Letter to James Edward Raggi IV

Dear Jimi,

This letter is signed by 137 citizens of Pembrooktonshire. It's been quite a while since we talked last time, so here is some news from those you used to love!

First and foremost, Abigail Laffey is in a hospital in a critical condition! After buying A True Relation on Drivethru for 25usd and discovering that the giant PDF is not even separated on files by volume, she got a stroke while scrolling to the third volume. Her last words were something like, "Oh my god, he put hyperlinks in the beginning, but those are only for the first volume." We all pray she'll get well.

Thomas and Boyd visited us recently. They say you're still using your old trick announcing "a commercial suicide" every single time you're printing a new batch of books. We strongly believe you don't have to show false modesty with such words, we all know you're a clever, smart-ass salesman, just spend more money on the layout and artists, and less money on fancy-pansy thick-paper pages and unbreakable binding – yes, it's that simple (just look at ugly MS-Office-2003-style tables you approved in all the recent books, even old Roger Nelthrope can do better).

Tobias Reuter, our one and only four-eyes nerd, is so proud of your new book Don't Fuck With The Priest; he was crying for hours, saying how he believed in you and that you finally delivered a new adventure! Although he complains that someone vomited on his copy, at least this is the only explanation for why all the pages are in awkward background colors, which, together with the yellowish backgrounds for tables, makes it a pure "joy" to read. Also, Tobias blames Algernon Le Strange for stealing all the pages with drawings from the book. He swears there have been many, but now it's only 3 interior art pieces, which is, of course, can not be the truth for the high-quality 64-page long "good ol' LotFP" product, so I believe Algernon should be hanged for stealing. 

Last but not least – I was thrilled and honored when you decided to fill the crazy expensive slipcase of A True Relation with printed versions of the character sheet I made in MS Excel 2003 as a joke for your first D&D campaign. I still remember this tiny font on the contrast image, mhm! I also remember you saying you could not read it without glasses, and we had many funny moments while you tried to find the Cleric/Magic spells counter on it (those little useless circles, teehee). And there is still no place where you can even write spell names, for fuck sake, Jimi, it's been 15 years since the first version of the character sheet and you still can't nail it.

We miss you, James. It's been quite a while. Please don't be a stranger; come back home. Also, find an excellent modern layout artist and tell this little fidget Bouchard to go back home as well – you won't make it better by using his art on the free pamphlets.

Forever yours, 

Aunty Sybil