Lesbian Starp On

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Lesbian Starp On
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YouTube vlogger Arielle Scarcella knows how to push people's buttons. The mastermind behind videos like " Here’s What Happens When These Lesbians Touch A Penis For The First Time " and " Lesbians Explain: Sleeping With Straight Girls " is an expert when it comes to getting people to think and talk about some of the most intimate aspects of their lives and identities.
Now in her latest video, " Straight Girls Try Strap-Ons For The First Time ," above, she's asked three individuals who identify as female and straight to try on a strap-on to find out how the experience complicates their ideas about sex and sexuality.
“I think it’s a whole issue of making men understand that it’s not bad to feel feminine,” one participant notes.
Another woman wonders if the shape utilized for most strap-ons might be part of the reason so many men refuse to try being penetrated by one. “Maybe it shouldn’t be in the shape of a dick," she wonders aloud. "Like, if they want to be manly, make it a football. Make it a beer!”
Scarcella told The Huffington Post that "by showing that men of all types can enjoy anal sex, it hopefully can open the minds of those who are ashamed or afraid to try it." She added, "There are also plenty of women who don't mind being the aggressor [in a sexual situation.]"
Editorial Director, HuffPost Personal

New to Strap-On Sex? Here are 24 Strap-Ons and Harnesses Sex Experts Recommend
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Anna Borges is a writer and a former senior health editor at SELF. She's the author of the book The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care and can be found writing around the internet about mental, emotional, and sexual health. (Most importantly, she's also a Virgo sun, Aquarius moon,... Read more
Discover new workout ideas, healthy-eating recipes, makeup looks, skin-care advice, the best beauty products and tips, trends, and more from SELF.
Finding the best strap-on for you is like Goldilocks’s porridge: It’s a bit tricky to find one that’s just right. Like any sex toy , how enjoyable a strap-on will be depends on your and your partner’s personal tastes. You want a harness that fits comfortably and feels secure and a dildo that looks and feels great for whoever is on the receiving end of the strap-on.
Whether you’re new to strap-on sex or not, navigating the many, many options between harnesses and dildos can be overwhelming.
To help you decide which strap-on to take for a spin, we rounded up a mix of reviewer favorites, recommendations from sex educators and people who actually use them. Before we dive into the products themselves, here’s what you need to know about buying a strap-on.
When buying a strap-on, you’re typically buying two things: a harness and a dildo. You’ll often find beginner kits that include both to streamline the buying process, which can be excellent and affordable starter options. On the other hand, choosing a harness and a dildo separately can mean matchmaking the best fit for your preferences, since there are several factors to consider for each.
For this article, we included both combo kits and individual harnesses. ( Dildos are another article entirely.)
If you decide to go the mix-and-match route, your sex-toy store will likely suggest dildos to pair with your harness. But Babeland sex educator Lisa Finn suggests that sexual partners split the decision. “If you’re shopping for a strap with a specific partner in mind, here’s my advice: The top picks the harness, the bottom picks the dildo,” Finn tells SELF. That way, everyone is comfortable with the strap-on as a whole. She notes that some strap-on wearers may want a say in the look of the dildo to ensure they’re comfortable with it in terms of gender expression, but the person receiving should have final say in terms of size and texture.
For people who are more vers or switch, meaning that they enjoy both giving and receiving, Finn suggests a mix-and-match whereby everyone has their favorite harnesses and dildos.
According to Ashley Cobb , founder and host of Sex With Ashley and sex-toy reviewer, harnesses typically come in three main styles: jockstrap, thong, and underwear. “[Jockstraps] look like a classic jockstrap, with straps around the waist and over each butt cheek,” she tells SELF. “Thongs [have] a strap around the waist and a strap that goes between the legs and between the butt cheeks. Underwear looks like a pair of underwear or boxers.” There are also less common styles, like thigh, chin, or chest harnesses; suspender harnesses; or strapless strap-ons, which require no harnesses at all.
These less common styles may be good options for people concerned about gender dysphoria. “Some people like thigh harnesses specifically because they want hands-free play but really don’t want to think of the dildo as any kind of phallic object, and having it mounted on their pubis isn’t something they vibe with,” Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist at Good Vibrations tells SELF. Consider how your strap-on, both harness and dildo, will jibe with your gender expression.
Queen says that which style of strap-on you choose can also depend on the size of your dildo. Underwear-style harnesses tend to be very comfortable, but if you want to use a large dildo, they probably won’t provide the support you need. If you like a large dildo, she suggests using a harness with straps you can tighten for support instead.
The style of harness typically informs the type of sizing available; jockstraps and thongs with adjustable straps usually come in one or two sizes and can fit a variety of bodies, whereas underwear harnesses are sized like similar articles of clothing. Adjustable harnesses might be a better choice if you plan on sharing your harness with a partner or want the option to adjust based on fluctuations in your body size.
How comfortable and stable a harness feels to wear and use can either go hand in hand or detract from each other, depending on the quality or type of your harness. Cobb says that the two-strap styles tend to have much better stability than the single-strap thong, which might make it easier for beginners to control.
Comfort is a bit more personal. Some people find strappy harnesses uncomfortable and prefer ones that feel more like underwear , whereas others find underwear harnesses restrictive and difficult to use. Certain styles might also lead to chafing, depending on the fit on your specific body. Cobb also recommends looking at how low the harness would sit on your body. “Will it press uncomfortably on the pubic bone?” she says. “You don’t want you or your partner to be in pain while using the strap-on.”
When it comes to actually using your strap-on, sex educator Cassandra Corrado tells SELF that the best way to get used to it is simply by wearing it. Wear your harness around the house while you’re doing laundry or dishes, just to see how it feels on your body. Then add the dildo. You’re doing all of this before you ever use your strap-on for sex. “Get used to the weight and movement just when you move around your home,” she says. “Don't be afraid to be a little silly and practice some thrusts too.” 
Practice makes perfect, right? And that’s the thought here. If you practice taking your strap-on harness on and off and practice thrusting with your abs instead of your hips, you can feel more confident the first time you use your strap-on for real—and skip awkward moments like putting your foot through the wrong hole.
You should also take into consideration the material, not only for comfort but for how easy it is to clean and share, if that’s something you plan on doing. “Harnesses can be leather or fabric,” says Cobb. “Leather tends to be stronger. However, it’s a porous material and is not meant to be shared because you can not sterilize it. Fabric or nylon harnesses are quite comfortable, washable, and can be used on multiple partners.”
Fabric is obviously a wide category, so check out the specific material to make sure it’s right for you and your tastes (personally, I can’t use nylon straps without feeling like I’m strapping into my childhood JanSport backpack, so…). And just like any underwear, some fabric is more breathable or better suited for moisture than others. You may also want to consider how heavy your dildo is. “Heavier dildos and lighter materials don’t work well together,” Queen says.
Lastly, you’ll want to look at what’s known as the O-ring—the ring through which you stick a dildo. You want it to be the correct size for whatever size dildo you use with it, so check to make sure the diameters match up. Some harnesses come with multiple O-rings of different sizes that you can swap in and out, while others have elastic O-rings that can stretch to accommodate a variety of dildos. O-rings can either be metal or a softer material like rubber, Queen says. Metal fittings can add to the design of a strap-on harness (imagine a black leather, strappy harness with bright silver fittings—sleek, right?). But metal is hard. If a harness has metal buckles, make sure they aren’t going to dig into you and your partner. “Lying on a metal buckle... owww,” Queen says. And unexpected pain isn’t always conducive to great sex.
Beyond that, there are a few more factors that might influence your taste as well (such as how a strap-on looks when you wear it or how easy it is to put on or swap out different dildos for more variety), but the above are solid starting points. With all that in mind, here are some of the best strap-ons and harnesses from which to choose.
All products featured on SELF are independently selected by our editors. However, when you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.
This five-inch dildo is technically designed with pegging (also known as anal penetration) in mind, but Cobb recommends it for anyone who wants to start small, including for vaginal play. “This strap-on is perfectly sized for beginners,” says Cobb. “Easy to put on, perfect size, [and] easy to insert with a small amount of lube.”
To say the Joque is beloved is kind of an understatement. When I first fell down the rabbit hole of searching for the right strap-on for me, review after review sang its praises for its comfort and usability. At first I balked at the price, but now that I’ve tried it myself, I wish I just invested instead of wasting money on a string of cheap strap-ons first. It really is that good.
“The Joque is super easy to put on and doesn’t restrict movement, plus my weight fluctuates a lot so I can adjust the sizing as needed,” Lisa Finn, sex educator and brand manager for Babeland, tells SELF. Finn also recommends New York Toy Collective (NYTC) dildos as possible pairs, such as the bendable Shilo ($160, babeland.com ) or the short Amor ($45, babeland.com ), since all their dildos have a “nice supple squish for realistic play.”
“As a femme top, it’s hard to find a harness that is cute but also actually functional, and I was pleasantly surprised by this one,” Lily A., 22, tells SELF. “Unlike the lacy panty-style harnesses out there, this one offers a lot of stability and control. The padded straps are a nice comfy touch too.”
The harness comes with three interchangeable O-rings so you can mix and match dildos.
Cobb recommends this as a starter kit for anyone who wants to start small but thinks they might size up in the near future, since it comes with two dildos. “So as soon as you’ve become used to the smaller one, it’s an easy transition to the next one,” says Cobb. “Plus, the O-ring is changeable so you can later get even larger dildos and still use the harness.”
This kit also comes with a bullet vibrator , which you can slip into a built-in pocket to add more sensation for both the giver and receiver.
This beginner set comes with an adjustable jockstrap-style harness and a small, four-inch dildo, making it especially effective as a beginner’s anal strap-on. “I bought this set when my partner and I wanted to try pegging,” Melissa R., 28, tells SELF. “We weren’t sure if he’d like it, so we went for something inexpensive, expecting to level up to something higher quality if it would be a regular part of our sex life. We haven’t needed to, though. We use it a lot, and it still fits our needs: comfortable, sturdy, compatible with multiple dildos, and machine-washable.”
Compared to many strap-on harnesses on the market that adjust up to only 60 inches, this Curvy Collection strap-on harness extends up to 82 inches. Plus, the padded back support provides extra comfort and stability.
RodeoH is perhaps the best-known brand when it comes to underwear-style strap-on harnesses, boasting multiple styles, from lacy panties to retro boxers, as well as a large variety of colors. The Brief+ features an extra layer of heavyweight fabric and reinforced patterning to make it more stable than the classic models.
This set comes with a basic adjustable harness, but really, the vibrating dildo is the star of the show. Whether you’re going for G-spot or P-spot stimulation, the Pegasus’s curved shape is designed to hit it. Bonus: It comes with a remote to control it more easily during strap-on play.
These briefs get their stability from their tight-fitting and moisture-wicking fabric, meant to be comfortable enough for all-day wear under your clothes. You know, just in case you want to jump straight from work to play. They also have two vibrator rings above and below the O-ring, positioned to stimulate both partners.
Currently available in sizes XS to L .
This unique strap-on is kind of a mix between an underwear strap-on and a jockstrap strap-on. The elasticized waistband allows you to slip on the harness like underwear, but the strappy design offers a stable fit and access to the wearer’s vagina or penis. Unlike the other harnesses on this list, though, you can’t swap out different dildos; what you see is what you get. The silicone dildo itself is also hollow, making it a lightweight option.
Strapless strap-ons can be a little intimidating. Meant to provide more sensation for both parties, strapless, dual-pleasure strap-ons are worn by inserting a bulb vaginally. Plenty of people find that holding the strap-on in place that way isn’t super sustainable for enjoyable penetration (it really works your muscles ), but many have found a way to get the best of both worlds: by donning a harness anyway to keep it in place while enjoying the sensation of wearing it. Up to you which way you go, but regardless, the Fun Factory Share is popular for its firm but flexible silicone and heavy internal dildo.
This harness comes with a special plug designed to fit with Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock dildos , which are designed for better control and stability. You might like them if you’re looking for a realistic strap-on. However, the plug is removable, and without it this padded harness is compatible with a variety of non–Doc Johnson dildos too. Reviewers shout out its comfort and sturdiness at a more affordable price.
Like the look of leather but not actually the leather part? Allow me to tempt you with this sexy lace-up harness made of vegan leather. With four adjustable straps, it fits hips that are up to 72 inches, which the manufacturer says is suitable for roughly sizes 12 to 30.
Unicorn Collaborators on Etsy makes many of the less common types of strap-on harnesses, including this thigh harness that fits around a 30-inch thigh (but can be custom-made to fit larger bodies, at the same price). These are hand-made leather harnesses. “Thigh harnesses sometimes allow for more power in thrusting, more stamina, and more opportunity for body-to-body contact,” Matatas says. A thigh harness won’t be for everyone, but it can be an amazing option if you want to be able to get physically closer to your partner during sex.
Sex educator Luna Matatas likes Aslan Leather’s Pink Candy Minx because it’s ultra adjustable because of its corset back and multiple adjustable straps. “Because it’s so adjustable, you can potentially get more stability of your dildo, making it easier to thrust,” she says. It’s also cute, with a dark pink and white leather design. The O-ring is interchangeable to accommodate many different dildo sizes, and the harness can adjust to fit hips up to 60 inches.
Although this strap-on is technically built for anal sex, the interchangeable O-ring makes it easy to use with any kind of dildo. This strap-on comes with two dildos, three different-sized detachable O-rings, and a bullet vibrator that fits into a pocket in the harness or into a dildo to add some vibration to your play. Fleming especially loves that the harness is machine-washable and fits hips up to 65 inches.
This toy can be used with a harness, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s great for people who want to be penetrated while also penetrating someone else. The internal bulb for the wearer vibrates along with the external bulb, and rabbit-style ears can stimulate the wearer’s clitoris. Sex therapist Megan Fleming likes this strap-on for its versatility.
Rabbits are one of the most popular styles of vibrators, thanks to their ability to stimulate your clitoris at the same time as your G-spot. With this set, you can use a rabbit vibe with your strap-on—the vibrator that comes with it can vibrate at three speeds and nine different modes. The harness itself is an adjustable, two-strap fabric-style, which should give you plenty of control. As Queen says, it’s also “cute.”
If you’re curious about double penetration—using a penis or dildo in your vagina and anus at the same time—this strap-on can help you try it out. As its name suggests, the Menage a Trois is a harness that has two O-rings, one higher up for vaginal penetration and one lower down for anal penetration. However, the harness comes with only one dildo, so you’ll need to buy a second.
This bikini-style strap-on harness is another that’s great if you like a more feminine look, Queen says. It’s a thong harness, with a single thin strap coming through the legs and connecting to two more thin straps around the thighs. This set comes with a harness with a 1.25-inch diameter and can adjust to fit hips up to 60 inches.
If you’re looking for a more femme strap-on, Queen likes the Sasha Couture Harness (especially in red). The Sasha looks like a cute set of underwear, with lace trimming and a little bow on the front. It’s designed to accommodate dildos ranging from 1¼ to 2-¼ inches in diameter.
Currently available in sizes XS to 3XL.
The coveted SpareParts Joque harness has a counterpart in the Deuce, which is designed for people who have a penis. “It has two holes,
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