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Lesbian Sperm

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Sperm Donation
TikTok
Digital Culture




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In July, 27-year-old Kayla Ellis started a TikTok account as a joke after she and her wife became obsessed with the video-based app's brief, quirky, and educational content.
Just six months later, Ellis has become an influencer in her own right, with more than 100,000 TikTok followers . Ellis's videos tackle private sperm donation, a process she and her wife went through in 2019 to conceive their son Owen when they realized sperm banks were too expensive.
Ellis ended up using Just a Baby , a Tinder-like app for people looking for sperm, egg, and embryo donors or surrogates. In addition to the Just a Baby app, private sperm-donation Facebook groups, like the 11,000-member Sperm Donation USA , have become destinations for those seeking artificial insemination on a budget.
It's a move more people who want to start families but can't afford pricey clinics are considering, the New York Times previously reported . Going the sperm-bank route costs around $1,000 for one vial of swimmers , and then hundreds of dollars more for sending and storing the sperm , getting inseminated, and potentially going through counseling with the donor.
Like other private sperm donation influencers, Ellis demystifies the entire process on her TikTok page, from finding a private donor to making a legally binding agreement and using the donated sperm to get pregnant.
"My wife and I, we would sit around and look at our phones and we would see that they were $900 for one vial of sperm. We couldn't get our hopes up because we knew we couldn't afford that every single month, several times a month. It was devastating," Ellis, who lives in Indianapolis, Indiana, told Insider.
That's when she Googled "How to find a sperm donor" and came across Just a Baby. After a month of weeding out "weirdos" who wanted sex out of the arrangement, Ellis found her perfect match.
"He wasn't doing it to get anything sexually out of it. It was just him telling us that he was very passionate about this. He really wants to help other people create a family and he feels like part of his life's work is to help other people, especially people in the LGBT community, who don't have that option," said Ellis.
After a FaceTime call and a couple of in-person meetings, including one at the donor's house with his wife, they met up to receive the sperm at a family friend's Airbnb and began the insemination process. Ellis became pregnant on their first attempt.
It proved so successful they decided to work with the same donor for their second baby, with whom Ellis' wife is currently 20 weeks pregnant.
Ellis uses her TikTok to educate others about private sperm donation, using her own experience as a guide.
She knew nothing about the process before she did it herself, and self-educated using support groups for children conceived using sperm donors. She'd ask them for parenting advice, and then get connected with their parents, who explained their experiences. When it came to the safety and legal aspects of meeting and working with a donor, Ellis said her family members with law enforcement backgrounds were able to give helpful advice.
Ellis' followers often ask about sperm-donor red flags, and how to find the right one.
According to Ellis, everyone wants something different in a sperm donor. For her, finding someone who didn't want a parenting role and would do artificial insemination, rather than having sex to inseminate her, were top priorities.
She also required potential donors to give STD test results, undergo background checks, and sign a notarized contract for the agreement. Anytime a potential match said no to these requirement, Ellis moved on.
"I wouldn't consider them because I feel like that is just leaving the door open for something to happen. You can never be too careful with your babies," she said.
After a month of talking to donors who she either rejected or put on her list of potentials, the donor who she and her wife ended up going with reached out to them on Just a Baby.
The donor, who'd previously gave his sperm to other families, asked Ellis for a FaceTime call to see if they all got along, worked around her schedule, and said he didn't want to do interviews about their dynamic, if it came down to that. For Ellis, those factors helped her decide he was the right fit.
"He's the sweetest human being I've ever met because he gave us our entire world and he wanted nothing in return," she said.
The first time they met in person, he embraced Ellis and her wife with a three-way bear hug and said, "I am so happy to meet you guys in person. Now let's start your family."
On TikTok, Ellis also talks about the insemination process, which involves slathering the vagina in sperm-friendly lube, putting sperm in a syringe, and injecting them.
All of the supplies Ellis needed to do this — specimen cups, ovulation tests, syringes, the special lube, and notarizing fees — cost $136. She likes to say her children cost that amount, because the donor gave his sperm to her family for free on both occasions.
She said eight TikTok followers have reached out saying they've become pregnant using private sperm donors and artificial insemination since watching her videos.
"That makes me so happy," she said.
At-home artificial insemination comes with potential risks , health experts have previously warned, like cramping, infection, or puncturing the uterus, which is rare.
Ellis' donor won't have a hand in parenting, but she keeps him updated, texting the occasional photo of Owen and updating him on her wife's pregnancy.
When Owen and her other child are teenagers, Ellis and her wife plan to tell them about how they were conceived and give them the option to meet their biological father.

A Lesbian Couple Shares What It's Really Like To Go Through Donor Insemination
Rachel and Erin Alder have spent over a year and thousands of dollars trying to conceive.
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In May 2015, from their home in Bellevue, Washington, Rachel and Erin Alder* tried donor insemination for the first time. “It was surreal,” Erin recalls of her first trip to the sperm bank to pick up their purchase. “I’m driving across [Seattle’s] Floating Bridge with sperm in my passenger seat. It was like sperm is my co-pilot.” At home, Rachel and Erin would unpack the large cryotank holding a tiny vial of what they hoped would be their future child .
After meeting in 2012 and marrying in 2014, the couple was ready to expand their family . Erin, 41, had already given birth to two children during a previous marriage. She’d also survived ovarian cancer where she lost an ovary and fallopian tube. Given her age and the viability of her reproductive organs, and because she’d experienced pregnancy and childbirth twice before, the couple decided Rachel, then 33, would be inseminated.
Over the last 13 months, the Alders have immersed themselves in every aspect of the often confusing and sometimes heartbreaking world of building a family through donor insemination. It’s been not only an education in conception but also in slowing down, letting go, and working as a team.
When the Alders first started thinking about donor insemination—the preferred term for what we used to call artificial insemination—they first considered whether they would use a known donor or an anonymous donor. They could think of only one man they would trust with such an important request. When he declined, the couple moved forward with Seattle Sperm Bank (SSB).
Most appealing to the Alders about SSB over other sperm banks they researched was its photo matching service. As a lesbian couple, Erin’s DNA, and thus her physical attributes, would naturally be excluded in the conception process. “I was able to send in photos of me when I was a kid, my brother, my family,” Erin says. “We only get to see a picture of the donor when they’re little, as a baby or toddler, but [SSB] gets to see the person as an adult. They take your pictures and give you suggestions of donors that resemble your family.”
“We understand [insemination] is a difficult process,” says Frederik Andreasson, chief financial officer of Seattle Sperm Bank, “we want to make it as easy, as transparent, and straightforward as possible.” SSB offers the same services and donor information to all its members at the same price (a three-month all-access pass is $50), unlike some sperm banks that release donor information at increasing fee levels.
With SSB, and like all sperm banks, the Alders were able to also narrow down available donors by selecting things like preferred race/ethnicity, eye color, height, and weight. They listened to audio interviews, read donor bios, and reviewed personality tests before making a final decision.
“We had no idea what to expect,” recalls Erin of their first experience trying to inseminate Rachel at home through the “turkey baster method.” In this method, a vial of ICI (intra-cervical insemination) specimens are drawn into a syringe then deposited into the vagina.
“We just thought, ‘Ok, here we go,’” and out came the oven mitts for handling the cryo tank the sperm had arrived in. “It was comical,” Rachel says.
The vial, similar to a sample size perfume bottle and containing 15 million or more sperm cells , had to first soak in lukewarm water for five to ten minutes to thaw the frozen sample. Rachel recalls the directions from Seattle Sperm Bank were straightforward but adds, “There’s definitely always that lingering feeling of ‘Did we just kill them all?’”
Stationed in their bedroom, Erin was responsible for drawing the sample into the syringe and depositing it into Rachel who was lying on their bed, hips propped up with pillows. “It has to be very, very slow putting it in, otherwise it’ll squirt right back out. That was another thing we learned that first time,” Rachel says. “We kinda went a little fast. You go really, really slow. It probably takes seven to ten minutes to put that tiny amount in.” After the sperm was deposited, Rachel had to stay lying down for at least the next hour.
While the couple tried to maintain a lighthearted attitude during an anxiety-inducing situation , they also understood what they were doing was serious business. Not only was every new menstrual cycle emotionally taxing for them both, but at $600 per vial (one vial equals one chance to conceive), they were burning through savings “playing doctor” at home. After several failed attempts , the couple decided to pause their efforts in late 2015.
In January, after attending a fertility seminar geared towards the LGBTQ community, the Alders got serious not only about insemination, but everything surrounding the process: diet, exercise, alternative medicine, and most importantly, making use of outside help. “We’d been flying by the seat of our pants . . . and there are people that can help us do this,” Erin says.
During this seminar they learned about different insemination procedures ( ICI versus IUI ), different specimen types (washed versus unwashed), and overall success rates (between 8 and 16 percent per cycle). It was here they also met their midwife, Kristin Kali, L.M., C.P.M., and owner of Seattle-based MAIA Midwifery & Fertility Services . With Kali, the Alders now have a more holistic and scientific view of the donor insemination process.
“I am approaching conception from a perspective of how the body works and working with how the body works,” Kali says. “This is not just a medical issue. These are people who are becoming parents so there’s more room for counseling, for education, for those non-clinical aspects to be included within the care.”
With Kali at the helm of Rachel’s pre-conception care, Rachel is monitoring her body more closely than ever. Alongside age and timing, overall health is one of the biggest factors in a woman’s ability to conceive . For Rachel, that means doing “anything I can do to reduce the toxic load on my body.”
No alcohol, no smoking , no soda, reducing dairy and sugar, eating lots of colorful fruits and vegetables, drinking lots of water, drinking fertility tea, taking fish oil and prenatal vitamins , eating high-quality proteins every few hours, going to acupuncture once a week, getting an abdominal massage once a month, exercising at least three days per week—anything Rachel can do to create an optimal environment for successful insemination, she is doing. “This is our future child,” she says. “It’s worth all the effort in the world.”
Since working with Kali, the Alders have switched from ICI (the “turkey baster method”) to IUI (intra-uterine insemination), which has a higher success rate because the sperm is placed directly into the uterus. With any insemination, however, timing is everything . “The greatest success [with IUI insemination] is when the insemination is done within twelve hours of ovulation,” Kali says. With Kali’s help, Rachel has become an expert on her body, whittling peak ovulation down from an estimate of several days to several hours. During this brief twelve-hour period, Kali comes to the Alder’s home to perform the insemination.
After two more inseminations earlier this year, Rachel is still waiting to conceive. “It’s pretty sad,” she says quietly crying. Erin adds, “We can do what we can do for our own bodies, our own mental health and physical state, to make that into tip top shape. The rest we just have to,” and her voice trails off. “It’ll happen when it’s time,” she finishes.
It will happen when it’s time, but a sense of urgency remains all the same. Conceiving through donor insemination
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