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A Very Useful Guide to Sexy Spanking
Spanking is fun and sexy, but you’re still hitting someone. Here’s how to do it right.
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Spanking must have a terrific PR person. Though frowned upon as a punishment for children, spanking is currently a super-popular, super-sexy method of “punishment” between two consenting adults. The spanking spectrum covers a lot of ground. At one end are the playful taps you do every now and then, and at the other end is “impact play” (when one person—the top/dominant—strikes another—the bottom/submissive—for sexual gratification). But whether you’re a beginner spanker or a powerful dominant who wants to leave a handprint on your submissive, let’s be real: While spanking is totally normal and fun, it’s still hitting someone. Here’s how to do it respectfully...and sexily.
It’s safe to spank someone in your bedroom, but unsafe to spank someone at Buffalo Wild Wings because you’ll freak out the other diners. But where on the body is it safe to spank someone? Anywhere with muscle and fat, like the booty, is safe. David Ortmann, a San Francisco– and Manhattan-based psychotherapist and sex therapist, says his trick is to have the woman he’s spanking put on her sexiest pair of panties (that covers the butt—not a thong). Then, he says, you spank just the clothed area—you can take off her panties later. Stay away from the sides of the body, because it’s more painful. You should also avoid spanking areas that are not protected by fat or muscle. That includes the kidney area, neck, joints, and the tailbone and hip bones.
Along with spanking, common forms of impact play are slapping, paddling, caning, and whipping. (Please note that single-tailed whips are ill-advised for newbies because they can wrap around the body like a python.) Before adding any of the above to your sex life, pick a safe word. “Safe words are mandatory for anything that involves striking or hitting. You should come up with one that’s not ‘No, please stop,’ ” says Ortmann. With BDSM play such as spanking, begging and whining can be dirty talk that’s part of the action, so Ortmann recommends selecting a word that’s completely out of context. Pick something that you know will snap you out of an Inception -ish sex fugue, like “hedgehog,” “Ralph Lauren,” or “La Croix.”
While choosing a safe word is super-fun (like naming a puppy!), with impact play you also need to communicate with your partner before, during, and afterward. Use touch to get a feel for the spankee's preferred intensity. Ask your partner, “So what’s your pain threshold like? How hard do you like to be spanked?” while running your hand down their back. Move your hand down to their ass and try a few practice rounds to learn what their comfort level is. And even after you’ve laid out ground rules and established a safe word, pay attention: “Consent can change. If I’m spanking someone and we agreed on a certain level of intensity, but they change their mind, I have to know. It’s okay for them to change their mind,” Ortmann says.
If you’re new to impact play, start with your hands, because they’re easily accessible/attached to you and won’t hurt your wallet. “They also allow for skin-to-skin contact, which is a great way to connect to each other,” says Goddess Aviva, a New York City–based dominatrix. But if you do want to level up and spank someone with an object, simply waltz through your kitchen. If you don’t want to spend on expensive kink toys , Aviva recommends a wooden spoon. Unless you’re an impact-play expert, stick with tools that make a “thuddy” sound, like a paddle. I’m a snob, so when I want to be spanked with something other than a hand, I love a BDSM-black paddle .
Impact play can be both emotionally and physically intense, due to the spikes of adrenaline and endorphins released. Sometimes, after spanking or any BDSM experience, you and your partner can have a come-down. BDSM aficionados talk a lot about “aftercare,” which simply means checking in with each other after you’ve gotten off, just to make sure all parties feel good about what went down. At BDSM events or sex parties , you’ll often see chocolate set out, which is meant to help replenish guests’ oxytocin. You can give your partner a nice massage, and make sure to simply ask how they’re feeling and if they enjoyed themselves.
It’s easy to spank safely: Just stick with the ass, start with your hands, talk to your partner during the sesh, and maybe have a cookie on hand.
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The act of spanking didn’t just start with the Fifty Shades phenomenon. A look at ancient Rome circa 800 BC is where you just need to look.
The Tomb of the floggings has features such as frescoes that depict a naked woman who is bent over while two men flog her from behind. From the ancient era in Egypt to Kama Sutra and tribal drawings, the act of spanking during sex has constantly being represented and explored causing fascination for both women and men alike.
A study carried out of 1,580 women indicated that about 95 percent of them enjoyed being spanked. The study found out that spanking ranked third out of a possible 126 sexual behaviors. But why do women like to be spanked? Let’s explore this and more in this piece.
Certainly, not all ladies love to be spanked, however many of them love to be spanked as part of their sex lives. If the spanking is properly done, it is worthy of note that it can lead to an orgasm. When a woman is being spanked, it can lead to the release of endorphins in the same way it would in vaginal orgasm. When endorphins are released, the effects can be quite minimal or quite high in terms of quality. This is the reason why some orgasms are much better than others. This may not be a universal concept but it’s quite common with men and women to enjoy being spanked during foreplay.
It is, however, vital to point out that people who enjoy spanking during sex doesn’t enjoy it the same way and for the same reasons. For example, some people enjoy spanking simply because it is linked to masochism. Such people may enjoy undergoing heavy punishment spankings which may leave red marks on their bodies.
Spanking is a personal thing. What this means is that you could spank two people the same way and the interpretation from them would be different. It should be noted that each of the consenting recipients will react to it based on their reasons.
One begins to wonder why exactly women like being spanked during sex. Could there be psychology behind it? The simple truth is that there is a psychological link between pleasure and pain in the sexuality of human beings. It is a complex and profound thing.
It is an expression of the polarity which exists within each of us and thus elicits our curiosity. The truth is that pain, sex, love , and violence all have a way of stimulating the release of hormones and chemicals in our body. Endorphin which gets released when we experience pain is often taken as pleasurable.
Biologically speaking, spanking has a way of releasing norepinephrine and epinephrine which are both pain chemicals that have a way of triggering pleasure. There is also the angle of submission and dominance which both run deep into the concept of human sexuality. Also, the part of the human body where several people like to be spanked is a tender region that stimulates the flow of blood and as such arouses the region that surrounds the genitals. It thus makes much sense that the person being spanked feels good about it.
One thing we should all know regarding our sexuality is that we ought to get comfortable with the changes we experience over the years. We should thus never be forced into doing things we wouldn’t want to.
If you are looking to give your partner some spanking during sex, you shouldn’t spank blindly. You should always ask your partner if they indeed wish to be spanked. Apart from the fact that she will likely appreciate your thoughtfulness, it is good manners. Here are some reasons why she may want to be spanked:
Even the most romantic relationships get into a rut from time to time. When everything becomes predictable, it makes it all become rather boring. Society may abhor diversity but nature sure does love it. Different people are wired for pleasure in different ways as well as our different erotic fingerprints. This is why it is quite normal for things like a nibble, spank a grab of hair can take us to a certain level of ecstasy.
It should be noted that power is a very sexy tool. Even though women may enjoy being in control from time to time, most of them prefer the man taking charge in the bedroom. Establishing your control between the sheets indicates that you are aware of what you want and the way you want it. But one thing you should never forget is that great power comes with great responsibility.
By sharing new experiences with your partner, you will be bringing yourselves closer to one another. By exploring new sexual ideas, you will be creating fresh memories that will help spice up the bond that exists between you both. A study carried out regarding couples that engage in BDSM behavior indicated that it created a feeling of increased intimacy even after the act must have ended.
One thing you will realize is that your body may react positively to being spanked. When our body encounters unpredicted stimuli, it has a way of firing up our dopamine receptors. This, in turn, have a way of triggering our sexual pleasure levels. Getting an orgasm sure does feel good and a little spanking wouldn’t hurt.
If you are still not clear about the submissive and dominant roles in the house. Know that there isn’t anything wrong with a man giving his partner a spanking during sexual intercourse. This should, however, be to get his attention and not to cause bodily harm or pain. For instance, if she recoils immediately, it could mean that she didn’t enjoy being spanked. However, if she smiles during the action, it could be a cue that she feels good about the whole experience.
One unique feature of spanking during sex is that it can sound rather powerful and sweet. The rhythm and effect have a way of triggering certain hormones that may be the beginning of a journey to orgasm land.
If you are sure your partner is comfortable with the idea of being spanked, you must know how best to go about it. You certainly do not want her to be turned off on the first try.
Just as it is with all kinds of sexual activities, communication is perhaps the strongest tool if both of you want to get as much pleasure as you want. Thus, while you are in the act of spanking, you must observe her reaction first before proceeding. There are easy steps you can take to decipher her disposition to the activity. First, was she more into the sex after you spanked her? Was her response filled with noise? Was the noise negative or positive? Was there any change in her breathing after doing it? The answers you get from asking these questions will tell you if she enjoyed being spanked or not.
The first thing to note in this regard is to try and comprehend what makes it so pleasurable. Spanking has been proven to cause the release of endorphin and the pleasure a woman enjoys from spanking stems from submission. When doing it, ensure that you begin slowly as you do not want to hurt your partner.
One interesting finding is that younger women are more favorably disposed to threesomes than other generations. You may also consider trying out role-plays. You can begin by having her lay on your laps and spank her thus increasing the pleasure every time.
Your hands should suffice as far as spanking is concerned, but they shouldn’t necessarily be the only tool you are to use. This does not mean you should go extreme in a bid to spice up your sex lives. The real key to maximizing the experience is to be creative. You could use the spatula in your kitchen or an old newspaper. Starting this way could be the first step towards driving her into an orgasm.
Women love pleasure and sometimes there is no pleasure without pain. Even though not all women love being spanked, most would want to experience it at least once in their sex lives. Every woman that enjoyed being spanked had a partner who knew the rules to the game.
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