community and networking site serves many purposes promoting local punk shows, offering merchandise from local bands, and highlighting different local bands each week but the site component that probably sees the most action is the Message Board, where P-town punks love to get their panties in a bunch at each other, or more often than not at any outsiders who disagree with them or criticize any aspect of their scene. Let's just say we've seen that firsthand, more than once. There are also fervent discussions on topics including everything from "What's the best show you've seen so far this year?" to whether Phoenix sucks, with people posting icons of fists with protruding middle fingers and prosaic phrases like "Fuck you!" But it ain't all about the cyber throwdowns the message board also serves as a virtual corkboard, peppered with postings about benefit shows for people like North Side Kings singer Danny Marianino who was reportedly jumped by a group of guys in August and needed to raise funds for reconstructive surgery on his face and the late owner of Jugheads, Sid Copeland. So in the end, it really is all about community, even if the arguments are more heated and amusing than anything Jerry Springer could conjure.
We're feeling a little un-hip lately, mostly because we've been blowing through our 30s faster than you can say "midlife crisis." Since we don't have the dime to drop on either a new roadster or a new wardrobe, we'll get our hepcat groove back by attending the next SMoCA Nights shindig. The bold and the beautiful of the Valley turn out three times a year en masse for this ultra-cool concoction of fashion, music and art that's a collision of couture and culture. Although the focus is on fashion, with design divas like Camille Messina, Karelle Levy, and Kristin Dinnis staging runway shows, an assortment of other creative types including such pace-setting painters as Baron Gordon and Adam "Dumperfoo" Dumper, DJs like Maji and Brazilia, and musicians like jazz trio Sonorous lend their efforts to the proceedings. Dancing demonstrations, debauched drinking, and other artistic activities abound. Simply put, SMoCA Nights are smokin' hot.
Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST WAY TO MEET LIKE-MINDED NEIGHBORS WITHOUT LEAVING THE HOUSE
ModernPhoenix.net
They call themselves MoPhos, which is short for "Modern Phoenicians," and they're all about preserving the recent past by elevating our consciousness about the importance of local architecture and landmarks. They come together via the occasional home tour, but mostly through a Web site called ModernPhoenix.net, where folks who love mid-century homes and slump-block banks can share their knowledge and help promote preservation via the Internet. The brainchild of Alison and Matthew King, ModernPhoenix calls itself a "neighborhood network," but it operates more like a super-professional online shelter pub that's busting at the cyber-seams with useful information and entertaining articles about everything from how to rehab a Haver home to what to do to get historical designation for your neighborhood. Even for those of us who aren't architecturally inclined, there's plenty of gorgeous photography of what Phoenix used to look like (and may look like again, if the Kings have anything to do with it) to keep us returning to this virtual community time and again.
Shameless self-promoters love this kick-ass rack, because Modified's smack in the middle of Roosevelt Row, and the Row is the hub of Phoenix's arts scene. What better place to get the word out about your band's next gig or that new experimental-art performance? And the grassroots advertising technique seems to work, as you always see First Friday/Third Friday street crawlers pawing through the fliers in search of artistic adventure. In fact, the rack at Modified is the only one we've ever seen that has a queue of impatient, toe-tapping Phoenicians waiting for their chance to find cultural enlightenment or at least a good party.
Visibility is at a premium at this basement-level bar, which is usually shrouded in a state of near darkness, punctuated only by the eerie crimson glow of red ceiling lamps. Serving not only as shady shelter from which to escape the blazing Arizona sun, Monroe's also provides downtown Phoenix denizens with the perfect hiding place to slip away for a noontime drink or even spend the afternoon playing hooky from work. After dark, however, the underground imbibery plays host to an assortment of alcohol-fueled urbanites who swap stories amidst the dusky gloom or enjoy live music from the best in local jazz, blues and rock acts on weekends. The shadowy establishment almost feels like it could be some iniquitous underworld headquarters for rogues planning their next heist, or even more dog-faced types who'd like to make time with hotties of the opposite sex without having to reveal their ugly mugs. Be careful not to trip heading down the stairs.
Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST HOME AWAY FROM HOME
Homme
Confession: We love cheap booze as much as anyone, but to be honest, we're a little sick of slump-block dives and cans of PBR. Yet while we yearn to class things up a bit, we can't quite get into a night on the town with the plastics on the east side. Luckily, we've stumbled upon this midtown house turned bar where somehow worlds collide: slummy and swanky, gay and straight it all seems to work here. Technically, Homme is a gay bar (oh, come on . . . you know "homme" means "man" in French, right?), but you'll find it all here. The fact that the bar is built inside a house that's been standing since the 1800s (complete with a resident ghost, some say) does a lot to add to its charm, and its anything/anyone-goes appeal. Slurping down your vodka drink Smirnoff is often on special it kinda feels like that party you threw in high school when your parents went out of town. There's a different theme every night of the week, and drink specials to match. We're particularly fond of Sundays, when happy hour prices are good all night long, and Thursdays, when the Lushlife DJs take over with indie dance rock you don't hear at The Rogue, and reverse happy hour starting at 10. Homme may have even found the answer to our favorite cesspool Hot Pink! (may it rest in peace) with Friday night's "One" hosted by StraightNoChaser, where you can catch live artists doing their thing in the corner, and plenty of attractive twentysomethings doing their thing on the dance floor.
We've gotten to the point where happiness is an empty e-mail inbox, but we're always glad to see SCOOP show up. The folks at Desert Living put together a beautiful magazine, and their weekly SCOOP full of news about new restaurants, hot parties and good shopping is always fun. We've learned about Dolce & Gabbana's new cell phone, the arrival of a south Australian organic spa in Scottsdale, and the latest show at Modified Arts, all on SCOOP. In this age of information overload, it's saying a lot to say we look forward to an e-mail like this one. So thanks, Desert Living ! Even if this is just shameless self-promotion for your advertisers, we're okay with it. To sign up for your own SCOOP, go to the magazine's Web site.
Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST CHICKS TO HAVE YOUR BACK IN A BRAWL
Arizona Derby Dames
Suzy Homewrecker. Joan Threat. All the Way Mae. These are just a few of the elbow-slinging, body-banging babes in this all-woman roller-derby league, whose motto is "Live fast, die pretty." When they don't have their game faces on, the Dames are regular Janes with professions ranging from accountants to teachers but you'd best not try to snatch their pocketbooks if you value your gonads. The league includes three teams: the Coffin Draggers, the Brutal Beauties, and the Bombshells. For the most part, the Dames are fast friends as well as bitter foes. Says Homewrecker, "The Arizona Derby Dames promotes competition between determined, beautiful, unique, and, most of all, tough women." You go, grrls.
Start in the cozy-chic lounge, where specialty martinis are named after movie stars. As you sip and unwind by firelight, you'll honestly forget you're in a strip mall. The seriously yummy food (which takes you, for instance, from a crab-dip-of-the-gods through a high-end steak sandwich to a crème brle that can hold its head up anywhere in town) is served, with military precision and religious silence, before and during screenings of recent films. Tiered seating features comfy armchairs with casters. And, like the control freak you are, you can choose your experience: Romance, action, or comedy? (Heck, we've seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Capote here.) Lots of conversation, or just a smidge? (Adjust arrival and departure time accordingly.) No-hassle family outing, or perfect atmosphere for a special date? (Although Farrelli's sets the schedule and the menu, they know some things are best left in your capable hands.)
Not everyone can hang out at this refurbished historic hotel on Camelback Road its bar and restaurant are among the only places in town that ban blue jeans. But that's okay with us, mainly because there's something refreshing about seeing people a little bit dressed up, even if it is mostly in khaki. And we really can't think of a more elegant place to drink as the night falls than the Royal Palms' lovely courtyard, which features a full bar, excellent service, and surprisingly affordable noshes. But please: Don't tell the riffraff. This isn't for them, after all.
Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST SECRET SEX CLUB
Club Mistress
Given that Club Mistress is purely a women's play club (a strict "no cameras, no men" rule is enforced at meetings and parties), it's not surprising that the members are so covert. After all, the Mistresses who run the show (other participants are subservient "Girls") are seasoned pros, not exhibitionists looking to entertain the testosterone set. Club Mistress isn't a haphazard horndog fest, either. There is a strict set of rules everyone must follow (including not revealing the identity of other club members or discussing club activities with outsiders). Meetings take place at local lesbian bars and strip clubs, and play parties happen at private homes, with everything organized well in advance of the event dates. The club has no membership fee, phone number or address. So, how does a gal get into Club Mistress? (Guys, forget it you'll never get in.) The best we can tell you is to poke around on MySpace. But be aware that if the Head Mistress approves your membership and you attend a play party, participation is mandatory.
Firefighters! You gotta love 'em. They save lives. They put out fires. They make a nice pot of chili. And sometimes they screw sheep, too! At least that's what Mesa deputy fire chief Leroy Donald Johnson was accused of doing last March, when he was busted for allegedly screwing his neighbor's lamb. What made this particular chorus of "Baa Baa Fire Chief" so fun to sing was the accompanying police report, an eight-pager (with pictures!) so full of yuks you'd swear it was a hoax. According to the report, when Alan Goats (we swear, that's his name) found Leroy in his barn his pants around his ankles and a small gray ewe between his legs Johnson laughed and hollered, "You caught me, Alan, I tried to fuck your sheep!" So there's little question that, er, mutton happened. Rather than leaving Leroy on the lamb, coppers hauled him off to the Fourth Avenue jail; later, Mr. Johnson (who was charged with disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing) was dumped by Mesa firefighters. But he'll always have his Lambkins.
A first date should be relaxed, fun and easy to escape if something goes horribly wrong. A 24-hour coffee shop with a weekly poetry slam is exactly what the date doctor prescribes. Counter Culture Cafe is a bohemian hideaway, with art by locals lining the walls, and bookshelves stocked with well-worn tomes to borrow. Seating is varied, which is ideal for a first date. You can opt for one of the smaller tables near the mic or choose a comfy couch if you want to test your date's cuddle potential. The Wednesday night Speak Up! open mic doubles as the perfect cover to avoid talking to Mr. Boring ("Shhh . . . I really dig the way this cat spits rhyme") or a conversation starter ("So what do you think of the establishment?"). Either way, you'll get the benefit of the Valley's best beatbox, urban, home-grown folk and old-school beatnik talents. Snap. Snap.
We love what Hollywood does with real-life miscreants, so this year's prime-time television take on polygamy really caught our eye. What HBO's Big Love series lacked in reality it made up for in high cheekbones and even higher-gloss soap opera antics, courtesy of co-creators Mark V. Olsen and Will Scheffer and a passel of midlevel movie stars. They took a randy religious practice involving multiple wives and pedophilia committed with underage "spiritual" brides and turned it into a weekly hour that's as down and dirty as an episode of Three's Company . The abuses of polygamy in the northern Arizona and southern Utah towns of Colorado City and Hildale never looked so good, particularly as described, over the years, in the pages of Phoenix New Times , where John Dougherty broke much of the news about the real-life polygamists. But leave it to HBO to turn a program about a perverted practice that enslaves women into must-see TV. We defy you to look away from Utah polygamist Bill Henrickson (played by Bill Paxton) or his wives Barb, Nicki, and Margene (Jeanne Tripplehorn, Chloë Sevigny, and Ginnifer Goodwin), who live in three separate houses on the same hunk of suburban crabgrass. Despite our better judgment, we haven't been able to turn off this sudsy mess, which returns for a second season next month.
Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST PLACE TO EAT AT THE BAR
Zen Bar at Zen 32
It's time to relax, and one beer stands clear. Not Miller, fools. Kirin Ichiban! A tall frosty pint glass of Kirin will chase away that desert-induced tickle in the back of your throat. Of course, it's best to imbibe where there's the appropriate Nipponese grub, a chill atmosphere, and some bar stars of both sexes for gawking purposes. Hey, you can eat sushi anywhere. But in the enclosed confines of the Zen Bar, with Japanese anime being screened on one wall, sexy bartenders, a hella-hip vibe, and that already mentioned glass o' Kirin fresh from the tap, the tuna roll or yellowtail maki just seems to taste better. And the restaurant serves sushi 'til midnight, which helps. Plus, most nights of the week, there's a reverse happy hour, with some free noshes provided. So let's get crackin' at it like a bag of knuckles. And if you arrive there first, pardners, save us a corner seat.
We love the concept behind happy hour cheap drinks and eats and a way to avoid traffic for a while after work. But the reality of happy hour usually sucks: We can only consume so many Buffalo wings and Bud Lights. Which is why Caffe Boa is our favorite place to blow off steam, and enjoy libations after a long workweek. Glasses of wine from the cafe's impressive list are half-price (try the Sauvignon Blanc Dry Lands from New Zealand). Bread and oil is served free, and, combined with a few glasses of wine, we usually call it dinner. If you're classier than we are and like actual appetizers with your drinks, check out the formaggi piatti a fancy way of saying "cheese plate" or the bruschetta. The atmosphere is better than most happy hours no unruly drunks in sight but you can still escape, nice and toasted, for less than $20.
Voting ain't what it used to be, at least if the pathetic local and national turnouts in recent years are any indication. But given the choice of sitting on our behinds and whining about the sad state of affairs or casting our votes for whatever sorry sucker somehow strikes our fancy, we'll take the latter. That brings us to this spotless assisted-living facility, which also serves as a refuge for people with Alzheimer's disease. You've never seen volunteer service like this in your life. Probably three volunteers all of them in the homestretch of life for each voter. You need a glass of water before you start fooling with those chads or whatever they are? They'll fetch one for you. Hungry? They've got snacks. Need a quiet place to make up your mind once and for all? No problem. These well-informed oldsters are thrilled just to be alive; helping the electorate is gravy. Now if only we could convince one of them to run for office.
Giuseppe's Italian Kitchen owns this spot, like Mark Cuban owns the Dallas Mavericks. Of course, it costs the Eye-tie eatery a pretty penny. Three hundred of them, to be exact. See, the corkage fee at Giuseppe's, the no-frills eatery with the way -above-average fare that's owned by Richard Bock, principal cellist for the Phoenix Symphony, is only $3 per bottle. That's about what you'd tip a Scottsdale valet these days. So rather than pay the 200 to 300 percent markup at some hoity-toity grub house for a jug of vino that'd cost you $10 at Trader Joe's, you can bring in your own fermented grape juice and sit down for a nice plate of linguini or baked ziti. See, Bock's in it for love, not moola. So he's fine with turning a modest profit without gouging his customers. Other restaurants allow BYOB, but we've yet to find a place that's anywhere near as low as at Giuseppe's on the corkage, so this space will remain as a free advert for Bock & Co., up until someone else out there in restaurant land finally gets a clue.
Janet Napolitano's the hands-down champion when it comes to political maneuvering around here. The mere fact that a woman who comes across as this butch can get elected governor and, before that, attorney general in Arizona (of all places) is testament to her political IQ. Plus, she's a bleedin' Democrat! Somehow she's been able to avoid all the hot-button issues, or make us think she cares hugely about them without really doing much, and now the pollsters have declared her unbeatable this election year. She offended her bedrock feminist voters by refusing to step in to stop the rape of little girls by the polygamists of Colorado City (would have pissed off too many powerful mainstream Mormons who pull the purse strings in this state), but who else are feminists going to vote for in the governor's race? Whenever we criticize her at a cocktail party, longtime lefty Arizonans (yes, there are one or two) chime in: "But you should've been here in the past she's so much better than anybody else we've had as governor!" She came out strongly that something should be done about illegal immigration but vetoed every Republican-inspired measure the Legislature came up with to beef up patrols along the border. Oh, right, she supported putting some National Guardsmen down there. Big whoop! Now, we richly enjoyed seeing knee-jerk Neanderthals like Representative Russell Pearce put in their place, but we recognized Janet's tactics as classically, well, Janet. That is, she makes a lot of noise about solving a problem that's
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