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November 16, 2017 / 6:45 PM
/ CBS News

When Demetris Payne saw a missed call from her son's junior high school, she knew something was wrong.
With a sigh, the single mom of four from Shreveport, Louisiana, called back. A school official said her 13-year-old son Jadarien was suspended for three days for talking back to his teacher. She was told to pick him up right away.
"Three days seems kind of harsh -- why not do in-school suspension?" Payne asked.
But since Jadarien had been in trouble once before, they said he had to leave.
As soon as the pair got home, Payne took away her son's cellphone and video games. She left him with her 70-year-old father who lives with them.
"When I got home from work he's eating strawberries and having fun with my dad," Payne told CBS News. "I was like, 'Oh no.' It was like a vacation."
Payne knew she needed to do more to discipline him.
So she handed him a rake and asked him to start cleaning up the yard. When he was finished, she told him he'd be volunteering his lawn care services free of charge for people in need during the remainder of his suspension.
"He didn't believe it," Payne said. "I can be soft on him and baby him sometimes."
But Payne was serious. She posted a photo of Jadarien on Facebook with the heading, "Yard service - FREE," explaining that he got suspended from school and would mow lawns, pick up trash or wash cars for members of the community over the next three days.
Within hours, Payne got requests from several residents taking her up on the offer.
So she drove Jadarien from house to house. She stood by the car and watched him work. He mowed lawns, picked up pine needles and raked leaves.
"He didn't complain the whole time," Payne said.
Jadarien spent about two hours cleaning up the yards. He ended up hitting at least eight different homes. When he was finished, Payne took him to the library, where he spent the rest of the day reading and completing homework assignments.
"We explained to him that these chores weren't to punish, punish, punish, but to teach him a lesson and teach him about discipline," Payne said. "No matter if the teacher is right or wrong -- always respect your teachers, respect adults."
On Tuesday, Jadarien was happy to finally head back to school.
Look who's back at school. Meeting with all his teachers and set up a plan so we can make sure he stays on track....
The eighth-grader's classmates and teachers said they saw him on Facebook.
"He just laughed it off," Payne said. "Some people say he was 'shamed.' He wasn't shamed at all. He's not that type of kid. He really isn't."
Payne sat down with Jadarien's teachers to help come up with a plan to keep him on track. However, she's confident Jadarien learned his lesson.
Hundreds of people have shared Payne's Facebook post over the past week, many praising her for her unique approach to discipline.
"Beautiful idea! Parenting done right," one Facebook user commented.
"Raising your child to learn consequences for unacceptable behavior falls under good parenting 101," another wrote.
Payne said she hopes her other kids -- ages 3, 8 and 17 -- also learned something from Jadarien's experience. But if she has to do it all over again, she will.
"Single parents, do not give up. Keep encouraging your child. When one avenue doesn't work try another avenue. Get to the root of the problem," she advised.

First published on November 16, 2017 / 6:45 PM


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I walked into my son’s school a few weeks ago to pick him up. He was sitting with all his friends waiting for me by the door and immediately got up when he saw me coming. Clearly, he didn’t want me coming anywhere near his friends. I got the feeling he didn’t want anyone to know he was with me. I was right.
As he got closer, he whispered, “Mom, why do you have to dress like that? Everyone stares at you.”
“No they don’t. They are probably staring at you because you are so handsome,” I told him.
“I blend in. They aren’t staring at me. They are looking at you. Why do you have to wear dresses and high heels?” For the record, I was wearing the outfit below. The nerve, right?
I decided I wanted to try something with my teenage son that day. I asked him if he wanted to dress me for a little while. I told him he could pick out my outfits and I would wear whatever he wanted me to wear as long as he had an open mind and would listen to a few things I had to say about people and the way they choose to dress, so that’s what we did.
I wanted to talk to him more about the subject and why he was feeling the way he was. And by having him choose my clothes for a while I would better understand why he wanted me to wear certain things, and maybe he would understand why I like to dress the way I do and that, really, it shouldn’t affect him as much as it does.
This was his choice for the first day. He picked out a very casual, sporty outfit, and I loved it.
While I dress like this about half the time and like this look, it doesn’t always suit me. Sometimes I feel like dressing up more, so I do. When I asked my son why he picked this out, he said because I “blended in and didn’t look out of place.” In his mind, when I dress up, I look like I don’t belong. If he only knew how many women I saw throughout the day wearing suits and heels maybe he would have a different opinion.
Regardless, I told him nobody should be judged based on how they dress — not even your very embarrassing mother . Most people wear what they are comfortable in, what makes them feel good. It doesn’t matter where it came from because this isn’t how we judge others. We focus on how they make us feel, if they are kind, how they treat people. I told him judging people for what they wear is very transparent, and he will be missing out on a lot in life if he is going to focus on making friends because of what they wear, what they have, or what they look like.
If he is comfortable dressing in a way that makes him feel like he blends in, I think that is great. However, I want him to have the inner confidence to step out of the box if he wants. If he feels like wearing something, even though none of his peers are, I want him to feel like he can.
I also let him know what someone puts on their body isn’t an invitation, for him or anyone else, ever. And he should always take heed on how he looks at people, especially women. There is a way to look at a woman without staring or gawking. No matter how you see her, she deserves respect. I don’t care what she’s wearing.
I also want my son to realize just because I am a mother it doesn’t mean I have to dress a certain way. I loved the outfits he picked for me, and dress like that on my own accord often. But I also love wearing dresses, heels, skinny jeans, and trying out new trends because that is who I am, and who I was long before I became his mother. It’s not my intention to embarrass him. It is my intention to be myself, and him making comments or telling me he doesn’t want to go anywhere with me because of the way I dress is hurtful (as normal as it is).
A few days ago, I discussed these “lessons” I was trying to teach him with a friend and she told me he would “take all these lessons and bake them into a gentleman pie.” I really hope she is right.

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