Lick Under The Skirt

Lick Under The Skirt

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These women are tired of being groped

Filed under

sexual harassment

women's rights

8/9/17

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The other day I was driving on a busy freeway when I noticed a car near me trying to get my attention. We were driving fast and this driver seemed desperate for me to notice him. I was worried: “Are my lights on? Is fluid spilling out of my car? What the hell is he trying to tell me?” As his car pulled in line to me, I looked at him — a middle-aged guy with glasses and a goatee. Next minute, with aggressive hand gestures, I immediately understood his message. Cupping his chest he was using the universal sign for breasts, and then following that up with a thumbs up. Yup. So gross. Of course, he did it a few times just to be sure I had seen what he was trying to say, then, he sped off.
It’s been a few days since this disturbing incident but I can’t let the rage go — and not just because of his dangerous driving. No, what makes my blood boil is the thought that this guy has managed to get to about 40 years of age and has likely spent a lot of that time being a creep. And what annoys me further is that I know many people reading this are going to roll their eyes and think I should get over it rather than chastise him.
I’m fully aware Creepy Driver Man (CDM) did not murder anyone in this scenario, but he is guilty of sexually harassing a complete stranger and that’s not okay. And I’m not being dramatic when I say that this kind of entitled, predatory attitude towards women escalates to more serious things like rape.
I should point out that the recent driving incident happened in America but casual sexual harassment is a global problem that I personally have experienced in every country I’ve been to, and some of the worst of it at home in Australia. Not so fun fact: Australia has some of the highest rates of reported sexual assault in the world, according to the United Nations , and the Australian Bureau of Statistics reports that 1 in 5 women in Australia will experience sexual assault at some time in their life.
For me, it happened on a train in broad daylight where a stranger forced his hand up my skirt and grabbed at my “p—y,” as one world leader might say. Perhaps more shocking was the fact that I did nothing. I made no attempt to attract attention, I had no desire to make a fuss. The train doors opened and I rushed out onto the platform without looking back. Why? Because of our cultural obsession with raising girls to be “good.”
From birth, we are told not to be rude, or bossy, or difficult and above all, not to be a bitch. And it’s this obsession with “being nice” that is getting good girls into bad trouble.
Now, in my late 20s, I’m less of a “good girl” and more of a “nasty woman” becoming more and more incapable of pretending to smile when a man does something slimy. And it seems it might be a right of passage for females approaching a certain age.
In a January episode of her Women of the Hour podcast, Lena Dunham, 31, was in conversation with author Mary Karr when they discussed this very phenomenon. As the “sweet” and “nice” girl grows up, Karr said, “everything she’s thinking and not saying is going to rush to the front of her face and she will not be able to stop herself.”
Lena agreed, adding: “The things I would tolerate coming out of male mouths specifically, but human mouths generally, when I was 18, 19, 20, even until I was 28, I was just kind of like ready to let anyone say anything to me and then all this rage flooded to the surface.”
I can totally relate to that. Nowadays, I will happily tell strangers to “get f—ked” when they disrespect me.
But as women, when it comes to casual sexual harassment we do pick our battles. Going back to CDM, I have his number plate. I could shame him on the Internet, or try and find his wife and tell her she unfortunately married a grade A-creepasaurus, but I don’t want to engage in that because I don’t think the outcome will reward the effort.
Instead I’m going to change my battle cry — we need to change the way we raise boys. I know not all men are handsy-creeps but there are some members of their sex severely letting the team down. Too many men are silent bystanders to sexual harassment which is too often seen as a women’s issue, when it’s clearly a human issue.
I firmly believe empowering men to call out harassment when they see it from fellow blokes is one of the best weapons we have of ending this epidemic of sickos who think they can do what they want to women.
My new challenge is to ask the fellas to call out blokes who are guilty of “locker room talk” that objectifies women and reduces them to beings that only exist for sexual gratification.
And if that happened perhaps the ladies might not feel they have to pick and choose their sexual harassment battles but have allies in decent guys raised to be equally invested in making bacon out of chauvinist pigs.
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7:20PM Thursday, September 22nd, 2022
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More stories to check out before you go
A TEACHER has revealed how an upskirting scandal within her classroom ruined her life, after students secretly filmed her.
A TEACHER aide still cannot go to the supermarket without worrying she will see the students who filmed up her skirt in class.
Hester Tingey found out about a week after the fact that a group of teens had secretly filmed her.
She recalls a strange feeling that there was an inside joke she hadn’t been let in on.
The boys had switched their phones to video mode and put them facing up in their shoes or peeking out of jacket pockets.
They put their belongings in the aisle between their desks and asked Tingey to come and help them so she would have to step over the shoes and jackets.
After finding out about the filming, Tingey remembers going home and standing over her own phone’s camera.
“What could these boys have actually seen was a big thing that went through my head and then another thing was kind of like, ‘Why did I wear a dress? Why did I think they were respecting me?’
“It definitely changed the way that I looked at all the students, not just the ones in that class because yes, all the people in the class knew about it but actually by that stage it had spread throughout the school and it felt like I couldn’t escape it, that everybody knew.”
She still can’t go to the local supermarket without thinking the boys will be there — and they are.
“They’re smiling and they’re having a good time and they probably don’t even recognise me, but it’s kind of strange to think that these people have so heavily impacted on my life and they’ve got no idea who I am.”
She is now training to be a fully qualified teacher after realising the incident was not about her — it was random.
“It took me a while to realise that actually if this had happened on the street it wouldn’t have affected my future goals but because of where it happened it did for a while. It definitely did, it made me not want to ever go back to a school.”
Tingey reported the issue to the school, and the boys involved were suspended. The school did not want to comment further.
Tingey has waited to publicly speak out, but she is determined not to be silenced.
She is also participating in a documentary series looking at the relationship between technology and students, which could be shown in classrooms around the country.
Even if her story resonated with just one person, that was enough, she said.
“My opinion on what happened is never going to change but I can change the way that I look at it, which is why I’m doing things like this podcast and like the documentary to try and put positive associations around a negative event.”
This article originally appeared on the New Zealand Herald , and is based on extracts from the Speaking Secrets podcast, a co-production by NZ Herald and Newstalk ZB. For the full episode with teacher aide Hester Tingey, as well as further interviews with school counsellor Sarah Maindonald and Netsafe Technology and Partnerships director Sean Lyons, listen to the podcast. You can subscribe to Speaking Secrets on iHeartRadio and iTunes.
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