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During a breakout session for pastors’ wives at the most recent True Woman Conference, women stood in line for well over an hour to recount their pain to workshop leaders Kim Wagner and Holly Elliff. At the same time, Dannah Gresh and I counseled emotional pastors’ daughters in the Teen Track. One girl stood in front of the entire group and wept over the loneliness she felt as a pastor’s daughter. Like many pastors’ kids, “pk” had become a label that simultaneously defined her and created confusion in her heart about her true identity.
I’ve cried those same tears.
I’ve been married to a youth pastor for more than ten years. I know all about unrealistic expectations, excess criticism, and the identity crisis that being a family in ministry can cause.
I know that many of you who are reading this blog today aren’t pastors’ wives or pastors’ children. I’ll have a word of encouragement for you on Thursday. But today, I want to write specifically to those of you with husbands or fathers in the ministry.
Right after college, I married my high school sweetheart. We were immediately thrown into full-time student ministry together in the church where my husband served as youth pastor. Church became a huge part of our lives. In fact, church became the biggest part of our lives. Sounds great, right? It wasn't.
In fact, it was very, very painful.
Ministry is messy. Relationships are even messier. Conflicts with fellow church members left me feeling deeply wounded and disillusioned. What's more, my husband was at the church working—a lot. It seemed that he was always gone in the name of ministry. I missed him. I was a new wife who wanted more time with her husband. And I blamed the church for the fact that we couldn't spend every night and weekend together in our new nest.
It wasn't long before a bitter root started to burrow in my heart. I started to resent the church. I resented our pastor. I resented the ministry I knew we were called to do. That bitterness and resentment soon turned into a critical spirit. Before long, I disliked everything about our church. The worship started to get on my nerves. The sermons all sounded the same. My fellow church members felt more like enemies than my brothers and sisters in Christ.
But our church wasn't the problem. I was the problem. I needed God to do a new thing in my heart. I needed Him to give me His vision for the church. I needed to love her like He loves her. I needed God to change my heart.
That's exactly what He did.
Today, my husband is still a full-time youth pastor. He's still gone a lot. We still have occasional conflicts with church members that can be disappointing and painful. But my feelings about the church have totally changed. I don't hate the church. I don't even dislike the church. I love the church. Church didn't change, but my heart certainly has.
Why am I telling you this?
Because some of you are where I once was. I understand the pain that some of you are feeling. The expectations that others have placed on you have become a burden that feels too heavy to bear. This isn’t what you signed up for.
Sweet ones, I know you’ve faced unrealistic expectations, unfair standards, and harsh criticism. Why? Because you are worshipping alongside imperfect people.
For the longest time, I just wanted the members of my church to see me as a human being; not a superspiritual, superhuman woman capable of living the Christian life without mistakes. My heart started to change when I realized that the people in my church who were causing me grief deserved the same measure of grace. They’re human too. God is still working in their hearts. They need His redemptive work in their words and relationships just as much as I do.
And you know what else? They are not my responsibility. God has called me to submit my own tongue, my own actions, and my own heart to His lordship. For me, that included letting Him show me how to fall in love with His bride (even when she doesn’t behave perfectly).
Will you let God do a work in you? Will you let Him present the church--His bride--to you as He sees her, pure and blameless? Will you stop hating the church and start loving her because He does?
Erin Davis is an author, blogger, and speaker who loves to see women of all ages run to the deep well of God’s Word. She is the author of many books and Bible studies including: 7 Feasts, Connected , Beautiful … read more …
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Mishaps
14 Father Daughter Pics That Are So Inappropriate
By Aya Tsintziras
Published Jun 24, 2019
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It could be because of the pose, it could be because of the situation (a dance, for example), or it could be a combination of all of these things.
It might be a cliche, but many dads-to-be are excited about having a boy and many moms-to-be are thrilled if they find out that they're expecting a girl. Of course, everyone wants a healthy baby... but no one can really lie that they have a preference at least at first.
The truth is that sometimes, we see photos of a dad and his daughter that seem a little bit off. It could be because of the pose, it could be because of the situation (a dance, for example), or it could be a combination of all of these things. All we know is that we think, "This doesn't seem all that appropriate."
Here are 15 father daughter pics that are so inappropriate.
This photo is of a girl and her dad before a purity ball, which means that she has decided to save herself for her husband. Yes, there is an actual dance about this. And yes, that would be strange enough, but this photo really takes things to another level.
We would say that it would better if her eyes weren't closed and yet it would truly seem just as inappropriate.
From a young age, we learn that eye contact is a good idea. It's polite to look at the person who is speaking to you. We especially want to make solid eye contact on a first date or during a crucial job interview.
We can't say that the eye contact between the father and daughter in this photo is all that great. In fact, it gives us a strange feeling and it's really over-the-top.
If we didn't know that this was a photo of Brooke and Hulk Hogan, we would probably think that this was a picture of a couple. After all, look at this PDA.
But we know that this is actually a famous father and daughter. It's definitely a strange photo, and we wouldn't be approaching our dad like this...
Many people would probably say that this dress is the first problem with this photo since the straps are a little bit much. Or maybe there are too many straps?
Besides the dress, this dad's glare is unnerving. It's tough to see what the big deal is since teenage girls go to dances all the time.
Socks are typical Christmas presents, and no one is that thrilled to receive them. Fancy underwear, on the other hand, doesn't seem like the best holiday gift.
And a photo of two girls holding up underwear with their dad in the background? That's definitely inappropriate. They look pretty excited about their new undergarments and that makes it even weirder.
Liv and Steven Tyler may be close, but we're going to have to say that they are too close for comfort, at least in this photo. He has his arms around her and she's holding onto his hands, and it's just not what we would expect to see. If they had been standing further apart, that would totally change the whole photo.
When Miley Cyrus and her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, took these photos for Vanity Fair in 2008, people couldn't stop talking about how it seemed off that she wasn't totally covered up. These photos definitely don't seem like they are super appropriate. In the one on the left, she's gazing into his eyes, and on the right, their poses are better suited to a couple.
A photo of a dad and his two daughters should, in theory, be pretty adorable. This one falls into the inappropriate category because of two things: this father's beard... and the intense look in his eyes. He should look much happier than he actually does... and maybe trim the beard a little bit.
Angelina Jolie and her dad, Jon Voight, aren't the most close and connected father and daughter in the celebrity world. In fact, it's quite the opposite.
It's surprising to see this photo of the two of them since they have their arms around one another and she's smiling big with her hand on his shoulder.
If this girl had been striking a ballerina pose and that was the entire photo, it would be beautiful. There's no denying that, especially since the landscape of this picture is incredible. The blue sky, mountains, and rolling hills are like something out of a painting.
The fact that she's holding tightly onto her father makes it seem just a little bit inappropriate.
Everyone has heard dads joke about wishing that their daughters would leave dating until they were in their 30s. This dad decided to literally give his daughter a t-shirt with his face on it that says "try me."
There is no way that we couldn't think that this was a weird t-shirt. And there is no way that this was the right thing to do.
When a teenage girl goes to a dance, it's pretty cute when she takes a photo beforehand with her dad. When he wears a robe (and stares at the camera like he is not impressed at all), things get odd and fast.
This is another inappropriate father/daughter picture and they both look super uncomfortable. We wonder if she had a date, and if he stared at him like this, too?
This is another photo of a dad and daughter before attending a purity ball, and like the other one, it seems really intense.
In this photo, both the father and daughter have their eyes closed. We really don't have that many words to describe this. All we can say is that it's not your typical photo.
Dads may think it's hilarious to say that their daughters shouldn't go out with boys, but honestly, it's kind of old-school at this point to act that way. It's also inappropriate to literally stare at your daughter and her date before she heads over to her high school for a dance.
These 15 father/daughter photos are
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